After a few hours of sleep, I wake Seth up for the next hunt.
—Seth… wake up. I shake his body slightly, but he won't open his eyes.
—Seth… Shaking a bit more intensely makes him complain and turn his body to the side and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close. —Wake up. They'll be here any minute.
—Just five minutes. His voice is lazy, and he's squeezing me tighter and rubbing his face on my stomach.
I look up to Carlisle and Emmett walking over to us, so I stand up quickly, making Seth hit his head on the ground. —Ah! That hurt!
—You guys are here. I shout so Seth will stand up already. —We were just resting.
Emmett has this silly smile on his face, and he's about to tease me like the other day, but Carlisle is faster.
—Seth, Leah is trying to reach you.
—Is she? Seth appears confused for a moment until he finally remembers something. —Shit! I was supposed to go to the lawyer's office with her.
—She'll wait until five. If you run, you can catch her. Seth hesitates. He looks at me and back at David behind Carlisle.
—Go. We'll be quick here. I suggested David increase his feeding frequency, so the hunts are faster now.
—I'll be right back. He says, holding my shoulder and looking at Carlisle and Emmett before turning to David. He doesn't say anything to him, but he squeezes my shoulder a little tighter.
—Go ahead. I'll see you later. He runs to the forest, leaving us behind to meet his sister.
—Let's go. We follow Carlisle through the woods to our usual spot, and I take my Ipad and stylus pen out.
I've been mapping David's progress for a while now; we managed to save a few animals after he started on my schedule.
I monitor everything and create progress graphs to analyze the data and create a plan to help him control himself faster.
After he feeds, he comes back to report to me.
—Male deer, about three years old, and I let go of him after a minute. He was dizzy but walked it off. He could avoid killing larger animals due to the amount of blood, so it didn't surprise me that an adult deer survived.
—How are you feeling?
—Good. Like I can get through the night.
—Let me see your eyes. He gets closer, sitting right in front of me, and I take a good look at them; the red is almost gone now.
I take pictures to attach to the charts as Emmett looks over my shoulder, curious about my notes.
—What is all that? He asks.
—A graph to track his habits and progress. I'm typing all the information in, and my eyes are itchy again. This much screen time is making them sensitive.
—He doesn't need that. He gotta feel his instincts and control them. He talks like it's everything about gut feel.
—After she started doing that, I stopped killing almost every time we hunt. Emmett appears shocked at David's words. I guess my methods would appear dubious for someone like him who learned it the hard way.
—I need batteries. My stylus is turning off, and the Ipad is about to die too. —Seth the… oh, right. He wasn't there; I have to get it myself. Turning around to get the bag behind me, I feel my neck hurt. I need some sleep.
—Ok, the last one, I let out a big yawn. —and then we go back.
—You're overdoing it. David has been helping me make these charts and at finding Mirania. He and Seth always tell me to go to sleep or that I'm working too much and it's getting old.
—I'm fine. I don't look at him because my bloodshot eyes won't help me prove my point. I failed miserably at finding Padrone and need to be sure this time. A few sleepless nights won't kill me.
—Where's Jasper? David has been hunting with Carlisle and Jasper most of the time, but since we came back, Jasper has been… away a lot.
—I'm… not sure.
—Weren't you sharing information?
—We are. He's… gathering data. He'll tell me when he finds something. I don't need him reminding me of Jasper's silent treatment. I'm very aware of that.
David stands up and vanishes into the forest for his last hunt.
—David? Carlisle calls him aloud, and I stand up. He never does that.
—What's the problem?
—He's hiding using his powers. Emmett is looking around, trying to find him inside the trees.
—Keep Anne close. Emmett pulls me close as Carlisle tells him to. I'm searching for David too. He never does that. He never uses his powers around us, even if it would help him hunt because we were working on trust. Why would he threaten that like this?
—This is stupid. He emerges in front of Emmett and me, looking mad at something.
—What the hell, man? Emmett is very agitated.
—They are pushing you aside again. All that work was for nothing. David looks at me. Every word he says hurts me deeply, but I keep control.
—They are not. Jasper will tell me everything. I just have to be patient. I screwed up, that's why. I have to wait.
—You can't be serious. You're letting them do it again. They treat you like their human pet! They put you in a cage, and Seth is your leash!
—Watch it, David. Carlisle's voice is calm, but his words harsh. He's getting riled up too.
—I'm not a pet! Control went out the window now I'm screaming at him. I don't know what got into him, but he better take his words back right now. I'm not human, and I'm not a pet.
—Then you're what? Family? Equal to them? You're working your butt off for who? Renesmee? She's not even here! She's safe in her house while you're out here, getting hurt.
—You would know that! I won't take this anymore. He has no right to talk to me like that. Where is all of this coming from?
—You let them cage you. You're a coward.
—You call me a coward, but you ran away the first chance you got and left me behind in that lab. You don't care about me.
—You crawl around people that won't accept you because you can't be like them. You can't do anything for any of them. You're a burden, worst, an immortal one. His words hit me like a punch in my gut, and I couldn't contain my tears.
—I'm going to kill you, little prick! Emmett screams at him.
—If you're angry, do it yourself. Or are you that domesticated? I let myself be taken by the anger and slap him with all I got.
I can feel the hurt scratching through my skin now, suffocating me.
—Shut… up. I ran away from him and into the trees, unable to look at his face without wanting to hit him more.
—Anne! Emmett shouts behind me, but I won't stop. I can't stop. I'm back inside the greenhouse closet, venting my anger on a wall.
The tears roll fast down my face, and I want to rip my chest open so I can breathe. Am I back to square one? Is everything for nothing? Why can't I make one damn thing work?
Without a wall this time, I'm kicking a poor tree. My fingers hurt from the slap, but my whole body aches like it's being torn apart from the pain. His words hurt more than my pride; they broke my heart. I make myself painfully aware of my limitations all the time because I know I'm always in the way. I cried alone in my room many times when I was younger, questioning why something like me was alive. Something that couldn't do anything for the people I loved but also couldn't get out of the way, ever.
David spared no words calling out my lies to myself. He was right. I was acting domesticated, afraid to raise my voice and keeping myself in check all the time. They would keep secrets from me, and I told myself it was my fault because I was weak, and after repeating that so many times, I feel drained and helpless, like the day my parents died.
I'm screaming now, letting it all out. Kicking the tree is not enough, so I go for a punch, hoping the pain will make me feel better. Seth's gentle hand holds my fist before I hit it. His sad eyes took all the strength from my body, and I threw myself in his arms, wailing with my nails on his chest. He's holding me tightly, trying to keep me together, but I still feel my skin ripping apart like I'm going to explode as I scream and cry all those feelings out.
—Please, tell me how I can make you feel better. Seth's voice is like he's crying with me, but I can't stop the tears or the screams. I might explode if I do.
—Who did this to you? Please, Anne… tell me how to help you.
He stays with his arms around me, holding me together, stopping me from breaking apart from the pain until I stop. I'm exhausted beyond words when he finally grabs me by my shoulders and looks at me.
—Anne… His voice is sweet and nothing but a whisper. I can't look up or focus on anything.
He holds my face up, and I know I must look like a mess. —I want to get out of here. I just want to get away from all of this.
—Sure. Let's go back.
—No. I say, holding his arm. —Somewhere else. Far from here. He promised me he would go away with me if I asked him to. I'm not planning on running from this; I just needed… space.
—Right. I know just the place. I hold his hand, and we walk around the woods for a while, to a cabin next to the dirt road car with a car hidden inside. Probably the vehicle they use when they can't just run somewhere as a wolf. He drives us through the trees and to this neighborhood far from the city.
The houses here are much bigger, and all look like they belong to big, happy families. The streets are quiet as the night gets deeper, but the lights inside them are on, and people spend time with their families inside their cozy homes.
Seth parks the car in front of a white house with a large porch. Leah is leaving through the front door with a big bag in her hands as we approach.
—Seth? She looked startled to see her brother and me.
—Hey, you going out? Seth ignores her surprise and acts like this is not out of the blue.
—I told you I was going away for the weekend. She's looking back at me a lot. —What is going on?
—Can we stay here? He asks, ignoring her again.
She looks back at me with a small smile before pulling Seth closer. I can still hear her whispers. —Did something happen?
—She needs some space. Please?
Leah seems hesitant but smiles at me anyway. —Make yourself at home. I nod at her and put something I hope resembles a smile on my face, making sure there are no more tears in my eyes.
She pulls Seth by his arm again. —And you better text me… and behave. She says through gritted teeth before getting into her car and leaving.
Inside, the house is as cozy as I imagined. Family pictures are everywhere, and the living room has a big sofa and a fireplace. The kitchen is nice and wide, and the fridge is full of papers and pictures stuck to it.
—Come in. It's a mess because Leah is moving out. Seth pushes the piles of boxes in the corridor and around the kitchen and living room.
—Is this your house? I never thought he would bring me to his house.
—Yeah, childhood house, actually. And it's mine now. Leah put it in my name today. He's smiling, looking around, proud to own the house where he grew up in. —She has people over all the time, so she'll have guest kits laying around. Wait here.
He searches inside the boxes and kitchen cabinets for the little kit with all the items a surprise guest would need. Those are so popular these days they sell out very fast in stores.
—Here you go. He gives me a light blue box with the words "be my guest!" Printed on it.
—Can I use your shower?
—Sure. It's upstairs. I follow him through the sea of boxes on the stairs until we reach the bathroom door.
—Leah has boxes inside the big bathroom, so it's better to use this one. Oh, right. She must have some clean clothes lying around. I say it's okay, but he's already inside her room, looking inside the boxes.
—I found this. He gives me a pair of shorts and runs to the room next to hears, coming out with an oversized gray t-shirt. —It's clean, I promise.
—Thank you. I took everything before he could ask any questions and went inside quickly. His shadow is under the door for a moment before he leaves, the sound of his steps getting weaker as he reaches downstairs.
I take a shower, and my mind is pretty much blank. All the anger is gone now, and I can think straight, but I don't want to, so I just get changed and get out of the bathroom. The shorts fit well, but the shirt is too big and smells like Seth. The door to his room is open, so I take a little peek.
It's his childhood room, so it looks like all his memories are plastered on the walls from the time he was a baby until now. Pictures of him and Leah, and with Jake and the others. Even him in a suit with Edward and Bella on what looks like their wedding day.
There are a bunch of pictures on the cabinet near the door too, and the very first one is him, looking like he's about seven or eight months old, taking a bath with a rubber duck. On the corner, the date was written with a sharpie next to "first bath with Ducky." I hold back my laughter and put it in my pocket. I'm most definitely teasing him with this.
He's downstairs in the living room, putting sheets on this big mattress in front of the fireplace.
—I can sleep on the couch.
—I'm the one sleeping here. You take my room.
—But, I am the guest.
—That's why I sleep here and you in the bed. He finishes with the sheets, and I notice he's still only wearing his wolf-proof clothes. He usually is half-naked all the time, but when we are alone, it's a little…
—You taking a shower too? I just want him to put something on.
—Ahm… Yeah sure. I'll… be right back. He runs past me, going upstairs.
Observing the house, I can't help but be fascinated by how it's like an extension of them. Everything here is a part of their family somehow. I was used to never decorating or getting attached to homes because I moved so much, so it's like a new world to see a place so profoundly connected to the family that lives there.
The boxes are all over the kitchen too, so I walk around them and find some bread on the counter to make a sandwich. Leah has jam and peanut butter but no apples or whipped cream, so I improvise with apple sauce and cinnamon. Seth said she was moving out, so it's just expected that she has no food around the house.
I prepare the food for both of us, and it's fun to cook for myself. I never get to do it, so I thought I would be rusty, but I think they'll taste pretty good.
He's right by the door with his hair wet, staring at me with a smile when I turn around. —Take a seat. I made sandwiches.
—PB&J?
—And apple sauce with some cinnamon.
—I thought it was apple and whipped cream.
—You heard that far? I was sure he was sound asleep by the time I got to that part.
—I heard it all. He takes a big bite, and I look at him, waiting for his reaction.
—It's really good. I smile, glad he likes it, and we talk a little more about my story until we both finish eating.
—So, you grew up here? I ask. He's doing the dishes for us.
—Yep. Lived here all my life. He says, drying his hands as I go around the island, putting some distance between us and pulling out the picture from my pocket.
—Then you must still have… Ducky? I hold the picture up, and he gets wide-eyed, running towards me.
—Where did you get that? I run around the island, making sure he can't catch me.
—You look so cute playing in the water; please tell me you still have Ducky. I am laughing aloud now.
—Give me that! He still can't catch me, and I'm having too much fun to stop.
—Why was your hair so spikey?
—That was my best feature!
I jump over the sofa on top of the mattress, looking closely at the picture. —Is that a duck towel too? Did you love Ducky that much? I use a cute tone to make him even more embarrassed before letting him take the picture from my hands.
—I didn't, and his name was General Waddle. He puts the photo in his pocket, and I regret not grabbing the others.
—You gotta show me more.
—No way! His phone starts to beep like crazy again. It's been like that since we drove here. —It's Esme.
—Don't pick up. I don't want to talk to her or any of them right now.
—She'll be worried… I look away and sit on the mattress. —What happened when I was out?
—I… Do you think I'm their… pet?
—What?
—Do we look like family to you? Or does it look like they're… keeping me?
—Where did that come from?
—I keep getting reminded I'm not the same as them, reminded of my… limitations. I remember David's words and how much they hurt me because they felt so true to me. It's like he threw my heart in my face.
—You have none.
—Then I must look useless. It must be written on my forehead since everyone treats me like I am. They push me aside and lie because they don't think I can handle their world.
—You treat yourself like that, not us. His words make me look up, curious about their meaning.
—You told yourself that. Doesn't matter how many times I say it isn't true, you won't believe it because you wrote that yourself. I should have an answer for that and even opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I turn my back to him, thinking a bit more before turning back to speak but again, nothing.
Turning away again, I think deeply about his words. I was never told I was useless by any of them, not even once. I got to my conclusions without asking why they wouldn't share information with me.
—Thank you… for being honest. I feel like I'm getting to a conclusion, but it's still confusing.
He sits next to me, and we go back to hanging out. This topic can wait.
—Wanna watch something? I ask, grabbing the TV remote and looking at the available programs.
—Anything but robots and aliens. I can't watch another world invasion.
—Then… what about an action movie? The selection of movies he has is much smaller than the one at our house, but there are a few interesting ones.
—Choose a good one.
—007?
—Sure. He lays down on the mattress, and I stand up to turn off the lights and close the curtains. I point the projector to the ceiling and lay down next to him.
A few minutes in, I can hear his phone go crazy again on his side of the mattress. —It's her. Did you turn off your phone? He wonders why she's blowing up his phone instead of mine.
—Yes. I reach over to his side and grab his phone so that I can turn it off. —I'll do something about it tomorrow. I don't know what but that's tomorrow's Anne's problem.
—You know you're not mad at her.
—Maybe I should be. Maybe I should just disappear sometimes and be really angry.
—…Don't let it get to you. Whatever he said, it's not true.
—Shhh! The movie is getting good.
We stay in silence the rest of the night until I pretend to be asleep, so I won't have to stay by myself upstairs, although I know I shouldn't. I wasn't acting on my feelings until I fixed this mess, but I just didn't want to be alone right now.
Seth was right. I wasn't angry at Esme or any of them because, deep down, I knew they always thought of me as part of their family. I took my conclusions and painted them in this horrible light because of my insecurities. David gave a wake-up call, and although I think he could've been gentler, he did open my eyes to my feelings. I'm going to make peace with them, but not now. Now I want to act angry. I want them to understand that I can just lose it if I want to. They did keep secrets, and that's a fact. I don't know the reasons, and let's leave it at that. I'm not jumping to conclusions again.
For today, we sleep on it.