Someone was talking softly nearby. He recognized who it was, but even as he struggled to wake up, he heard the unmistakable pain in Cooper's voice. Finally opening his eyes, Ressler looked up into a clear plastic ceiling, and above that a dark roof with exposed metal supports.
"Where…?" As he attempted to raise his shoulders, a hand pushed him down.
"Not yet, Agent Ressler."
Ressler turned toward the sound to find a woman dressed in white, now standing to take a listen to his lungs, and beyond her he noticed medical monitors and plastic draped walls. He was in one of Red's mobile hospitals.
Why was he…? And then he knew. Like a ton of bricks it hit him. Liz dying on a street corner, shot to death. Pushing the nurse's hand and stethoscope away from him he struggled to sit up, ignoring the spots before his eyes.
"I said not-"
"Out of my way," Ressler told her, his feet already dropping over the edge of the gurney he had been on. As he wavered, wrenching an IV from his arm, he willed himself to stay on his feet as he caught his breath. His chest hurt like a son of a bitch.
"Sir!" the nurse called out. "The doctor needs you to rest."
As Ressler stepped slowly toward the opening in the mobile hospital room, he was greeted by Cooper moving the plastic drapes aside. And even as bad as he felt, Ressler immediately noticed how haggard Cooper looked, as if he'd aged 10 years. So it was true. Liz really was dead, as Cooper's appearance confirmed. Ressler stopped, met Cooper's tired eyes and saw the man slowly nod.
"You shouldn't be up just yet, Don. They just stitched you back up. Your little jaunt through the streets opened up your incision."
For the first time Ressler realized he was shirtless, dressed only in jeans and boots, with a fresh bandage around his chest. Spying his t-shirt, he reached for it, then stopped on seeing it was covered in blood. Liz's blood...
Cooper moved a metal chair toward Ressler and held his arm as he motioned for his agent to sit down.
"It's okay, you can leave us," he told the nurse, who shook her head in exasperation as she left.
"Where is Liz? Where did you take her?"
Cooper's shoulders sagged even further. "Actually, she's here." He motioned to an ambulance that Ressler now noticed through the plastic drapes. 'St Vincent's Hospital' was emblazoned on the sides and he saw the irony of it. The same hospital he had left was the one who had come for Liz.
Cooper filled in the details. "The ambulance is real, but the driver was one of Red's men who was on the scene before I even called. It was meant to bring Reddington's remains here, but instead…" He heaved in a heavy sigh.
"I need to see her." Ressler was already on his feet before Cooper could stop him.
"Yes, but Reddington is with her. Give him some time to-"
"I'm not giving that man anything," Ressler hissed, now finding his legs and striding toward the parked ambulance.
He was struck with deja vu. The second Ressler caught sight of Red holding Liz's hand in the ambulance, he was taken back 5 years to when Red had been broken at the sight of a …dead… Liz in the back of another ambulance.
But this time was different. This time Liz was truly gone. He'd felt her blood seeping from her body on a street corner. And when he looked down at his dark jeans, now he saw the thick black stains of her blood drying on his clothing and boots.
She wasn't supposed to be here. She should be home asleep with her daughter. But instead, she bled out on a street corner and no one could save her. Least of all the man sitting beside her. The man who had turned her life upside down since the moment he had surrendered to the FBI. Liz would never have died like this if Reddington had not entered her life.
Anger that had threatened earlier now rushed to the surface.
How dare he. How dare Reddington sit at her side and grieve a death he had been responsible for.
"Get away from her," he told the criminal through clenched teeth.
As Red laid Liz's hand carefully down, he looked squarely at Ressler. "Donald, I am truly sorry-"
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare tell me how sorry you are. You did this." Ressler's breath heaved in his chest as he confronted the criminal, hardly daring to look at the still form of Liz.
Dembe appeared beside Ressler. "Agent Ressler, we are all feeling the loss of Elizabeth. Perhaps now is not the-"
Ressler whirled toward Dembe, ignoring the man's obvious pain. "Did you know? Did you know what his plan was?" He pointed at Red as he faced Dembe. "That he wanted Liz to shoot him down just to force her to take over his empire!"
Dembe's quiet gaze told Ressler everything he needed to know. "You knew. Of course you did. You're his right hand man and his conscience. Damn you!"
Cooper was now behind him, and once more Ressler felt the man's firm hand on his back. But he wasn't having it this time. Not now. Stepping away from Cooper's hand, he faced Reddington once more as the criminal stepped down from the ambulance to stand in the warehouse.
"Donald…I-"
"This is on you. All of it!" Ressler's breath heaved. "Not once could you ever give her any real answers. Your damn secrets got her killed." He stepped toward Red, pointing at the criminal's chest. "You were never protecting her. Your fucking secrets were only ever protecting yourself."
"Donald, it was Vandyke, Neville Townsend's number one who shot Elizabeth. I finished him off."
He'd seen the fresh body on the ground on the corner across from Liz, not realizing at the time Red had just killed the man. Now he had the name of the man who had pulled the trigger. But Red had still orchestrated the reason Liz had even been there.
"Don't give me that! You may as well have pulled the trigger yourself!" Ressler leaned forward, willing himself to take in a bigger breath, his lungs feeling as if they could no longer fill more than a quarter of the way. "Your own selfish needs were all that ever mattered! And look at the cost!"
"I never wanted this for our girl. Never."
"Don't you dare refer to her as your girl. Not anymore." Ressler's voice was low and ominous as he regarded Red. "You lost that right."
"Don't you think Raymond feels-"
He stood fully upright again, staring Dembe down. "I hope he feels it forever. I hope he-" He heaved in another breath, coughing as he looked at Red. "I hope you rot in hell!"
"Don. Stop." Cooper held onto his bicep now, as Ressler struggled for every breath.
"He did this!" Ressler pointed once more at Red as the criminal stood by.
"I know this is hard. But this isn't helping anyone, least of all you," Cooper replied, attempting to diffuse the situation.
And now Ressler looked at Liz and the blood stains on the sheet covering her and whirled on Reddington as tears formed. "You took her from us. From Agnes! From… from me!" He gasped in more ragged breaths. "How fucking selfish of you! To make her kill you, in order to… what? Protect her from your enemies? How does that even… even make sense?!"
And as Reddington took one last look at Liz, he stood for a second more watching Ressler in front of him, then looked at Dembe and walked away.
"This is on you! Her death is on you!" Ressler shouted to Red's retreating back trying to step forward but Cooper held him in place. When Red refused to turn back, Ressler lunged out of Cooper's reach. "You selfish bastard! I hope it was worth it to keep those precious secrets!"
Ressler struggled for every breath, his lungs aching in his chest, and now he felt the blood draining from his face as his knees buckled and he sank to the concrete floor of the warehouse. Concrete that felt just like the street corner under his knees. He closed his eyes at the memory of Liz bleeding out on the street.
As he leaned forward, struggling for every breath he didn't see the nurse come up beside him, but felt the injection in his arm.
"What…?"
"A muscle relaxant, to let you sleep this off for a while. I swear, you're the worst patient I've ever had!"
Ressler felt a sleepy warmth spreading rapidly through his system. "Son of a…"
Past arguing, Ressler allowed Cooper to help him up then lead him to a previously unseen couch in a furnished corner of the warehouse. His eyes were already drooping as he lay down, even while fighting to stay awake. But it was hopeless, the drug was too strong. Just before he drifted off into an enforced sleep, Ressler caught sight of Reddington standing with Dembe, and felt nothing but hate toward the man.