A/N: Happy (very) belated Valentine's Day! I had planned to have this chapter out much earlier on this month but I ended up scrapping it entirely and starting over twice. Third time's a charm, right? But I have the next two chapters almost done so they should (hopefully) also be out soon! I'm pushing for at least three updates this month.

Also, Happy Mardi Gras or Shrove/Fat Tuesday or Pancake Day to those celebrating!

Chapter 28 – A Stupid Little Crush

It's just a stupid little crush. It's just a stupid little crush. It's just a stupid little crush…

Hermione repeated these words over and over again in her head as she, James, and Sirius walked down the train platform.

The three of them had just said goodbye to James's parents, and Hermione had thanked them profusely for their hospitality over the last two weeks. It had been so long since she had stayed anywhere other than Hogwarts and she was immensely grateful to them. But now she would have to go back and face her current reality.

"Do you see Moony or Wormtail anywhere?" asked Sirius who was on his toes trying to look over the crowd of students.

"Nope," said James, also straining to see where their friends were.

Hermione was actively trying to not see either of them, even if her reasoning for each of them was completely different.

Then, her stomach seemed to sink as she spotted a tall figure with sandy hair in the opposite direction of where James and Sirius were searching.

"Well, there's Remus," said Hermione in a small voice, pointing towards him.

"Remus!" yelled James, cupping his hands around his mouth.

Hermione watched as Remus jumped slightly and turned around, looking through the crowd in confusion. Then his face broke into a grin when he spotted the three of them, his eyes locking directly onto Hermione.

She let out a deep breath, which luckily went unnoticed with all the commotion on the platform.

It's just a stupid little crush. It's not a big deal. It's nothing really. It's just a stupid little crush…

"Hey, Hermione!" said Remus, and Hermione smiled softly at him as he quickly walked up to them.

Without any warning, he pulled her in for a hug before quickly releasing her with a grin. Not entirely knowing how to react, she just let out a nervous laugh as she felt her face grow warm. The smile slowly fell from Remus's face when he caught sight of her expression.

"Are you feeling any better?" Remus asked, sounding concerned.

"I-I'm alright," said Hermione, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm not sure about that, she's got that look on her face again," said Sirius, pointing his finger way too close to Hermione's face.

"What look?" she asked, glaring at his finger.

"Where you look like someone's kicked you in the stomach and you're about to spew," said Sirius, still pointing.

"Your face is flushed too," said Remus.

"And you have been really quiet all morning," added James.

"Honestly, I'm fine," insisted Hermione. "I'm just a bit tired."

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to rest on the train," said Remus with a small nod, but there was clear concern in his eyes as he looked at her.

All Hermione could do was sigh. But if she really thought about it, napping on the train did sound appealing. What she had said about being tired was true, she hadn't slept very well the night before.

"Look, there's Wormtail!" said Sirius, who had changed from pointing at her to pointing down the platform to where Peter was talking with, who Hermione assumed were, his parents. She saw the woman hand Peter what looked like an Easter basket.

"PETE!" screamed James with cupped hands again.

On their way to find a compartment, they passed one that contained Lily, Mary, Doris, and Claudia and they all exchanged friendly waves with each other. The idea of maybe joining Lily and Mary in a compartment rather than with the boys had crossed Hermione's mind but seeing Claudia with them quickly had her changing it. She didn't know what would have been more uncomfortable, sitting with Remus or sitting with Doris and Claudia.

Doris seemed absolutely thrilled to see Sirius, who did not seem nearly as excited. With a sheepish grin, he started to usher the rest of them down the train corridor. As they walked away, Hermione noticed Claudia's eyes lingering on Remus and Hermione was suddenly thinking maybe Sirius had had the right idea about taking their broomsticks and flying. It certainly would have left her with a less nauseating feeling.

The ride back to Hogwarts was excruciatingly long. The only thing that gave Hermione any peace of mind was knowing that for a good portion of their journey, Remus would have to go off and do patrols with Lily. But the times he wasn't on patrol, he was sitting directly next to her, close enough to be able to smell the chocolate Easter eggs the four of them were eating, which was a gift from Peter's mum. The confusion she used to experience thinking about the scent of chocolate and Amortentia was now replaced with a fleeting sense of sadness. Maybe the Amortentia smelling like chocolate really had been a sign and not a coincidence. She had to shake the thought from her head, and instead forced her mind to return to chanting.

There were brief moments of sleep on the train, with Hermione curled up and leaning against the window, but she unfortunately couldn't sleep the entire ride, especially with how loud Sirius and James could get. Remus's pleas for them to be quiet as she slept went ignored. He seemed genuinely worried for her; constantly asking how she was feeling, and Hermione just had to swallow the lump in her throat and assure him she was fine every time he asked.

It was a miracle when the train finally pulled into Hogsmeade Station, and even more so that Hermione had managed to last the entire journey without crying from the stress of all of it. When they got off their carriage outside the castle gate, Remus held her slightly back as they walked.

"Chocolate?" he asked, holding out a broken off portion of one of Peter's Easter eggs.

"Oh, uh, no thank you," declined Hermione, wishing he hadn't separated them from the pack. She watched James, Sirius, and Peter walking ahead of them and she bit her bottom lip nervously.

"You know, it always helps me when I'm not feeling well," he insisted.

"Really, I'm fine…"

"I don't believe you."

Hermione stared at him for a moment as he continued to try to push the chocolate towards her. Giving up, Hermione tentatively took the small piece of chocolate and bit off half of it. It was delicious, and Hermione felt a small warmth go through her. Maybe it did make her feel a little better.

Her expression must have been telling because Remus broke into a grin. "What did I tell you?"

Hermione smiled wearily back at him and plopped the rest of it into her mouth and continued to chew as they walked.

"You know, I didn't want to say it in front of the others, but I've been really worried, Hermione," he said.

"What are you worried about?"

"You. You seemed so fine yesterday before disappearing. When Sirius said you were really sick and went back to James's house, how could I not worry?"

A pang of guilt went through her.

"I'm sorry about leaving before lunch yesterday," she said truthfully. She had also been looking forward to it and wished the day before had gone very differently. It would have made things so much easier in that moment.

"There will be other lunches, Hermione," said Remus, shaking his head. "That's not what had me worried."

Hermione stared at his concerned face as they walked, and a fondness spread through her. It was almost annoying how caring he was. Why couldn't he be less kind? That thought almost made her laugh with the absurdity of it.

"Not to mention you haven't seemed yourself today. You barely spoke to any of us during the train ride," he continued.

"I do feel better," insisted Hermione, not meeting his eye. "I just didn't sleep well last night. I'm tired."

"Is it because of Sirius?" he asked, clearly not buying her attempts to assure him nothing was wrong. His voice sounded firmer than usual and his face was hard. "Because if it is…"

"What?" asked Hermione with confusion, wondering where his mind was going, But then she remembered the kiss. The memory made her flinch and her cheeks burned. Why did Sirius have to go and tell them about that? "No, it's not because of Sirius. That's been dealt with…"

There was a ridiculous sense of irony for Remus to assume she wasn't with them because of Sirius rather than her own feelings for him.

It's just a stupid little crush…

"Yeah, James mentioned you hexing him…" said Remus with a small frown.

"Sirius can be an idiot, but at least I now have leverage against him in case I ever need something," Hermione settled on saying.

It wasn't necessarily a lie, but she was aware that Remus was indirectly asking her what actually was the matter. And it wasn't as though she could tell him that. What would she say? Oh yes, Remus, I've just been acting weird because I realized I actually sort of like you but it's very complicated and inappropriate because technically I've not even been born yet! Also, you were my teacher once but in the future! He'd go running for the hills.

Remus was clearly unsatisfied by her response, but he was kind enough to drop the subject. When they arrived in the Entrance Hall, he started towards the Great Hall but Hermione stopped.

"I'm actually going to head to bed early. You go on to dinner without me," said Hermione, causing Remus to stop and look back at her.

"What?" asked Remus blankly.

"I'm not very hungry, but I am very tired still."

"But I was hoping we could maybe go to our room afterwards… it's been two weeks since we really spoke."

He was staring at her so sadly and Hermione's heart felt like it might break.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I really just need to get some sleep. But I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Hermione said quickly.

"Yeah, alright," said Remus slowly.

Hermione turned and quickly walked towards the Grand Staircase, leaving a very confused and concerned Remus staring after her.

.:~*~*~*~*~:.

At first, Hermione thought maybe avoiding Remus would be the best course of action; at least it would make it easier for her to refocus her brain on her real priorities. As days started to go by, she realized that it would have been impossible to avoid Remus, so Hermione had quickly given up on that idea. Still, she didn't want to spend time alone with him. Instead, she made a point to only spend time with him with the others around. Any time an opportunity arose where he would have had a chance to ask to go off to their room, Hermione either escaped to the library with all her assignments, stayed in her dormitory, or wrangled all of them into a group study. Luckily, no one question the fact that she had thrown herself into her studies with the end of the year exams approaching. Even if anyone had grown suspicious of her always excusing herself to go off and study, no one brought it up. Everyone was putting much more attention on their pile of work as well. It helped that most of her friends were also nervous that the date for the Apparition test was drawing nearer and nearer.

But not being able to spend time with Remus like she had grown so accustomed to was difficult. Now that she realized how much she actually did like him, she became so much more aware of his presence whenever he was around, and when he wasn't she longed to be with him. But she knew that she couldn't allow that. Her only option was to try to distract herself and either spend more time with Lily and Mary or to just stay away from private settings with him. Luckily there were plenty of distractions around the castle for her to keep her mind occupied.

Things seemed different once classes had resumed back at Hogwarts the following few weeks. News of attacks around Britain were starting to circulate in the Daily Prophets. They weren't incredibly common yet, and rarely made the front page. It almost seemed as though the Prophet was doing its best to try to keep them as low profile as possible, never sharing more than vague details. If someone didn't read the paper front to back, it was easily missed. Most of the students around Hogwarts didn't even seem to notice, and the few that did notice didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal, given that Hogwarts was supposed to be one of the safest places in all of Britain. While Hermione knew this to be true, but she still worried, knowing how impending the war was.

There was a noticeable change in some of the Slytherins' behaviors. Avery and Mulciber were quieter in classes, and particularly attentive in Potions as Slughorn continued to teach about poisons and antidotes. Rosier hadn't show up to the last Slug Club meeting, and while Regulus still attended, he seemed to be so tense that he looked like at any moment his white knuckles would shatter. Snape was as hard to read as ever, and Hermione had a feeling he was still keeping an eye on her after the full moon before Easter holiday, although he hadn't approached her again since his detentions with Filch.

Days would go by where Dumbledore was missing from Hogwarts without any kind of explanation. Knowing what she did about the upcoming war, Hermione suspected he was meeting with the Order of the Phoenix, but there was no way for her to confirm that. None of her friends ever brought the organization up, so Hermione assumed they must not have been aware of it given they were still in school and some of them were still not of age, like Peter.

There was another part of Hermione that wondered if Dumbledore was missing from the castle because of her. Maybe he had discovered something that would help her go home. If that were the case, she wished he would at least keep her informed with what was happening. Ever since she had returned from holiday, she had wanted to speak with him, but his random disappearances as well as her busy schedule seemed to make that impossible. The days she went to talk to him seemed to always align with the days he wasn't in the castle. Hermione had gone to his office multiple times to check if maybe he was just avoiding meals, but with no luck.

Having Dumbledore just gone from the castle was odd. The last time she was able to speak with him about was when she had gone to quickly ask him if she could join in on Apparition lessons, which he had allowed her to do. Their meetings had become more and more infrequent and in the back of her mind, Hermione couldn't help but wonder if he had given up on finding a way for her to go home.

The thought of Dumbledore abandoning her in the past would have driven her mad if the rest of the term hadn't begun to get incredibly busy. Throwing herself into her studies had always been a way for her to refocus, to regain some sort of control. Classes had never been more difficult, and Hermione was even starting to feel the stress from them. Still, Hermione was dying to speak with Dumbledore and was waiting impatiently for his return to Hogwarts. In the meantime, Hermione spent most of her free time alone in the library, pouring over books and trying to get a certain wizard out of her head.

One afternoon after a particularly complicated Transfigurations lesson, Hermione, Mary, and Lily sat eating lunch in the Great Hall. Well, Hermione was trying to force herself to eat, which she had found rather difficult lately. That as well as sleeping; she hadn't had more than a few hours of sleep a night since term restarted. She hadn't felt this anxious between classes and everything outside of them since her third year. The only other person that seemed to be nearly as stressed as her was Mary.

"What happens if we don't pass our exams at the end of the year?" said Mary fearfully. Her eyes flicking up and down the open page of her Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook she had laid out in front of her on the table. "N.E.W.T exams aren't until next year, but will they kick us out of our N.E.W.T level courses if we fail this year?"

"I doubt it," said Hermione. "They aren't official Ministry exams. They're just like every other exam before the O.W.L"

"Try to imagine them like a measure of how well you're doing halfway through N.E.W.T level courses," suggested Lily. "Like a progress checkpoint."

Mary groaned and placed her head down onto the open textbook with a light thump.

"I barely passed the Defense O.W.L exam as it is… My parents will be so disappointed if I fall behind. I didn't get anything to transfigure in class earlier and Apparition tests are soon and I've only successfully done it once…" she moaned into the pages, her voice sounding muffled.

"Aw, Mary, we'll help you with Defense," soothed Lily, reaching over the table and patting Mary's head. "And Transfiguration!"

Mary grumbled in response.

"Miss Macdonald, are you quite alright?" said a voice from behind Hermione and Mary.

Mary's head shot up with surprise and they all looked up to see Professor McGonagall standing behind them looking at Mary curiously.

"Oh! Yes, Professor," said Mary who was turning a brilliant shade of red.

"If you are indeed concerned about your lessons and your marks, my office is always open," said Professor McGonagall, peering over her glasses at Mary.

"Er- right, thank you, professor," mumbled Mary. She looked back down at her book, but based on her expression, she appeared like she wished she were anywhere else at the moment.

"Miss Dawson," said McGonagall, turning her attention to Hermione. "This letter is for you."

She handed a folded-up piece of parchment to Hermione who took it delicately.

"What's that?" asked Lily curiously as McGonagall walked away. Mary, now that McGonagall had left, was looking back over at Hermione too.

"No idea," frowned Hermione.

Carefully, she unfolded the parchment and looked at the letter:

Dear Miss Dawson,

If you have a chance today, I'd like to meet with you in my office.

It has been a while since we have spoken.

Albus Dumbledore

Hermione stared down at the parchment, a million thoughts immediately running through her head. Dumbledore was back and he already wanted to meet with her. If he had just gotten back this was either a good or a bad sign. Had he maybe been away figuring out a way for her to go home? Her stomach flipped at the thought; the idea alarming her.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" asked Mary sounding worried.

"Hm?"

Hermione looked up and saw both Mary and Lily looking at her curiously.

"You look as though you've seen a ghost," said Lily. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing," she said quickly.

Lily looked down at the letter and Hermione followed her gaze, noticing that her hands were trembling slightly. Hermione quickly folded the letter up and tucked it away.

"Do you have the time?" Hermione asked Lily.

"Oh, sure," said Lily. She looked down at her watch. "It's just half past now."

There was still about an hour until they had to be at Potions and Hermione immediately stood up.

"Brilliant, thanks, Lily!" she said as she grabbed her bag and swung in over her shoulder. "I have to go do something before class. If I'm late, can you tell Slughorn I'm on my way?"

"Yeah, of course," said Lily, looking startled at Hermione's sudden movement.

"Thanks!"

By the time she arrived outside of Dumbledore's office, Hermione was out of breath from her rush. She had to pause outside of his door just to steady her breathing, feeling both physically and mentally exhausted. With one final exhale, Hermione knocked.

"Enter," said a voice from the other side.

Hermione hesitantly opened the door and stepped into the room. Professor Dumbledore sat behind his old wooden desk as he quickly scribbled away, writing on a long sheet of parchment. As the sound of the door closing behind Hermione, he looked up.

"Ah, Hermione," said Dumbledore with his signature twinkle-eyed smile, laying down his quill on the desk.

"Hello, sir," she said quickly through her growing nerves.

"Please, have a seat."

Tentatively, Hermione pulled her bag off her shoulder and sat down in the chair across from Dumbledore's desk. She let her bag fall to her feet and she folded her hands politely in her lap, waiting for Dumbledore to speak.

"So, I have heard that you have been wishing to speak to me," said Dumbledore with a gentle smile.

So, her attempts of trying to get to him had not gone unnoticed. Normally that might have embarrassed her, but the only thing she was feeling in that moment was unease.

"Yes, sir," said Hermione.

He continued to smile as he leaned back in his chair and gestured with his hands for her to continue talking. She wasn't even sure where to begin. She had expected him to have some form of small talk, or maybe explain where he's been and any progress he's made. He always seemed to have answers before the questions were even asked, and she had hoped that this would be one of those occasions. Leaving her to lead the conversation confused her, and also terrified her.

"I suppose I was just wondering about whether or not there was any progress on me being here…" she said lamely, not knowing what else to say.

"Ah, yes, I imagine you would be wondering that," said Dumbledore. "And I wish I had a better answer for you."

"So that's a no?"

Dumbledore nodded gravely and Hermione looked down at her hands. Although she wasn't entirely surprised at this point, disappointment still ran through her body.

"Do you still wish you run?" he asked.

Hermione gave a start at the question.

"Is that a possibility?" she asked hesitantly.

"Regrettably it is not, I just wished to measure where your head currently was," said Dumbledore, frowning at her.

Hermione felt her shoulders slump. Unfortunately, it wasn't where her head was that was her current problem. Now she had to worry about her heart as well. But if there was no way home, and she had to stay in the past, that problem could go away…

"Then is there not a way for me to help? To make changes?" Hermione asked, feeling brave in the moment. "I can be a great asset about some things in the future… if I have to stay here, then let me at least help."

Dumbledore's frown deepened as he regarded her carefully. It was almost as if she could see the gears turning in the old wizard's head. Hermione wondered if he were trying to think of a way for her to help or if he were trying to find a way to reject her. Either way, she was holding her breath in anticipation for an answer.

"You already know the answer to that, Hermione," said Dumbledore slowly.

It was the worst thing he could have said to her, and anger immediately began to coarse through her blood. No, she didn't know the answer. She didn't know the answer to anything anymore. Half of the time she didn't even know what questions she was supposed to ask, let alone begin to wonder about answers.

"But I don't anymore. I don't know anything!"

"Alas, all we can do right now is wait," Dumbledore said solemnly.

"But I can't just sit around and wait!"

"You'll have to."

"But I can help!" Hermione said with conviction. "Isn't that why you've been away? To do things for the war?"

He stared at her silently for a moment, looking at her with a guarded expression and Hermione began to wonder if she had gone too far.

"The best way for you to help right now, is to not purposely upset the timeline," he explained in a tone so calm that Hermione felt her ears begin to ring in annoyance.

"Yet, there is no way for me to know if what I'm doing is upsetting it or not," she said through gritted teeth. "How am I supposed to know if what I'm doing is, or is not, affecting the future?"

"Remember the stream—"

"Damn the stream!" said Hermione, launching to her feet and feeling as though the room were suddenly filled with red. "Don't you think we're well past a stream metaphor by now? I'm not some pebble in a hypothetical! In two months, it will have been an entire year that I've been here! Do you honestly believe that in the past year just my existence hasn't change anything? Whether it's been five centuries or 20 years, do you not think things have changed? Do you not think I've effected the lives of the people you told me to get close to just by being a part of their lives? You've kept me here against my will, and against my better judgement, and because of that it could have put these people that I now care so deeply about at risk! And even with my knowledge of the future, you refuse to now let me help them!"

Her chest heaved in and out as she breathed heavily while she stared at a stone-faced Dumbledore. If she hadn't gone too far earlier, she certainly had now. Hermione wasn't sure where her outburst had come from, but getting the words out had both taken a strong weight off of her shoulders while simultaneously filling her with overwhelming guilt. Embarrassment tingled from her face through her body down to her toes and she numbly sat back down in the chair and couldn't bear to meet Dumbledore's eye.

There was deathly silence throughout Dumbledore's office now. Hermione focused her eyes on the silver instruments moving and spinning on his desk and concentrated hard on the faint sound of fire cracking from the torches around the room. It was the only thing she could think to do to distract herself so she wouldn't start to cry.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling her entire face burn.

"Frustration is natural," he said simply. "I'd be more concerned if you didn't feel this way. It shows you care a great deal in preserving the timeline as it should be."

Hermione didn't miss what Dumbledore was implying with his statement. It may have sounded like a compliment, but she knew the deeper meaning; that he was telling her to continue to be a good girl who wouldn't dare to try to change the future.

"I just worry about what changes I'm making by just existing," Hermione admitted. "I've grown so close to some people, and I just feel as though my attachment to them can lead to problems."

This seemed to get more of his attention and Dumbledore looked over his half-moon spectacles at her.

"Can you elaborate on these attachments and problems, Miss Granger?"

His words sent a chill through her body. Had she said too much? There was no way she could fully tell him how strong her attachments had become. It was probably better not to say anything about how she felt about Remus, especially since she could never act on it now that Dumbledore had indirectly said she couldn't make any purposeful changes. Either way, she would just have to keep reminding herself it was only a stupid little crush. Over and over again.

Sure, Hermione could be the good girl Dumbledore wanted her to be. She would play along and float down Dumbledore's stream, no matter how painful it was.

"I just care very deeply for them and worry about the future. If there's nothing I can do to help change the future, then I don't want to do anything that can potentially harm them," she said carefully, trying to hide the pain she was feeling in her chest.

If Dumbledore knew the true extent of her misguided feelings, he did not make it known. Instead, he nodded thoughtfully.

"And you believe this could lead to problems?"

"How could it not? If my friends here care for me half as much as I care for them that's a problem in itself. They were supposed to grow up without me; live lives without me. I don't belong here."

She felt like she was going mad. How many times would they have a similar conversation? Was what she was saying truly not getting through to him or was he just patronizing her? All she wanted was a straight answer, not metaphors and idioms. She was beginning to wonder if he knew even less about what to do than he had been letting on.

"The saying is overdone, but things do happen for a reason, Hermione," he said, sitting forward in his chair. Hermione didn't even have time to scoff at his cliched comment before he continued. "I would say, in some ways, you do belong here. But only time will tell."

Great. Another non-answer.

"Time will tell… brilliant," she grumbled to herself, but he must have heard her because Dumbledore smirked.

"While I may not always be in the castle as of late, I am still here if you need me. I am always an owl away," said Dumbledore.

Hermione just nodded at him. That was at least good to know, and she just hoped he would extend the said curtesy to her if he found anything out that could help her go home.

"You should get to class," he said. "Professor Slughorn will be missing you."

It was clearly a dismissal, but Hermione wasn't even remotely offended by it. If anything, she welcomed an excuse to escape his office.

"Yes, sir," she said. She reached down and took a hold of her bag.

"And one more thing, Hermione," said Dumbledore just as she started to stand up. "While I was able to get your name on the list for lessons and to register for the Apparition test, there still is no official record of you at the Ministry."

Hermione didn't like where this was going.

"And what does that mean, sir?" she asked, hesitantly.

"It means, you are going to have to fail your test."

A/N: I spent hours the other night making a new cover image for this story because I was bored but I'm so bad with change that I'm not sure if I want to update it. The current one is such low quality but I'm so torn!

So let me know what you thought! Is there anything in particular that you liked? Anything you want to happen? Anything you think should be different? What do you think will happen next? Any suggestions or concerns? Let me know!

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