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There were advanced classes available if you knew where to look over the summer. I took some english and some math. The local math professor would only accept his credit for partial differential equations. He was a good professor near as I could tell. He knew how to push his students. Credit would only be given over the course of three exams taken over the semester. Each worth a large chunk of the grade. PDEs were difficult but not undoable. The college level courses were four hundred level. Including the english class I was taking.
So I was a little surprised to see Kawasaki in my english class. Not going to lie. I thought it would be mostly college seniors. So to see a classmate was a little shocking.
"So you're taking classes here, too."
"So it would seem. You must be good at english to have made it this far. Well done," I returned. I struggled to recognize her at first but eventually she settled into my memory.
PDEs was a whole thing. But english? Give me a break. I practiced that all the time.
"You know how you told me about that scholarship? I managed to get it. Things are going well with Taishi too."
"That's good…" Who was Taishi again? Oh right. It was her little brother. The guy who acted a little too chummy with me and my little sister. Stay away from my little sister! Damnit. I couldn't hide her away forever. She shared herself with the world. Taishi might be good for my little sister. I couldn't really say.
The mood was fairly relaxed even with what could be considered a cute girl talking to me. I chalked that up to us being second years so we didn't have important exams. We still had school exams but not college entering ones. I wanted to get into a decent mathematics program. I was already way ahead of the curve but there was more to do to get my bachelors, masters, and doctorate. And I wanted that doctorate.
I eyed Kawasaki. Her waist-length, blue tinged black hair was tied up in a pony tail. I suppose she was beautiful. Aesthetics weren't really my thing. Her lithe legs drew the eye. She wore a shirt with three-quarter sleeves and denim shorts over leggings. She was good looking. That was for sure. My eyes rolled in their sockets and I heard a dull whisper. It was Newton's voice. Newton had supposedly died a virgin. Would I die a virgin when I killed myself? It seemed likely.
"At any rate you earned the scholarship on your own merits," I pressed on. That's how conversation works. First one person said something, then the other.
"Yeah but Taishi keeps going on about you, so… well whatever, I've said it." She turned on a dime once her obligation was utilized and she took her seat. Why would Taishi go on about me? That makes no sense. Besides if you're only going to talk to somebody out of obligation you may as well not talk to them at all. That was my thoughts on that. But I was a jaded cynic. Who knows what actual moral behavior was? I sure didn't.
She took a seat about three rows behind me and pulled out her phone. From the way her fingers were moving she was probably writing an email. And then she happened to smile. So she can smile. Huh. Every day came with a new lesson. Sure, usually that lesson came from one of the professors, but occasionally life university would come out with something. While I was watching her our eyes met. She blushed furiously and sent me a glare. I met it with tired apathy and didn't look away. When one of us glanced to the side it was her. Only then did I let my eyes roll in their sockets first towards the ceiling then the floor. I rolled my stiff shoulders and listened to a loud voice. Newton's fractal. What was Newton's fractal? I pulled my phone and googled it.
It turns out Newton had no idea he had discovered a fractal with his method of finding zeros. But he had. It was only when you extended things to the complex plane did the fractal appear. Newton had no idea about the complex plane. Let alone the triplex plane which I was working on inventing. It was slow going but I'd made some progress with determining the area enclosed by the curves \frac{1}{x} and \frac{-1}{x}. It was a hyper-real area. Not complex the way the sqrt{-1} was. But above the reals.
Our English lecturer came in and talked about Shakespeare. Easy money. I'd already studied Shakespeare. Extensively. In the original older english. We should count our selves lucky she was going on about the canterbury tales. That was olden english. Not that I hadn't studied that as well. I tried to be well rounded. I didn't always succeed. I tended to lean more towards math and physics. That was my fault per se. But I also tried to learn what I could about philosophy and literature.
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The English lecture ended, and it was our very brief break period. Only ten minutes. I headed downstairs and bought a Max Coffee from the vending machine. Slowly sipping at it, I returned to the classroom. Inside the other students were spending the time as they pleased - fiddling with their phones, reading or having staring contests with the modern Japanese textbook for the next class. It was unlike what you'd normally see at school. Overall a lot of people were by themselves; loners accounted for the majority.
It was the way things were supposed to be in class. I was comfortable with it. I know thats not the common way of looking at things but between myself, the internet, and the one at the bottom I had plenty of company in my head. Now while that probably wasn't healthy, it kept me slitting my wrists the short ways rather than the long ways. That was metaphorical. I didn't cut.
Not that I wasn't tempted. I was. I was tempted to cut. I just felt like as soon as I'd cut once I'd never stop. So I kept myself in moderation. Zero in this case. Some things were like that. Like being allergic or something. I think I could end up cutting. The longer I lived the longer it seemed likely. Like an inevitability which approach one hundred percent asymptotically. An estimator which approaches one hundred percent. I wasn't the best at statistics but that meant I'd eventually become addicted to cutting. I hoped not. It seemed unhealthy even compared to the things I normally partook in. But it seemed like an inevitability. I'd one day cut. I'd one day like it. I'd one day be unable to stop.
I already burnt myself with my dab rig once or twice and enjoyed it. Cutting seemed familiar to that. Burning myself, cutting myself, what was the difference? I attended the Japanese lecture and stayed focused throughout. It used up all the glucose in my brain. If coca cola were to come up with a drink for lectures alone they'd make a killing. Even with the Max Coffee I'd drunk I was running on fumes by the time the lecture ended. I started packing my shit up. A sharp rap rap came at my desk. I glanced to the side as I slung my backpack onto my back. It was Kawasaki Saki. She wasn't looking at me. I stared at her. Daring her to make the first move. But she seemed content to wait. So I wondered, "Did you need something?" She had been sending 'ask me' vibes so I could obediently go along with it.
Kawasaki sighed hesitating.
"Hey do you have some time right now?"
"Depends on what you're about to ask me to do. I could have a thing," I refuted. "I could not. Depends."
"Well I wanted you to come with me to meet with Taishi and your little sister."
That coackroach! Keep your hands to yourself as well as your eyes.
"My little sister? Where?"
"He says she's with him in Tsudanuma."
"Sorry but there's no reason for me to spend my time on your little brother."
"I'm saying your sister is with him, though."
"Hey so where are we going, then? Is it close by? Five minutes' walk?"
"Seriously…?" She fired an exasperated glare my way. Don't mock me. I want to get him away from her. Leave me alone?! I didn't trust him around her. He seemed like a good kid which could be a problem but looks could be deceiving. I knew what guys were like. I was a damn guy for god's sake. I could easily read his fucking mind. My little sister was adorable. She was smart and funny. Sure, that could be intimidating but I was attracted to power. It wasn't a stretch to think he was too.
I ignored her and gathered my things and left with Kawasaki hot on my heels.
"They're at the Saize right past the exit. Do you know where it is?"
"Sure do," I returned. I knew where every Saize along the Sobu Line is located. I even know the former site of the first branch. Motoyawata is the birthplace of Saize. The shop is no longer there but the sign is.
When we left the building a suffocating heat was hovering over the road. There was no wind and it was like the humidity was bending the sunlight as it blazed down on us. It was in between lectures and we merged with the ebb and flow of people around the station. The population density of the neighborhood took a sudden upturn. We didn't talk much as we weaved ahead through the periodic gaps between the human waves.
Komachi and the cockroach were apparently at a nearby Saize. Perfect.
I fought down my impatience as I waited for the traffic light to turn. Behind me, Kawasaki commented, "oh yeah. A little while ago, Yukinoshita was taking a summer class too."
"...Huh. Really?" The name delayed my reaction a little. I'm pretty sure Yukinoshita is aiming to go to a public sciences school where I was focused on engineering.
"She's really hard to approach," Kawasaki went on.
I frowned. Was she really the person who should be saying that. Never mind the girls half the boys are scared of you, too, you know?
"What's with that look?" Her listless eyes narrowed and flicked toward me.
"Nothing," I returned. I met her look until she looked away.
I could imagine what Yukinoshita and Kawasaki would be like together in the same classroom. Though both of them would attract a lot of attention, I bet neither let anyone get close. Their behavior is similar but I think their motivations are completely different.
Behind Kawasaki's aggression is a simple failure to communicate. It's the quintessential tendency of the taciturn. I suspect she's just bad at talking. Seeing her affection for her little brother, you somehow know.
Yukinoshita on the other hand has never had any desire to go on the attack at all. Her existence itself is an onslaught. Individuals who excel can be overwhelming, awakening jealousy and a sense of inferiority in others. That's what has cut her off from those around her and earned her their ill will. And then to complicate matters, she never fails to push back against the malice. She crushes it. That's Yukinoshita. If Kaawasaki's behavior is a threat for the sake of self defense, then Yukinoshita's behavior is always absolute retribution.
The light changed to green. When I took a step out, Kawasaki ventured, "hey…could you thank her for me? In the end, I never did."
"Do it yourself."
"I could, I guess. But, well, I dunno… it's be a little awkward." Her timidity caught my attention so I looked at her. Her eyes were quietly downcast and she was walking with her head lowered. "Some people you're just not going to get along with even if you know they didn't do anything wrong," she said.
I suppose that was true. That's why noninterference is the best form of compromise. You can choose to stay out of it for the sake of getting by. Sticking together like glue and smiling and chatting and fooling around and hanging out are not the only possible ways to engage with people. I believe that keeping an appropriate distance in order to avoid hating one another is also laudable.
"Besides, we probably won't run into each other for a while," she said. "She's not in the course so the next time I'll see her is at school, and we're not in the same class. But you'll see her again soon for your club activities, right?"
"No, I don't think I'll see her until school starts again either." At the very least we wouldn't be seeing each other on purpose. If you thought about it, that was all there was to our relationship[. We wouldn't make contact unless we had to.
We crossed to the other side of the crosswalk and went down a flight of stairs to the basement of the building. Our footsteps echoed quietly.
"Plus even if we did run into each other we wouldn't necessarily talk," I went on.
"That's true. I don't normally talk to her either."
"Yep." I mean if somebody starts a conversation with me I'll give them a proper response. In fact, I'm extremely polite when I engage with people. So polite I come off as creepy. If I know someone is a loner, like Kawasaki, then I can relax and be more casual because I recognize we're of the same breed, I guess.
As we conversed we reached the basement floor. When we passed through the automatic doors I saw Komachi nearby in a seat close to the drink bar. As soon as she saw me she waved her hand. "Sup bro!"
"Sup," I replied casually and plopped down beside her.
Across from her was a middle schooler. When our eyes met he bobbed his head in a bow. "Bro! Sorry for making you come all this way."
"Don't call me bro. I'll kill you."
"Hey. Are you trying to start a fight with my little brother?" Kawasaki demanded.
"So what did you need?" I shot at Taishi. I ignored Kawasaki.
"Oh yeah," Taishi replied. "I want you to tell me about Soubu High."
"Come on. Just ask your sister. She's right there," I said. Saki Kawasaki was in my year at the same school as me.
"I really want another guy's opinion!"
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-WG