A/N: Two chapters? Two chapters already, what's going on? I didn't think I'd get so much positive feedback, but I'm loving all of your reviews! So please keep 'em coming… I noticed one thing, all of you said you didn't want anyone to die, so naturally, I'm going to kill someone :) but I don't think you'd hate me too much for it!
Thank you to addicted2fanfic101 for being the first person to follow and favorite this story and Guest? (AKA, I don't know your name, hence the question mark) For being the first reviewer, I was frantically checking if anyone left a review at like three am.
I'm struggling with if Callie should have a boy or girl and what should their name be. I mean I'm out of cutesy names and I don't want to use the names I already have used before AKA 'Mateo' or 'Phoenix/Finn' because I created them and they get to live in that AU or Sofia, because they already have a child named Sofia, so hit me up with names you like and how the name would be significant to the couple.
Alright, onto the next one.
Chapter 2
It could have been a year, a decade, a century and we wouldn't have known. Initially, Mark and Lexie had taken the task of keeping track of the number of days we were stranded here or to get any idea of where we were. But soon after they reached thirty days, they stopped. It got too depressing to go on. But we had been here for over two years now, how did I know? I just did. We all did.
We were surviving, we had to, we couldn't give up, not now. We had to do this. I made my way to the lake with Lexie to rinse myself of the dirt that had collected over my body. Usually, one of us would go wash up, wash our clothes and put them to dry, while some went out to hunt for plants we could eat and small animals we could live off of. The other would start a fire for warmth and to cook our meal as well, and finally we would arrange sticks in the form of a sign so that maybe someone would see us.
We weren't even sure where we were. Our pilot Jerry apparently had a stroke or some form of a heart attack and died. But we appeared to be on some sort of island so it's possible that I steered us to a clearing somewhere right off of South America.
Sometimes it was tough to go on, to wake up with a stiff neck because of an oddly placed rock and not think about giving up. But we couldn't, I couldn't.
Today Lexie and I had decided to check each other for injuries, any form of bug bites, ticks or anything that could be dangerous or needed attention.
I stripped down all of my clothing before turning around to face Lexie.
"Arizona, you have gotten a lot skinnier than last time," she said.
"This part of the island has barely enough food for two people and we are five."
"You can't do this, you can't ration the food supply so that all of us have enough. You should think about yourself."
I knew exactly what she meant. I looked down at myself and could see my ribs starting to poke out, I was sure my face was already sinking in, but I couldn't do anything about it can I now?
"Think about myself? I just can't, okay!"
"What do you mean? Arizona, if you are having suicidal thoughts-"
I scoffed. "Can we stop pretending that all of us haven't thought about it already? It's been more than two years, you know that! How long until one of us dies!" I said as I thoroughly rinsed my body. Can't have stupid dirt killing me now.
"There's a difference between having thoughts and actually doing it."
I sighed. She was right, if I lose this battle mentally, if I just give up, no one would be able to rescue me. I have been strong for two years now and I need to be stronger now.
"You're right, I'm sorry, it's just sometimes-"
"I know."
I dressed myself up quickly before Lexie started removing her clothes as I examined her. "How are you feeling?"
"I guess, I'm doing okay? I lost the baby. I mean I know I couldn't have possibly carried that baby to term and given birth here, even though you know how to do it. There are no vaccines, no food, nothing that a baby would need and even if it managed to survive, what kind of baby would it be? This would be its first few years, away from civilization, not knowing how to behave, how to react."
Right around our first year here, Lexie had started puking showing typical signs of a pregnancy, but all of us thought that it was because her body was reacting to the food here. Until it continued for about three months and then suddenly, I put it together and it seemed to fit. Mark and Lexie were expecting a baby, but then one day she started complaining about intense pain and lost the baby. That took a huge toll on both the parents. Mark refused to talk whereas Lexie was a crying mess.
"How's Mark?" I asked. Mark is not his usual self but I can tell that he's trying to get there.
"He's trying, but I can tell that he is still grieving but he keeps on having the same nightmare over and over again."
"Which one?"
"That Sofia thinks he abandoned her just like his father abandoned him."
I closed my eyes at the mention of my daughter. It was getting painful to think about her and my family. It almost every time brought tears to my eyes that my baby girl thinks that both her Mama and Dada abandoned her.
"Do you have nightmares?"
"When do I not. Sometimes it is about Callie moving on, sometimes it's about something bad happening to them. Once, I had this dream that it was three of them on the flight instead of me and they all…" I couldn't finish the sentence.
Lexie dried herself off before putting on a fresh set of clothes and hanging the dirty ones next to mine as we watched them together.
"Do you think about the baby?"
"All the time. I keep on trying to picture her face, her smile, anything, but I keep on blanking." My baby must be about a year old now. Would she like me? Would she want me to hold her? To cuddle closer to her? To soothe her at night and put her demons away.
"I bet Callie named her Arizona after you?"
I chuckled. "No, I don't think so. We knew that we wanted to stick to traditional names because of what we endured in school, but I bet it's cute and suits her."
"I bet it's Arizona!"
"Well you're on, ten bucks?"
Lexie nodded before sticking her hand out. "Once we get out, your ten bucks are mine Robbins!"
We all talked about getting out, it was one of our coping mechanisms, it gave us hope to move on, to continue surviving for our loved ones.
"Are you ladies decent?" Mark yelled as he jogged towards us. "Can I talk to you Robbins?"
Lexie turned to kiss him on the cheek. "I'll go help Mer and Derek with lunch," she said before leaving us alone.
"What's up?"
"Did you get to talk to Lexie about our baby?"
"A little bit. Why?"
"I just, I feel like I failed as a father. Sofia is probably gonna grow up without one, my only other chance to have a family is with Lexie and it seems that I keep fucking that up too."
"Sofia loves you. You haven't failed her, circumstances have." I said as I hugged him and patted his back. "I'll tell you what, when we get back, you can have Sofia for the first night."
He looked at me in shock. "You would actually let me have her the first night?"
"Yeah sure why not! I could play with her all day and then you can have her for the night!"
Mark sighed. "She would be about eight now?"
"Yup."
"That's two more birthdays we missed, two years of her life just gone."
I don't think Mark realized what he said to me just now. Immediately, my mind jumps to my newborn. I have missed two years of her life. Her learning to talk, to crawl, to walk. She was being raised by my wonderful wife all alone. Not only does she think she lost me but she lost her best friend as well. My family is figuring out how to live in a world without me when all I want to do is tell them that I am alive, that I'm breathing and that I'm doing everything I can to come back to them.
I miss Calliope so damn much that it actually hurts. Not only does she probably think I died, she has to deal with all of it by herself. I want to reach out to her. I want to hold her, stroke her hair, kiss her with everything I have and just be with her, but I cant.
"You know when I sleep, I imagine I'm at home. I imagine that Callie is still pregnant. I come home to her with Sofia in my arms. I watch her cooking dinner as she listens to that fast Spanish song she likes, I'd watch her stirring a pot before she tasted it with a spoon. She would smile and start putting the rest of the ingredients back. I would go kiss her and hug her and the baby. I imagine going to bed with her at night, holding her in my arms."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
Before he can apologize for something he doesn't have to, I let him in on another secret.
"Stella."
"What?"
"That's what I call my baby in my head. I mean I know the chances of Callie naming the baby Stella is so rare! But I can't go on calling her the baby or my baby."
Mark smiled. "Stella, that's a cute name."
"Well your wife seems to think that Callie named her after me."
"My wife?"
"You have spent two years with her here, you guys are officially married, all you need is an officiant and some paper saying it's legal!"
Mark hugged me. "Tell you what, when we do tie the knot, I want you officiating our wedding!"
"It's a deal!" I said before I gathered my now drier clothes and headed back, to let Mark clean himself.
"Thank you so much Robbins! For helping Lexie, I thought I had lost her," he called out.
"You can thank me with a proper dinner, once we get back!"
"How about my coq au vin?"
I smiled before I left. I looked up making a silent prayer to whoever was listening, to give Mark and Lexie a happily ever after, they needed it more than I did at this moment. The most childish happy person I knew had become a shell of a person of who he used to be. Gone is his goofy grin, his 'I know a dirty secret about you' look, I want him back. He doesn't deserve this, none of us do! He deserves to be a father, to raise a family with Lexie, to be happy.
Stella…
That was one secret that I had been holding in for a long time now that she finally let go, but it seemed like Mark needed it. My precious little baby girl. We used my eggs on Calliope so I bet she had blonde hair like I do. Maybe she had my eyes? Although our donor too had blue eyes, but his were light blue. Whereas mine were, 'deeper than the ocean, limitless than the sky' blue, something that Callie liked to say.
Sofia…
My daughter, my oldest child. Maybe she would still be able to recognize me, that she still remembered my voice, my face, anything…
I snapped myself out of this rabbit hole. Now was not the time to think about this. I will get my family back, I will be reunited with them. I will meet my child and have Callie in my arms again.
I will and I refuse to believe anything else.
A/N: So, how was that?
No, Stella is not the name that I will be going with, so please do suggest baby names for her. I mean, I'm not sure if it should be a boy or a girl, so both names are welcome. I have also decided that it would not take them ten years to get back, that is a long time. But yes, definitely longer than two years.
Please review!