Chapter Twenty-Nine: Heartbreak

"You'll swoop from incredible highs when you're just glad to be alive, to those lows when you wish you were dead. And just when you start thinking that you've accepted who you are, that changes, too. Because who you are is not permanent."

–Andrew Davidson

I regret saying such harsh words as soon as they leave my mouth, but I'm too angry to take them back. Regardless of the fact that I could never truly hate Peeta, the only thing I want at the moment is for him to feel as hurt and heartbroken as I do. It appears that what I'd said had its aimed effect too, because in an instant his face falls from self-assured to utterly dejected. He frowns deeply and his eyes lose their usual lively glint before being replaced with a mixture of anguish and disbelief. I try not to feel bad about it, though; I already feel bad enough. Besides, he brought this entirely upon himself.

He opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it again and looks away from me. It seems I've rendered him speechless. As for me, I have nothing more to say. I don't want to talk to him; don't even want to look at him. I hastily wipe at my eyes and hold my breath in an attempt to stop crying; all it's doing is making my ribs hurt even worse, and there isn't any point in it anyway. Peeta's already done what he's done, and no amount of tears can take it back.

"You don't really hate me," he says after a couple of minutes of tense silence, and though he's trying to sound confident, his voice wavers with a hint of uncertainty. "You just hate what you think I've done."

"What I think you've done?"

"You think I betrayed you."

"And you didn't?"

"No, I did the exact opposite! I'm standing up for you. I'm trying to put an end to the hell you're going through! I'm trying to give you and Prim a chance at a normal life, one where you don't have to constantly live in fear. Why can't you understand that?" Peeta asks in an exasperated rush. "I hate seeing you in pain and unable to do anything about it. I can't do it anymore. I can't… I can't feel as much as I do for you, knowing you'll always be holding back because you're too afraid to live or even consider that you can have a future. I'm tired of hearing you talk about yourself as if you're already dead."

I feel his eyes burning a hole through me, but I still refuse to look at him. I know he's waiting for me to reply, to say I forgive him and everything will be okay, but I'm not going to. No matter how much he tries to justify his actions, it doesn't make the situation any different. If Snow doesn't kill us for this, Coin or his cohorts will—and Peeta will be to blame for it. Not entirely, though. I'm aware that I'm just as guilty in all of this as he is, if not more so, even if I didn't have a hand in Peeta's actions.

I should have listened to my gut instinct from the beginning and stayed to myself. Gale was right about what he'd said. I am being selfish by having a relationship with Peeta. I put my own happiness and pleasure above everyone else's, and now we're all going to pay for it.

I never should have allowed myself to get this close to him—to anyone—and I sure as hell shouldn't have told him so many personal details about my life. It was hard not to when he's been so open with me, though, and I never dreamed that he'd do something like this… that he'd throw caution to the wind and trample on my trust.

He's silent for a moment before sighing and continuing in a quieter, determined tone, "Please understand that I'm trying to help you, not hurt you. I know you're scared of what might happen, but you don't have to face this alone. We can do this together, we can bring them down. You hold more power than you realize, and you're way stronger than you think. I'll always be here for you in any way you want or need, no matter what. Just… please don't shut me out."

"You already shut me out when you decided to do all this without telling me first!" I retort, narrowing my eyes as I turn to face him. "How did you think I was going to react?"

"I wasn't sure," he answers with a half shrug. "I hoped you'd be a bit more reasonable, though. I mean, you have to know you can't keep living like this… it has to end sometime. The sooner, the better."

"Oh, I'm being unreasonable? You've basically tossed a bunch of rocks at a hornet's nest and we're all going to be stung to death because of it. So yeah, you're damn right I'm being unreasonable! At the moment all I can think of is how many horrible ways this can backfire! I just know this isn't going to end well. I can't believe you would do this to me, Peeta. I trusted you! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone… did you conveniently forget that?"

My body is trembling horribly, so I stand up again in order to alleviate my anxiety a bit. My legs feel like jelly and my ribs are throbbing so bad it hurts to even breathe, and with every step I take, the pain radiates throughout my entire body like tiny lightning bolts outlined with needles.

Still, it's better than sitting next to Peeta, knowing I'll never feel his touch or his kiss or his embrace again after this. I walk a few feet away before turning back around, placing my hands on my hips, and shaking my head at him in agitation. My mind is still trying to process what he's done, and my heart doesn't want to believe it. Just as I was growing used to all of this, to being comfortable with him, he has to go and do something so unimaginably reckless and unforgivable.

He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw as if he's getting annoyed or frustrated. This only serves to make me angrier. He has no right or reason to get mad at me for reacting this way—he should have expected it.

"I'm not the bad guy in all of this, Katniss!" Peeta says as he stands up and walks over to me. I back up a few feet so he can't get any closer. I don't want him to touch or kiss me; I don't want to give myself the opportunity to become weak due to his sugarcoated words or closeness—that's what started all of this in the first place. He knits his brows and after taking a deep breath, continues more quietly, "I didn't forget, okay? I know I promised, but… look, I know you want me to apologize or say I made a mistake, but I'm not going to do that. I am sorry for breaking the promise, but I don't take back what I did. You're scared of the consequences, I get that. But this needs to be done. They need to be stopped. And you deserve to be happy. I'll never be sorry for wanting that." He looks away from me and shrugs a shoulder, "Even if it makes you hate me."

"I was happy with the way things were," I whisper weakly as I cross my arms lightly over my chest.

"No, you weren't. You're not," Peeta replies with a disbelieving shake of his head. He gulps and takes a cautious step towards me, stopping as I narrow my eyes at him in warning. "Every time I kiss you, every time I touch you, you're mine for the moment. You seem happy, but I know it's really only a happy distraction. Because even in those moments, when you let yourself feel and you come alive, I still see it in your eyes: fear, anxiety, sadness—"

"You're wrong, though. I was happy every moment I was with you! So much that it scared me," I counter, my heart pounding rapidly and my voice wavering as I try to keep tears from slipping from my eyes again. "In those moments… I only wanted to be with you and to feel good—for us both to feel good. I felt like I could tell you anything. For a while I almost felt like someone else. Someone… normal." I shrug and close my eyes before saying bitterly, "Now I just feel really stupid for thinking I could ever trust you."

"You can still trust me," he replies strongly as he moves closer and stands right in front of me. I roll my eyes and snort, fixing my gaze on the floor with rebellious determination. His hand slips gently beneath my chin, causing me to flinch and purse my lips in disapproval. I know he wants me to look at him, but I refuse to; instead, I look off to the side. In an instant, Peeta drops his hand from my face again and releases a disheartened sigh, yet he continues undeterred.

"Katniss… you shouldn't be afraid of being happy, okay? It shouldn't be a rarity for you to feel good. You say you felt like someone else as if that's a good thing. I want to be with you. Katniss Everdeen. I love Katniss Everdeen. I don't want to be with someone else, and I want you to be happy to be you. Until Snow and Coin and all these people who make you feel worthless are out of your life, I know you're never going to believe how wonderful you really are, no matter how many times I tell you."

I finally look at him, but I don't know what to say; there's a lump in my throat that I know will cause me to start crying like an idiot if I find my voice anyway. From the wistful, sincere look in Peeta's eyes, I know that he means every word he's saying, and a part of me just wants to hug and kiss him and tell him I forgive him.

But then I remember what Snow said

—how he'd cut Prim into pieces and make me help if he ever found out I told anyone, and the millions of other horrible threats he's made over the years—and then I get angry and resentful all over again. I'm conflicted and confused, and everything I feel is painful and overwhelming. At the moment, I just want to sleep and never wake up again. It feels like any decision I make will be the wrong one anyway.

"It was never supposed to be this serious," I whisper.

"When was this situation ever not serious?" He bites his bottom lip and raises his eyebrows in question. I close my eyes and rub the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger. I don't want to witness his pained expression when I tell him what I'm going to say next.

"I'm… I'm not just talking about all of that," I reply as calmly as I can, although my heart is beating so erratically it feels as if it might burst out of my chest. "I meant us."

"When it comes to us, it's always been serious for me," Peeta says, his blue eyes searching mine. "I thought you felt the same way."

"I don't know what I feel… what I felt," I answer honestly. "I do know you're taking this far too seriously than I ever intended, though. You want things I can't give you. Regardless of you going behind my back and doing what you did, this subject would have come up eventually anyway. We're opposites, Peeta, in every possible way. We want different things, and we're definitely not well-suited for each other."

"What are these different things you're talking about?"

Now that it's come to this, I feel the need to unload all of the insecurities I've had about our relationship and the future obstacles I know we'd face eventually. In the beginning, I thought this would only be a temporary thing, that he'd break up with me quickly, and we'd never have to approach the topic of our differences.

"I don't ever want to have children, for one thing," I answer, raising my eyebrows defiantly at him. My admission seems to take him by surprise because, for a moment, he looks as if he'd been punched in the stomach. He sucks in a deep breath, however, and almost immediately regains his composure as his face transforms into an unreadable mask.

"Okay," he shrugs quickly, and his voice is surprisingly void of emotion. "I want you, and if that's what you want, then that's how it'll be."

"In your heart, I know you want kids someday, though."

Peeta shrugs and flits his eyes away from my own as he shoves his hands in his pockets. "What do you want me to say, Katniss?"

"I want you to be honest with yourself, and with me, and admit that we'd never work out in the long run. We're too different. I'm not the type of woman you should end up with."

"We're not that different, though. We're more alike than you realize. And I'm being completely honest I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't know what this other type of woman is that you think I should be with, but I don't agree. You're perfect for me and the only type I want," he says with great fervor. "You say you don't want certain things, and I'll always respect what you want. You might legitimately feel that way. Personally, though, I think you're really afraid of change. You're wary of hope or wanting, so you just tell yourself you don't want things. You're so convinced you're going to die that everything about being alive scares you to death anyway. You second guess everything you do.

Never taking chances to move forward and always being hesitant of happiness is no way to live."

"Whatever, Peeta. I took a huge chance with you, and look where I am now! Full of regret!" I retort icily, glaring at him for insulting me so self-righteously.

How dare he tell me how I feel and what I want, or what will bring me happiness. The more he speaks, the more I'm convinced that I want to be anywhere besides here with him. My hands are balled into trembling fists, my face is completely red, and I feel like I'm going to explode from all the anger and annoyance building inside me.

Peeta runs a shaky hand through his hair as he narrows his eyes at me, and for a moment we simply stare at each other with pure animosity. For all the sweetness and understanding that Peeta has shown me, I see nothing of it right now. It seems he's finally seeing me for what I am, and for what we could never be. As horrible as it makes me feel, I know it's necessary. Tears still well up in my eyes, despite trying to keep them at bay, and I quickly avert my gaze, bitterly swiping at my face to rid the traitorous wetness on my cheeks.

"You're really breaking up with me?" Peeta whispers incredulously, finally breaking the silence between us. And though he's asking, it comes out more like a bewildered statement.

"Yes," I answer quietly, feeling my heart shatter at the final tone of our argument, realizing these will be the final words of our relationship.

"Fine," Peeta replies, holding his hands up in surrender, and I know from the tears in his eyes and the repeated clenching of his jaw that he's anything but fine. In stark contrast of his sullen disposition, his voice comes out hoarse and vacant as he continues, "If saving your life means losing you, then that's a risk I have to take. I'm done arguing about it. If you don't want to be with me, I'm not going to force you. Because you're right… as much as I care for you, I can't make you feel the same. If you're unhappy, we'd both be. Just know that I'm still going to love you, though, no matter how much you hate me."

I want to tell him how much I don't hate him, and that I care for him too, but doing so would be counter-productive to breaking up with him. I don't want to give him hope and prolong the whole ordeal. I wish it didn't have to come to this, but

I see no other choice in the matter. And as it sinks in deeper that I'll never get to hug or kiss him, or feel protected in his arms ever again, I feel panic rise up in me as I realize the more practical losses that breaking up with Peeta entails.

"I guess this means I'm fired from the bakery then?" I ask hesitantly, dreading the answer. I understand why I would be, really, but it hurts to think about. The bakery is my safe haven, a place where I feel completely comfortable, and the thought of losing it from my life is almost as heartbreaking as losing Peeta. Not to mention, I need the job. Without it, I know we won't make it through the winter very well at all.

There isn't much I can do about it at this point, though.

"No, of course not," Peeta answers quickly, frowning deeply as he shakes his head. With a disheartened sigh, he turns and starts to walk away just as I notice a tear start to roll down his cheek. He sits down on the bed and, and when he speaks to me again his voice is hollow and monotonous, "You still have a job, Katniss, and you always will as long as you want it. I told you in the beginning that if we broke up, your position at the bakery wouldn't be affected, and I meant that. I'll still provide your transportation. I know how much this job means to you and your family, and I'm not petty. We will have to get along when we're working, though."

I give a silent nod, feeling both relieved and anxious, and wondering just how weird things are going to be between us at work now that we're no longer dating.

"I'll pay you for the rides," I insist.

"No, you won't. It's on the way," he replies dismissively. "Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean we're enemies all of a sudden."

"What?" Prim's shocked voice comes from behind me. I turn to see her standing in the bathroom doorway in her long pink nightgown, eyes darting in wide-eyed confusion from me, to Peeta, and then back to me again. "What's going on?"

"I'll explain later," I reply as evenly as I can. "We're going home so you need to change into your old clothes." Her lips start trembling and tears spring up in her eyes as she counters with an adamant, "No!"

"Prim," I warn, rubbing my eyes to relieve the stress building behind them. "I'm not in the mood. Just go change!"

"I don't want to leave!" she argues, shaking her head and hugging her bear closer to her chest. She looks past me to Peeta, and pleads with tears streaming down her face, "Please tell her we have to stay!"

I swivel around and raise my eyebrows in challenge at Peeta, waiting for him to team up against me with Prim. Instead, he just stares at the floor with a vacant expression and shrugs heavily, as if he doesn't have any energy left in him to even speak.

"She won't listen to me," he mumbles as he glances dolefully up at Prim.

"Did she break up with you?" Prim asks with a defensive edge to her voice. Peeta shrugs and gives one curt nod of his head before Prim practically yells at me, "You broke up with him? That's so dumb, Katniss—" I place my hand over her mouth and, with my other hand, point to the bathroom for her to go change. She glares at me with more venom in her eyes than she's ever had before and bites into my palm, causing me to gasp and draw my hand back in shock. I'm angry with her behavior, but before I can react or say anything, for the second time in her life, she screams that she hates me before running into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

I walk over and knock, but she doesn't answer so I close my eyes, turn around, and lay the back of my head lightly against it, feeling irritated and exhausted. I think I actually feel worse now than I did when I was being kicked by Snow. Everything was acceptable before this… not perfect or even good, but at least I had an escape from the horrors of real life when I was with Peeta… now he's buried me in the thick of them without any remorse.

"You can't walk all that way in the shape you're in," I hear Peeta say suddenly, and I open my eyes to look over at him. He raises his eyebrows pointedly, but his face is completely impassive. "And I'm not driving you home. You really need to calm down and think this over—"

"Drive me to Gale's then," I offer flippantly. "He'll let me sleep there for the night."

"In his bed, I'm assuming?" he asks, bitterness palpable in his voice.

"Yeah, it's always been that way before," I answer with a roll of my eyes. I can't help feeling a little triumphant as the emotionless mask slips from Peeta's face and is replaced by disapproval and annoyance. However, the fact that he's being so obviously possessive at this moment, especially about Gale, thoroughly agitates me, so I sarcastically add, "Oh yeah, and we're totally gonna have sex all night long, Peeta!"

"Seriously?" he asks heatedly, his eyes narrowed and his face red. "You just broke up with me and now you're trying to make me jealous?"

"Not intentionally! You're being ridiculous, and I'm trying to show you how stupid you're being about it. For the last time, Gale's my friend and that's all!" I answer in exasperation.

"Well, he seems more than friendly towards you," he counters.

"No. He's just protective because he thinks you're only after one thing."

"And what's that?"

"What do you think?" I ask, arching an eyebrow at him. He looks incredulously at me, his mouth gaping for a moment before he snaps it shut.

"I think he's an asshole for telling you something like that. You know it's obviously not true!"

"I know, and I told him that," I shrug, waving a hand at him dismissively. "We're broken up now anyway, so it's really none of your business at this point. I'm done talking about it."

Without a word, Peeta makes his way over to me again. He stands in front of me, his eyes pleading and intense as he stares unblinkingly into my own. I can see heartache and worry etched into every inch of his face as he looks down at me, and my first instinct is to somehow make all the hurt go away.

But then I remember I'm the one who caused the pain, and why, and then I feel resentful for having a moment of weakness. I purse my lips and look down at the floor; it makes everything easier if I don't look into his eyes.

"Katniss, please think this over, okay? We have something amazing," he whispers. He places a hand on my cheek, but I turn my head away from his touch.

"Had," I correct abruptly.

Peeta sighs, and after pausing briefly, asks in a rush, "So you don't even want to discuss the information I have? Because from what I gather, there's already an ongoing investigation—"

"I don't care, Peeta! I don't want to hear about any of it!"

"Well, when you do, I'm here. I'm not giving up on taking them down. With or without you."

"It'll definitely be without me," I reply bitterly as I turn away from him and knock on the bathroom door again. "Prim, hurry up!"

"I'm not coming out!" she answers.

"Like hell you're not!" I snap, feeling all the patience seep from my body. How in the world did it get to this point? Where trying to protect the two people I care the most about has caused them to hate me for it. I can understand Peeta being angry with me, and I'm just as angry with him. Prim should know better, though. After all these years of providing for her, taking her beatings, and doing what's in her best interest… this is how she repays me?

"Prim, please come out… for me?" Peeta asks gently from behind me and taps on the door. "I promise you're not going home."

"Are we staying here?"

"No, we're not," I reply quickly, turning back to give Peeta a challenging look. "He's driving us to Gale's. Aren't you, Peeta?"

"Yeah, I guess so," he answers heavily with a huge frown on his face and his blue eyes questioning me, as if asking why I'm trying to hurt him. But I'm not. I'm doing what I think is best for all involved; the only problem is that he believes that's what he's trying to do too. Peeta then drops his voice to a near whisper so Prim can't hear. "I wish you'd stay, though. I still want you to be safe, even if you're not my girlfriend. You're still my friend, right?"

"I don't know anymore," I answer dejectedly. "I don't know what I feel or what to think anymore, especially when it comes to you."

It takes about thirty more minutes to convince Prim to come out of the bathroom, and the only reason we manage to do so was because Peeta said he had to use it.

She sits on the bed and glares hatefully at me, refusing to speak directly to me and only to Peeta. I find it aggravating, but I'm aware that, like me, she's simply worried about how everything will change from here on out. She knows the bakery is our lifeline and has become a home away from home for us. In fact, it's more of a home than our actual home—if you can even call it that at all.

It's also obvious by now that she thinks Peeta is incapable of doing anything wrong, having fully convinced herself that he's some sort of Prince Charming, and that he'll somehow be the answer to all of our problems. I don't like that she's upset with me, but I guess I can understand why. After all, she doesn't even know why I broke up with him. We'd had such a lovely day, watching movies and playing games together, and she takes a bubble bath only to come back out to this. All she sees is me breaking Peeta's heart and dashing her dreams of a happily ever after in one go. Honestly, at the moment, I don't think very highly of myself for it either, but I'm also not entirely at fault for all of this.

Prim stubbornly insists on taking everything Peeta had bought her with us, but I opt to leave mine behind. It just doesn't seem right to take his gifts after breaking up with him, and I figure he can return the clothes and fishing pole and get his money back.

Peeta tries to argue with me that he's not going to do that and it's better off that I take it all with me so that it gets put to good use. I still refuse to take them with me, though, and he eventually reverts into frustrated silence. He does, however, give me his bottle of painkillers—telling me he can get a new prescription if he needs it—and I don't object. My ribs are sending excruciating shockwaves of pain throughout my entire body, the intensity amplified due to all the stress and crying, and I know I can't really afford to turn down his offer of medicine. As for Prim taking all of her new things home with her, I'm not all that worried about it. Snow has never been very observant about new things like clothes and toys, simply assuming Gale had given them to us, and that's exactly what I'll tell him if he asks about any of it. I know Gale will back me up, no matter what, if he's asked about it.

When we finally make it out to the car, I walk ahead of them and sit in the backseat, and they quickly take their seats in the front. Prim rolls her eyes at me and huffs resentfully as she sits down, but doesn't say a word. Peeta, on the other hand, looks back at me with furrowed brows and shakes his head.

"Really, Katniss?" he asks dismally, "You're being ridiculous."

"I agree," Prim adds curtly.

I merely shrug in reply and cross my arms over my chest. I don't feel like explaining that being close to him right now would only cause us both more pain. He exhales loudly, seemingly irritated with me, as he turns around and starts the car.

The ride to Gale's house isn't very long at all, only a few miles, but it seems to take forever. The tension in the car is so thick it could be cut with a knife, and the silence is deafening. The fact that things have reached a point where we know words can't heal or change the situation isn't lost on me. It's hard to decipher if Peeta's silence is due to heartbreak, anger, or acceptance, though. Maybe it's all three… I know it is for me.

I stare at him as he drives, his eyes narrowed on the road and his mouth curved into a stony frown, and I feel pain in my chest that has nothing to do with my ribs. As Gale's house comes into view, it suddenly takes all of my willpower not to break down, give in, and tell him this is all a mistake. I hold my breath as a wave of regret and sorrow rise up inside me, causing tears to flood my eyes and my face to redden. I could easily take it all back. We could put this behind us, forget it ever happened….

And then I remind myself that we can't forget it ever happened, because Peeta already put our lives on the line, and it's not something that can be taken back. He betrayed my trust and broke his promise to me, and he obviously has no intention of ceasing his mission of bringing Coin and Snow down; even after I told him what danger it places everyone in. I feel absolutely horrible about breaking up with him, but he drove the final wedge between us. He has no idea what he's getting himself into, and if it's going to happen, if he's going to continue to be reckless and go through with all of this, then I don't want to know the details.

Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss—the less you know, the better off you are, and I definitely don't want to be involved when it comes to Coin. That's worse than standing up to Snow. Snow's merely a minion, but Coin is the ringleader. If he finds out, which is more than possible as he has eyes and ears everywhere in town, you're basically asking for a slow, torturous death. No one will ever find your body, either; you'll just be another person who ran away or went missing without a trace.

Peeta stops the car and remains silent as he places his elbow on the window ledge and rests his head on his hand. From my position in the backseat, I can clearly see the muscles tensing in his face and neck, as if it's taking every bit of patience in him not to say or do something he'll regret. But before I can say anything to him, Prim starts to sob. I ignore her protests as I open my door, eager to put as much distance between me and Peeta as quickly as possible.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks in a hoarse, questioning tone.

"Yeah?"

He hesitates for a moment before muttering a quick, "Just… take care of yourself, okay? Don't do something you'll regret just to get back at me."

"Like what?" I ask defensively, raising my eyebrows.

"Nothing," he shrugs and closes his eyes, though I can tell it's definitely something. "Just please think things over."

"Whatever," I reply briskly and turn to get out of the car.

"Katniss?" he asks again.

I groan and turn back to him with an agitated scowl, "What?"

"I love you," he says wistfully, "Please remember that? I'm only doing this to help you."

"Sure," I mumble with a roll of my eyes before exiting the car.

I go to Prim's door to open it, but she locks it and shakes her head. Peeta says something to her, but I can't quite catch what it is since the window is rolled up. She answers him back rather seriously, though she's still crying. I tap on the window impatiently, extremely annoyed at the way she's behaving, and a part of me just wants to walk off and leave her. I know I can't do that though. Peeta leans over and whispers something into her ear, and whatever it is, Prim nods and immediately wipes away her tears before opening the door and joining me with an evil glare.

Without any parting words or another glance in my direction, Peeta drives off. I watch as his car disappears around the corner, feeling relief, dread, fear, panic, heartache, and a myriad of other things all wrapped up into one big ball of anxiety inside my chest.

Most of all, however, I just feel empty, hurt, and lost.

I have no idea how I'm going to go back to my old life now. I was better off not knowing what I was missing, because it already feels as if there's a void in my life without Peeta in it. How in the world am I going to do this?

"What did he whisper to you?" I ask Prim sternly as I try to ignore the tightening feeling in my gut.

"None of your business," she snaps and quickly walks off to the house. I notice that Gale's truck isn't out front, meaning he's still at work. His mom or one of his siblings will let us in to wait for him, so it's not really a big deal. Prim knocks on the door just as I catch up to her, and I hear the familiar sound of dogs barking as footsteps slowly approach.

"Go lay down," Gale's mom, Hazelle, mutters to the dogs as she flings the door open. She turns to us with raised eyebrows. "Hey girls, what brings you by at this hour?"

I shrug, not knowing how to answer. Usually it's either Gale or one of the kids that answers the door. Hazelle is nice enough, but she's also pretty much in the dark about the way we live. That or she chooses to ignore it. Most people in these parts tend to look the other way when it comes to situations like ours, and since Snow moved us away, she and Mom have lost all contact with each other, having both developed health issues that prevent them from going very far.

While Gale's mom doesn't do drugs or have any contact with Snow anymore, it's still a sore point and I don't fully trust her enough to tell her the truth of what's going on.

"I just came to see Gale," I reply quietly. "We need to talk about some things." She smiles knowingly and nods.

"Gale aint home yet. He's at work for a few more hours, but I imagine he'll be right happy to see you, Kitty. I warn you though, the boy has been moody as all hell lately."

"When has he ever not been?" I ask rhetorically, the corner of my mouth tugging up into a smile that I don't feel at all. I have a suspicion that Gale's moodiness has a lot to do with me.

She lets out a hoarse chuckle and nods, "Fair point. You girls come on in and make yourselves at home." She stands back from the door and leans on a cane, noticeably short of breath. Once inside, Prim departs quickly to Posy's room, leaving me standing alone with Hazelle. After taking a few deep breaths and looking at me curiously, she frowns and points to my face. "What happened there, hon? That's a whopper of a black eye."

My heart quickens at being put on the spot, and I search my brain for a believable excuse.

"I… got hit in the face with a limb," I answer with a shrug. "I wasn't watching where I was going and I ran right into it."

She raises her dark grey eyebrows at me, giving me a skeptical look, and tells me in a conspiratorial whisper, "Well, that damned limb needs to be chopped down to size if you ask me." She sighs and shakes her head as she hobbles her way into the kitchen on her wooden cane, "Come on and I'll cut a potato for it. Should help get the swelling right down in a jiffy."

I nod, but I say nothing as I join her. I stand at the kitchen sink, watching curiously as she opens the nearly empty fridge and retrieves a potato from the crisper. She cuts it into thin slices before placing them all into a plastic sandwich bag and handing it to me.

"Go lie down in Gale's room and place these on your eyes. It'll help some," she informs me with a pitying smile.

"Thanks," I whisper.

As I'm about to turn and head to his room, she takes me by surprise and asks, "How's your mama doing? I haven't heard from her in quite some time."

She frowns and appears genuinely concerned. I bite my lip for a moment, unsure of how to answer. I respect her because she's my elder and she's never been mean to me, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't resent her for never warning my mom—her best friend at one time—that the man she planned to marry was an infamous drug dealer. Hazelle is clean now and has been for years, but it's still hard not to slightly blame her for bringing Snow into our lives in the first place.

"Sleeping a lot," I answer with an offhand shrug. "Doesn't ever say much."

She nods in reply, looking contemplative and a little worried, and I take the silence as an opportunity to make my way to Gale's room and shut the door behind me.

I'm surprised to see that his room is actually clean for once, but I don't really focus on it as tears flood my eyes and my legs give out weakly beneath me. I let myself fall lightly to the floor, ignoring the aching in my ribs, and wrap my arms tightly around my knees. Since I'm alone and no one can see me, I have no reason to hold back how I feel, so I lay my head within my arms and simply cry. I'm aware that it does the situation no good, but it's the only thing I can think of to do, and at least crying doesn't hurt anyone else.

After it seems like I'm dried up of all my tears, and my ribs throb so painfully it steals my breath away, I finally stand up and lie down on Gale's bed. I place the potato slices on my eyelids and just think about everything. I think of what might happen, and then I think of what has happened. And then I think of the things I wish could have happened, but I know never will. One thing remains a constant in every thought, though—Peeta.

I'm still lost in my thoughts when the door opens, and I hear a heavy sigh as it clicks shut again.

"Mom said you were in here," I hear Gale say. "Won't your boyfriend get mad that you're sleeping in my bed?"

"Don't be an asshole. I'm not in the mood," I reply, my voice hoarse and nearly gone from all the crying I've done. I don't even bother to sit up or even take the potatoes from my eyelids. I'm sure my eyes are red and puffy, and I'm not sure how I'd react if Gale mocked me for it.

He's silent for a moment, and I feel the mattress shift as he sits down beside me.

"What happened?" he asks, sounding surprisingly concerned. "Mom said you were banged up pretty bad."

"What do you think?" I answer monotonously. "Snow. It's always Snow."

"Figured so," he remarks angrily. "Fucking asswipe needs to be shot."

"I don't disagree," I remark, lifting a potato slice off of my eye to look at him. "But not by you."

He scowls and nods as he looks away from me.

"I would, though, if I didn't have my family to help. I hate seeing this shit and not being able to put him in his place without making it worse on you."

I replace the potato slice on my eyelid and shrug, "It is what it is, Gale." And I don't know why I tell him, but I find myself blurting out, "Peeta seems to think taking Coin out will bring Snow down, too."

It's quiet for a minute before Gale says impatiently, "Well? You can't just say something like that and not explain."

I abruptly sit up, taking the potato slices off of my eyes, and look at him as impassively as I can. The last thing I want to do is cry in front of Gale.

"Long story short, he went behind my back, drove a couple towns over, called the FBI, the Attorney General, and apparently even hired a private investigator to bring Coin and everyone he's associated with down. I understand he thinks he's doing something good, but if they find out…" I drag a finger across my neck.

"Yeah, but if they don't, which is more than possible, then that's a pretty damn good plan, Katniss. I have to hand it to him," Gale replies, looking slightly impressed. "I wish I'd thought of it."

"So you're taking his side?" I snap defensively, narrowing my eyes.

"I don't even know him," Gale shoots back as he starts to take his boots off. "But I'm pretty sure his side is your side, too. At least, that's what it sounds like to me. The chances of them finding out is low if things are investigated correctly, and even if they do find out they're being investigated… do you know how many enemies they have, Kat? The only reason Coin has this town in the palm of his hand is because of fear and blackmail. I think if the authorities offered immunity and even one person stood up to them, more would follow suit without question. Power in numbers, and all that," he shrugs before yawning deeply.

From the serious tone of his voice, I can tell that he's completely on board with Peeta's actions. I know that anything I have to say in retaliation, he'll just make me feel as if I'm being irrational. Maybe I am. But I also don't want to take any chances, no matter how small, of Prim being killed. I don't say anything else in reply. He doesn't need to know about my breakup with Peeta or anything more than what I've told him already. Right now, I don't really need another person against me.

"So you're sleeping here tonight?" he asks casually.

"I guess so," I answer as I lie back down and place the potato slices on my eyelids. "You can drive me home in the morning."