Chapter 3
Day light streamed into the room; Callie woke to Sofia crying. One of the Ped's nurses came in picking her up, Callie reached out having her daughter handed to her.
"Come here baby" she said rocking Sofia.
"Momma, dwink" Sofia asked,
"Nurse Gladys has gone to make her a bottle and get you both some breakfast, coffee 2 sugar's right?" the nurse said, Callie nodded.
"Thank you" she said gratefully.
"Anything for Arizona's wife" The nurse replied cheerily. Callie grinned in return she liked being called that "Do you mind if I take both of your observations, we like to get a set recorded before the rounds start"
"No, go ahead"
"Is she okay? I mean we know she was really hurt in that plane crash but is she getting better. The kids really miss her. She was like the sunshine on the ward," the nurse babbled nervously starting with Sofia's observations.
"She is getting there" Callie said hoping that she wasn't lying, that all the things they said in the fire had helped the healing and hadn't set them back.
"Okay Sofia's observations are checking out; can I take yours please?" the nurse asked nervously. They didn't really get much interaction with any of the attendings, and they never looked after adults so to have an adult attending admitted onto the Peds ward was scary, especially when it was there bosses wife.
"Sure" Callie held out her arm. The nurse attached the monitoring, Callie felt the blood pressure cuff go up.
"Dr Robbins is really special, she buys Christmas presents for all the kids each year and every nurse, orderly, and even the therapy dogs" the nurse gushed. Callie nodded pretending she knew, she did know about the presents for the kids, they'd gone halves last year but the presents for the Peds staff and dogs was new information. It made her love her wife that much more.
"Okay your observations are normal too" the nurse said removing all the monitoring. Another nurse joined them with coffee, milk and breakfast.
Callie thanked them helping Sofia to hold the milk, then ripped up the toast so the toddler could eat it herself before drinking her coffee feeling better with food and drink inside her. Next was cleaning up Sofia, she was always amazed at just how much mess her daughter could make while eating, how did she get jam behind her ear! She finished just as Alex strolled in. He checked Sofia out first knowing Callie would insist. After checking on Sofia he checked on Callie.
"Okay you are both clear for discharge" Alex said putting his stethoscope away. Callie smiled before remembering,
"I have nowhere to go, everything we had has gone" she mumbled ashamed, not even sure if she had a credit card to charge things to. Alex nodded,
"You're staying with Mer and Derrick; Sofia can go into Zola's crib for now. They've prepped their spare room; I have your scrubs outside and Mer dropped off some of Zola's clothes for Sof. Bailey spoke to the fire chief and they're going to release the scene tomorrow they've agreed to allow you back in to see what's salvageable" Alex explained. Callie found herself tearing up at the thought of her friends helping her.
"Thank you" Callie choked out; Alex shrugged feeling uncomfortable with the praise.
"No problem, Torres", Meredith popped her head in,
"I brought clothes" she announced placing a bag on the bed. "Hello Sofia, you are adorable, yes you are" she cooed, "Do you want me to change her while you shower and change? I can redo your dressing after and drive you home" Meredith asked, Callie nodded realising for the first time she was covered in soot. Her hasty shower had only cleared the worst of it but she needed a longer cleansing shower.
"That would be great" Callie said, handing her daughter over, using the attached bathroom to shower taking the change of clothes and toiletries with her.
Back in the room Meredith easily changed Sofia, glad one of the nurses had bathed her while Callie was being sorted in the ER. With a fresh nappy and an old dress from Zola, Sofia was looking adorably cute. They played peekaboo until Callie returned.
"Ready to head home?" Meredith asked, Callie shook her head no,
"I'm going to see Arizona, I need to see her to hold her hand" Callie explained, Meredith nodded,
"Do you want me to take Sofia home, she can play with Zola," Meredith offered, Callie shook her head no again,
"No Arizona needs to know we are here," she decided, they'd been separated enough as a family it was time for them to be together. Meredith nodded
"Okay let me change your dressings and then just text me when you want a ride," Meredith said slightly emotional. Her best friend was having a break down, her sister was dead, her husband was teaching still not allowed to operate. Now her friend's apartment had burnt down, and they were effectively homeless.
"They look good, no signs of infection, don't get them wet" Meredith ordered although Callie knew the drill. "I'll carry Sofia," Meredith instructed, "I don't get to cuddle her nearly enough"
Sofia on the other hand was having none of it. Having learnt to walk she was determined to walk everywhere; Callie didn't have the heart to deny her daughter. The journey from Peds to ITU took 25 minutes instead of the normal 4 minutes, of course it didn't help the number of staff offering to donate items or cooing over Sofia. Callie hadn't realised just how many friends they had at Seattle Grace.
Finally reaching ICU Meredith passed Callie her bag, "I'll wait in the attendings lounge" she offered, Callie nodded, holding Sofia's hand. Taking a breath, she opened the door searching the beds for her wife. Her breath caught as she saw Arizona in the same bed as Mark, the bed he had died in, just 2 weeks previously.
"No" she cried, "No, not that bed, that's the death bed" Bailey walked over, hugging her friend.
"She's okay, we are just letting her rest" she reminded Callie,
"No, she needs to move, she can't stay there" Callie continued to cry, Bailey looked around the ICU.
"Any aversion to bed 5?" she asked choosing the empty bed, Callie shook her head, that was her bed, she'd been in bed 5 after the car crash. She'd walked out of bed 5. "You heard her people let's move" Bailey ordered. The ICU staff pulled together moving equipment, setting up portable monitoring before moving the beds across.
"Thank you" Callie said her nerves settling now her wife was no long in the death bed. She entered the room, her wife unconscious in a hospital bed was becoming a familiar sight unfortunately. She sat on the chair next to her wife. A breathing tube rested in her throat, a central line in her neck and a canula in her hand, the medicines pumping in to keep her asleep. Bandages covered her Right arm and side of her face. Callie knew from watching in the ER there'd be dressings to her good leg and abdomen too.
She took her wife's non burnt hand, Sofia set up in the chair colouring, which seemed to involve scribbling over pictures. Callie smiled, the black of the crayon morphing into smoke as she recalled the horror of the night before. Firstly, was realising the smoke detector on their floor was alarming, that thick smoke had entered Mark's apartment, she'd gotten up running across the hall fumbling with the keys her normally dextrous hands shaking. Running into the apartment she'd run to Arizona's room knowing her wife would take more manoeuvring than her daughter and her room was furthest from the door. Entering their bedroom her heart had dropped when the bed was empty. Where was her wife? Noticing the bathroom light through the smoke that was already entering the bedroom Callie barged through the partially shut bathroom door. Only now could she process what she had seen, Arizona on the floor of the bathroom, covered in sweat a panicked look in her eyes. How had she not known her wife was having phantom pains? Was this the first night she'd spent on the bathroom floor trapped in a nightmare?
Being forced to carry Sofia out first. She understood why, they'd both do it sacrifice themselves for their daughter. Arizona had made that decision after the car crash, Callie after the fire. She'd ran down all 5 flights, praying it wouldn't get worse, that she'd be able to get back in, back up to the 5th floor. The staircase was empty, Callie could only hope the other occupants were getting themselves out. By the time she reached the ground floor the smoke was thick black. Outside she'd found Alex and thrust her daughter at him, trusting him to save her, trusting him to look after him. Returning into the fire had been a non brainer. Arizona needed her and Callie needed Arizona.
She'd taken deep breaths trying to purge the smoke already built up in her lungs, the firefighters were getting close the sirens echoing around the streets, but Callie was faster and knew the layout. She ran up the stairs, half expecting her wife to be sat in the wheelchair on the 5th floor waiting to die. It had been a pleasant surprise to find her on the 3rd floor fighting for her life. Callie had never been prouder despite everything Arizona was still fighting, still holding on.
She'd lifted her up running down the stairs glad she worked in ortho had had built up good muscles. Arizona tried to persuade her to let go to live her life. Callie had refused, truthfully Arizona and Sofia were her life. Without them she was nothing. That's what she'd told her, it seemed to work, they were getting out, away from the worst of the fire. That was until Arizona had let go. Doing CPR in the smoke, knowing it would be a matter of time before they both succumbed, Callie could only pray. Faith it had sustained her through a lot now she prayed that God would somehow get them both out of this hell. That God would save Arizona, he'd taken Mark, and Lexie wasn't that enough, hadn't Sofia lost enough? Hadn't she, her mother wasn't talking to her, Mark was dead, Arizona had lost her leg what else did he want? Then the firefighters arrived. God had heard her prayers. They'd given her their spare mask, Arizona too, enough that by the time they exited the building Arizona had a pulse. Callie could now only sit by her bedside and hope she'd done enough. That there was no hypoxic brain injury, that Arizona still forgave her. Everything else could burn, as long as Arizona and Sofia were okay.
"Hey" she spoke to her wife, amazed at how raspy her voice still sounded, "I'm sorry I should have been better, I should have got us all out, carried Sofia and you. This is my fault" Callie apologised verbalising her guilt.
"It wasn't your fault" Bailey stood at the door, "It was a fire, you got everyone out even stupidly going back in. You saved her life"
"I risked her life if I hadn't agreed to amputate her leg she'd be"
"Dead, Callie you know that" Miranda sat down in the chair next to the bed. "You did everything you could, they were just lucky you were there" She patted Callie's hand,
"Lucky my wife is on a ventilator waiting for her airway swelling to reduce" Callie scoffed.
"Lucky your wife and daughter are both alive, after a fire that big, we could have lost all 3 of you, you are fine, Sofia is fine, Arizona will be fine, 24 hours on the vent, and Jackson reckons the burns will heal, they've been debrided so 3-4 weeks and she will as good as new."
"3-4 weeks" Callie sighed, if that was all it took. "Do you know where I found her?"
"In bed?" Bailey guessed, Callie shook her head no,
"On the floor of the bathroom covered in vomit"
"Flashback?" Bailey guessed,
"But she didn't tell me, I don't know if last night was the first or if it's been happening every night. How can I be her wife if she won't let me in?"
"You be there until she is. Her whole life has changed, and she is dealing with that, finding her place. She needs you to give her space but be there when she asks."
"But what if she doesn't ask?" Callie asked brokenly.
"She will give her time, keep being there for her. Let her process, they all went through a lot. Every time she looks down, she has a visual reminder of the worst time in her life. That takes a lot out of a person. And she is coping the only way she knows how alone. Growing up she didn't really have anyone did she just her brother. I'm guessing she learnt to cope with problems alone. And that's okay, some people like Meredith they share they cuddle confide in people, others like Derick are angry, others run, Christina ran to Minnesota. Her problems are still with her, Arizona withdraws like a scared animal in a hole hitting out when people get to close. If you go into the cave, you get eaten, you have to coax her out."
"So, what sit outside the room with cheese?" Callie snarked,
"Not cheese, you have a beautiful daughter, mom's do anything for their daughters. You have to remind her who she was before. What did you like doing together before?"
"We watched cooking shows, drank wine and had a lot of sex"
"So, sit on the sofa with a glass of wine and a cooking show. Let her come to you, it might take a few nights. Wear your sexy nightie, but not the really sexy one, but the one that covers enough but sends her mad, when she does join you keep it light, don't bring up her leg, the crash or Mark. Talk about the show, no touching no sex, let her get comfortable, coax her out."
"And if that doesn't work?"
"Use Sofia, mommy can you watch Disney with me and momma? Nobody can say no to that"
"Like a scared animal" Callie repeated thinking about what Bailey had said,
"And don't be her doctor, she has doctors, lots of Doctors but she only has one wife. You are that wife."
"How do I not be a doctor?" Callie asked, Bailey shrugged,
"When you work it out let me know" she replied,
"I will"
Sofia looked up from colouring,
"Mama help" she asked holding up the green colouring pencil.
"I better leave you to your paperwork" Bailey said, as Callie took the green crayon. Sofia's scribbles had taken up most of the page.
"There, Mama" Sofia pointed where she wanted the green to be. Callie neatly coloured it in.
"You are such a good colourer Sofia; Mommy is going to love this when she wakes up" Callie praised.
They sat a bit longer before Sofia began getting restless. Meredith poked her head in
"I'm taking Zola to the park do you want me to take Sofia?" Meredith offered. "I can take her home after, bathe her and put her to bed. You can stay here or come home when you want" Meredith offered, knowing that Callie would stay overnight.
"That would be great thanks" Callie replied accepting the offer of help. Checking her watch she left the ICU, walking across the street to where her flat had been. Alex and Derick were waiting outside
"Didn't think we were going to let you go through this alone, did you?" Alex asked "Boss would kill me"
The fire officer met them outside,
"Is this your flat?"
"Floor 5 I own both, well one in trust to my daughter"
"We are investigating the source of the fire, it appears to have come from the second floor, 2 people are still unaccounted for. A lady on the third floor and a man who's flat it originated in, we are searching for human remains now." The fire chief explained, "We are also investigated the fire doors, the smoke detectors and the sprinklers as none seemed to be working."
"2 people died" Callie cried, Alex hugging her, as the reality of how close they had come to losing the whole family.
"Can she go in and get some things?" Derick asked, the fire chief shook his head,
"No sorry at the moment it's a crime scene, but I will ask my guys to search the 5th floor see if anything is salvageable" he offered, "It's likely the whole building will be condemned and torn down"
"I've lost everything" Callie muttered thinking of everything she had in the flat, all of Mark's things, documents, photos, clothes, all of Sofia's things, including the blanket Arizona's mom made. Tim's flag and dog tags were inside too, Arizona's lasting memento of her brother.
"You are safe, Sofia is safe, Arizona is safe, that's what matters most, your family is safe." Derick reassured. Callie nodded rubbing her arms,
"You're right, thank you" Callie replied feeling better. It began to rain; they ran back to the hospital Callie wincing slightly as her bandages got wet. Back at Seattle Grace she returned to her wife's room,
Jackson was just finishing the fresh dressing having planned his visit to debride the burns with Callie leaving.
"They are looking good, they'll barely be a scared, the oedema to her throat isn't getting worse, if she keeps this up, we can hopefully wake her up tomorrow but I'd like to debride the last of the tissue first,"
Callie pushed passed struggling to think of the burnt flesh under the dressings especially after seeing her burnt apartment and hearing about her dead neighbours, she stopped noticing 2 pairs of clean pyjamas on the chair, with shower bags, full of toiletries. Next to that was several sets of toddler clothes, and adult clothes.
"People have been donating nonstop, Meredith took a load of toddler toys home too. Someone even started a go fund me" Derick explained, Callie winced embarrassed
"We don't need money" she protested, "we are insured"
"People like you, they respect you, they want to help. You can donate the money on if you want or set Sofia up for life, but don't take this away from them" Derick suggested. Callie nodded too tired to argue, maybe Arizona would wake up with ideas on how to spend the money.
"What do you fancy eating?" Alex asked, as Callie sat down on the chair, she shrugged not really feel hungry. "I'll get pizza then, pepperoni, okay?" he asked, Callie nodded.
"You should shower, I'll change the dressings after," she glared at him, he shrugged. "I'm more scared of her than you" he pointed at Arizona. "If she wakes up and finds out we haven't looked after you I'm on scut and appi's for life. So, you are going to shower, and change I'm going to get pizza and then change your dressings" he ordered.
Callie stood picking some of the donate clothes, underwear (still in packet) and toiletries, truthfully, although she had showered last night and that morning using hospital toiletries, she didn't feel clean. Not after seeing the burnt remains of her home, smelling the smoke again, she needed to break down and cry and that was best done in the shower alone.
Derick sat in the chair,
"And I'll wait here" he offered "I have charting to do. At least until April takes over in 20 minutes, then Richard in an hour"
"You set up a visiting schedule?" Callie questioned,
"Kepner did, didn't want either of you to be alone."
Callie took her time in the shower, breaking down on the floor sobbing with the water running to hide the noise. Finally after having no more tears to cry, she began washing, guessing someone had asked Cristina what products she used recognising most from her own bathroom.
Getting dry she changed into the jeans and soft blue jumper both in her size, she guessed someone had gotten her clothes size maybe from the scrubs in her locker. She'd never realised how much support they had in the hospital.
Back in Arizona's room April sat there,
"So, we had a hydrocephalus in 7, had a shunt fitted already, Derick thinks its blocked, so he is changing it tomorrow, I think you scrubbed in on the first one 2 years ago, Jacob Harris"
"Hey" Callie said sitting the other side
"I was just filling Dr Robbins in on Peds." April explained,
"I'm sure she'll appreciate it" Callie replied sincerely,
"I've been praying for her too" April offered,
"Thank you, we appreciate it" Callie said thinking of her own catholic routes, she'd been praying too,
"God has a plan, he tests us, he tries us but it's all in his plan" April reminded,
"His plan is messed up, haven't we suffered enough, I was in a car crash, Sofia and I nearly died, then we lost Mark and Lexie, Arizona lost her leg and how we've lost our home. What else does he want?" Just when Callie thought she couldn't cry anymore the tears came again. April ran around the bed engulfing Callie in a hug.
"But you also found the love of your life, have an amazing job where you help so many people, have a beautiful healthy daughter and lots of friends. I know it's been hard but you are so strong" April praised.
"I just need her to be okay, I need her to wake up"
"She will, keep the faith" April replied praying she wasn't lying. They sat in silence until Richard came to relief her, after Richard was Owen, then Cristina via skype, then Ben Warren before Bailey finished her shift and sat for a while before finally Callie was left alone to get some sleep on a fold out bed Bailey had ordered in.
Callie awoke the next morning just before rounds. Jackson entered first followed by the 3 new interns.
"Arizona Robbins 39 years old, involved In a fire, soot in airway so was intubated on scene, burns to her right leg, right arm debrided twice, plan is for a further debridement today, if everything remains stable to extubate tonight or tomorrow morning" Wilson recited reading from the chart.
"I'll debrided the wounds before lunch and check the airway at about 1700. If it looks good, I'll extubate if there is any swelling I'm going to keep her on the vent overnight" Jackson warned. Callie nodded, she hoped it would be tonight, but it was before the 48 hours, with the reduced staff on overnight she knew it was safer to be the next morning if any there was any risk.
Jackson and his team left replaced with Meredith and Sofia.
"I thought you might want to see her before I drop her to day care" Meredith offered handing the cubby toddler over.
"Thank you" Callie said showering her daughter in kisses.
It was another long day sat by Arizona's bedside; with her own burns she wasn't allowed the distraction of work. She did excuse herself to take Sofia to the park while Jackson debrided the burns. Afterwards Derick took Sofia home while Callie returned to her vigil.
That night Jackson erred on the side of caution choosing to keep her intubated, Callie sleeping on the cot next to her bed enjoying one last night sleeping next to her wife. Tomorrow Arizona would wake up and may hate her again. Callie didn't fight Jackson keeping Arizona asleep needing one more night where her wife didn't hate her to steal herself up for the future fights.
Poor Callie and Arizona they really have been through it,