Chapter 16: "My Kara, My Lena"
"Love is the only memory one never loses, Isaac." His father had said. "Because even if one loses his mind the memory always remains in the heart." – Felix Alexander, The Romantic
Lena should feel ecstatic, the meeting with the new investors had gone perfectly well, yet something bothered her, she felt a kind of itch on the back of her mind. Conforming the minutes past the itchiness change into something worse, she became restless, when she wasn't able to take it anymore, she decided to end her day at L-CORP and headed directly to Kara's apartment.
While she was in the car, she could tell something was terribly wrong, the connection with Kara had disappeared once more as if it never existed, she felt how loneliness took a hold of her and how her entire world came crashing down once more.
Once in Kara's building, the raven-hair woman run through the hallway that led to her mate's apartment, she searched for the keys on her purse and almost drop them when she heard Kara's screams coming from the inside. When she finally entered the room, she found Kara in the corner of her living room, her mate was in a sitting position with her knees to her chest, her head down and her hands were pressing at both sides, she looked small and fragile. With as much speed as she could mastered while wearing high heel shoes, she went straight to Kara and knelt in front of her. The blonde was whispering her name again and again, she tried to make eye contact with the blonde but her eyes where unfocused as she repeated the word Lena like a mantra.
"Kara, darling, I'm here, I'm right here" after several tries the photographer finally seemed to calm down and Lena sighed with relief "I'm here honey, it's okay, you're okay" she tried to touch Kara's face with her hand but the blonde flinched at the motion, the action made her concern come back with full force.
"Kara?" she whispered with dread.
"Who are you?" the words hit her ears and her entire world crumbled.
"Kara, it's me Lena! you know me, please don't do this to me…" she knew she sounded desperate once her voice faltered. When all she saw reflected on Kara's eyes was confusion, she tried once again to come closer but her mate only curled herself more into herself and moved further away from her. Lena's heart shuddered at this, she wasn't able to feel what Kara was going through, she was so close to her mate but at the same time she felt they were miles away from each other. She took a deep breath and decided to give Kara space and assessed what the hell was going on.
"Hey, it's fine, I'm not going to hurt you, my name is Lena" she waited for Kara's answer hoping that the mention of her name would help her.
"Lena… Lena…" Kara closed her eyes tight and opened them again "I remember that name, I was supposed to remember that name" Lena's hope was back.
"Kara, do you remember me then?" the blonde shook her head and her hopes came crashing down again. Kara seemed to be in pain and Lena was sure it was due to her mate making an effort to comprehend what was happening.
"I'm Kara, is that correct? You referred to me as such so I imagined that's my name" Lena was shocked. Her mate did not only forget who she was but also herself, Kara's memories were completely gone.
"Yes, that's your name" her voice trembled.
"I'm sorry, I'm very confused, everything is telling me that I should remember you, but when I try, there's nothing, just your name, everything else is completely white, empty…" Kara's breathing became more labored. There was something off with the way she talked, she had an accent, Lena tried to remember wher she had heard it before, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.
"Hey Kara, listen, take a deep breath, I'm going to help you, you can trust me" she tried to come closer and this time the blonde didn't back away. She grabbed her mate's hand rubbing her thumb in a soothing manner, Kara did as she was told and took a deep breath.
"Where am I?" the blonde asked looking around.
"This is your apartment, you live here" Lena was seriously losing her shit, but she tried her best to remain calm for Kara.
"It's nice, and who are you? Why are you here?" the question made her heart ache.
"I'm here because I was helping you, you had an accident and I was taking care of you" she saw how Kara's eyes widened at the mention of her accident.
"So, you're like a nurse?" her mate was getting up from the floor and Lena help her when she saw her tumbling to the side. "Sorry, I'm a little dizzy".
"It's fine, let's just sit on the couch, I'll bring you some water" the brunette left Kara on the couch and walked towards the kitchen, before searching for the glass, she grabbed the wood of the kitchen counter with both hands squeezing until her knuckles turned white, she took a deep breath and loosened her grip. "Here" Lena offered the glass of water to Kara a minute later.
"Thank you" Kara drunk the entire glass of water in one go. "You didn't answer my question" she saw confusion in the brunette's features "about you being a nurse" she added.
Lena gulped "Actually, I'm… I'm your girlfriend". She waited for Kara's response, her nerves taking the best of her.
"Oh, you mean like…"
"We are together, yes" the blonde seemed surprise "what is it?"
"Nothing, it's just you're incredibly beautiful, I was lucky, wasn't I?" Lena could feel her cheeks warming up. "Sorry I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable"
"No, it's okay. Kara, can you tell me what's the last thing you remember?" the blonde seemed to focus, and Lena could see how distressed she really was despite her previously relax demeanor.
"Someone was saying your name, a woman, she said I should remember your name" the blonde was frowning harder "Everything else is blank, I don't" Kara tried to push forward but the pain returned once more with full force, her hands were again in her hand. When she started hitting herself, Lena grabbed Kara's hands with force to stop the motion.
"Kara stop!" but the blonde was stronger than her, so she hugged her, her own arms squeezing with as much force as she could master, her muscles complained at the extreme use. When Kara opened her eyes next, they were almost pitch black, a loud growl came from her. "Oh no. Kara listen to me, you have to calm down, please!"
"Lena, what's…" another loud growl "what's happening?" her mate's voice was tinted with fear.
Lena didn't know how to stop her, the blonde's breathing became more labored and her entire body started to contort in a painful way.
"Kara, come on, breathe with me, you have to calm down" she took Kara's face in her hands.
"I don't… I can't, please help me…" when she heard her mate's distressed, she did the only thing that was left to try, she kissed Kara with all her might, pouring everything she felt into it. Kara's body stopped contorting, and after a couple of seconds, finally relaxed. At first, the blonde was completely still, but when Lena moved her hand and stroke the side of her face gently, Kara reciprocated. The kiss was tender, sweet and full of emotions, even if the blonde didn't remember who Lena was, she was kissing her in the same way as before. Lena broke the kiss first to take a mouthful of air, when Kara opened her eyes once more, they were back to normal, the blue in them reminding Lena of a clear sky.
"Sorry" the brunette apologized quickly when Kara kept watching her fixedly.
The blonde shook her head "No, it's okay, you just took me by surprise that's all"
"Even so, I shouldn't kiss you without your consent, I didn't know what else to do but that's no excuse" Lena moved away from Kara to give her space.
"Hey, you help me and… if I'm being honest, I quite enjoyed kissing you, I don't know how to explain it but it felt… right" Kara smiled at her and Lena realized that her Kara was still there, even without her memories, she was the same sweet person.
"Don't worry, I know what you mean, I feel that way too whenever I kiss you" they both kept quiet for a bit after that, the air became charged and Lena was having trouble refraining herself from crashing their lips together once again. She finally stood from the couch when the feeling was to much for her to handle and was already thinking a course of action. She would take Kara to the DEO for examination, but first she had to call Alex for her to be there once they arrived. The brunette was pouring herself a glass of scotch to ease herself up when Kara spoke again.
"When I was losing control earlier, I could feel something changing, trying to take control over me…" she swallowed hard "can you tell me what happened? What was that?"
When she looked at Kara, her mate was looking at her eagerly. "I can't explain it to you right now Kara, I believe we should talk with your doctor first. I don't know what's happening and I'm afraid that throwing more information about what that was and who you are might cause more damage. You just need to trust me on this, okay?"
"Okay Lena" the blonde nodded.
About an hour later they were both at the DEO medical bay, waiting for the CT scan results. Dr Simmons asked for a scan after checking Kara's vitals and learned there was nothing out of the ordinary. Lena was having a coffee while she waited, and Alex and Kelly were on the way. When Lena saw the red head almost running towards the room, she excused herself and told Kara to wait for her for a few minutes, she was out of the room once Kara nodded.
When Alex was about to enter to the room where Kara was, the CEO stopped her. "Alex, wait"
"Lena, I have to see her, what's going on?" The agent said with frustration.
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to see her right now" the other woman gave her an incredulous look.
"And why the hell no?" Kelly took Alex's arm when the woman tried to pass through Lena. "Al, you should listen to what Lena has to say" the CEO gave smiled in gratitude. "Okay, I'm listening"
"I don't know what happened but Kara doesn't remember who she is. When I came back from the office earlier today, I found her in a corner of the room screaming in pain, the only thing she remembers is my name, but she doesn't even know who I am".
Alex started pacing through the hallway. "Why do you believe is not convenient for me to see her?"
"She's afraid and stressed Alex, she doesn't know who to trust. When we were at the apartment, she almost lost control, I was barely able to stop her from changing into her werewolf form. Alex, she doesn't remember she's different, and our bond in not working again but for some reason she still trusts me".
"Okay then, I'll wait here for Dr Simmons". Alex and Kelly were about to sat down on the chairs that were displayed in the hallway when Dr Simmons appeared at the corner.
"Hey guys, I have Kara's results" Lena looked at her with expectation. "So, her blood test came back normal as so did her CT Scan".
"That's not possible, there has to be something wrong" Lena was desperate, if they didn't find anything wrong then there was no way for them to find a solution, the brunette was a logical person and this didn't make any sense.
"I believe that what is happening to Kara has nothing to do with her physical health but with her psychological one instead. You said she was doing fine when you left, but when you came back, she was in distressed, I think something triggered her and as a result her mind did what was necessary to block the pain" the three women were looking with interest "This is my conclusion but to be sure she'll have to be checked by a specialist as psychology it's not my area of expertise".
"I could check on her" Kelly stated and both Lena and Alex gave her a questioning look "I work with people that has suffered severe trauma, I think I can help. If not, you could always bring someone from the DEO, but I think it's worth the try".
Once Alex and Lena agreed with her, the CEO introduced her to Kara, she was asked to stay outside with Alex and the blonde was left alone with Kelly but not before Lena promised her that she would be right outside. Both women waited impatiently, taking several walks to the coffee machine, and were taken aback when they saw Kara and Kelly hugging. Almost an hour later the psychologist was leaving the room with a slight smile on her face.
"So? What do you think?" Lena asked before Alex could uttered the same question.
"I think Dr. Simmons is right, I've seen some cases like this, it's like a safe mechanism activated to protect Kara from something, probably a bad memory or experience. Although I find it intriguing that there's only one thing she remembers and that's your name" Lena listened what Kelly was saying with interest, looking at Kara from time to time to make sure she was okay. "If I had to guess, I think you Lena, are connected with the memory or trauma that caused this reaction in her, but I would need more sessions with her to stablish what really happened and a way to reverse it".
"Do it" both Lena and Alex said in unison.
"Okay, but I think she had enough for today, I told her we could start tomorrow and today she could go back to her place, at first she hesitated but when I mentioned that you were going with her, she immediately said yes". Lena smiled, even if the situation was less than ideal, the fact that Kara still trusted her was more than she could asked for.
"So, you already knew we were going to accept your help, didn't you?" Alex said with amusement.
"I'm confident like that" Kelly wink at her girlfriend and Lena knew that Kelly was the best person to help Kara, there was something about her that made her special and apparently Kara felt it too by the hug they had share before.
About an hour later they were back at Kara's apartment, the blonde sat at the couch while Lena made a cup of tea for both of them. Lena glanced at her and saw how Kara's gaze wandered from side to side, probably trying to make sense of what she was seeing, or make a connection with who she was before she lost her memories. She followed Kara's gaze until it landed and stayed on the corner where she had found her before, it was then that she saw Kara's phone laying on the floor. She went to grab it and checked the last incoming call, the caller ID was blocked but the time of the call was around the time she was coming back from her office, she looked at Kara who was now standing near the window and apparently enjoying the view.
"Hey, Kara?" the photographer turned towards her "You don't remember if the person on the phone talking to you before was a woman or a man, do you?" Lena knew the question was stupid but still, she had to try.
"No, I'm sorry Lena. The only thing I remember is you coming in and kneeling besides me, but before that, nothing" her mate voice sounded so empty and cold, it was as if she was there but at the same time she wasn't, one minute her Kara was there and the next she was just an empty shell and Lena felt the lost again and again every time this happened. "Are you okay? Is something bothering you?" the blonde asked with genuine concern.
"No darling, everything is okay, I just space out for a minute there. Come here, let's drink this and we can think what to order for dinner". Lena extended her hand for Kara to take but stopped midway thinking that Kara might feel uncomfortable with the physical contact, after all, she still didn't remember who she was, even if it pained her to be this far away from Kara, she had to be patient and let her partner make the first move.
They decided on having some potstickers and pizza, Lena thought they should eat Kara's favorites in the hopes that it would awaken something in her. The first thing she noticed while they were eating was that Kara's appetite was as strong as always, the blonde finished the potstickers in less than ten minutes. The second thing was that apparently, she still enjoyed watching Disney movies, after having dinner Kara was left on the couch watching Moana and she hadn't moved a muscle through the entire movie.
They eventually decided to call it a night, Lena showed Kara were everything was and decided to take the couch, once she was sure the blonde was asleep, she grabbed her computer and tried to find a way to track the call from Kara's phone, but even with her resources she wasn't able to, or at least she couldn't track an old call, therefore all she had to do was wait for the caller to contact Kara again, when she saw it was almost 11 pm, she set the phone at the coffee table and succumbed to sleep after the exhaustion brought by the events of the day.
One week had passed by since the blonde had lost her memories, Kelly tried to move forward but every time they tried to scratch the surface and push deeper Kara got an intense headache again and they were force to stop. Until then, she knew that whatever was happening with Kara had something to do with her childhood, the accent the blonde had since losing her memories was one of the clear indicators. When both, Kelly and Lena asked Eliza, who had joined them after a desperate called from Alex, about Kara's past and origins there was few information that the blonde woman could offer them. Apparently, according to the foster care system, Kara came from a European country, but they didn't know much else, just that someone had left her with a letter that said what had happened to her parents and a plead to take good care of her. Kara was thirteen at the moment and had been diagnosed with dissociation hence, she barely remembered what had happened to her and her parents, that left them without access to her past. A week later, after not making any progress and Kara's uprising frustration, Kelly finally contemplated the option of using hypnosis as a way of treatment, as soon as she explained how it would work, Kara was more than open to the suggestion, her only condition being for Lena to be at her side while they did it.
The next morning, Kara was laying on a couch with her eyes closed while Kelly talked softly giving her instruction. Lena sat at her side, she held Kara's hand in hers and watched how her mate's body relaxed with every word spoken.
"Kara, I want for you to picture yourself on the bed where you used to sleep as a child, tell me once you're there" Lena saw how the crinkle in the middle of her girlfriend's eyebrows appeared and fought the impulse to soothe it with her thumb.
"I'm here" Kara answered in a low and scared voice.
"Good. Look around, tell me, what do you see?"
"I'm on my bed, there's light coming through the door" Kara's voice sounded wary.
"Is there something you can hold onto? Maybe a pillow or a teddy bear?"
"Yes, I have my teddy bear with me" she sounded calmer.
"Okay, I want you to hold onto that teddy bear with all your might, don't let go of him, okay?"
"Her" Kara almost whispered.
"Sorry?"
"My teddy, her name is Lena" the CEO looked eyed wide at Kelly.
"Oh, sorry, hold on to Lena then. Tell me what else do you see or hear"
"I don't like this, this is when I lose them, I don't want to be here" Kara's voice was small almost childish like and broken. Lena flinched when she heard the fear behind her mate's words and tried to move but Kelly made a sign for her to stop and Lena did just that.
"I know honey, just a little longer, okay? Lena is there with you, she'll keep you safe, I promise"
"Okay" when the reply came Kelly kept going, she knew she had to maintain Kara emotionally stable in order for this to work.
"Focus on your surroundings, the noises, the smell, do you hear something, tell me what's happening right now"
"I hear… I hear a man's voice coming from downstairs"
"It's that your dad's voice?"
Kara squeezed Lena's hand with force. "No, but my father is talking to him, they are almost yelling"
The information picked Kelly's curiosity. "What are they saying Kara?"
"I can't hear them, all sounds weird, my… my head hurts"
"Kara honey, it's okay, you're safe, take deep breaths and hold Lena tight, deep breaths honey, come on" Kelly tried to sooth her after hearing her shallow breathing.
"The man is telling he's come to get something" Kara continued "something that belongs to him"
"What else Kara? Keep going"
"My father is upset, he's telling him to leave" Kara took another deep breath.
"Kara, what else do you hear? What does the man want? What's he saying?" if Kelly was right, the memory Kara was seeing was from the day her parents died.
"She belongs to me! You can't hide her anymore" Lena was startled when Kara's voice came stronger. Kelly was by now sitting on the edge of her chair.
"It's that what the man is saying Kara?"
"Yes" Kara squeezed Lena's hand once again and the brunette could feel the pain kicking in at the pressure, but she stayed put.
"Good, you're doing great honey, keep going, what else are they saying?"
A gasp came from Kara after a few seconds of complete silence "Kara? What is it?"
"The man… he's here for me, he wants to take me" the blonde's breathing became labored once again "My father is protecting me, he's telling him he will never let him take me" a single tear rolled down her face.
Both Lena and Kelly jumped from their seat when Kara flinched after being silent for a minute "Kara, what happened?" the anticipation was taking the best of Lena, her own heart rate was so intense she could feel her chest bumping.
"I can't hear him anymore, I think he's gone. But I can hear my mother now, she's talking with my father"
"Can you hear what are they talking about?"
"Yes, my mother is telling my father that there's something I need to know. Wait, what's happening?" Kara sounded out of breath.
"Kara? What happened, talk to me?"
"I… I think a fell asleep, I can't breathe well, it's hot, it burns"
"Try to take small breaths, what do you see now?"
"There's smoke, so much smoke. Wait, I think my mom is coming" Lena's heart broke at the hopeful tone she heard in Kara's voice.
"Is your mom there?" Kelly asked when Kara fell silent.
There were several tears falling down Kara's face now and Lena was the one squeezing her mate's hand this time.
"Yes, she's telling me about some people that wants to hurt me. Lena…" the brunette perked up at the mention of her name "she's telling me to remember your name" Kara's body started shaking, shallow breath was coming out of her "please, I don't want to be here, please, please let me out" her voice broke with every word being said, the pain cut through her plea like a sharp blade.
"It's okay Kara, I'll count to three, on three I want you to wake up, take a deep breath and follow my voice. One… two… three" after Kelly's countdown Kara violently sat upright, her eyes wondered through the room, when Lena noticed how on edge Kara seemed to be, she immediately leaned in and held her face with both hands to make eye contact. At first Kara's eyes seemed foggy but the moment Lena whispered her name they became clear. Not a minute later Lena was able to feel Kara's relief washing over her and her own tears began to fall down.
"Lena?" the blonde asked, her voice filled with emotion.
"Please tell me you're back, please tell me this is really you" her voice quivered and her lower lip trembled.
Kara's response came in the form of a heartfelt salty kiss, tears finding the end of the road on the curve of their lips.
"I'm here my love, my Lena".
Hope you enjoy this chapter, reviews are always welcome 😊