Chapter 4
Jennie
I follow the path of Lisa's finger with my eyes as she runs it back and forth over my stomach. We've been lying like this for five minutes now, her running her fingers in soft circles over my skin while she watches me. Every now and then, she kisses me, but we're both too exhausted for round two.
I don't even know how she's still awake. She barely slept last night at my house because she stayed up writing that song for me, and then as soon as I got here an hour and a half ago, we came straight to the bedroom and have stayed fairly busy. It's almost eight, and if I don't eat dinner soon, I'm going to fall asleep right here in her bed.
My stomach growls and Lisa laughs, pressing her palm flat against my stomach. "You hungry?"
"You felt that?"
She nods. "Let me shower, and then I'll figure out dinner." She kisses me and rolls off the bed, heading for her bathroom. I find her T-shirt and pull it on before heading to the kitchen for something to drink. When I open the refrigerator, someone behind me says, "Hi."
I yelp, and then I swing the refrigerator door wide open and try to hide my undressed bottom half behind it. Bambam is sitting on the couch, grinning.
So are the two guys from his band, whom I've still yet to be formally introduced to.
Bambam tilts his head. "The first night I met you, you weren't wearing a shirt. And now a shirt is all you're wearing."
I can't recall ever being this mortified in my life. I didn't even put my panties on, and even though Lisa's shirt covers my ass, I don't know how to make it from here all the way back to her bedroom without losing my last shred of dignity.
"Hi," I say, sticking my arm up over the door with a pathetic wave. "Do you guys mind looking away so I can find some jeans?"
All three of them laugh, but they look at the wall to spare me a few seconds to run back to Lisa's room. As soon as I start to swing the refrigerator door shut, the front door flies open and Bobby stomps into the apartment. I pull the refrigerator door open again to continue shielding myself.
Sorn storms into the apartment behind Bobby, and then Bobby slams the door. "Go!" he says, waving her away as she storms across the living room toward their bedroom. "Go hide in your room and give me the silent treatment like you always do!"
Sorn slams their bedroom door. I look back at Bobby, who is staring at Bambam and the other two guys on the couch. "Hey," he says, still not noticing me. "What's up?"
None of them are looking at Bobby because I asked them to turn toward the wall, so Bambam is still staring at the wall when he says, "Hey, Bobby."
"Why are you staring at the wall?"
Bambam points toward the refrigerator, but continues to stare at the wall. "Waiting for her to run back to her room so she can put some clothes on."
Bobby swings his attention to me and his eyes immediately light up. "Well, what a sight for sore eyes," he says, tossing his keys on the bar. "I know I see you all the time, but it's good to finally see you back in this apartment."
I swallow, doing my best to remain stoic. "It's…good to be back, Bobby."
He points at the refrigerator door. "You really shouldn't stand there with the door open like that. Lisa makes me split the bills with her now, and you're wasting a lot of electricity."
I nod. "Yeah. Sorry. But I sort of don't have any pants on, and if you'd walk over there and stare at the wall with those guys, I'll shut the door and go back to Lisa's room."
Bobby tilts his head and then takes two steps toward me and leans to the right like he's trying to look around the refrigerator door.
"See?" Sorn yells from across the room, standing in Bobby's now-open doorway. "This is exactly what I'm talking about, Bobby! You flirt with everyone!" Their door slams again.
Bobby rolls his head and sighs, then walks toward their bedroom. I use the opportunity to make a mad dash back to Lisa's bedroom. I shut the door and lean against it, covering my face with my hands.
I'm never going back out there.
I make my way toward Lisa's bathroom just as she opens the door. There's a towel wrapped around her, and she's drying her hair with another towel. I rush toward her and wrap my arms around her, burying my face against her chest as I squeeze my eyes shut. I just start shaking my head until she pulls me away from her chest so she can look at me. I can't even imagine what she's seeing because I'm groaning and frowning and laughing at my embarrassment.
"What happened?"
I point to the living room and then sign, "Your brother. Bobby. The band. Here." Then I motion toward my half-naked body and the fact that my butt cheeks are practically hanging out of her T-shirt. She eyes me up and down and then glances toward the living room, then looks at me again, squinting like she's remembering something.
"The first time you met Bambam…you were wearing a bra. Now you're wearing—"
"I know," I groan, falling onto her bed. Lisa starts laughing while she pulls on her jeans. Then she leans forward and I think she's going to kiss me, but instead she just slips her shirt over my head and pulls it off me. She's fully dressed, and I'm even more naked than I was when I walked into the room. She hands me my clothes, and I know she wants to officially introduce me to the band, but I want to curl up into a ball and hide until everyone leaves.
I force myself to suck it up and get dressed because Lisa is smiling at me like this entire thing amuses her, and her smile makes me forget how embarrassed I am. The kiss she gives me when she pulls me toward the door makes me forget it even more.
When we walk back into the living room, Bambam is now sitting on the bar with his legs dangling, swinging back and forth. He grins at me, and it's unnerving how much he and Lisa look alike, carry themselves so differently. Lisa walks me to the couch where the other two members of Sounds of Cedar are standing up to shake my hand.
"Spencer," the tall brunette one says. He's the drummer. I know this because I've seen them play. I've just never actually been introduced to them.
"Price," the other one says, shaking my hand. He plays lead guitar and sings backup vocals, and while the star of the band is definitely Bambam, I think Price gives him a run for his money. He's got the rockstar swagger down, even though their music isn't typically rock. It's got a more pop/alternative vibe. But he could probably pull off any sound because he's so charismatic on stage. Bambam sometimes takes a step back and lets him shine.
"I'm Jennie," I say, with a lot of forced confidence. "It's so good to finally meet you guys. I'm a huge fan of the band." I wave my arm across them and over to Bambam. "It's so impressive how fast you guys get stuff recorded."
Price laughs and says, "Jennie, we're all huge fans of yours. Lisa went through a pretty long dry spell until you came along."
My eyes widen and I look over at Lisa, who is looking at Bambam, who is signing everything everyone is saying. Lisa immediately looks back at me, and then at Price.
"Dry spell?" Lisa says out loud.
"Lyrical dry spell," Price says, clarifying what he meant. "I meant lyrical." Now Price looks embarrassed.
God, this is so awkward.
"I'm hungry," Bambam says, slapping his hands on the bar on either side of him. "Has anyone eaten?"
"Chinese sounds good," I suggest.
Bambam picks up his phone and looks at it. "A girl who knows what she wants. I like it." He pulls the phone to his ear. "Chinese it is. I'll just order a shit-ton of everything."
I try not to stare at him too hard. I just can't get over how much he looks like Lisa physically, but with a completely different personality. Lisa is responsible and mature, and Bambam seems like he doesn't give a shit. About anything. It's like he doesn't have a single care, yet his older sister takes on the burden of caring about every single thing.
"So, Sorn and I are fighting, if you didn't notice," Bobby says, taking a seat on the couch and scrolling through his texts. He looks up at me. "She says I flirt with other people too much."
I laugh. "You do."
Bobby rolls his eyes and mutters, "Traitor. You're supposed to be on my side."
"There are no sides when it's a discussion of facts," I say. "You flirt with me. You flirt with Sorn. You flirt with the old lady who lives in my apartment building. Hell, you even flirt with her dog. You're a flirt, Bobby."
"He flirts with me," Spencer says.
Bobby is still scrolling through his texts when he reads something that makes him pause. He laughs a little and then looks over at Lisa and Bambam. "Irene went skydiving today."
My breath catches at the mention of her name. Naturally, I look over at Lisa, who is leaning against the bar next to Bambam. Bambam covers his phone with his hand and says, "Good for her."
Lisa just nods, expressionless, and says, "I know. She told me earlier." She glances at me for a brief second and then looks down at her phone.
My mouth feels dry. I press my lips together. There was a moment earlier, when I came out of the bathroom and saw Lisa holding her phone with a torn expression. I had no idea what had caused her to react like she was. I assumed it was work.
But…it wasn't work. It was Irene. She was worried about Irene.
I don't like how I'm feeling right now. I pull my phone out of my pocket and try to busy myself, but I'm standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Bambam ends his call to the Chinese place, and Bobby and Lisa are both looking at their phones. I suddenly feel out of place. Like I don't belong in this living room with these people in this apartment. Bambam signs something to Lisa without speaking, and then they start a silent conversation with Bobby that's too fast for me to keep up with, which makes me think they don't want me to know what they're saying. I try to ignore them, but I can't help but look when Bobby says, "You worry too much, man."
"Typical Lisa," Bambam says. As soon as he says that, Bambam looks at me and then at Lisa and then stiffens a little. "Sorry. Is that weird? We shouldn't talk about Irene. That's weird." He looks over at Bobby, who brought up the entire conversation. "Shut the fuck up, Bobby."
Bobby brushes off Bambam's comment with a flippant wave in my direction. "Jennie's cool. She's not a PSYCHOTIC JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND LIKE SOME PEOPLE!" he yells toward his bedroom.
Two seconds later, Sorn swings open the door and says, "I'm not your girlfriend. I broke up with you."
Bobby looks offended. And confused. He holds up his hands. "When?"
"Right now," Sorn says. "I'm breaking up with you right now, asshole." She slams the door, and sadly, no one really pays it much attention. Some things haven't changed a bit around here. Bobby doesn't even get up from the couch to chase after her.
I feel my phone vibrate, so I look at the text.
Lisa: Hi.
I glance over at her, and she's sitting on the bar now, next to Bambam. They're both swinging their legs, seated the same way, and Lisa looks completely adorable as she smiles at me. The looks she gives me are intoxicating. She motions for me to come stand with her, so I walk over to her. She spreads her legs wider, turning me until my back is against her chest. She kisses me on the side of my head and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
"Hey, Jennie," Bambam says. "Did Lisa play you the song Price wrote?"
I glance at Price and then back at Bambam. "No, which one is it?"
Bambam signs for Lisa to play me the song, so Lisa holds her phone in front of me and searches her files.
"Even If Your Back Was Turned," Price says from the couch.
"We just recorded it last week," Bambam says. "I like it. I think it'll do well. Price wrote it for his mommy."
Price throws a pillow in Bambam's direction. "Fuck you," he says. He looks at me and shrugs. "I am a momma's boy."
I laugh, because he doesn't look like your typical momma's boy.
Lisa finds the song and presses play. She sets the phone on her thigh and then wraps her arms around me again as I listen. Almost as soon as it starts to play, the text notification goes off on Lisa's phone. I look down at it.
Irene: Guess what? I'm finally riding in a TESLA!!!
Lisa must see the text as soon as I hear it and read it, because her legs stop swinging and she stiffens. We're both looking at the phone, and I know she's waiting on my reaction, but I don't know how I should react. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling right now. It's just all too weird. I reach over and swipe up on her text so it'll disappear. Then I pause the song and say to Price, "I'll listen to it later. It's too loud in here."
Lisa wraps her arm tighter around my waist as she picks up her phone and begins texting with one hand. I don't know if she's responding to her or not, but I guess it's not my business. Is it? I don't even know if I should be mad. I don't think I'm mad. Confused is a better word for it. Or maybe uncomfortable is the best way to describe what I'm feeling.
Lisa pulls on my hand so I'll turn and look at her. I'm still standing between her legs, but this time I'm facing her, looking at her, trying not to let her read my thoughts. She puts her phone in my hand, and when I look at it to read whatever she's written in her note app, she lowers her forehead to mine.
She's my friend, Jennie. We text sometimes.
As I'm reading the note on her phone, her hands are sliding softly down my arms in a comforting gesture. It's amazing how much more she can communicate non-verbally as a result of being so stifled by her verbal communication. By pressing her forehead to mine as I read what she typed, it's as if she's silently saying, "We're a team, Jennie. You and me."
And the way she's sliding her hands down my arms is equivalent to a thousand verbal reassurances.
I expected that she still talks to Irene. What I didn't expect was for it to bother me like it is. But it's not because I think Lisa and Irene are in the wrong. It's because I feel like I'll always be the girl who came between them, no matter how friendly they remain. I can be friendly with every single friend Lisa ever has, but I'm not sure I could ever be friends with Irene, so the fact that she is friends with her makes me feel like a third-wheel to that friendship.
It's a strange feeling. And one I don't like, so I can't help but have a noticeable reaction. Especially to Lisa. She notices every non-verbal reaction I have because that's the focus of her communication.
I hand Lisa's phone back to her and force a smile, but I know my feelings are probably written all over my face. She pulls me in for a reassuring hug and then kisses the side of my head. I press my face against her neck and sigh.
"God, you two are so cute together," Bambam says. "It makes me want a girlfriend. For like a whole week, maybe."
His comment makes me laugh. I pull away from Lisa and turn around, leaning my back into her again.
"You're about to have one for more than a week," Spencer says. "Sadie's opening for us for the next two months."
Bambam groans. "Don't remind me."
I welcome the distraction. "Who is Sadie?"
Bambam looks at me pointedly and says. "Sadie is Satan."
"Her name is Sadie," Bobby says, standing up. "Coincidence that Bambam thought she was a groupie the first time he met her."
Bambam grabs a roll of paper towels off the bar and throws them at Bobby. "It was an honest mistake."
"I think this is a story I need to hear," I say.
"No," Bambam says firmly.
At the same time Bambam says no, Bobby pipes up and says, "I'll tell it." He flips one of the table chairs around backward and sits down, facing us. "Bambam has a routine," Bobby says and signs. "Sounds of Cedar isn't a widely known band, but locally, you know they have a decent following. Quite a few fangirls who come to the meet-and-greets after the shows."
Bobby is signing everything for Lisa, so it makes me laugh when Bambam's head falls back and he groans, then signs, "Shut up," at the same time he says it. It'll never get old that they sign everything for Lisa. It's like it's second nature and they don't even realize they're doing it. That's my goal. I want to learn to communicate that way to the point where Lisa and I have absolutely no barriers.
"Sometimes after the shows, if Bambam thinks a girl is cute, he'll slip her a note with his hotel information, asking if she wants to chat in private. Five times out of ten, they show up an hour later at his hotel room door."
"Ten times out of ten," Bambam corrects.
God, he and Lisa are so different.
Bobby rolls his eyes and continues. "Sadie happened to be one of the girls he slipped a note to. But what he didn't know was that she wasn't at his meet and greet as a fan. She was there looking to talk with him about a gig. And what she didn't know is that Bambam slips someone his number after every show with the intention of hooking up. She thought he slipped her a note because he wanted to chat with her about opening for the band on our upcoming tour. So, when she showed up at his hotel room that night, let's just say there was a lot of confusion."
I look at Bambam, and he's running his hand down his face like he's embarrassed. "Dude, I hate this story."
He might hate it, but I'm enjoying the hell out of it. "What happened?"
Bambam groans. "Can't we just end the story here?"
"No," Bobby says. "This is where it gets good."
Bambam looks so embarrassed, but he continues the story himself. "Let's just say it took her a few seconds to realize what I assumed she was there for, and it took me more than a few seconds to realize she wasn't there because she wanted me to take off her shirt."
"Oh, no. That poor girl."
Bambam makes a face. "Poor girl my ass. I told you she's Satan. She makes Sorn look like an angel."
"I heard that," Sorn yells from her room.
Bambam shrugs. "It's true."
"She's not that bad," Price says to Bambam. "She just hates you."
"But…she's opening for you guys on the next tour? She must not hate you too much," I say.
Bambam shakes his head. "No, she definitely hates me. But she also has mad talent. That's the only reason why she got the gig."
"Do you have any of her songs?" I ask. "I want to hear one."
Bambam scoots closer to us and hands me his phone after pulling up a YouTube video. Lisa scoots me over and hops off the bar to set out plates for the Chinese food. I can't help but stare at the video on Bambam's phone in complete awe. The girl is really pretty. And she's super talented. I watch the first video, and then another, and then a third before I realize Bambam hasn't moved a muscle. He can pretend he isn't into her all he wants, but he holds his breath through every video, never taking his eyes off the screen.
We're watching the fourth video when the food arrives. We all make our plates and sit around the table. It's the first meal Lisa and I have eaten together as a couple. She's sitting right next to me with her left hand on my thigh. We've eaten a lot of meals at this table together while forcing ourselves to sit as far apart from each other as we possibly could. It feels good to finally be able to touch her—sit close to her—and not fight everything inside me that was growing.
I like this.
The door to the bathroom between Bobby and Sorn's old bedroom swings open. Sorn is standing in a towel, sopping wet from the shower. Her eyes scan the table until she finds Bobby, and then she tosses something at him, hitting him in the chest. Whatever it is falls onto his plate. Then the door slams.
Everyone looks at Bobby. He picks up the block of whatever she just threw at him and stares at it for a second. Then he sniffs it. His head slowly turns toward Lisa.
"Cheese? You put cheese in my shower?"
I look at Lisa, and she's attempting to force back a smile.
Bobby sniffs the cheese again and then takes a small bite of it. I cover my mouth with my hand, trying not to gag. Does he not realize that Sorn had to rub that block of cheese on some part of her body before realizing it wasn't soap?
Bobby sets the cheese on his plate like he just received a free course with his meal.
As disgusting as some of them are, I've missed their pranks so much. I squeeze Lisa's leg to let her know that was a clever one.
When we finish eating, I text Lisa and tell her I should go. I have an early day tomorrow, and it'll be after ten by the time I get home. I tell all the guys goodbye, and Lisa walks me down. When we reach my car, she opens my door but doesn't kiss me goodbye. She waits for me to sit, and then she walks around to the passenger side and takes a seat.
She grabs my phone that I just placed in the console and hands it to me.
Lisa: You okay?
I nod, but she doesn't look convinced. I don't know how to say, "Stop having friends!" without feeling a little like Sorn.
Lisa: Does it bother you?
She doesn't even have to specify what she's talking about. We both know. And I don't know how to answer her. I don't want to be that jealous girlfriend who takes issue with every single thing, but how can I not be jealous when there's still a part of me that's envious of Irene?
Lisa: Please be honest, Jen. I want to know what you're thinking.
I sigh, thankful she cares enough to talk about it but also wishing we could brush it under the rug at the same time.
Jennie: It's uncomfortable. It bothered me that you seemed so worried about her. But it would also bother me if you didn't care. So, it's just…weird. It's going to take time to get used to, I guess.
Lisa: I do worry about her. And I care about her. But I am not in love with her, Jennie. I'm in love with you.
When I finish reading her text, she leans across the seat and takes my face in her hands. "I love you."
The sincerity in her expression makes me smile. "I know you do. I love you, too."
She stares at me for a moment, searching for any remaining doubt in my expression. Then she kisses me goodnight. When she gets out of the car, she takes the stairs two at a time. She reaches the top and texts me again.
Lisa: Let me know when you make it home safe. And thank you.
Lisa: For being you.
When I look up, she smiles and then disappears inside her apartment. I watch her door for a moment and then drop my phone in my purse, just as someone knocks on my window. I jump and press my hand to my chest. When I look out my window, I roll my eyes.
You've got to be kidding me.
Kai is standing at my driver's side window, looking at me expectantly. I forgot he even frequented this apartment complex. I guess that means he's still with Krystal. I stare at him for a moment and feel absolutely nothing. Not even anger.
I put my car in reverse and back up, pulling away from the complex without looking back. The only way to look now is forward.
•••
Lisa: You asleep?
I look at the time stamp on her text. She just sent the message two minutes ago. I pull the towel off my head and run my fingers through my hair before I text her back.
Jennie: Nope. Just got out of the shower.
Lisa: Oh, yeah? So you're naked?
Jennie: I have a towel on. And no, you aren't getting a pic.
Lisa: I don't want a pic. I want you to open your front door and let me in.
I glance toward the living room, then look back down at my phone. She's here? I only left her apartment an hour ago. I rush to the living room with worry in the pit of my stomach. I hope nothing is wrong. Surely Kai didn't do anything stupid after I pulled away.
I look through the peephole and there she is, staring at the door. I leave the living room light off since I'm opening the door with only a towel on. Lisa slips inside my apartment. I close the door, it's dark, I'm suddenly no longer wearing a towel. Lisa's mouth is on mine and my back is against the living room wall.
Lisa isn't really the type to just show up without telling me first, but I don't mind it.
I don't mind it at all.
What I do mind is that she's dressed and I'm not.
I pull off her shirt and unbutton her jeans. Her mouth is everywhere, but her hands have me caged against the wall. She kicks off her pants and then picks me up, wrapping my legs around her waist. She starts toward the bedroom, but realizes we're way closer to the couch, so she turns and lowers me to the sofa.
We're still kissing when she lowers herself on top of me, and then she's inside me and it's incredible. I am so in love with this woman.
She stops kissing me for a moment, so I let my head fall back onto the cushion, and I relax as she kisses my neck. When she reaches my mouth again, she pulls back and stares down at me. She brushes my hair back, and there's just enough light from the window shining down on us so that I can see every emotion in her eyes. She's looking at me with so much feeling when she says, "I love you, Jennie." She pauses above me so that I'm focused on her words and nothing else. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone."
I close my eyes because the impact of her words hits me everywhere. I had no idea how much I wanted those words. Needed those words. And she knows I would never ask her to admit that or compare us to her last relationship, but here she is, wanting to diminish any shred of doubt I might have had while at her apartment tonight. I repeat her words silently, never wanting to forget this moment. This feeling. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone."
Her warm mouth presses gently against mine, and her tongue slides past my lips, delicately searching for mine. When I kiss her back, I wrap my hand in her hair and pull her as close as I can. For the next several minutes, Lisa proves to me just how much I mean to her without speaking or signing another word.
Even when it's over, several minutes go by with our lips still connected. Every time she tries to stop kissing me, she can't. It's just one kiss after another after another. She eventually buries her face against my neck and sighs against my skin. "Can I spend the night with you?"
Her question makes me laugh. I don't know why. It just feels like it's a given at this point. As soon as I nod, she grabs my arms and pulls me up with her, then lifts me and carries me to the bedroom. She lays me on the bed and then crawls under the covers with me, wrapping her bare legs around me. I love that neither of us are dressed. This is a first.
I kiss her on the nose and want to sign to her, but it's dark. She also can't read lips in the dark, so I grab my phone.
Jennie: That was completely unexpected.
Lisa: Do you prefer your girlfriend to be more predictable?
Jennie: I prefer my girlfriend to be you. That's really my only requirement. Just be Lisa Manoban and you can date me.
Lisa: I'm pretty good at being Lisa Manoban. You're in luck.
We are so cheesy. I hate us and love us.
Jennie: Unexpected or predictable, I like all the versions of you.
Lisa: I like all the versions of you, too. Even if the rest of our lives were predictable, I'd never get tired of you. We could live the same day over and over and I'd just ask for more.
Jennie: Like Groundhog Day. I feel the same way.
Lisa: You make routine something I actually look forward to. If you told me you wanted us to go wash dishes together right now, I'd get excited.
Jennie: What if I asked you to do laundry with me? Would that excite you?
The light from our phones makes it possible for me to see her when she looks at me. She nods slowly, like the thought of doing laundry with me turns her on. I grin and look back at my phone.
Jennie: Would you look forward to eating the same meal every single day?
Lisa: I would if I were eating it with you.
Jennie: Would you be able to drink the same drink every single day?
Lisa: If I were drinking it with you, I would still be thirsty for it on my deathbed.
Jennie: Oh, that's a good line. Keep going.
Lisa: If I could hear music, I would listen to the same song over and over and never tire of it as long as I was listening to it with you.
I laugh.
Jennie: I see you still have the same self-deprecating deaf jokes you've always had.
Lisa reaches out and touches my mouth. "And you have the same beautiful smile you've always had." Her thumb runs over my bottom lip, but her eyes grow intense as she stares at my mouth. "Same smile…same laugh." She pulls her hand from my mouth and lifts up. "This feels like a song," she says. As soon as she says it, she rolls over and turns on the lamp. "Paper?" She opens my top drawer. She doesn't find paper, but she finds a pen. She faces me with a look of urgency. "I need paper."
I roll off the bed and walk to my desk. I grab a legal pad and a book for her to place it on. She grabs them out of my hands before I'm even seated back on the bed; then she starts writing lyrics. I've missed watching this so much. She writes a few sentences, and I lean over her shoulder and watch her.
Same seats on the couch
Same drinks when we go out
Same smile, same laugh
You know I'll never get enough of that
She pauses for a moment, then she looks at me. She smiles and hands me the pen. "Your turn." It feels like old times. I take the pen and the legal pad and think for a moment before adding my own lines.
Same clothes on the floor
Same dog at our door
Same room, same bed
I wouldn't wish for anything instead
She's staring at the lyrics when she hops off the bed and starts looking around the floor. "Jeans?" she says. I point to the living room. She nods, like she forgot we came to my bedroom naked. She points over her shoulder. "Guitar. My car." She rushes out of my room, and a minute later, I hear her walk out my front door. I look at the page and read through the lyrics again. I have two more sentences written when she makes it back to my bedroom with her guitar.
When everything is changing
Baby you're written in stone
She sets her guitar on the bed and looks over the lyrics, then motions for the pen. She tears out the lyrics and starts writing out chords and notes on another page. This is my favorite part. This is the magic—watching her hear a song that doesn't even have sound and doesn't even exist yet. The pen is flying over the paper frantically. She pulls the lyrics back in front of her and starts adding to them.
Feels like we made it
Got something of our own
Maybe it's predictable
But I can't complain
With you and me
All I need
Is more of the same
More of the same
She hands me the notepad and pen and picks up her guitar. She starts playing, and I'm reading the lyrics, wondering how she does this with such little effort. Just like that, she's created a new song. An entire song from nothing more than a few sentences and a little inspiration.
I begin to write another verse while she plays the chords.
Same songs in the car
We never need to go too far and
I won't leave you alone
Just stay the same baby
I've always known that
When everything is changing
Baby you're written in stone
Feels like we made it
Got something of our own
Maybe it's predictable
But I can't complain
With you and me
All I need is more of the same
More of the same
When I finish writing the chorus again, she reads it all. Then she hands me the lyrics and leans back against my headboard. She motions for me to sit between her legs, so I crawl over and turn my back toward her as she pulls me against her and wraps her guitar around us. She doesn't even have to ask me to sing the song. She starts playing, leaning her head against mine, and I start singing the song for her so that she can perfect it.
The first time she played for me, we were sitting like this. And just like that first day, I am completely in awe of her. Her concentration is inspiring, and the way she creates such a pleasing sound that she can't even hear makes it hard for me to focus on the lyrics. I want to turn around and watch her play. But I also like that we're wrapped together on my bed and I'm caged against her by her guitar and every now and then, she kisses the side of my head.
I could do this every night with her and still want more of the same.
We sing and play the song about three times, and she pauses to make notes between each run-through. After the fourth and final time, she tosses the pen on the floor and then pushes her guitar to the other side of the bed. Then she turns me around so I'm straddling her lap. We're both smiling.
It's one thing for a person to find their passion, but it's another thing entirely to be able to share that passion with the person you're passionate about.
It's fun and intense and I think we're both realizing for the first time that we get to do this together all the time. Write songs, kiss, make love, be inspired to write more songs.
Lisa kisses me. "This is my new favorite song."
"Mine, too."
She slides both hands to my cheeks and bites her lip for a second. Then she clears her throat. "With you and me…all I need…is more of the same."
Oh, my God. She's singing. Lisa Manoban is serenading me. And it's terrible because she's so out of tune, but a tear falls from my eye because it's the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed or heard or felt.
She wipes my tear away with her thumb and smiles. "That bad, huh?"
I laugh and shake my head, and then I kiss her harder than I've ever kissed her because there is no way I can verbally express my love for her right now. Instead, I love her silently. She doesn't even break the kiss when she reaches behind her and turns off the lamp. She pulls the covers over us and then tucks my head under her chin as she wraps herself around me.
Neither of us says I love you before we fall asleep.
Sometimes two people share a silent moment that feels so deep and so powerful, a simple phrase such as I love you risks losing all prior meaning if spoken aloud.