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7
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The surgery went off without a hitch and Kurt breathed a little easier with the results. He thought for sure that the rare complications would be his luck. That he'd bleed severely internally, that he'd develop an infection from the surgical site. That numerous complications could have happened and resulted in severe deformity, injury or death.
Finn came out to New York even before he had the surgery, putting aside so much to be there for his brother. "Now that you know I'm ok, can you please go back to Ohio and finish your term? I don't want you failing because of me. Or losing Tiffany." Kurt begged and using Finn's girlfriend against him. "I don't want her mad at me either, she's perfect for you."
"No, not until we talk about the meerkat shaped presence in our lives." Finn ignored the reference to the female at OSU that kept calling for updates and giving other updates. She'd spoken to Kurt a few times too and not for the first time.
"You sound like Santana." Which was probably the one to put him up to the conversation. "Neither of your former girlfriends or Santana have been great influences on you. Listen to Tiffany."
"Tiffany says that if you're happy I should let it go. She didn't know Sebastian and I can't do it, both Santana and Rachel are both concerned and Burt-".
"Dad and I will talk about Sebastian when I'm ready for the conversation. You and I don't need to discuss this."
"Yes, we do. You're my little brother and he's – well – he's SEBASTIAN. He's a terror and I'm not sure how you got involved with him in the first place after everything he's done to all of us, but most of all you. Honestly, Blaine-"
"Is neither here nor there." Kurt said so darkly that Finn dropped him.
"Then Adam-"
"Is in England and married."
"Oh." Finn floundered for a moment. "Elliott then-." He waited for Kurt to interject and tell him he was stupid, but Kurt was waiting for him to make his point. "Elliott has been here, he's such a good guy and more like someone we'd always expected you to end up with."
"Why?" Kurt asked genuinely curious. "Why do you all think that way? You've only known him briefly for the week you've been here. It's not enough time to really know a person or know if they're good with someone else. Especially when they're not together. What makes you all think I'd be so much better of with Elliott than Sebastian?" None of them, except maybe Santana, would have made the suggestion if he'd been with Blaine.
"Well... because he's like you. He's-"
"Obvious." Kurt cut in. "Bright, flashy, out there? He's not afraid to shine and be seen and bold?"
"Sweet." Finn finished lamely and Kurt tipped his head to the side, wondering if Finn really saw him as sweet. "Well you are, to people you care about." Finn shifted uncomfortably. "Dry, sarcastic sometimes and mean but you're always still somehow sweet. Elliott is broad too, he can protect you and take care of you. Sebastian's a meerkat, and a snake, slimy, slippery, thin, unable to support another person."
"He's bigger than I am." Kurt pointed out.
"Taller, you're a bit broader through the chest than he is, now." Finn said and Kurt blinked.
"You've definitely spent a lot of time looking at our bodies if you've caught that." Kurt said wryly and Finn blushed hard and Kurt offered him a bone. "I could spend a lifetime telling you how you're wrong about Sebastian but I'm going to save us both time and effort and energy and just ask you to trust me. Sebastian isn't the guy you remember. There's still faint echoes but he's a new person in a lot of ways."
"He's not going to be able to offer you what you want or need." Finn said firmly. "I went down my own path with that twice, if you recall."
"I've been hurt before." Kurt pointed out. "But if things fall apart between me and Sebastian, that's my burden to bear, not yours, not dad's, not Rachel or Santana's."
"I reserve the right to tell you I told you so." Finn stated bluntly.
"You and everyone I just listed." Kurt rubbed at his incision without meaning to, Carole was the only one who hadn't piped in with an opinion on Sebastian, just asked about him, how he was doing, etc. So he told her more than he told the others, a little more, but not a lot. Sebastian was his and he didn't want to share that relationship with anyone.
Finn watched him do it before he reached out and grabbed Kurt's wrist in a firm grasp. "Is it hurting?"
"Just itches." Kurt gave a small shrug. "That's a sign of skin mending back together though."
"There's some lotions you're supposed to put on it." They had antibacterial properties too. Finn reached for it.
"Yeah I know, the nurse had applied it before but since I'm being discharged soon and she gave me instructions on how apply it myself in the future. I guess she told you too." Kurt reached for it and was going to do it himself.
Finn brushed his hands aside. "You shouldn't strain yourself or pull at the incision site like that. Let me do it. I owe you for helping get the slushies out of my hair and eyes and applying lotions to all those bruises and broken bones over the years."
"None of us are strangers to hospitals, are we?" Kurt questioned softly but Finn didn't reply and Kurt let him apply the lotion to his incision site. Finn was surprisingly gentle and his fingers were sure. "Thank you."
About an hour later, Sebastian was sitting on the end of his bed, cross legged and facing Kurt. They had been chatting for the last few minutes but then a beep sounded from Sebastian's watch. "I's time to apply that lotion."
"She told everyone, didn't she?" Kurt shook his head and swatted Sebastian's hand away. "Finn applied it not long ago."
Sebastian didn't hide his disappointment. "I wanted to be the one to do it."
"You'll get plenty of practice, if you want it." Kurt said it before he could monitor his words. He flushed and looked away from Sebastian. "I mean, you don't have to worry about it, that's boyfriend territory and we're – not-."
"Is this your way of asking me if we need to make it official? Geez Kurt, you're so smart and so dense sometimes too. Just because we've never said it? Are you this mistrusting in all your relationships or is just because it's me?"
"I don't have a very good track record in reading into another person's intentions." Kurt glanced at him and then looked away. Sebastian rubbed his knee in acceptance. "I try not to assume things anymore."
"Assume away with me- wait, no, because I know your mind, you're going to take that and assume all the bad things." Sebastian squeezed Kurt's knee to get him to look at him. "Think only good things, ok?"
"So why don't you say the words?" Kurt pressed. "Since you're ok with it and all." Sebastian shifted uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Come on, Sebastian, prove it."
"You know what we are." Sebastian licked his lips and made some smacking sounds, his mouth suddenly dry.
"You can't because you don't want it."
"I do!" Sebastian protested. "I've just never been one before, never said it out loud before."
"You're off the hook. Just go home and forget about it, forget about me." Kurt wrapped his robe around him more firmly and waved Sebastian off. "I don't expect you to stick with me because I'm sick, but I'm glad that I learned the truth now too. You've been commendable through everything."
"No." Sebastian shook his head hard. "That's not at all- Kurt you're not sick."
"I just had surgery to remove a tumor. I most definitely am sick. I had a parasite growing in me and it turned me into a person I didn't know."
"Is that what you're really saying?" Sebastian's tone was icy. "That you were only with me because of something inside of you that has now been removed and you no longer want me?"
"That's not- Sebastian-" Kurt hissed. "I meant my body and the weight loss and fatigue! It didn't affect me in the way you're now implying."
"Well good." Sebastian stated shortly.
"I am sick." Kurt insisted. "I have a long recovery period ahead of me and you never know when something else is going to crop up."
"It was a tumor, Kurt, not cancer. Anyone could have a tumor somewhere in their body and not know it. I could too."
"No!" Kurt was surprised at the interjection but didn't explain it to either of them, unable to just then. "And look at my family history, this is just the beginning of it. My dad had a heart problem and cancer, my mom had cancer. One day I'm either going to have cancer or have a heart attack."
"More likely the second with how over the top you are." Sebastian muttered and grabbed Kurt's hands. "Hey, you don't have cancer currently and we'll watch out for it but even if you do- I'm right here. This isn't going to scare me away."
"It should." Kurt insisted. "It's not a fun thing to watch or go through with someone else and I was only 8 when she died. My dad could tell you of the terror and horror so much better than I could. I only saw a part of it and it's devastating. Then my dad's- I was here while Carole took care of him. There's a bit of relief I didn't have to go through it and guilt too. I don't know just how bad it was or if they got lucky, whenever I visited he seemed mostly ok."
"Yeah, I know." Sebastian countered. "I haven't been through it myself and I know that whatever I know or heard or imagined or seen is just a small portion of it, but I accept the risks and what we'll have to go through together if it comes to it." Sebastian squeezed Kurt's hands. "But you don't have cancer."
"This was just a small taste of it." Kurt looked away. "I pushed you away so many times."
"I kept coming back. You didn't know what was wrong and too many people were pushing you. I just was another voice and I let you push me away. I won't let you do that any more. I'll still give you the space you need, but you know I'll always come back. I've shown that much. You won't let it get to this point again, will you?"
Kurt's lips twisted but he shook his head. "No. I'll go in when you or someone else advises me to in the future. I just couldn't see it myself, I didn't want to see it."
"I know, we all did that's why we pushed so hard and tried everything we could to curb the side effects. We care about you, Kurt."
"Yet you can't say the word." Kurt didn't get it.
"It terrifies me in a way." Sebastian admitted. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to say it. It's a big step for me and my history and problems." Sebastian ran his thumb against the back of Kurt's hand. "What if you say it for me? Say it a hundred times and maybe I'll be able to as well."
"Really?" Kurt questioned, unsure if it would work and partially afraid that it would be the thing that finally scared Sebastian away, breaking through the fog and making him realize where he'd ended up.
"Yes." Sebastian urged. "Say it."
Kurt took a deep breath in. "You're not going to deny it like you denied wanting to spend time with me?"
"I won't." Sebastian nodded for Kurt to go ahead.
Kurt slowly let his breath out and then back in again before he expelled his breath with the word. "Boyfriends."
Sebastian's answering smile nearly had Kurt throwing himself at his boyfriend but he held back knowing he couldn't do it quite then with his stitches.