V2E3: Leasure's Farewell Party
The deafening sound of bone cracking and fracturing filled the room. Anon wanted to scream out against the person he once called his friend but instead swallowed down the urge to scream in anguish.
"You fucking asshole!" Anon chocked out.
"Nothing personal, Anon my dear friend."
Ruby smirked cruelly as Anon held his now useless arm.
"I'm gonna make you suffer, you traitorous shit!" He screamed indignantly.
"You and what army?" The red-hooded figure taunted. "Admit it, Hope! You're finished!"
"Go to hell, and tell the devil I'm coming for him next!"
Anon suddenly dashed for one last desperate attack. Ruby lifted her weapon to block the unexpected attack. Ruby buckled under the strike, causing Anon to smile callously.
"Ha!"
His cockiness turned to anger as he caught a glimpse of Ruby's smile.
"Nice try." Her smile widened. "My turn."
Anon's heart sank once Ruby completely parried his attack, leaving him utterly defenceless. Ruby sent Anon flying with a stomp kick to the stomach. Anon hit the ground with a wet thud, tumbling unto his front. Anon tried getting back up but fell to his knees. The Red Reaper approached the Displaced Prophet menacingly. She held her scythe against his throat, grinning victoriously.
"Give me what I want, and I may spare you." She offered.
"From my cold dead hands!" He defied.
Ruby paused.
"...A very poor choice of words," She admitted in amusement.
She swung her scythe back, its edge gleaming in the moonlight.
"Farewell, Hope!"
Her scythe crashed against his torso, severing bone and splitting innards. She swiftly ripped the blade out, delivering a rapid series of slashes that turned his ruined torso into glorified minced meat. With a final strike, she severed her opponent's head causing it to pop into the air. She twirled in place before posing with a hand outstretched, The Prophet's head landing in her palm.
"The evening bell tolled for you, and I always collect my due!" The Red Reaper declared.
RED REAPER WINS!
TOTAL ANNIHILATION!
"FUCK!" Anon swore as he threw his controller in the air.
Ruby threw her hands up in victory as the pair sat before the TV in RWBY's dorm, a copy of Death Match 3: Revindication resting in the console tray.
"Aw yeah!" Ruby started singing and doing a jig. "I beat you up~, I kicked your butt~, you suck!~"
Anon flipped her the bird before deftly catching the tossed controller.
"Knob off, you tosspot!"
"I don't know what that means but I'm sure it's rude."
Hope sighed dejectedly.
"I was doing so well too." He lamented.
Ruby rested her chin on his shoulder with a fakely sympathetic smile.
"It's ok, Anon." She patted his head mockingly. "Better luck next time~."
Anon snarled at her before taking out a packet of jumbo cream cookies from a bag full of snacks and sodas.
"There, as promised."
Ruby's eyes twinkled.
"Yay!"
She snatched the packet out of his hands and into her skirt's pockets. The red hooded leader of Team RWBY beamed at her friend.
"Thanks, Anon!"
Anon's aggravation evaporated and a genuine smile painted across his face. He patted the victor's head.
"I can't stay mad at you, you annoyingly cute dweeb."
Ruby smiled and felt some heat in her cheeks at being pat.
"No, you can't. I'm the coolest cutie around." She declared proudly.
Anon snorted.
"Hey!" She decried.
Anon burst out laughing as Ruby pouted.
The two started clearing up the TV space, putting away the game and the console and throwing the trash away. Ruby checked the clock before taking a large binder out of Weiss's part of the bookshelf. Anon peered curiously at the white binder, recognizing it from the time Weiss had him lug it around town. The "Competitor Info" that was written in red marker was scribbled over with "Best Day Ever Plan". Hope and Ruby's gaze met.
"Isn't that Weiss's?"
Ruby blanked at him.
"Are you gonna snitch?" She asked worriedly.
Anon held a finger to his chin, grimacing thoughtfully. Ruby thought to herself that he had a really expressive face, snorting at the exaggerated expression. Anon looked down at the packet of cookies. He snatched it out of her pocket, pilfering one and putting the other in Ruby's mouth. Anon smiled cheekily and held his index to his mouth. Ruby grinned at her partner in crime.
"Cafeteria ho?" He asked as he took the binder and held it underarm.
Ruby pointed to the door, posing heroically.
"Cafeteria ho!"
Ruby ran out the door excitedly, followed by the ever amused Hope.
Ever since the return from break, the cafeteria was bustling more than usual. Blake was neither shocked nor surprised by this development, although it did annoy her more anti-social side. She shook her head, this kind of attitude is what led to many of her problems. She also felt like it was this side of her that almost got Anon killed back at the dock as well, or at least led to it. If only she had trusted her friends more, then maybe Anon wouldn't have been in so much danger...
Right now, most of the gang minus Anon and Ruby were down at the cafeteria, shooting the breeze and getting back into the swing of Academy life. As for the feline member of Team RWBY, she's been doing some research. Tukson's sudden murder shocked her and although she mourned his death, something drove her to find the truth behind the crime and investigate.
That something was the very man who knew her secret from the beginning.
Anon Hope was a strange man; he always knew something that most others don't, he seemingly always had the answer to a lot of questions yet doesn't divulge them. At first, Blake was frustrated with his refusal to answer her questions but the more he stuck around, the more she came to understand the role he decided on taking on.
Anon was, to her understanding, some sort of prophet or seer.
When Hope speaks of the future, it has a tendency to come to fruition. He knew she would run away when her secret was revealed, he knew about what the Fang and Roman had planned at the Schnee docks. Heck, he knew in some detail the schism that was currently happening within the White Fang. Details that only an insider could have, something that Blake knew he wasn't. He also knew of her and her past long before they met. She originally thought that it was Ozpin who spilled the beans but she had come to the realization that Anon was completely independent of the headmaster. If anything, Anon is somewhat antagonistic towards the wisened old man.
Anon knew who killed Tukson and he was helping her with her investigation. So far she knew the reasons: Tukson was a White Fang defector and was actively helping other defectors disappear. And like in a gangster movie, the mole (or in this case puma) got whacked. And those responsible are connected to the parts of the White Fang who orchestrated the attempted theft at the Schnee Docks. Roman was involved, and Anon pointed her towards someone she had hoped was completely irrelevant.
Adam Taurus, the current commander of the Vale Chapter of the White Fang.
EVERYTHING went through him, every mission, every operation and every crime. Taurus was the one who would sign of and choose who to send and unless his chapter was subverted, he was the one who approved the op. Which meant he was also the one who approved of Roman being there. Blake could hardly believe that Adam would work with Torchwick of all people. Luckily, Anon let slip a detail.
"Considering they're both whipped, it's more likely than you think,"
Over time, Blake slowly came to an understanding: neither Roman nor Adam was truly in charge. Someone was holding them both by the leash. She didn't know who, but she knew that Anon did. The more she thought about it, Blake realized that Anon hadn't slipped up.
He did it on purpose so that she would connect the dots herself. He wanted her to think and find out things for herself.
Admittedly, it angered her at first but it was clear that he didn't want her to rely on him to give her every answer freely. He was willing to help, sure, but he wasn't about to become some all-important, nigh-irreplaceable Gary-Sue from a crappy fanfiction.
Her thoughts simmered around in her head as she wrote down notes and drawings in her notebook. Her mind returned to the one she left behind in the Fang, the partner she abandoned. Adam's emblem, the thorned rose, sat next to a sketch of its holder. A back shot of Adam, holding his holstered weapon in his hand and ready to draw it. In a corner of the page, the dual emblem of the Fang, a beast's head held high with pride and framed by a white circle on a blue background. the other emblem was of a snarling predator baring its teeth superimposed over a trio of red claw marks. The emblem of peace and the emblem of war, one has lost its use and the other usurped its place. On the other page was something else, something she saw in a dream. She knew she saw it before but couldn't recollect. It was a sketch of a stylized star that was shattered like glass.
Blake went to put some refining touches on the sun but felt an annoyingly soft weight on her drawing arm. The black cat turned her head and was met by the little sun dragon.
"Sup." Yang greeted casually, unknowingly restricting Blake's arm with her breasts. "What'cha doin'?"
Blake looked down at her boobie-traped arm apathetically before closing her notebook.
"Nothing important," She said. "Just going over research notes."
She wasn't technically lying about her notes, she had been researching and taking note of the seemingly ever-expanding conspiracy around Tukson's murder. Not that the others had to know about, at least, not yet. Yang, none the wiser, spluttered in boredom.
"Lame!"
Yang caught Nora preparing to flick berries at her with a spoon from the corner of her eyes. Yang opened her mouth and turned around in time to catch a grape. Nora giggled and kept flinging small fruits at the blonde brawler, changing the angle and trajectory to give Yang a fitting challenge.
Out of nowhere, a large binder crashed onto the table. A startled Nora accidentally super-flicked a mushy blackberry past Yang and unto some girl's blouse, much to her irritation. Team *WBY and JNPR looked up to see Ruby sitting on top of Anon's shoulders, sitting tall above everyone. Ruby cleared her throat, seeing as everyone was at attention.
"Friends, Sister," She paused the moment she looked at Weiss. "Weiss..."
"Hey!" The princess called out indignantly.
Anon snorted causing Weiss to glare at him. Ruby continued.
"Four scores and seven minutes ago, I had a dream!"
Yang smiled mischievously.
"Oh, this ought to be good!" She said before catching a blueberry.
Anon looked up at Ruby, the top of his head rubbing against her stomach.
"So you've been sleeping for almost an hour and a half?"
Ruby pinched his lips shut.
"Hush, stop messing with my speech!"
Anon snorted again.
"Whatever, Lincoln."
"Anyways... A dream that one day, the four of us (plus JNPR) would come together as a team to have the most fun anyone has ever had..." Ruby jumped to her feet, standing on Anon's shoulders. "Ever!"
Pyrrha blushed and covered Jaune's eyes, while Ren did the same with Nora.
"I should be the one doing that!" Nora complained.
Anon groaned uncomfortably as he tilted his head downward.
"Ruby... Please get down..."
She looked down, confused.
"Why? What's wrong?"
He coughed awkwardly as he clenched one eye shut.
"I see strawberries."
The little rose tilted her head in confusion. She looked down, before slowly coming to the realization of where Anon was positioned in relation to her. She slowly climbed down his shoulders. Once she was on the ground, she held the front and back ends of her skirt defensively as she blushed madly.
Weiss grabbed the binder and squinted at the scribbled label. She glanced accusatorily at her partner.
"Did you steal one of my binders?"
Ruby and Anon held up a pair of peace signs in sync, smiling innocently.
"I am not a crook!" Ruby declared.
"Can confirm," Anon followed. "I was there."
Weiss didn't even hesitate.
"Ah, so you did steal it."
"You sassy bitch." Anon commented.
Blake looked at the binder in confusion.
"Ruby, what are you on about?"
Ruby smiled, shaking with barely held-back excitement.
"I'm talking about kicking the semester off with a bang!"
Anon immediately pivoted his eyes to Yang and braced himself mentally. Yang, having prepared herself all her life, let loose her tongue on the unsuspecting table.
"I always kick my semesters off with a Yang!"
Nasal sighs abound and not one laugh to be heard.
Aw, fuck... I knew it would happen but it's still so bad.
Yang looked so proud of herself.
"Eh? Eh? Right, guys?"
Anon sighed.
"I hate you."
She spluttered with a dismissive wave of her arm.
"Bullshit, you do."
Ruby deadpanned before rattling around in her back pockets, useless trash and bits/bobs falling out. After cartoonishly digging through her pockets, she pulled a large glass jar out of nowhere.
"Dj'you just pull a fucking mason jar out your ass?" Anon whispered to himself. "What else fits? The collective family issues of the whole fucking cast?"
Upon further inspection, the jar was labelled as "Swear Jar".
"Pay up," Ruby demanded as she extended the Jar towards her sister.
Yang looked utterly bewildered.
"What the heck!?" She pointed to Hope. "He swears worse than a sailor! How come he's not getting charged?!"
Anon shrugged with a roguish grin. Not so subtlely taking something out of his pocket and sneakily giving it to Ruby.
"I'm just that cool a dude."
Blake caught a glimpse of what it was Hope gave to her leader. A folded piece of paper with something written on it. Blake shook her head went she made out that it was an essay for Doctor Peach's class.
"Ah, so you make me work for my answers and you just give it to her, huh?" She muttered to herself, clicking her tongue. "Sis-con."
Ruby looked at Yang expectedly before shaking her still extended money jar. Yang grumbled before complying.
"And now I'm broke!" Yang complained, showing her empty wallet to everyone. "Guess I'll have to rob a bank... I better go take a shower."
Everyone at the table looked at her in confusion. Yang grinned.
"That way I'll make a clean getaway!"
The collective groan of everyone within earshot could easily shake the building with its sheer cringe-powered sonic boom. And lo, Yang found that it was good. He called Hope, however, was blinded by sheer rage and ordered she be smitten for her crimes against mankind.
"Nora," Hope called.
"That is me name!" Nora answered, standing to attention.
Anon glared furiously at his golden-maned nemesis.
Fruit her ass.
Nora saluted.
"Aye aye, Cap'n!"
Nora booed before grabbing an apple off of Ren's plate and pitching it at Yang's face like a fastball. Yang fell off her seat from the force of Nora's throw with a yelp. Anon nodded to himself self-satisfyingly.
Feels good to be the boss.
Completely ignoring her friend's fruity assault on her sister, Ruby put the conversation back on track.
"Look guys, it's been two weeks since we all hung out together." She explained. "And between more exchange students arriving and the tournament at the end of the year, our second semester is going to be great! But, classes start back up tomorrow!"
She waved her hand towards the absolutely filled-out binder in a presenting manner.
"Which is why I've taken the time to schedule a series of wonderful events for us today!"
Weiss leaned to Yang.
"Should I be proud or terrified?" She murmured.
Yang wasn't listening, glaring at a taunting Nora, trembling with anger. Yang picked up an apple from Weiss's plate and flung it at Nora. The red-headed valkyrie ducked the sweet projectile, flying over her head.
"Missed me!" Nora taunted.
The apple hit some poor guy over the head, who yelled out in pained anger. Nora dodged more of Yang's projectile before making a break for it.
Blake glanced at her notebook seriously, then at Anon.
"I don't know," Blake said. "I have some things to research. I think I'll just sit this one out."
Weiss crossed her arms pensively.
"Sit out or not, I will admit that we've all been apart for a while." She nodded sagely. "No matter how we spend the last day of break, I think it would be good to do so as a team."
Anon glanced over at Nora, who smiled devilishly from a table over. In her hands, a cream pie.
Hoe, don't do it.
"I'll do what I want!" she threw her arm back. "Incoming!"
Yang, having heard Nora's warning cry, threw her body back to dodge the assault grade dessert. Weiss, however, hadn't paid attention to whatever the hell they were doing and was cut mid-sentence by a pie to the side of the head. Three-fourths of her face and head had been marred in cream and custard, the pie tin slowly sliding off her face.
"It's all Yang's fault!" Nora blurted out.
"Screw you!" Yang said, holding up deuces.
Ren held his face in his palm, covering his eyes while Pyrrha held her mouth in shock. A bewildered Jaune held the side of his head, covering his ear.
Anon sucked on his teeth, caught in a conflict in his own head.
Don't make the obvious joke, I'm better than this!
No, I'm not.
...Actually yeah, I'm not.
"Weiss got creampied. Kek."
Yang and Nora giggled at the joke, though for different reasons. Weiss was clearly holding in her anger.
I'd say she's on a simmer, give or take.
Hope grabbed the carcass of the destroyed pie, shaking his head amusedly.
"I do like me a cream pie. Shame."
Nora smiled dirtily.
"You must have a lot of bastards then!"
"Jokes on you, I always have pills on standby." Anon hit back casually.
Anon swiped some cream off of Weiss's face, Weiss glared at him with a blush. Anon smirked as he sucked the pie filling off of his finger.
"I didn't know Weiss cream pies could be so good.."
Steam shot out of her ears as her face heated up enough for the pie filling to boil off her face.
And now, the kettle's boiled.
Anon backed away with a fierce grin, knowing what's coming next.
"And here. We. GO!"
Chaos erupted in the cafeteria, people ran to hide and escape the coming mess that would certainly take hours to clean. Anon stood in the middle, grinning like a wrestling presenter. He was flanked by two opposing teams, RWBY and JNPR. RWBY stood firm on level ground, ready to go on the offensive while JNPR stood from a dizzying, ramshackle height of piled-on tables. Weiss pointed to Nora, who stood on the mountain of tables that almost reached the ceiling.
"You will pay for your disrespect, you annoying prat!" She bellowed furiously.
Nora laughed like a manic hyena, almost tauntingly.
"I'm the queen of this castle, princess!" She teased, earning a low growl. "If you want my bacon, then try and get through!"
Ruby took a nearby milk carton before stomping her foot down, pointing at Team JNPR.
"Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful!" Ruby crushed the carton in her hand, spraying milk everywhere. "It will be delicious!"
Yang, Weiss and Blake bellowed out a warcry. Yang was obviously itching for a scrap and Weiss was a bit too into getting back at Nora. Blake was joining in more out of obligation, though.
Anon chuckled nasally as he set up his scroll to stream the food fight. Anon racked his throat as he walked between the two teams.
"Ladies and Gentlemen!" His voice echoed throughout the cafeteria. "Today's program is nothing less than a slobber knocker in the making!"
He pointed dramatically towards Team RWBY.
"On the offence, Team RWBY! Whose resident heiress was Hu-mi-li-a-ted! Creampied, and not the fun kind, byyyyy!"
He swung his arm toward the pile of tables.
"Nora! of the defending team, JNPR!"
Both teams posed dynamically, sneering at each other.
"This act of barbaric antagonism shall not stand! And both of their teams will not stand by and let their teammates get punked without just retribution!"
He held a pointing finger to both sides of the makeshift arena.
"This is TEAM DEATHMATCH!" He grinned furiously. "The goal is simple: Knock the opponent around to score Messy Bonuses! In order to do that, you have to pelt, pummel and pulp your opponents with whatever kind of foodstuff you can get your hands on. When you're tuckered out or completely covered in food, you're out! Once the entire team gets wiped out, the game is over!"
Anon adjusted his collar mockingly.
"To make this proper and dare I say, Professional." He laughed nasally. "Let's set up some basic rules."
He held one finger high in the air.
"Number one! NO WEAPONS! Nothing can be used to fight besides food. If I catch one of you cock-polishers going for a spatula, a knife or a big fuck-off wooden spoon, I'll kick your sorry ass myself and disqualify you. BUT, semblances are allowed because it's more fun that way."
He held up a second finger.
"Number 2!" He grimaced comically. "This one's for the lads but ladies, try not to geld the guys with soda cans."
Yang snapped her fingers in disappointment.
"Aw shucks!"
Anon glared bug-eyed at the blonde brawler.
"Do you want me to come over there and punch you right in the uterus?"
Yang smiled.
"I'd love nothing more, daddy~."
Hope broke character for a moment, craking up.
"Hell's bells!"
He raked his throat, getting back in character.
"Anyways! If you hit one of the guys in the junk intentionally, you get penalized."
"How do you prove that?" Blake questioned.
Anon shrugged.
"Heh, I'll figure something out."
Jaune and Ren had large sweat drop by the side of their heads.
"Somehow, that's extremely not reassuring," Ren said.
"Hey, at least you'll never have to buy condoms or pills ever again!"
"That's even less reassuring."
Anon held up a third finger.
"Lastly, Trash talking is ENABLED! BUT! We aren't savages, so no slurs and limit your swearing."
He pointed at Yang and Nora especially.
"I'm looking at you two assholes in particular."
Both girls clicked their tongues disparagingly.
"You're no fun," Nora commented.
"Hypocrite," Yang muttered.
Anon began backing away.
"I want a good, dirty fight. EVERYONE READY!?"
Both teams readied themselves, letting a loud yell of confirmation.
"Whoever loses will have to clean this up! Now... EVERYONE, GET READY TO CU-RUM-BLEEEEE!"
He back-kicked a table and vaulted over, ready to take cover at the drop of a pork pie hat.
"READY!? SET! FIGHT!"
It begins.
"OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!" Nora bellowed as she jumped down the tower of tables and towards a conveniently placed table of watermelons.
Ruby snapped her fingers, pointing to a pair of roasted turkeys.
"Yang!"
"You got it!"
Yang somersaulted over her little sister and landed in a roll next to the overcooked, dry birds. With a mighty stomp, she threw the turkeys into the air, letting them fall over her fists like meaty gloves. She slammed her turkey-gauntlets together causing her aura to flare with fiery heat.
"AND SO THE MATCH BEGINS!" Anon announced from the sideline. "Yang Xiao-Long starts strong by double fisting turkeys! This sure ain't gonna be no jolly holiday feast but the least she could do is pass the gravy!"
In sync, Team JNPR went for and pelted Team RWBY with many conveniently placed watermelons. Melons rocketed through the air at Sun Dragon Jr. Her hair flowed upward with a heatwave as she lunged forward, striking every melon aimed at her into a pink mist. Yang smirked as she let her partner take centre stage.
"What an upset!" Anon exaggerated. "A veritable wall of melons turned to a pulp in just a few seconds! JNPR will have to up their game if they want to win!"
Blake literally jumped into the action, landing with a roll. In her roll, she snatched what could possibly be the stalest baguette Remnant has ever seen.
"Careful!" Anon purred. "This cat's got claws!"
Blake took a second to glare at him before focusing on the incoming wave of melons. With her rock-hard baguettes, she splattered the watermelons into a fruity mist, just in time for Yang to finish the job with a jump kick. Once the melony assault was over, she punched her turkeys off, sending them flying. Jaune hadn't had the time to react when two cooked birds smacked him in the face and stomach.
"OH!" Anon covered his eyes facetiously. "And the leader of Team JNPR gets turkeyed! FIRST BLOOD for Team RWBY!"
Pyrrha readied her own baguette, glancing in worry towards her crush before instinctively dodging Blake's downward strike. The two clashed "blades", glaring ferociously at each other.
"Catfight!" Anon cried out jubilantly.
"ANON!" Blake yelled out. "SHUT UP!"
"NO! Now quit being a pussy and fight the maple leaf!"
Blake growled as Anon smiled tauntingly. Pyrrha broke the clash suddenly and struck at RWBY's black cat. To her surprise, Blake appeared above her from nowhere as a shadow clone took her previous place. Her gladiatorial instincts served her well as Pyrrha turned around to start dodging Blake's bready weapon. Pyrrha side-flipped away from her flurry of blows before going on the offensive herself. Blake tried one last trick, cloning herself once more and jumping high in the air. Mid-air, Blake threw one of her baguettes at Pyrrha's exposed back. Pyrrha simply sidestepped the projectile and dashed forward with bread at the ready. The moment Blake landed, she was sent flying by a precision stab to the abdomen. The impact shattering Pyrrha's baguette.
"AND JNPR GETS THEIR FIRST HIT!" Anon clapped. "The gladiatrix, the invincible girl! Looks like Canadians aren't so nice when there's a fight to be had!"
Pyrrha didn't even let herself catch a break, catching Blake's intact baguette instead. The Prodigious Gladiatrix threw the piece of bread like a javelin, aiming directly at Yang. Initially, Yang had an easy time punching and kicking the bready javelins but as they say, the third time's a charm and Yang shared the same fate as her partner.
"Man, Pyrrha's is on a roll! That's two to one for JNPR! Can RWBY get even?!"
Anon eyed the entrance as the doors opened when two familiar figures entered the cafeteria. Anon grinned.
"Just the people I wanted to see!"
Anon ran over to the entrance, dodging and jumping over obstacles and projectiles alike. Sun and Neptune marvelled at the absolute chaos unfolded before them.
"Now, this is what I'm talking about!" Sun said, completely hyped.
"Oh absolutely," Hope remarked.
The pair turned to the side at the coming Hope. Sun immediately recognized him.
"Anon!"
"Sup, Monkey King." He nodded to Neptune. "Sea god."
Neptune smiled, his pearly whites shining. The two fist-bumped.
"Morning." Neptune greeted. "I'm Neptune."
"Neptune Vasilias, Yeah I know"
Neptune frowned in confusion.
"Wait, what? How do you-"
"Hold that thought."
Anon grabbed a nearby tray off the floor and held up the tray in front of Neptune, protecting him from a jar of grape jelly. Anon turned to glare at the culprit.
"I FUCKING SAW THAT, VALKYRIE!" Anon yelled.
"What!?" Nora complained in the distance. "He has bright blue hair! What was I supposed to do, not aim at him!?"
"Try that shit again, and I'm docking you a point!"
Jaune smacked his friend over the head.
"Get your head back in the game! Let's go!"
The two went back in with a war cry. Anon turned back to the macaque and his sea deity friend. Neptune was stoned-faced, still smiling despite him quaking in his boots.
"Thanks." Neptune's voice cracked.
"Yer welcomed."
"So what's happening?"
"Food fight."
Neptune looked at the tray covered in jelly, then at the ruins of the cafeteria.
"I gathered."
Sun pushed Neptune aside, looking at Hope with stars in his eyes.
"What's the score!?"
"So far, Two to one with JNPR leading," Anon explained, pulling up his phone to show who's who. "RWBY's about to even the score though."
Ruby rode in on a greased tray, kick flipping over her sister and towards the red-headed gladiatrix. Ruby backflipped into the air, batting away an airborne baguette. The baguette was sent back to Pyrrha, forcing her to roll out of the way as plate and cutlery exploded from the impact. Ruby refused to give Pyrrha a single moment of respite, riding in on her tray. As Pyrrha got up, Ruby smashed into her tray first. With a mighty kick, Ruby sent Pyrrha to the floor.
Anon smiled.
"And the Gladiatrix is floored! Team RWBY just evened the score! All hail the pint-sized terror!"
Ruby stuck out her tongue.
"You're just tall!"
"5'11", Rubes."
"I'm fun-sized!"
Anon grimaced, swallowing back a crass comment.
"I mean..."
"Hold up, time out!" Jaune cried out suddenly.
Everyone stopped in their tracks and looked over to Jaune, who helped his partner back to her feet. Pyrrha grimaced in disgust at her clothes, damp and dripping with oil.
"Ruby didn't use food, she used a tray!" Jaune declared. "That deserves a penalty!"
Ruby blew raspberries.
"Easy there, vomit boy." Ruby teased. "I just used the tray to deliver my actual weapon!"
She held up the discarded tray, slick with cooking oil.
"I'm all greasy..." Pyrrha complained.
"See?" Ruby held her hand towards Pyrrha. "It's basically the same as when Nora used a table to catapult melons at us!"
Anon rubbed his chin pensively as he guided Sun and Neptune over to his judging area.
"I guess that's fair?"
"WHAT?!" Jaune was outraged.
"What do you two think?" Anon asked the partners of Team SSSN.
Neptune shrugged, not even sure why Anon asked him. Sun on the other hand was devoting most of his brainpower to come up with a fair decision.
"How about..." He looked over to the setup scroll, a lightbulb lighting up. "We ask the chat?"
Anon crossed his arms.
"Like a community poll?"
"Yeah! Like... Should Team RWBY be deducted a point for using a greasy tray!"
Anon nodded slowly.
"Alright." He shrugged before setting up the poll.
POLL ANNOUNCEMENT!
SHOULD RUBY ROSE BE PUNISHED FOR USING GREASE ON A TRAY
VOTE BY COMMENTING :Yay: OR :Nay: IN THE CHAT!
"Ok, done," Anon announced. "The result will be announced at the end of the stream."
Anon smiled sadistically.
"If they decided that you deserve punishment... Well... Part two's gonna be fucking great."
Ruby dreaded the sight of his smile.
"Please, no!"
Anon laughed like a maniac.
"AND THE MATCH RESUMES!"
Ren lept into action, followed closely by his girlfriend. Weiss pushed Ruby back behind her.
"Let me show you how it's done!"
She twirled a squeezy bottle of ketchup in her hand before dramatically stabbing the nozzle in the ground. Geysers of tomato-flavoured condiments erupted from the ground in a line, leaving behind a trail of red. Ren's slipped on the ketchup, falling onto his back. With a yelp, he kept sliding until he hit a pile of tables and plates.
"AAAAAAAAH!" Anon yelled loudly.
"...Is he gonna be ok?" Neptune asked at normal volume.
"HE DEAD!" Sun held the sides of his face distraughtly.
Nora didn't stop to look at her beau.
"Your sacrifice will be honoured!"
She jumped unto a flying table, running along it and leaping unto a flag pole. With a grunt, the candy-coloured valkyrie dislodged the pole from the wall and flew down in a backflip. She landed pole first on a watermelon, the tip of the pole stabbing into the hard green rind. Nora smiled viciously as she flourished her new, makeshift hammer. With her last twirl, Nora smashed her hammer into Ruby, who moved in front of Weiss to protect her.
"Is this allowed?!" Neptune looked horrified as Ruby flew backwards.
"She was hit with food and not the pole so this is technically allowed!" Anon announced. "JNPR EVENS THE ODDS OUT YET AGAIN!"
Weiss ducked and rolled out of the way of her partner, grabbing a swordfish off the floor.
"WHO IN THE HECK BROUGHT A SWORDFISH TO A SCHOOL CAFETERIA?!" Neptune screamed in disbelief.
"This is a huntsman academy, the fuck's your point?" Anon asked calmly.
Weiss lunged forward and stabbed her swordfish into Nora. Nora flipped mid-air and landed on her feet, returning on the offensive. Weiss kept striking at Nora but she kept parring by twirling her melon-hammer. With a mighty blow, Weiss flew through tables before crashing into a pillar. The stonework shattered as Weiss fell.
"HOLY CRAP!" Neptune screamed in horror.
"SHE DEAD!" Sun yelled.
Ruby, having witnessed her partner's defeat, flew in to catch her BFF.
"Weiss!" Ruby cried out, falling to a knee.
Weiss coughed, struggling to stay awake.
"Ru...by..." Weiss raised her hand shakily.
The red hooded girl took her friend's hand, a tear falling from her eyes.
"Avenge me!" Weiss demanded quietly. "Make them... Pay..."
Ruby sobbed.
"Weiss! Stay with me! Weiss!"
Weiss croaked, her eyes turning into "X"s.
"No..." Ruby hiccuped as the pillar crashed to the floor. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Anon giggled to himself.
"DRAMA QUEEEEEEEN!" He laughed out loud. "Yo, what's the score, Sun?"
"FOUR FOR FOUR!" Sun announced, gripping the edge of the table they hid behind. "CAN THEY BREAK THE STALEMATE?!"
Neptune looked at his friend questioningly.
"Aren't you a bit too into this?"
"I'M AT THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!"
"You're standing!"
Yang ran in, passing by her crying sister and equipped back her turkeys. Ren front flipped over a table, grabbing a pair of leeks as he went to meet with Yang. The two roared as Ren blocked a kick with his leeks. Ren looked down.
Record scratch.
"Uhhhhhhhh..."
Yang laughed awkwardly with a light blush.
"Haha... I knew I should have worn normal panties today..."
The commenters balked. Sun leaned to Hope's ear.
"Uh, do we have to censor this?"
"This is Dust-in TV, Sun." Anon retorted. "If they allow big tittied chicks in bikinis to spread-eagle in a kiddie pool, I think they'll tolerate some bimbo in lingerie."
"Hey!" Yang cried out at the epithet.
With a grunt, Yang jump kicked over Ren's head, making him duck. The two kept going back and forth, dodging, bobbing and weaving out of the way before Yang finally hit Ren with a one-two. Yang hit ren over the head with her turkeys then uppercutting him into the air. Ren gnashed his teeth, reorienting himself in the air and throwing his leeks at Yang. The blond brawler jumped into the air, away from the leeks who stabbed into the ground.
"... Didn't know leeks could do that..." Sun said worriedly.
"Me neither." Neptune agreed.
Yang winked at the defenceless Ren before mercilessly striking him down, rocketing him into a pile of tables.
"How many piles of tables are there?!" Neptune was getting sick of this convenience.
Ren tried to get up but collapsed in exhaustion. Nora, seeing her man knocked out of the game, rushed Ren's assailant with a furious yell. Yang turned just in time to dodge Nora's initial strike. The two strongest members of their respective teams went to strike each other. Time slowed to a crawl as the two swung their respective weapon. Yang came up short, Nora swinging upward with her fruity hammer. The head shattered into pieces and Yang twirled into the air before crashing through the roof.
Sun and Neptune stared gobsmacked at the hole in the ceiling. Anon snickered like an asshole.
"Absolute kek."
Blake backflipped away from the falling debris. The black cat grabbed a massive sausage link and flourished it like a whip. The whip crashed against Nora's stomach, sending her into a vending machine. Nora pulled herself out of the "her" shaped crater in the machine, grabbing cans of "People like Grape" soda and tossing them out like grenades.
"Those are some carbonated cans..." Anon cocked an eyebrow. "I think they'll have to toss those out... or use them against the Grimm, that'd be an idea."
Blake backflipped away from the torrent of soda grenades. Pyrrha shook off her daze, then she noticed that she was surrounded by soda cans. Pyrrha slammed her hand to the ground, a shockwave of electromagnetic energy lifting the cans into the air and shot forward like a volley of TOW missiles. The torrent of cans was too much, even for the agile Blake and the feline Faunus as easily overwhelmed.
"One, two, three..." Anon counted casually. "Four more hits... and JNPR is up by one point!"
"There's more where that came from," Pyrrha muttered sinisterly.
With a wave of her arms, the prodigious warrior summoned a tidal wave of cans. With one last motion, Blake was swept up by the cans of coloured fizzy corn syrup. Blake crashed high up on the wall as the cans repeatedly exploded against her like an anti-air flak cannon. Once the assault was over, Blake limply fell to the floor, completely soaked in soda.
"Aaaaaaand, I lost count," Anon admitted flatly. "Can Ruby even the odds?"
Ruby looked defiantly at Team JNPR. She was the last one standing while only Ren was really down for the count. Oh, he got back up. Nevermind. Ruby frowned as she took a running stance.
"All or nothing," Anon smirked. "Ready to wrap up this show?"
Ruby smiled defiantly.
"Let's fly!"
Ruby ran, the wind rushing by her ears. Her Aura glowed as the wind current generated by her semblance dragged cans, tables, cutlery, plates and random other food behind her. Ren and Jaune looked in terror as Ruby turned into a torpedo of rose petals that dragged a storm of objects towards them at crazy speeds. The two men of JNPR hadn't had the chance to escape as they were swept up in the wind tunnel with Pyrrha and Nora sharing the same fate soon after. Ruby screeched to a halt, shattering the tiles under her and the wind pressure from her sudden stop creating a crater in the wall behind her. JNPR splatted against the wall just in time for Ruby to wink at them before disappearing in a puff of petals. Jaune opened his eyes just to catch a chicken to the face. The storm that Ruby created was unleashed on Team JNPR all at once.
"That's a wrap!" Anon announced.
The ruined wall was turned into a work of abstract modern art, with JNPR blending perfectly into the multicoloured wall. Ruby landed on one knee with Team JNPR slowly peeling off the wall and landing on the floor, leaving behind clean silhouettes of them on the wall.
Anon turned to his co-hosts.
"Your closing thoughts, gents?"
Sun smiled ear to ear.
"I love these guys."
"Same." Anon returned the grinned.
Neptune was completely catatonic, utterly bewildered at what unfolded before him. Anon laughed exaggeratedly.
"AND WITH THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MATCH IS OVER! AND THE WINNER IS-"
The doors to the cafeteria slammed open. Glynda Goodwitch stormed in, an aura of menace following her every step.
"Fucking no one," Anon said at normal volume in a normal way. "In fact, we're all losers now."
Glynda glared furiously at the only people not drenched in god-knows-what. Neptune and Sun shrunk under the gaze, one that Anon returned with a friendly wave.
"Hi, Glyny~."
Her gaze softened from "Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn" to "I hate kids so much but what can you do". Glynda sighed tiredly.
"Children," She waved her hand around, reforming and repairing the ruins of the cafeteria back to an unbroken state. "Please do not play with your food."
Ozpin walked closely behind her, sipping his damned mug like he always does. He looked curiously at the piece of modern art that now adorned the wall of his mess hall.
"It does have a sort of 'je-ne-sait-quoi' to it."
Glynda pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Seriously?"
She crossed her arms seriously at the students, who looked terrified under her angry glare. Anon vaulted over his makeshift cover and positioned himself next to the hole that Yang left in the ceiling. Anon looked at the back of Nora's head.
Let it all out.
Nora lets rip a reverberating burp. Both teams tried to keep their composure but failed miserably, laughing out loud at how stupid what just transpired was. Anon held up his opened hand.
"Five, four, three, two..."
A scream came from above followed by a sudden crash. Another part of the ceiling shattered as Yang tumbled through the air. Anon held his arms out and caught the little sun dragon in a princess carry. The two locked eyes for a moment, Anon smirking flirtatiously.
"Would you look at that, you fell for me."
Yang's eyes rolled to the back of her head, letting out a satisfied sigh.
"Just take me already, you ideal man."
"HA!" Anon grinned like a demon. "NO!"
Anon suddenly dropped her, eliciting a surprised yelp followed by a pained groan. Another groan was heard, this time from Glynda.
"Is this really what the future defenders of the world should be doing?"
Anon swaggered over to his tard-wrangling partner.
"Let it go."
Glynda relented with one last sigh. Anon's smile disappeared, unnerving Glynda.
"Let them have some fun." He let out a sad sigh. "They won't get to stay children for much longer."
Ozpin tended an ear and, unbeknownst to the other adults, so did Blake.
"How much longer?" Glynda asked worriedly.
"Not long. The Fall approaches rapidly."
Anon looked out of the door.
"And we'll welcome it with open doors..."
Ozpin and Glynda exchanged glances, The latter looking worried while the former looked grim. Anon turned around to join the others.
"You have until the Vytal Festival." He turned his head slightly. "Make good use of your time, Wizard. Or we'll all pay for your mistakes."
Anon sat in his therapist chair, looking at the moon. Not much else happened other than everyone being forced to clean the mess hall up. Everyone had fun despite that though, and that's was truly counted. Anon couldn't help but feel sadness at what he knew could still very well happen. Ruby had let out the biggest sigh of relief when she found out that the chat backed her up. Looks like she won't be getting punished anytime soon... Jaune, however, had the sourest of grapes at the reveal.
"I need to make sure that everything goes according to plan... All I need is to avert the Fall of Beacon." He mused as he stared at the shattered pieces of the moon. "But how?"
He sighed.
"I can't rely on Ozpin. I have a feeling that he's grown complacent. I can't trust Ironwood yet because of what happened during volumes seven and eight. But maybe things changed and he can be trusted..."
He groaned.
"I need more data... I need more time. Time that I don't really have."
He kept pondering as the moon kept him company. He looked over his conspiracy board and walked over to it, examining the obscured photos.
"How am I going to bullshit my way through this?"
He snatched Roman and Adam's photos.
"I'll need to deal with Cinder and her lackeys, but these two are the immediate problem at hand."
He glared at the Witch-Queen's obscure photo.
"I won't let you end it all." He promised. "I won't let you end this beautiful world I now live in."
Beware as the light is fading, Beware as the dark returns... This world's unforgiving, even brilliant lights will cease to burn... Well, guess what... I will fuel this fire and keep the light going. Even if I lose my life!
V2E3: END!
NEXT ON PLAYLIST: V2E4 - PLAY?