Chapter 5

After an hour of playing with Sofia reflecting on what she had discussed with Ben Callie felt ready to talk to Arizona and walked to the ICU. Outside her door she paused, Callie desperately building the courage she needed to ask the question that had been plaguing her since she'd made the decision to amputate her wife's leg.

"Do you still forgive me?" she asked nervously, she felt Arizona tense,

"I do, I know it was a choice between my leg or my life, I just" Arizona trailed off. Her session with Alison had helped clear her mind slightly. She knew if she wanted a relationship with Callie she had to verbalise what she was feeling.

"You just….." Callie pressed, she could tell this was important.

"I don't understand" Arizona sighed,

"Understand what?" Callie took a breath to stay calm.

"How?" Arizona closed her eyes as she felt the tears well up in her eyes, "How could you?"

"It was to save your life" Callie interrupted, slightly harshly, this didn't sound like forgiveness,

"I know" Arizona replied annoyed, speaking was talking a lot of effort and Callie interrupting was making her repeat herself. "How could you amputate? How could you remove my leg, wasn't anyone else free? How could you take a scalpel and cut me, take a saw and carve into my bone?" Arizona felt the nausea build, as she thought of cutting Callie like that, it had been hard enough watching Stark cut Sofia open, but to take the scalpel yourself. It didn't bare thinking about.

"Arizona, I" Callie began before stopping, internally she was cursing herself. She had let Arizona believe it was her to enable her to keep her friends but could now see how much pain that had caused. "I'm sorry" she settled on. "I thought letting you believe it was me would be easier, you were already mad at me, so what was one more thing."

"It wasn't you?" Arizona asked confused, "Who?" Her mind searched for likely candidates, the fact Callie wanted to protect them, felt she needed to, lead her to only a few candidates. Meredith, Alex or Cristina, everyone was big enough to take her hatred on the chin. Meredith and Cristina weren't operating, which left just one person Callie would lie to protect.

"Karev" Arizona guessed, "Alex Karev" she felt a strange sense of relief, Callie hadn't done it. Callie hadn't removed her leg, she didn't hate her enough to be able to amputate. "Why did you make me think it was you? I thought you hated me," Arizona cried, Callie too had tears running down her face.

"I wanted you to have friends, I knew you'd resent me for breaking my promise. I wanted you to have someone to confide in"

"I wanted my wife" Arizona replied, "I felt dirty, I felt like you hated me, how else could you take it," They were both crying now

"I'm sorry, I thought I was making it easier for you" Callie confessed,

"I don't need Karev, I don't need a lot in life to be happy, all I need is you, and Sofia" Arizona cried,

"That's all I need too" Callie replied taking her wife's hand. Arizona letting her. "Of course, one of us not being in the ICU would also be a good start" Callie joked.

"Only a few days and I'll be out," Arizona paused, "We can't go home, we don't have a home"

"I know, but now we get to find a house together, with a garden where Sofia can grow, where you can get around easily, where I can cook amazing meals in the best kitchen you have ever seen" Callie dreamed,

"Where we can raise chickens" Arizona joined in. Callie's smile dropped,

"Aren't chickens smelly and noisy?" she asked, wrinkling her nose slightly.

"Chickens are awesome" Arizona grinned giving Callie her puppy dog eyes, Callie sighed, there was no way she could say no to that.

"Let's get a house first" Callie decided buying time while mentally adding room for a chicken coop on the list of requirements. Arizona yawned,

"Where's Sof?"

"Meredith is taking her again" Callie said,

"Tomorrow you need to spend time with her," Arizona insisted, "I can't, but she needs to know her parents are there. I'll be out of it anyway,"

"Arizona, I want to be here" Callie protested

"And you can be, I'm not pushing you away but when you know I'm okay please spend time with Sofia" Arizona begged, "She needs to know were okay we are there"

"Okay, I will, as soon as your settled I'll go spend the night with Sofia." Callie promised, Arizona yawned again.

"Get some sleep, you have a big day tomorrow"

"Callie," Arizona said,

"Yeah"

"Can you, I mean if you want" Arizona paused, Callie stayed silent, aware of what a big step this was. "Can you hold me just till I go to sleep,"

Callie felt her heart melting

"Course"

"It's just I feel safe when you're here" Arizona admitted. Carefully Callie climbed into the hospital bed holding her wife. Despite the early hour in the evening it wasn't long until they were both asleep, neither had had a good night sleep since the plane had gone down.

Miranda entered the room, her first thought was to separate them, that's what her head told her to do. But they both looked so peaceful, more settled than she'd seen either of them for months.

"Try not to disturb them" she ordered closing the door to allow them to sleep.

Arizona woke first the next morning, feeling the familiar pain shooting down her leg, she gasped as the pain shot down her leg, she could feel the bone shifting, and the bugs crawling in her leg.

"Easy just breath" she felt Callie behind her, as she desperately rubbed her leg. Callie was rubbing her arm soothingly.

"Does it ever stop" Arizona cried, "Does the pain ever stop?" She sobbed still trying to massage her missing limb. It was exhausting waking up in pain, dealing with pain all day then going to sleep still in pain, knowing that she was going to feel this way every day for the rest of her life. Every day in pain, every day waking up screaming, every day being reminded of the worst day of her life from the moment she woke.

Callie rocked her slightly her heart breaking at the pain her wife was in, this was not her time to be the Ortho surgeon this was her time to be the wife.

"Can I" she pointed at the leg, Arizona hesitated. She hated people touching her limb, it made it feel real. It repulsed her, she didn't want to repulse Callie. Then Callie had risked her life to save her, she had gone into a burning building to carry her out. This was Callie who loved her, who risked everything for her. She trusted Callie with everything. Nervously biting her lip Arizona nodded. Callie lowered the cover on the quilt, feeling the spasm in the limb massaging it until she could feel the muscle relax.

Arizona groaned as she felt the pain disappear, it felt so good. For once her leg felt good.

"Thank you" she whispered,

"It's okay, I mean I'm your wife, massages are part of my job. Do you remember when I was pregnant, you or Mark massaged my legs at least once a day" Callie reminded her.

"My girly hands" Arizona mocked,

"I love your hands" Callie leant forwards giving her nearest hand a kiss, feeling brave. "I have fond memories of how good those hands are at massaging, but not my feet" she smirked, Arizona blushing slightly.

"I love you" she whispered turning over to face her wife. Callie was truly beautiful first thing in the morning.

"I love you too, your going to rock this surgery today, then in a few days we'll be out of here, and looking for a place of our own" Callie listed, "Then we can start the rest of our lives, with Sofia"

"And the chickens" Arizona reminded, Callie sighed,

"And the chickens" she agreed.