A/N: Three chapters in three days? What! And also you guys are actually reading these long chunks of messages? You guys have no idea how much joy that gives me!

I'm loving so many of the names that you have sent, but I don't know I haven't connected with any, until I found something I'd like to explore… Maybe you guys can pick up on what it is before I announce it!

I'm not too sure if you'll like this update because it was a bit tough to write, but I promise, the next chapter is the one you have been waiting for. I think it was arizonacalliope who caught it but I did plan to have Callie's POV in this chapter.

Also, Wasupbuttercup… You might be onto something, I won't confirm or deny any of it, but you might be onto something.

Alright, onto the next one

Chapter 3

I feel like I have been crying forever that by now I should have run out of tears, but guess what I still got some in me.

One month!

One fucking month and still no news.

I refuse to believe anything other than my wife and our friends are surviving, that they are trying their best to come back and that one day, there would be a knock on my door and Arizona would be on the other side or that I'd wake up one day and it would have all been a messed up dream, that it never happened that it was just something my messed up mind came up with.

Everyday, I stare at the side of our bed that Arizona used to sleep on. The other day I saw a strand of blonde hair clinging onto the pillowcase and I just broke down.

Barbara and Daniel have been pretty helpful around the house, they are looking after me, making sure that I was eating and taking my vitamins. The Colonel even led a search party to find them, but after three days of hunting in the forest they returned empty handed. My dad has sent out planes hoping that the pilots will find something, anything, but so far… We know nothing about them and it sucks.

I hoped that my mom would come around and that she would want to help out with the new baby coming and Sofia, but she has yet to talk to me. Sometimes people just don't change.

I just couldn't help but think that Arizona didn't want to go on that trip. I remember her complaining for the entire day that she wanted nothing to do with the case, that she would much rather stay here with me then why did I push her? Why did I tell her to go?

If only I would have given in and told her not to go, to stay with me, that I needed her to be with me. She would have been here. She would have been here and held my hand as we welcomed our new baby.

Right now, I have a drip in my arm as Barbara helped me with anything I needed. She has actually been a mother to me during this time. The lady finally gave in and decided to take a break from all my screaming. She was up all night with me. For some reason the baby just doesn't want to come out. I was hoping that magically Arizona makes it back before the birth of our child, but I don't know, I feel like I'm drifting away from her.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door. Despite everything, I tried to stay calm, I tried not to get too excited only to be disappointed later.

"Hello," the Colonel said as he opened the door. "May I come in?"

I nodded, before sitting up slightly. "Umm, Barbara went to the café on the third floor."

"Actually, I was hoping to talk to you in private," he said as he stuffed his hands in his pocket.

The Colonel took a few steps forward and took a seat.

"What is it?"

"It's about Zozo." That was the nickname Arizona's parents used and I was forbidden to ever say it. I couldn't help as a smile came onto my face. "I need you to let her go."

What the fuck! What the actual fuck! What does he mean by letting her go? I cannot let go, that is just not possible.

"Before you say anything Callie, just hear me out."

I tried to stay calm but I couldn't, I cannot just stop believing that Arizona isn't there anymore, that she's just gone!

"I know that Zozo would never admit it, but when we found out about Tim. I completely lost it. I tried to find answers at the bottom of bottles, I took up smoking again and was not honorable to my family. I had terrible mood swings and bouts of anger. I was so caught up that I couldn't console Barb who was struggling more than I was and Arizona? She dropped out. Did she ever tell you that?"

I shook my head, Arizona didn't tell me she gave up on med school. Yes, she told me that she was in a bad place, but I didn't know it was this bad.

"My family needed me and I had become a drunk. I drove to Zozo's college and knocked some sense into her. Timothy wouldn't have wanted us to give up and stop living. She told me that she blamed herself for his death, that she didn't convince him to not join ,that maybe if she joined too, the circumstances would have been different."

"What are… what do you mean?" I managed to speak somehow.

"The other day, Sof kept asking for her."

"She hasn't, I don't know what to tell her. How can I even tell her this!" I screamed.

"You're misunderstanding me Callie. Sofia doesn't know what's going on. I'm not telling you what you should and shouldn't do, but she misses you. Barb and I, we love having her and playing with her the whole day, but she can tell that there's something wrong. She has noticed that something's bothering you."

I couldn't help as the fresh set of tears started making their way down my face. I used the back of my hand to wipe them away.

"All I'm saying is let us take the pain, the anger, every negative emotion you have about finding Zozo while you focus on Sof and this baby."

"I just can't lose-"

"I know, I'm not saying that you should lose hope, but Sof needs you, this baby needs you more! I promise you Callie that I will not stop trying to find my daughter and her friends till my very last breath, but I need you to come back. You think you can do that?" He asked.

Could I come back, could I let go of the pain? I don't know, but I don't think I have it in me to just accept it. But Daniel was right, I needed to be the strong one here and keep my family sane, they needed me.

"I can try…"

"That's good enough for now," he said. "So are you excited for the new baby?"

The doorbell rang as I scrambled to put the final decoration on the cakes. I know I didn't have to go overboard, but I wanted to.

"Sof, that's probably Gram and Pops, could you let them in?" I called out from the kitchen.

"Hi Sweetie, I missed you so much," I heard Barbara say as she entered the house.

A few months ago I decided to move to Boston to be closer to Daniel and Barbara. Seattle had started to haunt me and I needed a change, plus the kids needed to be closer to their family as much as they could. So, I got us a nice four bedroom house and started my practice in this suburban town.

"Gram Gram! I missed you so much!"

"Yeah? But you just saw me a week ago!"

"But one week was so long ago! Where's Pops?" Sofia asked.

"He's trying to find a parking spot. Where's Mommy and where's your brother?"

Sofia led Barbara to the kitchen as I finished putting away extra plates and utensils.

"Hey Mom," I greeted her as she hugged me.

"Callie, you look good and all of this looks lovely. You should have told us to come early, we could have helped out!"

"It wasn't much and Miss Sofia here has been quite the helper here!"

"Is that right Sof?" Barbara asked my daughter.

"Yes! I melted the chocolate and then mixed the ingredients and I also preheated the oven!"

"Wow, that's a lot!"

Just then Daniel came into the kitchen. "Do you normally leave the door open Callie?" he asked as he hugged me.

"Sof!"

"I'm sorry I saw Gram and I got too excited!"

I smiled, but made a mental note in my head to pay more attention to the way she is around doors and teach her about being safe.

"Where's the little one?"

"He's sleeping upstairs, actually could you go get him? He Should be done with his nap now," I asked.

Today was a special day. Initially, it was just something Barb said but I really liked the idea and decided to make it an annual thing, especially for the kids. They needed this more than I did, but all of us, Barb, Daniel and I enjoyed it nonetheless.

The Colonel came downstairs with my baby boy in his arms.

"Somebody was not happy about being woken up from his nap," he said before handing my son to me.

"Aww baby, are you sleepy?"

He nodded before clinging onto my shirt. I smoothed the curly mop of blonde hair trying to tame it, but I knew it was pointless. Just like his Mama, he too had wild curly blonde hair.

"Me want cack!" He squealed in my arms as he pointed at the cake.

"We need to cut it first Sweetie!"

I led everybody towards the cake as I picked up the cake cutting knife.

"Who's birthday is it Mommy? Is it Grams?"

I smiled. "No baby, it's Mama's birthday today. Don't you remember we did this last year too."

"But she's not here, who would cut the cake then? And why is it chocolate with strawberry frosting? That's odd."

"That's where you are wrong Sofia, Mama is with us in our hearts and in our prayers." I tried not to get too choked up on it, but even though it had been two years, it just got to me sometimes.

No matter how hard I try, it seems that Sofia is forgetting about her Mama and Dada. I don't think she even remembers her voice. I try to show her, actually both my kids videos of her and keep on showing them photos and telling them stories, but I'm not sure how much of it she remembers.

"The strawberry chocolate cake used to be Mama's favorite. She used to have a giant sweet tooth, she couldn't go a week without her strawberry frosted sprinkle donut and then one birthday I made this for her. Ever since then, I baked this cake on her birthday."

I saw Barb had a tear in her eye as she quickly wiped it. "Alright, let's cut the cake shall we?"

I nodded as I wrapped my baby boy's hand around the plastic knife and instructed Sofia to do the same. I closed my eyes 'I hope you found peace and are in a better place right now. Thank you for being you and blessing me with our incredible family! I miss you so much babe. I want you to know that I love you and cherish all the moments we had together.' Together all of us blew the candles on the cake before singing happy birthday. Even Max, our now fully grown puppy, was happy just to be involved with the whole process.

For the rest of the day we told stories about her and celebrated her life. I watched my kids play and had the time of their lives. Soon enough it was time for dinner. I put out the food on the dining table before taking our seats.

"Sofia, would you like to say grace?"

She nodded as we all held hands.

"Dear Lord, thank you for the delicious food in front of us. Let Mama and Daddy know that they are always in our prayers. Do something about world hunger and my Math teacher. Amen!" I smiled. Sofia did not like math and of course the girl included that in the prayer.

And that's how the Robbins-Torres family celebrated life. It's been more than two years since Arizona was gone and for her sake I hope her death was painless, that it was peaceful and she didn't have to suffer because anything else sounds like a nightmare.

Don't get me wrong, I love her. But I hate the idea of her surviving in the middle of nowhere. It was hard to come to terms with this but I have two kids who need me.

Soon enough Barbara and Daniel said their goodbyes before I did my nightly routine of putting both the kids to bed before brushing my teeth, putting on old ratty Hopkins sweatshirts that I couldn't donate before crawling under the covers.

About two months ago before we moved to Boston, I packed up all of her stuff and put it in piles of whether I wanted to donate it or keep it. There was no point in lugging it across the country. It took me a couple of days to go through all of it as I kept on breaking down. I kept a few odd shirts that I wore to bed, but the rest of her jeans, shorts, blouses and shoes, I donated. The sight of her wheelie sneakers led to a whole breakdown, but I got through it.

I miss her so fucking much, but I guess that would never go away. I swear my wedding ring on my neck along with the heart necklace we exchanged on our first valentine's day. It was tough to remove it from my finger, but at the same time it was a constant reminder that I am a widow.

Suddenly, I heard the door opening.

"What's wrong babies?" I asked as I watched both my kids peeping in.

"Can we sleep with you? Just for tonight?"

I nodded as I pulled back the covers, I needed it more than the two of them, or somehow they knew that I needed them. I watched Sofia helping her brother climb up before she did. Both of my kids cuddled closer to me.

This is my life now.

A/N: I wanted to write a chapter about how they were doing after the crash. I almost cried as I wrote and edited this, but this is all the sad stuff, things only get better from now on.

The next chapter is the most awaited one!

Please review, I love reading them, they make my day!