Chapter 25: Advices
The Commander nodded, finally taking the letter translated by the mechanic. She returned to the chair, deciding to remain in the room in case she encountered words she did not know the meaning of.
Lexa. I hope decrypting this letter has not been too difficult, but I could think of no other way to make sure Nia would not be able to read it if her warriors caught the messenger.
I am not sure how much you know, so I will explain as much as I can: I was captured by Azgeda, and brought to the queen. After about a week, people helped me escape. They are hiding me, and will soon help me leave the Ice Nation. If all goes well , I will already be on my way by the time you read this letter.
I learned that the official story is that I am in Mount Weather, so I will go to Tondisi, and ask Indra if I should stay there a while or return directly to Polis. I know you trust her.
I have also learned something important that, I believe, explains why Nia has been attacking you and the natblidas. She has her own natblida, named Ontari. She is older than Aden, and obeys the queen absolutely. Be careful, it felt like Nia was growing impatient to have the next Conclave. I will try to delay her plans before leaving the Ice Nation.
Take care of the children and yourself. See you soon.
Lexa sighed in relief. Clarke had indeed escaped Nia's grasp, and was already on her way back to Polis. She would send a message to Indra to warn her of Clarke's expected arrival, and with instructions for her to be escorted to Polis as soon as possible.
She would not be truly reassured until Clarke was back inside the Tower, and Nia was somehow eliminated. She was also concerned by what Clarke intended to do to delay Nia. She hoped the healer would not do something foolish.
And this natblida sworn to Nia… Now, the Ice Nation's machinations made a lot more sense. And Lexa could expect many more attempts against herself and her novitiates – Aden especially if Clarke was right about Nia growing impatient.
But an impatient enemy makes mistakes. The botched up assassination attempts of the last few weeks were proof of that. They had been unsuccessful, obviously from lack of planning and insufficient training. Lexa would not let her guard down, but she had reasonable hope that her current instructions would prevent any more attempts. As long as she did not leave the Tower.
She would have to move the natblidas training indoor as well.
She pondered what could happen if Nia succeeded and Ontari received the Flame. Lexa would do all she could to ensure this never happened, but she knew it could take just one miscalculation on her part, and she had a duty to protect Heda's legacy no matter what.
Though she was unsure of the exact nature of the Flame, she had experienced first hand its powers. She had felt how her mind became sharper after her Ascension, how the abstract concept of protecting so many people without favoring one clan above the others became clearer. She knew, however, that the Flame mostly enhanced the qualities of the Commander. It was why the training of the novitiates was so important.
Yet… She had heard stories from the previous Heda, and she had studied Heda's Journal, a book in which all the Commanders since Pramheda wrote their plans and hopes for the future. She knew that there had been a young natblida who had been so traumatized by his Conclave that he had been unable to rule, even with the help of the Flame. A couple years later, when his oldest novitiate reached the age requirement for the Conclave, he had died. She had asked Titus, once, how this Commander had died. He had avoided her question, merely stating that it was the Flame that had chosen its new Heda early.
She had been young and, sensing that the subject was not one Titus wished to expand upon, she had never really thought about it again. She knew Titus himself had been young when it happened – either an apprentice, or very recently named Fleimkeepa.
Now, though, she wondered. Could the Flame kill its vessel if It found the Heda unfit to rule? Would it condemn Ontari if she ever received it? Or had the Flame keepers killed their Heda to protect the peace of Polis from a mad Commander? His rule had been extremely short, his madness had been tempered enough by the advisers. And the warring clans had no allegiance to Heda then. It had had little consequences on Heda's projects.
But if Ontari became a Mad Commander, with the Coalition still so young and without the threat of Mount Weather to force some clans in line… Not to mention that Nia's plan was obviously to use the Coalition to put Azgeda in a position of power over the others.
The Coalition would crumble. Azgeda and Delfikru would probably ally themselves again against the Lake People to finally conquer their territory. Trikru would be their next target, and would likely help the Lake People. The Plain Riders were a bigger unknown. Their cavalry was strong, and Delphi would probably think twice before fighting them again. Moreover, Ingranronakru had formed strong trade bonds with many southern clans.
All in all, there would be two or three factions fighting, with many of the old alliances and rivalries resurfacing. The trade would probably be better than it used to be, but the peace would be well and truly lost for several years – perhaps even decades.
Even if the Flame did have the power to kill its vessel, how long would it be until a novitiate was old enough to take on the mantle of Commander?
Lexa shuddered. Almost a century of efforts destroyed because of one power-hungry queen. It could not happen.
She rose, thanking Raven for her help and renewing her promise to apply to Luna for boats, along with the warning that the sky people would have to leave the Coalition's lands when the first flower bloomed.
She paused just before exiting the room, remembering something.
''You said there was something else you wished to discuss.'' She stated, turning back to Raven.
The mechanic, who had already gone back to her wires, looked up. ''Er… Yeah, but it is not urgent, really.'' She replied hesitantly.
Lexa glanced back at the letter. There was much to do, but there was no emergency. She had already tightened the security and Nia and Ontari were in Azgeda. She had to think of a plan before she could act, and knew it would take her a few days to come up with a satisfying one – especially with all the time the ambassadors negotiations took.
On the other hand, Raven would soon leave Polis to go back to Mount Weather and then to the shore. Lexa preferred not to have a half finished discussion hanging over her head on top of everything else.
''I will hear you now.'' She declared resolutely as she sat back down in the chair. ''I may not have much time for you or your people in the coming days.''
She had never seen the usually confident – even arrogant – mechanic look so unsure. ''Well… It's not about the delinquents or the Ark, technically. It is about Clarke.''
Lexa frowned.
''Have you received a letter from her as well?'' She asked.
She had not considered this, but it would not be impossible. Raven was Clarke's friend, and perhaps the blonde had sent several messengers to be certain at least one of them made it to Polis. But Raven had seemed surprised when she showed up with the letter earlier…
''No.'' The young woman said with a shake of her head. ''It is more of a… personal subject. Not a political one or anything, really. I would like to talk to you as Clarke's friend to… whatever you are to Clarke.''
Oh.
''What do you mean?'' Lexa asked, stalling.
It was not rare for the family and friends to be involved in the relationship of a young couple, to ensure both would be provided for and that the intentions and feelings were sincere. She was not, however, in a relationship with Clarke – regardless of their mutual affection, the healer had always avoided the topic and there had always been many other matters to attend to. They spent a lot of time together, and that had been enough at the time for Lexa.
Perhaps this discussion was a tradition from the Ark? If they controlled the amount of children, it would not be such a stretch for them to demand that a relationship is approved by someone before becoming official. It would also explain Clarke's reluctance to discuss their attraction.
Raven sighed. ''Can I have your word I won't be sliced up for talking to you about that, even if I end up scolding or threatening you?'' She asked warily.
Lexa repressed a smirk. The sky girl had nerves, but she was not stupid. ''You have it, as long as you retain proper respect, and do not abuse this privilege.''
''Thanks.'' The mechanic said dryly.
She paused, twisting the wires in her hands.
''I have never really talked to you, you know, one on one. So I won't pretend that I know you. Not well, and certainly not as well as Clarke. And I know you have probably spent more time with her than I have. You could even argue that you have known her longer than I, since we only saw one another in passing while in the Ark.'' She acknowledged slowly.
''But there is one thing you cannot argue: I understand parts of Clarke that you still struggle to – and may never – comprehend. Because I know how she was raised, the kind of expectations she grew up with, what she hoped for and what she lost since coming to the ground.''
Lexa nodded wordlessly. As much as Clarke and her had talked, she knew there were differences that no amount of time could ever erase. She did not see it as a problem. Quite the contrary, in fact, because she loved the different outlook Clarke had, and the way it made both of them question things they took for certain. She could not deny, however, that it had sometimes caused tension, and that she did struggle to understand how Clarke thought sometimes. It was after all part of the reason she had never insisted to discuss their obvious feelings with the blonde.
''I know you like Clarke – though how much exactly, I don't know – and that she likes you as well. But I also know that this whole Healing Nymph thing matters a lot to your people, and to your politics.''
Raven glanced up at her quickly before returning her gaze to her wires. "I am not criticizing that, not really. Politics existed on the Ark as well, even though I never involved myself in them. I am a mechanic, I am more at ease with wires than with deciphering other people's intentions. It's just that… Well, unlike Clarke, you could say I was one of the lesser people. I was not involved in the politics beyond the Chancellor's elections, but I know what it's like to suffer the consequences of those in power. And I know it better than Clarke."
Lexa frowned. She remembered her own reservations about the Ark's system and had already realized that Clarke's childhood had likely been easier than Raven's or Murphy's. But she was not sure what the mechanic was trying to say.
The girl sighed. "My point is, now that Clarke is okay and coming back, what are you going to do? Will you let her go if she decides to try and find her mother with the delinquents? I know she loves your kids, but she loves her mom too. I am not sure you know that, but I came down later than the others. It was Clarke's mom that sent me, and I honestly thought she was going to be floated for it. By the Ark's law, she should have been. And she knew it. But no matter how much she said it was to make sure the air was breathable, I knew she really wanted to check-up on Clarke."
Raven paused again. "My own mom was shit, so maybe I am not the best person to judge, but their bond is really strong. And with Clarke's abilities, I guess I understand why. I told you I could understand parts of Clarke better than you because I grew up in the Ark and you didn't. Well, that's one of her part no one can understand – except her mom."
Lexa suppressed the urge to shift in her chair. She knew what Raven was saying was true. When the mechanic had told her about the delinquents wanting to search for their own people, she had not even considered that Clarke might want to join them. Her letter only spoke of returning to Polis, not of searching for her mother.
Except… Clarke did not know the others were planning to find the Ark. The blonde had been ready to storm the Mountain herself before Lexa showed her how foolish it would be to go alone, and that had been out of duty and friendship. Leaving with a group was much safer, and Lexa had witnessed Clarke's despair when she feared her mother had crashed.
Not to mention whatever she went through while imprisoned by Nia. She knew Clarke loved Aden and the younger Natblidas, but would it be enough? Lexa had used the aura of the Healing Nymph, even though she knew Clarke disliked the reverence people bestowed upon her because of her healing powers. She was responsible for making Clarke a target for Nia's ambitions.
And the blonde had mentioned attempting to delay Nia before returning to Tondisi. What if, when she learned her people were leaving, she considered whatever she did enough to ensure Lexa and her Natblidas would be alright without the Nymph?
Lexa locked her gaze with Raven's, and assumed her impassible mask. "You believe Clarke will want to leave and that I will not allow her to." She stated.
The mechanic shrugged. "I don't know. Like I said, Clarke likes you and the kids. She's a friend to me, and to Murphy. But Monty is her friend too, and she loves her mom. What I am saying is, maybe she will want to. And I know enough about being forced in a situation to know that she will resent you if you don't let her go. I hated my mom for not taking care of me, I hated the Council for letting me and others starve. Hell, I even hated Finn for getting arrested in my place. But I am happy to stay here, because for once it is my choice."
Lexa knew that having the Healing Nymph leave would have political repercussions. However, it was not something that would be insurmountable and she would never force Clarke to stay against her will. She respected her too much for that.
"If Clarke decides to leave with your people, I would not prevent it." She assured Raven.
She was surprised to see the mechanic shake her head.
"It's not really what I am trying to say – though it's good to know. My point is… She will have to make a choice. I know I was angry at Clarke for not demanding a harsher punishment for Lincoln, so maybe you already talked with her about all that, but… there is something between the two of you, right?"
If she had not felt uncomfortable herself, Lexa would have probably been amused by the way the mechanic's gaze was focused on braiding and unbraiding the wires in her hands. Unsure of what the correct answer was – if Raven even expected one – she stayed silent, grateful that she had ordered the guards away from the door when she first came in with the letter.
Raven twisted her wires as she took a deep breath. "The thing is, whatever she decides, that something is going to have some weight in her decision. So, if you haven't talked about it with Clarke yet, you will have to."
Lexa watched as Raven took another deep breath and relaxed somewhat – probably relieved that she had not drawn her dagger from the sheath or her hip. Yet.
"I know I told you that there was part of Clarke I would always understand better than you because we both grew up on the Ark, but I believe you need to understand some of it whenever you talk to her about… whatever is between you two. Like I said, I don't know her that well, so don't think I'm confessing feelings in her stead or anything. Just… I think there is at least a potential, chemistry or whatever."
She paused, stilling her hands and finally glancing up at Lexa again. "Clarke is eighteen. I realize that in your culture she would have been considered an adult for some time, but not on the Ark. My point is, she is young – and with everything that has happened, I think we all forgot that."
Lexa nodded slowly for Raven to continue. She had trouble figuring out where the mechanic intended to lead the conversation. Moreover, after loosing her companions, surviving an assassination attempt, seeing a child die, planning a war and whatever she went through in Azgeda… How could Raven claim that Clarke was young?
Some of her doubt must have been visible, because Raven shook her head slightly again.
"Clarke just turned eighteen." She repeated softly. "And spent this last year completely isolated until being sent to the ground. I don't think she has ever been in a relationship, actually. She did mention that most kids stayed away from her because she came from Alpha Station. There weren't many kids her age from Alpha. Moreover, she would have likely succeeded her mother as Head of Medical. So, there was a lot of speculation about who she would marry."
Raven glanced up at her again. "I don't know if it happens in your culture, but many marriages on the Ark weren't guided by love. It was one of the few ways to hoist yourself up socially. So, marrying the future Head of Medical was something many parents wanted for their kids. Between that pressure and her hiding her abilities, I'm pretty sure she has never dated anyone."
Lexa mulled over the idea for a while. She knew some clans had hereditary leaders, but since even those could be challenged, the idea of planning offspring for some political gain was not something she had ever heard of. In fact, marriages seemed to have a different meaning to the Sky people. Her people simply elected to live with their chosen partner and the couple lasted or not.
Slowly, she spoke up. "Those marriages… It is more than just a relationship?"
Raven nodded with a grimace. "Yeah. Before the bombs, it was a way of celebrating the relationship and announcing it to the world. On the Ark, though… sometimes it was about love, others it was just to have a child and obtain extra rations." She explained in a bitter tone.
Lexa refrained from commenting, but the more she learned about the Ark, the happier she was that it had ultimately landed far from her Coalition.
The mechanic shook her head. "Anyway, my point is: I doubt Clarke has any practical experience in relationships, but she sure can understand if there are political issues or whatever that would make it complicated. But, you two will need to have a talk. And I think it wouldn't be fair if you did not have it before she decides whether or not she wants to try and find her mother." Raven concluded in an unusually soft tone.
Lexa remained quiet for a long minute to ensure that the other woman had fully said her piece. When the mechanic only continued playing with her wire, she replied.
"I thank you for your advice, Reivon kom Skaikru. Though it is not a subject on which I usually entertain the opinion of others, I understand the circumstances and particulars that led you to address it." She intoned formally before continuing in a more genuine voice. "It feels like a sound advice, and I will consider it.
She barely waited for the woman's curt nod before rising and heading for the door. Now that the discussion was over, all its awkwardness seemed to suddenly fill the room.
Lexa walked back to her pwn private rooms, Clarke's letter clutched in her hand.
She was not surprised when a warrior informed her that the boy who had brought the letter had not been found. Those who had taken the risk to help Clarke under Nia's nose probably knew ways around the city that her warriors did not. Though she had achieved peace in Polis, many of the people who came to live there were those who had not found a place in their own clan or village. She tried to ensure that the youngest ones received apprenticeships with the craftsmen, or gave them the opportunity to serve Heda in the Tower or as a warrior, but it was always harder to trust such people enough to grant them important positions. Unlike people like Titus, Gustus or Anya who had renounced their clans and other allegiances to proudly serve the Flame, these people were often bitter.
Some were grateful for the opportunities offered by Heda and became extremely loyal, faithfully taking an oath of fealty to the Commander. Many, however, swore through their teeth and only because they feared the life they would live if they did not have access to the food and protection she offered them.
She was not blind to the poverty of some parts of the city, and regularly sent carts of food to these areas. Unfortunately, there was no way of ensuring that the food was evenly distributed or even if there was enough. People came and went in those areas, and the previous Heda's attempts to count the population had failed – the inhabitants rarely came forward, ashamed that they could not provide for their family or themselves. She knew that – much like Raven's mother – some traded the food they or their family needed for the dubious comfort of Jobi nuts or alcohol. When winter was harsh, it was not uncommon to find frozen bodies in the alleys.
It was not a part of her city that she was proud of, and one she hoped would improve as peace and trade in the Coalition continued to improve. When the harvest of Delphi or the Plains was poor, the Rock Line could kill a few more sheep, or the Shadow valley could sell more potatoes. No one had to starve, but it was hard to convince people not to take advantage.
This part of the city also included those that had been abandoned by their clans because they were born with some abnormality. Hedas had always accepted these people, even in the early years when they were so numerous. But Heda's acceptance could only do so much, and when several children applied for an apprenticeship, the master never chose the one who had a deformed hand, leg or face.
Small groups formed in the poor areas, and she knew it was only the power of the Spirit that allowed her to be welcome there. Her warriors had reported that Clarke had unknowingly wandered there a few times while exploring the city, much to their discomfort, but the healer had always been welcome as well. As much as she hated her title of Healing Nymph, her willingness to help any who asked, regardless of where they came from and without ever asking for payment had ensured that her abilities were completely assimilated with the Spirit in the people's mind.
Thoughts of Clarke brought her back to the unexpected conversation with Raven.
She liked Clarke, and was certain at least some of her feelings were reciprocated. And though she had used the excuse of Clarke's own reluctance to discuss the subject, she knew she was equally responsible in letting the situation fester. Part of her hated that such an intimate subject of conversation had become a necessity more than a choice, while another was eager to simply end the status quo.
She knew Titus insistence that love was weakness, proven to her by the loss of Costia, played some part in her own reluctance to address the matter. But, more significantly, she was afraid. She had not been in a relationship since Costia, and feared losing the comfortable friendship she had with Clarke. Moreover, she was afraid of not being able to offer the blonde what she wanted. Clarke was a passionate being, whereas Lexa was used to thinking over her every move. She was only tender with her novitiates, and even with them the tenderness was often analyzed, careful not to appear to favor one while still offering more comfort to the youngest children.
With Costia, her heart had been wide open, and the gestures had come naturally as they both discovered love and intimacy. The heartbreak had been terrible, and Lexa had no idea how to bring down the walls around her heart.
She had no idea if she should.
She stopped in front of a door and blinked. Unconsciously, her feet had guided her to Anya's room, her mind longing for the advice of her old mentor in this personal matter. She already knew what Titus would say – his opinion in the matters of the heart had always been clearly stated – and wished for the advice of someone who knew her well.
It was somewhat sad that Anya was the only person that fit this description. She had not lied when she had told Raven that she had few friends, but she wondered exactly ow many friends she did have. Anya. Clarke. Gustus and Indra, in a way – unless she confused loyalty with friendship?
She knocked and entered the room, noticing that Anya was eating her lunch alone.
''Where is Tris?'' She asked.
Anya waved to the chair across from her to invite her to sit.
''I sent her on a scouting mission with some of your warriors. Her time as a Seken is almost over, she needs to start making decisions on her own. She cannot rely on me too much.''
Lexa nodded absently. She had never really finished her own apprenticeship with Anya, because when she was a novitiate the time spent as Seken only ended with the Conclave. So there had never been timed objectives, like most warriors and hunters had – trials after at least three years as Seken, surviving alone in the forest for a week, and other tests to prove that the young warrior was fully capable. Those who proved especially proficient in the trials often started as officers instead of simple warrior. The judges would expect much of Tris since she had been chosen and taught by Anya.
''Has she already passed some of the trials? I don't think I have ever asked you.'' She inquired curiously.
Anya nodded. ''She did well on her solitary hunt, brought back two bucks. She is supposed to be evaluated by the officers in three months.'' She paused. ''Escorting the sky girl, Raven, to the dam and fighting the Ice nation traitors was a good experience for her. Most of the young Sekens have never known war as a warrior should.''
Lexa frowned. ''You say that as if it was a bad thing.''
''I am glad for the peace Heda brought. But there will always be battles and skirmishes, and experience is the best teacher. You know that as well as I do. In a few years, the bulk of your army will be a bunch of over-eager warriors that boast of the many duels they won in training, and who might freeze at the first hint of real danger.'' Her old mentor said with a spat.
''I would rather live in a world were most people never see the blood of their loved ones – especially children.'' She sighed. ''What you say is true, though, but I have yet to find a suitable solution. I cannot have my warriors fight to death during training, and the challenges of the forest are different from the uncertainty of battle.''
''Have them fight the outcasts in the Waste Lands, or the bandits that you always complain pester your new trade roads.'' Anya suggested.
She nodded. ''I have thought about it, but I am not sure the clans would accept warriors from other clans on their lands, and loyal to generals that used to be enemies.''
Her old mentor grinned. ''Well, you are the one who has to figure out the politics. I am the general who will bark at new recruits to form ranks and obey the orders.'' She frowned as she continued. ''I have never cared for all these talks. Actions will always teach you more about the person you face.''
Lexa smiled. ''Words are actions. The way you say them, the moment you choose to disclose information, the people you decide to share it with… It is simply another form of battle, where you trade your blade for your tongue.''
''Well, aren't you wise, now?'' She pushed the plate toward Lexa, gesturing for her to have some food from her lunch. ''But I doubt you came here to discuss Tris or politics?''
She tilted her head and waited.
Lexa hesitated. Though she had always had a soft spot for Anya, she had pushed her away after Costia's death. She had already talked about Clarke with the general, but it had been more about trust, loyalty and politics than about her personal feelings.
She took a piece of cheese and rolled it between her fingers, finding it easier to focus on that than to look Anya in the eyes right now.
''I just talked to Raven. I needed her help to understand a letter Clarke sent me.''
She saw Anya straighten in her chair, visibly surprised. ''Does that mean she escaped? How?''
Lexa frowned. ''The letter was not very detailed about that. People have helped her, and she should be on her way to Tondisi right now.'' She hesitated. ''But that is not what I wished to talk about.''
Anya waved for her to continue.
''Raven was… bold, in the way the sky people often seem to be, and decided to ask me about my… relationship with Clarke. I mean…''
Anya smiled devilishly. ''I am several years older than you, strisis. I know exactly what you mean. I always knew there was more between you and your healer than what you said.''
Lexa fought back a blush. ''Yes. No. That is, we are friends, and maybe we could be more, but… Well, we are not.''
Her mentor seemed confused. ''You are not?''
''We worked together a lot, talked a lot about many things, but we never did anything that implied more than a close friendship.''
''You obviously like her. Do you want to be more than friends with her?'' Anya asked honestly.
Lexa hesitated. ''Yes…''
''But?'' The blonde general prompted.
''I am not sure we should. Raven made a few valid points, that we should at least try or admit our feelings more openly rather than let them fester. Which would be good advice if we were just Lexa and Clarke.''
''But you are not.''
''We are not. I am Heda, and Clarke is the Healing Nymph.''
''Are you afraid of what people will say? You don't seem to realize how much the people love you, Lexa. And not just because you are Heda. You are the one who created the Coalition and brought peace. You just defeated the Mountain. And from what I have heard, your Nymph has the approval of the people as well. You spend too much time with those greedy ambassadors.'' Anya exposed.
Lexa waved a hand, irritated. ''I know that. There would be talk, but not much worse than when I announced my relationship with Costia. I am more worried of failing this relationship, and it creating a gap between Clarke and I.''
She paused, choosing her words to best explain the situation to Anya.
''To the people, Clarke is just the Healing Nymph who protects me. But she does much more than that. She shares knowledge lost in the death of the old world, she teaches the Natblidas and cares for them in a way Titus never has. She advises me and provides me with a new outlook when I have to take an important decision. I could not have planned against the Mountain without her understanding of their technology and the military knowledge she discovered in the Library.''
''If we try and fail, what will happen? Will we still be able to converse easily? And the Natblidas? It feels selfish to risk their relationship with Clarke for my own happiness.''
She sighed. ''Is it even fair to Clarke? When I was with Costia, I had just become Commander. Death was always a risk, but it felt far away enough that I could think about the future. Now… We both know that Commanders rarely live long.''
Anya shook her head. ''Irrelevant. You can't compare your life to those of the previous Commanders. They rarely lived long, yes, but how did they die? Battles. Now that you have the Coalition, even if a war somehow broke out it would be unlikely for you to be on the front lines.'' She paused. ''I understand why you did so against the Mountain. You wanted to make it obvious that it was your victory. And since the army you used was small, you could still direct it while participating in the battle.''
''But if you ever have to fight a war with the Coalition's army, you would not be so exposed. So chances are you will live longer than any other Commander.'' Her old mentor demonstrated.
''As for the rest… I saw you when we discovered that Clarke had disappeared. If you are truly sure she shares those feelings, I agree with the Raven girl: go for it. You may no longer be the Lexa who fell in love with Costia, but Clarke is not Costia either.'' Anya said, almost scolding. ''And if she loves your nightbloods as much as you say, she won't abandon them, whatever happens between the two of you.''
Lexa frowned good-naturally, though she was still unsure. ''You make it difficult for me to argue.''
Anya mock-glared at her. ''Perhaps because there is nothing to argue about? That Raven certainly sounds more smart than I had first thought.''
''Why? What was your opinion of her until now?'' She asked, curious.
Her old mentor snorted. ''Loud. And entirely too excited about blowing things up to be sane.''
Lexa nodded. It was a rather accurate description of the mechanic. Her passion about anything that involved tek or explosions was useful, but sometimes frightening.
Anya sighed, her expression softer and serious again. ''Leksa, matters of the heart are not politics. You can't reason them. Sometimes, you just have to take the plunge and feel. I know it can be terrifying.''
She smirked threateningly. ''But I did not train a coward, did I?''
Lexa gulped, suddenly wondering if going to Anya for advice had truly been a good idea.
Anya tapped her fingers on the table. ''Indra will not be able to abandon Tondisi during the winter, and Gustus is still needed in the Mountain. I should go to escort your Nymph from there to Polis, don't you think Heda?'' She asked innocently.
Lexa buried her head in her hands. She had planned to ask precisely that of Anya. There was no one she trusted more for this mission. But now she feared what her mentor would do with hours almost alone with Clarke.