Chapter Twenty-Six: Choices

"So he tasted the deep pain that is reserved only for the strong, just as he had tasted for a little while the deep happiness."― F. Scott Fitzgerald

I regain consciousness with a sudden gasp of breath that makes my chest burn as if I've inhaled fire. I couldn't have been out for more than a few seconds, but my lungs struggle to function as though they've been deprived of oxygen for a hundred years. My throat is dry and stings from the stench, and it feels like my ribs have been shattered. I'd scream or cry if it wasn't taking all my strength, energy, and concentration to simply heave air into my body. As excruciating as it is, though, I force myself to steadily continue inhaling and exhaling—wheezing, shaking, and coughing uncontrollably in the process. I know if I don't keep doing so, I'll easily slip back into unconsciousness and might not wake back up again.

I can't leave Prim like this.

After a moment of relearning how to breathe properly, my other senses fade back. My nose is blocked with what I assume is blood—it tastes like copper in my mouth, though I'm not exactly sure where it's coming from. My face is throbbing and I know without a doubt that it's badly bruised and swollen. I attempt to open my eyes, but only one of them will open completely; my left eye only opens a crack. It stings badly as something dark clouds my vision, so I quickly close it again. I attempt to peek out of the other one and try to focus, but everything is fuzzy and unclear. I hear a high-pitched ringing inside my ears and the sound of my heartbeat, loud and erratic inside my head.

I then take notice of Snow's screaming and Prim's crying, and I'm fully brought back to reality. I clench my teeth together and wince as I slowly sit up. I rub my eyes and face to rid whatever bit of the disgusting waste off of it that I can, feeling somewhat relieved that there's blood clogging my nostrils, partially blocking out the pungent smell.

"You're lucky I didn't make you eat a fucking bowl of it! I can still make you lick it up off the ground if you keep it up." I blink a few times to get my vision to clear, and then hear a loud smack and a muffled scream. "I told you to shut the fuck up! Your bitch sister is still alive! I can easily change that, though. I've killed for far less."

"No! I'll be… g-good. I'll… I'll stop… crying," Prim pleads as she tries to catch her breath and prevent any more sobs from escaping. There's a pause in which I only hear Prim's sniffles and shallow breathing, and I know it's taking all her might not to cry again.

I don't have any time to react before I'm pulled up from the ground by my braid. I stand on my tippy-toes as Snow brings his face an inch or so away from mine. His mouth curls up at the side in a sneer, "I warned ya, didn't I? What'd I say?"

I don't answer. I don't know what he's talking about. It doesn't matter, though. Anything I say will be the wrong answer anyway.

"Heard you been makin' friends. I know all about your little lunch date. Didn't think I'd find out, huh?"

I gulp and shake my head, my heart quickening upon realizing Coin had told him about seeing Peeta and me at the pizza buffet the other day. I don't want Peeta to be involved in any of this, in any way.

"It was nothing. Just a lunch break. And he's not even a friend! Just the boss's stupid son. And you weren't here so I couldn't tell you. I—" He curls my braid tighter around his hand, and I flinch as it feels like he's ripping the hair straight from my scalp. On instinct, my hand goes up to pull him away, but he grabs me by the wrist and begins to twist. I cry out, but immediately feel stupid for doing so. It'll only entice him to do it more.

"Did I say you could speak?" he asks coolly, his eyes calculating and menacing as he stares me down like a snake observing its prey. I quickly shake my head again and close my eyes. I bite my lip to keep from screaming as he turns my wrist again. If he twists it just a bit more, I know it's going to snap. "You're really starting to become a thorn in my side, you know that? I'd rather be rid of you. Less to worry about."

"I haven't said anything! I promise. I'd never—" He releases my wrist and smacks me. Tears sting my eyes, but I remain silent.

"There you go again! You see why I fuckin' worry? You never know when to keep that fucking trap of yours shut!" he bellows. "I figured a shit bath would remind you of your place around here. Just 'cause you got a job now, princess, don't mean you ain't still shit to me or you ain't just as disposable—"

I try to block out his voice and sink into my thoughts. It's better not to listen to a word he says. Fear, hate, taunting, paranoia, threats… that's all it ever is. I can't say anything or I'll make things worse. Nothing I add will alleviate the situation. I just have to get through this. I just have to stay alive until he gets bored and leaves me alone.

I try to remember happy things to get through his tirade, like Peeta's blackberry crème and how delicious it was. It was the best thing I'd ever tasted. If I imagine it strongly enough, I can almost smell and taste it again. Just like I can almost feel Peeta's tongue dancing on my lips and his gentle hands upon my skin….

And then I'm forced back to reality as Snow pulls my braid a bit more and starts to scream, "Are you fucking listening to me? Where the hell is it?"

"What…" I start to whisper in confusion. He spits in my face, which doesn't faze me at this point. I'm covered in feces and urine. His saliva is a bit redundant.

"Don't play dumb with me! The fucking money. Where is it?"

"Oh!" I quickly reach into my pocket and retrieve a wad of cash that I've had ready for a confrontation like this. It's only two hundred and fifty dollars, but in small bills so it looks like a lot more. He wastes no time stealing it from my hand as soon as he sees it and promptly pushes me to the ground with force, knocking the breath out of my lungs again.

"This all of it? And you better not fucking lie to me!"

"It's all of it. I swear!" I lie. He has no way of knowing otherwise, though. Mr. Mellark assured me the other day that he would never discuss my earnings with anyone other than me, unless I approved it beforehand. Obviously Snow will never be one of those people I approve.

"You should feel lucky you have a use."

He pockets the money and promptly starts walking towards Prim. My eyes widen and I shake my head as I realize he's going to do something horrible to her to send me some stupid message. A small, startled cry escapes her as he pulls her up by the hair. She squirms a bit, but he grabs her by the arm and starts to twist, and she promptly stops struggling. He then turns her towards me and wraps his hand threateningly around the front of her neck. I feel like I could die just from the pure terror in her eyes. She's too young to have to endure any of this, and I feel like it's all my fault.

"You love your baby sister, don't you?" He raises his eyebrows. I nod quickly, seeing his hand start to become tighter around her throat. Her lips quiver as she presses them together and tears slip freely down her cheeks as she tightly closes her eyes. "Keep your fucking mouth shut then! If I hear so much as a peep that you've been telling secrets, I'll make sure you have a front-row seat as I slowly cut her up into tiny pieces. Hell, I might even make you help. Wouldn't that be fun?" He runs a hand over her cheek in a mockingly tender way. His other hand, however, only tightens on her neck. She gags slightly as he begins to close off her airway. "And remember, happy meddlers can have very unhappy accidents. If they start asking questions, you tell them to fuck off or I'll send the message the hard way. Think twice about blabbing. You know I don't play games. I got eyes and ears everywhere."

I keep quiet and continue to nod. I don't want to say anything that he might take out on Prim.

He studies me intently for a moment, as if weighing whether or not I'm to be believed, before tossing Prim towards me. She falls down in front of me, but I quickly reach out to bring her into my embrace. She buries her face into my soiled chest, taking big gulps of air, and wraps her arms tightly around my waist. It hurts, but I can't bring myself to pry her away. It's worth enduring the pain, to have her in my arms and know she's safe there.

"You're not coming into the house all filthy like that," he says.

I close my eyes and rub Prim's back as she shakes frantically in my arms.

"I really do enjoy these little family bonding moments," Snow laughs, his voice taking on a lighter tone as if we're playing a board game or something. "You know, I wouldn't be so mean if you'd just do what you're told. I love you girls. I'd kill you in a heartbeat if it came to it, but never doubt that I love you. Just don't fuck with me. Know your place."

He says a few more things—thinly veiled threats and obvious lies, which I block out for the most part—before he finally retreats into the trailer, slamming the door behind him and locking it. No more than he does so, I stand up, grab Prim's hand, and start walking towards the lake as fast as my legs will take me. I need to put as much distance between us and Snow as possible. I need to get to a place where I can feel safe again.

Once we're in the woods and the trailer is far from view, I stop and rest against a tree. I bring my arms around my ribs and take in a few deep, wheezing breaths before my legs give out and I fall to the ground. I lean my head back against the tree and lose my composure as I start crying. Luckily it's pitch-black in the woods and the trees are so thick and tall that even light from the moon barely makes it to the ground, making it difficult for Prim to see my tears.

"Do you think they're broken?" Prim asks after a minute, her voice raspy and nearly gone. "Your ribs? He kicked you pretty hard. When you passed out, I really thought he killed you. I was so scared, Katniss…."

"I don't know, it hurts pretty bad though," I answer, taking in a few deep, painful breaths to calm down. I clench my jaw and bring a hand to my eyes to wipe away the tears. It's pointless to cry anyway. I know it's not going to make anything better.

As horrible as I feel, I know I have to get back up and keep going. We can't stay covered in filth all night, and I don't want Prim getting any sicker than she already is. I sigh heavily and add as an afterthought as I start to stand again, "Probably just bruised. I'll be okay. Come on, let's go to the lake and get this shit off of us."

I grunt, trying to ignore the sharp, stabbing pain in my chest and sides as I begin to move forward. I notice Prim is still standing in place, however, as I don't hear her footprints with mine. I turn back around and ask her impatiently, "What?"

"We're taking a bath in the lake?" she asks and although I can't see her face, I can hear the trepidation in her voice. "But it's so cold…."

"It's not freezing out. You'll survive. Or would you rather be covered with poop?" I snap. "Now come on, Prim. Don't be a wuss."

I keep walking and she eventually catches up to me without a word. Soon we're at the lake, and I realize this is going to be the hard part. While it's not freezing yet, the water is still pretty chilly and it's going to be very cold mixed with the cool night breeze. I brought my backpack with me, but I forgot to place an extra change of clothes in it for us the night before. Luckily I have some soap and shampoo, though, so we can at least clean ourselves up.

"Well, come here," I whisper. Prim slowly makes her way over to me and I turn her around to start unbraiding her hair. "There's a little more light out here than there was in the woods, but not by much. It's going to be cold in there, so we're going to try to get as clean as possible in as short amount of time as we can. We're going to have to help each other out. Especially so we don't lose the soap, okay?"

Prim nods, but doesn't say anything. She's already shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm and so am I. I have no idea how we're going to make it through the night in wet clothes, but I also know we can't stay the way we are. I'd go to Gale's, but it's far too long of a walk with my ribs the way they are. I'd probably only make it half way there and collapse. Prim's in no shape to be walking that far, either. His phone was shut off a few months ago, so I can't exactly call him.

"What are we going to do after…?" she asks quietly, her voice trembling.

I know what she means, but I don't know how to answer, so I don't. I unbraid my hair and grab the soap and shampoo before heading to the lake. Right before I step into the water, I turn to Prim and nod for her to join me. She sighs and finally makes her way over. We hold hands and our breath as we start to walk into the depths of the lake. My skin breaks out into shivers and goosebumps, and my teeth begin to chatter. The temperature of the water isn't freezing yet, but it doesn't seem too far from it. Or at least it feels that way after all the day-time summer bathing we've done before this. The water feels like liquid ice against my flesh and I can't seem to catch my breath. I hear Prim whimper from beside me and stop when the water is at my waist.

"Okay, let's get this over with," I mutter. She gives a tense jerk of her head in agreement. "On the count of three, we both dunk our heads."

"But—" she starts to protest.

"Prim. Don't argue. We're covered. We have to clean our hair. I don't like this anymore than you do. Here, you hold the shampoo bottle since it'll be easier to grip than wet soap." She grabs it from my hand rather hastily, but doesn't say anything. I know she's frustrated, cold, and angry, but there's nothing I can do about it. This is the only option we have besides wallowing in our own waste. "Now, on the count of three. One… two…"

"Wait!" She stops me before I start to dunk my head. "If… if we do this... can you call Peeta after?"

"What?" I snap. "Why?"

"Because he'd help us. He'd probably give us a warm place to sleep."

"Did you not hear a word Snow said back there?" I ask. "Do you really want to get Peeta hurt or killed? Don't be selfish, Prim."

"I don't think Snow would do anything to him—"

"Then you're delusional."

"Please, Katniss?" Prim begs. "I don't want to stay out here in the cold, all wet for the whole night. Do you want me to get even sicker and die? Do you love Peeta more than me?"

"Of course not," I answer with a sigh, but it does make me worry about Prim's condition. I'd never forgive myself if she had asked me to call for help and then wound up dying because I was too hesitant to do anything. "And I don't love Peeta!"

"Please call him? For me? Please? Please? Please?" she starts to chant.

"Whatever!" I give in, wondering what the hell I'm agreeing to and how I'm going to explain this to him. Or how I'm ever going to forgive myself if something happens to him by getting him involved in all this. "I'll call him, okay? Now shut up and let's get this over with."

We make sure to clean and rinse every bit of our clothing, skin, and hair before finally sitting down on dry land. We're both shivering furiously and our teeth is chattering so much that it's impossible to control it, making it hard for either of us to even talk. My chest aches even more horrendously than before and I'm starting to feel dizzy again—like I might pass out from the pain or the lack of oxygen to my lungs.

"C-call Peeta now?" Prim insists, leaning her body into mine for warmth. I nod and attempt to gather my courage. This isn't the time for pride or paranoia. As embarrassing as it will be to ask for his help, he's my only option. I know we can't stay out here like this all night; we both might die of pneumonia if we do. I sigh before retrieving the cell phone from my backpack, which is still covered in filth. Luckily none of it got on the phone, though. However, the backpack will have to stay here until I can clean it later. Peeta always asks to charge the phone when we're at the bakery so Snow won't see it at home, and I'm glad he thought of it.

I feel nervous and a little hopeful as the screen lights up and I dial Peeta's number. My heart races as I shakily place the cell to my ear, closing my eyes in anticipation of him answering and fearfully wondering about what I'm going to say.

"Hello?" he answers.

"Peeta?" I whisper.

"Katniss? Is that you?" A tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away, feeling stupid for being so weak.

"Yes," I reply and add sarcastically, "Why? Are you in the habit of getting late night phone calls from other women?"

Prim shakes her head and covers her face with her hands as she mumbles with a groan, "Oh my god, Katniss…."

I hear Peeta snort on the other end. "No. I can't say I am. Just surprised to hear from you, that's all. Uh… are you okay?" I gulp and remain silent for a moment, wondering how exactly I should answer. Finally I just shrug and tell him the truth.

"No…" I take in a deep breath without thinking and give a small whimper as my ribs start to twinge and throb. "I'm really not."

"Where are you? I'll come get you right now. Are you hurt?"

"Sort of. Um. Prim's with me, too. We just need a place to stay tonight… if it's not too much—"

He cuts me off with an adamant, "Never. It's never too much. I'll be on my way. Where do you want me to pick you up?"

"The end of the driveway, in about fifteen minutes?"

"Okay. I'll be there in ten."

"Thank you so much, Peeta. I owe you," I whisper, trying to keep myself from breaking down into sobs. I hear Prim give me a triumphant 'I told you so' from beside me.

"You don't owe me anything. You two just try to stay safe until I get there, all right? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Sure. Oh, and Peeta? You might want to bring some towels…."

"Why?"

"Just… you'll know why when you see me."

It takes us about twenty minutes to get to the end of the driveway. We purposefully avoid getting anywhere near the trailer, so it takes us more time than usual because we have to take the long way around. Plus, I can't walk fast or overexert myself. As it is, I still have to stop every so often to recuperate and convince myself to keep trudging on. My ribs seem to hurt more and more as I do, but I hear Prim's deep, hacking cough from beside me and force myself to endure the pain. I tell myself that I just have to make it to the end. All I have to do is make it to Peeta's car, and I know things will be better.

When I finally do see Peeta standing next to his white car, I'm reminded of Prince Charming and his white stallion, come to save the day. I snort at the absurdity of my thoughts, and would probably laugh outright if I knew it wouldn't send shockwaves of pain through my body and make me pass out from the intensity of it. I won't allow myself to get hopeful and delude myself into absurd fantasies of Peeta somehow making the horror go away or living happily ever after. I know I will have to come back here again, and I'll endure more pain. It's just how it is.

This won't end until I'm dead.

I'm becoming more and more certain it will be before my eighteenth birthday. I'm not even sure if Snow knows when my birthday even is, but I'm sure he'll figure it out when I'm done with school. He knows I'll be able to legally leave here and he'll be afraid I'll talk. He won't ever let me leave. It's too much of a risk.

Besides, I've noticed his punishments have become much more severe lately, and a lot of it is due to the behavior- changing drugs he takes. When he comes home, he's usually at the point where it's tapering off and he's going through withdrawals. I've seen him do odd things during these downward spirals, such as tearing out walls with a hammer and ax—looking for microchips, and yelling and shooting at the woods, claiming people are out there watching and listening to him.

Before I can say anything, Peeta rushes over to me.

"What happened?" he asks as he slips my arm around his shoulders, and I lean into him for leverage. He delicately places his hand on my side, right on my ribs, without knowing any better. I give a loud yelp from the sudden pain, which feels like a knife in my side, and double over with my arms enveloping my chest like a shield. "I'm sorry, Katniss! I didn't know. What happened? Can I have a look?" he asks in a rush, his voice full of concern. "God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you—"

"I know." I hold up a hand for him to keep his distance for a moment, narrowing my eyes at him in irritation as a message to stop asking questions. I take a few deep, ragged breaths and grimace as I stand back up. I notice that he's looking at me with tears in his eyes, appearing both sympathetic and enraged. He shakes his head and tightens his jaw. "The step monster do this to you?"

I nod slowly, shrugging my shoulder as I avert my gaze. I know I probably shouldn't have told him that, but I see no other alternative. I'm tired of covering up for Snow anyway.

"Can we just go?" I whisper. "Please?"

He helps me over to the car, opening the doors for Prim and me before making his way over to the driver's side. Once he gets inside, I hesitate before doing the same.

"Did you bring towels?" I ask self-consciously.

"I don't care if you get my seats wet, Katniss. They'll dry," he dismisses.

Prim wastes no time in doing so and, with a shallow sigh, I finally do the same. When I close the door, I chew on my lip and feel tears starting to well up in my eyes. I tuck my wet hair behind my ear and wipe at my face in frustration, closing my eyes as I feel Peeta's hand reach over and cup my cheek. He runs his thumb as lightly as a feather over the bruise surrounding my eye. I have no idea how bad it looks, but I know it's feeling even more swollen, and the throbbing and aching is only intensifying by the minute. I cringe and grit my teeth as even his gentle touch sends waves of pain throughout my entire body. A tear slips from my eye again in spite of me, but he's the one to wipe it away this time.

"What the hell did he do to you guys?" he whispers angrily.

"Can we please..." I whisper, but can't find the energy to finish the sentence.

I feel the car start to move forward in reply. The farther I get from that place, I feel my anxiety wane and also intensify. I feel relief in being away from Snow for at least the night, of not having to sleep in the woods, cold and wet and alone. But I know that getting Peeta involved in this is not good. It won't end well. I'm looking out for Prim, not wanting her to become any sicker and die. And yet, we all might die just because of this decision.

I won't think about it. It'll do no good. Maybe we'll all be better off dead, anyway.

"Prim, you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" Peeta asks all of a sudden, breaking the silence in the car. I glance over at him with a frown, wondering what he's about to ask. He's avoiding looking in my direction, but I'm not sure if it's because of how I appear or because he doesn't want to see my reaction to his question. "I can trust you, right?"

"Yeah?" Prim answers uncertainly.

"You're the best. I knew I could count on you to give me an honest answer. We're friends, right? So please tell me why you're both all wet?" he asks in a friendly tone, almost as if he's flirting with Prim. And I know she's going to fall for it. "And what happened to Katniss?"

"Prim!" I warn, sending an icy glare over at Peeta for being so nosy and deceptive. He still keeps his focus on the road, however, making any look I send him a pointless effort.

"Katniss!" Prim counters defiantly. "He should know! He is your boyfriend…."

"I agree with her, you know," Peeta says, finally turning to me with raised eyebrows. "I am your boyfriend."

"So? That doesn't mean you have to know everything about me."

"When someone is beating the hell out of my girlfriend, I think I should know—"

"Snow threw the toilet bucket on us and we had to take a bath in the lake!" Prim says in a rush, interrupting our disagreement. I close my eyes and bring my hands up to cover my face. I don't even know how to explain what a toilet bucket is, let alone why we had to bathe in the lake. If I wasn't so intent on keeping Prim alive, I'd kill her over this. "And he kicked her in the ribs and hit her with the bucket a few times, too. She passed out after he kicked her and I really thought she died."

He either came to the conclusion himself or has too much tact to ask more, but he doesn't say anything about the lake bath or the toilet bucket. Instead, he stops the car and looks at me seriously. "Will you allow me to take you to the hospital?"

"Are you serious?" I shake my head and send him an incredulous look. "No."

"Katniss, if your ribs are broken, they could—"

"NO!" I cut him off loudly, pursing my lips and glaring as I look out my window. "I can't do that, Peeta."

"Peeta's right, Katniss."

"Shut up, Prim! You've said enough as it is! Please stop worshipping Peeta already."

I hear Prim gasp in indignance before retaliating, "I don't worship him!"

I'm about to reply when Peeta rubs his eyes and says loudly, "Now is not the time!"

"I'm still not going to the hospital," I say quietly. "I can't afford it and they'll ask too many questions. Prim will get taken away. So will I, for that matter—"

"Okay. Fine. I don't agree, but since you're so dead-set against it, whatever," Peeta says with an annoyed sigh. "You're back, though. Promise me?"

"I have to—"

"No, you don't!"

"Peeta."

"Katniss."

"You don't understand," I reply defensively. "I have no other choice."

"You have plenty of choices," he counters. "You're just too afraid to act on them."

I remain silent for the rest of the car ride to Peeta's house. I don't know what these 'plenty of choices' he says I have are, but I'd really like to hear them. I've thought of everything. There is no way out of this that doesn't have the potential to end badly. And it makes me a little angry that he thinks it's so simple. It's not as if I like getting hurt and being scared all the time. I never chose this for myself.

When we approach his house, he turns off his headlights and slows his car down to a crawl in order to not make any noise. I turn to him in question, but he just shrugs and says, "Don't want to wake anyone up."

"But we have to walk into the house—" I begin in a panic. Dealing with Mrs. Mellark is definitely not something I could handle at the moment.

"You forget my room is in the basement," he says, turning to me with a small smile as if trying to make peace again. I continue to scowl at him, not feeling in the least bit friendly or happy. "There's a storm door around back. It makes it easy to get in and out without anyone knowing the difference."

Once inside, Peeta tells us he'll be right back and disappears into the bathroom. Prim and I stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do as our clothes drip onto the clean carpet. I notice she's staring around the room in awe of Peeta's paintings. I can't wait till she finds out he's the one who painted them. Now is not the time to talk about things like that, though. Plus I'm still a little miffed at her.

I turn my focus back onto Peeta, who just came back out of the bathroom. I can hear water running, but he doesn't say or explain anything. He goes over to his dresser and opens a few drawers, pulling out articles of clothing here and there.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, you can't wear those wet clothes all night. At least, it wouldn't be very comfortable," he replies with a shrug, then walks over to us. "Here are some of my clothes. I know they're going to be huge on you two, especially you, Prim, but it's better than nothing. I tried to find the smallest t-shirts possible and the shorts have drawstrings, so they'll be loose, but at least they won't fall off of you."

He hands us the clothing, and Prim looks so happy she could cry.

"Thank you so much, Peeta!" I can tell she wants to hug him, but won't because she doesn't want to get him all wet.

"You're welcome, Prim. I'm running a bath for you right now, by the way. It should be done in a minute. I know you've been sick and you don't need to get any sicker. A nice warm bubble bath should make you feel a little better," he smiles at her, but it doesn't quite meet his eyes. I can see the worry in them, even if he's trying to hide it in front of Prim. "You can go ahead and get in if you want. Just turn the faucet off when you think it's deep enough."

She nods quickly and turns to me with eyebrows raised as if asking permission, which I think is a little ironic since she seems so keen on disregarding my opinion here lately. I purse my lips and tell her to go ahead. She wastes no time making her way to the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

Peeta comes over to me, the smile turning into a deep frown as he brings a hand to the bruise on my face and lightly traces it. It stings badly and I wince from the contact.

"He's going to pay for this," he whispers angrily. "I swear to god, I'm going to—"

"You're not going to do anything," I cut him off, closing my eyes as I cross my arms over my chest. It hurts too bad, though, so I quickly bring them to my sides. I look him in the eye. "Promise me. Please don't do anything stupid. Especially over me."

He swallows and glances away, knitting his eyebrows together. "You can't ask me to do that, Katniss. I can't let him keep doing this to you guys. He needs to be stopped. He needs to pay for what he's done."

"Peeta!" I shake my head and grab his hand, squeezing it tightly within mine. He glances down at them, then up at me with a steely gaze. "Please. He'll seriously kill you. He'll kill all of us. Just leave it alone. Let it go. There's nothing you can do."

He closes his eyes and sighs loudly. "Yes, there is something I can do! And I'm not afraid of the assho—"

I cut him off with a quick kiss on the mouth. I don't know what else to do. I feel panic welling up inside of me. I know Peeta is angry and feeling defensive over us, but he has no idea what Snow is capable of, or Coin and his colleagues. I don't want him to find out, either. I have to make him see reason. He kisses me in return, but when we break away from each other he takes a few steps back and shakes his head at me.

"Nice try. But you haven't changed my mind. Anyway, go ahead and change into those clothes. I'm going to go upstairs to get a few things. I'll be back in a couple minutes."

I nod, frowning deeply, and don't look at him. He thinks he's helping me, but he's really just adding to the mountain of worries I already have. I knew I shouldn't have gotten him involved in all of this. He gives me another quick peck on the lips before he disappears up the stairs.

As soon as he's gone, I slip out of my wet clothes and into his. It feels a little weird to be wearing his oversized clothing, especially since I don't have underwear or a bra on underneath since they were wet and had to be discarded as well. I feel utterly exposed, even though I'm more than fully covered.

The clothes smell like Peeta, though, and it feels strangely intimate and comforting to be wearing them. I roll my eyes as I tighten the drawstring on his shorts, and remind myself that there's nothing sexual or suggestive about this. He's just helping me out. Anyway, he gave Prim his clothing too. I need to stop being so silly.

I sit on his bed and wait for him to return, wondering what Prim thinks of the first warm bubble bath in an actual bathtub that she's had in years.

When Peeta comes back down the stairs, his hands are full and there's a plastic bag hanging from his arm.

He walks over to me and sets the bag down before retrieving an orange prescription bottle. He opens it and hands me a tiny round pill.

"Here. I'm not in the habit of giving pills away, but I know you're in pain and since you won't go to the doctor…." He places it in the palm of my hand and holds out a glass of water.

I look down at the pill skeptically and then back up at him. "What is it?"

"A painkiller," he answers apprehensively, meeting my eyes. "It might make you feel a little weird, but it'll take away your pain. Most of it, anyway."

I've rarely ever taken medicine and when I have it was something minimal like aspirin. I'm uncertain how this will affect me, but then I feel my ribs start to throb, sending tremors through my body, so I decide to trust him. I swallow the pill, mumbling a small thank you in reply.

Peeta nods and sits down next to me before gently bringing my face towards him. He frowns sadly as he takes in the damage Snow did to me and shakes his head in disgust. He turns to grab something else out of the plastic bag and starts to bring it to my face, but I back away.

"It's just an ice pack, Katniss. You need to get the swelling down," he explains before tightening his jaw and closing his eyes. "The more I look at your face, the more pissed off I get—"

"Well, that's nice, Peeta!" I snap.

"I didn't mean…" He opens his eyes. "I meant… it pisses me off that anyone would ever want to hurt you like this. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all."

As he brings the ice pack back up to my face, I wince and bite my lip to keep from screaming. A tear rolls down my cheek, but before I can wipe it away, Peeta does. I slowly open my eye—the other one is covered by the ice pack—and he leans in to kiss my forehead.

"You'll get through this, and you'll have one hell of a story to tell when you do," he whispers strongly.

I want to reply, but every time I open my mouth to speak, my throat seems to close off.

We're silent for a while until I start to feel light-headed and dizzy. My skin feels numb, and I pinch myself to make sure I'm not imagining it. Inhaling deep breath, I'm surprised to find that, while it still hurts, it's not nearly as painful as it was.

"Peeta?" I ask shakily. "Yeah?"

"I feel… really, really weird…."

"It's nothing to worry about, just the pill kicking in," he reassures, bringing my hand up to hold the ice pack in place. He reaches over, grabbing a folded-up blanket from a nearby chair, and drapes it around my shoulders.

"This is the one we used on our date," I observe.

"It is," he says as he walks to his closet. He retrieves a couple more blankets and a pillow before making his way back over. He raises his eyebrows at me for a moment as if contemplating something, then shakes his head as if ridding the thought.

"What?" I ask. "Don't act all cute and not tell me why."

"You called me cute," he gives a soft, short chuckle, "I'd say the painkiller is definitely kicking in."

"Well, you are," I shrug. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

He's silent for a moment as he rubs the back of his neck.

"I was just thinking… this isn't exactly how, you know, I would have imagined you'd first stay the night in my bed... or wake up with my clothes on. Not that I mind, I'm glad you're here. It just makes me mad that it had to be like this, that he made it this way." He shakes his head, giving a sigh as he sits down beside me. "Sorry, I know it's not the time to bring things like that up."

"It's fine," I shrug, feeling warm and dazed. "I don't mind. We should have sex soon anyway, before I die."

"Katniss, you're not going to die and we definitely shouldn't be talking about this while you're—"

"Peeta," I interrupt all of a sudden as a thought occurs to me. I scoot over to him and lay my head on his shoulder. His hand comes around to rest hesitantly on my arm. "I feel like a mouse."

"That would be the painkillers…" he whispers, kissing the top of my head and caressing my upper arm.

"No. I mean, yeah. The painkiller has me feeling weird, but I'm not talking about that. Just... I always feel… small… and helpless, sneaking around to find food, trying not to be seen or heard, just trying to survive for the sake of surviving. Getting caught in traps left and right. And it's like I keep getting batted around, being tortured and played with, and the only thing I can do is squeak and squirm to get away, but it only makes things worse. I just wind up getting caught by the tail or pounced on or a claw in my side. And I know any attempt of escape is pointless. At some point, I'll squeak one last time and I'll be devoured… or left, forgotten, only my bones left to tell the story of who I was. No one will care if I'm dead. I'll just be another dead mouse—"

Peeta kisses me firmly on the mouth, cutting me off. I open my own against his in an attempt to deepen our kiss, but he pulls away as soon as I do. His face is red and he seems tired and determined as he asks quietly, "Am I no one to you?"

"What?"

"Am I no one to you?" he repeats, frowning. "Because you said no one would care if you were gone, and I sure as hell would." I don't say anything in reply; I only shrug and look away. "Things are tough right now, but they:ll get better soon. I promise. Just let me help you." He pauses and rubs his eyes as he continues, "And you are not a mouse. If anything, you're a lion. Brave, strong, and magnificent. And someday all these horrible people are going to hear your roar and fear your greatness."

"Nope," I laugh and shake my head, enjoying the way the room spins slightly as I do. "You're the dandy lion, Peeta."

"And you're my dandy lioness," he shrugs, and I see the slightest hint of a sad smile.

In an instant, my lips are on his again and this time he doesn't pull away. I lay back on the bed and Peeta hovers over me. He carefully avoids touching my chest or ribs, though, keeping a safe distance from my body. His tongue slides over mine, and I nibble on his bottom lip, getting lost in the powerful sensation of actually being this close to someone, of being comfortable enough to be this intimate with him.

After a few minutes, he pulls away and gazes down at me in a wistful way, and I know he's looking at my injury again. I sigh and run my hand lightly over his cheek, which he then places over his mouth to kiss, closing his eyes as he does so.

"What are we even doing?" I whisper after a second, feeling my gut fill with dread. It's moments like this with him that I know he's too good to be true. There's no way I will get away with this without paying for it in the end. Things like this just don't happen to me. They never have, and I have no reason to believe this will be any different. Tears sting my eyes again so I close them. "You're wasting your time with me, Peeta. This isn't going to end well. This is suicide. For both of us. There are too many things against this, against me. I don't understand why you want to be with me. In fact, I understand completely if you want to break up with me—"

"Any time I spend with you isn't wasted," he replies firmly. "We'll get through this. Together. You'll get through this. One day all of this bad stuff will come to an end, and it'll only be a memory. A scar. One day things will be wonderful for you and the only tears you cry will be happy ones. I want to be there when that time comes. I'm not going anywhere, Katniss." He kisses me quickly on the mouth and I can feel his warm breath against my lips. "You're kind of stuck with me."

"You always make me feel good. I love that about you. You're so sweet to me," I reply, opening my eyes again to stare into his. I look away, though, as the feeling of hopelessness overwhelms me again. "But I don't believe you. The only peace I'll find is when I'm dead. You're dating a walking corpse, Peeta. I'm basically a zombie—"

"Will you stop talking like that? You're alive, and you're going to keep living. You have so much to live for. You're amazing, Katniss. You're beautiful and smart and you're the strongest person I know. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

"Look at me," I snort in disbelief as he frowns down at me. Tears roll down the sides of my face and into my hair, but I don't care anymore. "I don't look very beautiful or strong or smart at all. And it's not something they make me believe. It's something I accept. I'm going to die soon, I can feel it. I know it."

"No, you're not. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again," he says strongly, leaning down to leave an open-mouthed kiss on my forehead. He lingers there for a moment and mumbles against my skin, "And if anyone is going to die, it's going to be him."