Chapter 17

Jennie

Lisa and Bambam have both exited Bambam's car, but I'm still sitting in the front passenger seat, looking at the car parked next to ours. It's Kai's car. But it's not Kai shutting the back door. It's Krystal. Which is why I'm frozen to my seat, because I wasn't expecting to see her, and I really don't want her to see me. I'm certain it won't end up with me punching her again, but I still have no desire to talk to her.

It's too late, though, because Lisa doesn't recognize her, and she opens my door right as she's rounding the front of our car. She pauses in her tracks when our eyes meet.

Dammit.

I take Lisa's hand and slowly get out of the car. Krystal looks like she's seen a ghost. But she doesn't run away like I wish she would. Instead, she walks the sacks of groceries to the hood of her car and sets them down. Then she turns to me, hugging herself.

"Hi," she says. I can tell she wants to talk. And I just don't have it in me to be a complete dick to her.

I look at Lisa. "You go," I sign. "Two minutes."

Lisa glances at Krystal and then at me. She nods and backs away, falling into step with Bambam as they head up to Lisa's apartment.

Krystal looks good. She's always looked good. I find myself pulling at my ponytail and wiping a wisp of hair out of my face.

"Is that your girlfriend?" she asks.

I glance up at the top of the stairs. Lisa is walking into her apartment backward, looking down at us with concern. I give her a reassuring smile before she closes the door. I turn my attention back to Krystal, folding my arms over my chest. "Yeah."

There's a knowing look in Krystal's eye. "She's the girl from the balcony, right? The one you were writing lyrics for?"

I suddenly become protective of everything going on in my life, and I don't want to reveal anything to Krystal. I don't even know why I'm out here right now. She just seemed like she really wanted me to stop and talk to her. Maybe so she can move past everything that happened between us.

I look behind her, at Kai's car. There's a "For Sale" sign posted in the side and back windows.

"Kai is selling his car?"

Krystal looks over her shoulder at it. "Yeah. We think it got water damage or something. It's been smelling weird for a while now."

I cover my mouth with my hand, ensuring she doesn't see my smile breaking through. When I'm certain I can hold it in, I move my hand and grip the strap of my purse. "That's too bad. I know he loves that car."

Krystal's phone rings, and she glances down at it, then answers it, turning away from me a little. Almost as if she doesn't want me to be privy to her conversation.

"What?" she whispers. The way she answers the phone makes it seem like she's irritated with whoever is on the other line. She glances up at her apartment and says, "I still have another load of groceries to bring up. Give me a sec."

She ends the call and slides her phone into her pocket. She walks over to the hood of her car and starts grabbing the sacks of groceries. She stands in front of me, two sacks in each hand, arms down at her sides. "So, um…" She pauses and inhales a sharp breath, exhaling it just as quickly. "You wanna grab coffee sometime? I'd really like to catch up. Hear all about the new girlfriend."

I stare at her a moment, wondering why she would think I'm okay with that. I realize I was also a Krystal at a very short point during mine and Lisa's friendship, but as mad as I am at Kai and as mad as Irene must have been at Lisa, there are few betrayals on earth that hurt worse than the betrayal of your very best friend. She's the person I shared my life with. A home with. All my secrets with. And the entire time we lived together, she was betraying me on a daily basis.

I don't want coffee with her. I don't even want to be outside chatting with her, acting like she didn't break my heart with ten times the strength that Kai ever could.

I shake my head. "I don't think coffee is a good idea." I choose to walk around the back of her car so that I don't have to get even closer to her. Before I head for the stairs, I look up at her. "You really hurt me, Krystal. More than Kai ever could have. But I still think you deserve better than a man who doesn't even bother to come down and help you carry up groceries."

I walk away and run up the stairs, away from her, away from that smelly car, and away from the sad reality that she still hasn't found happiness yet. I wonder if she ever will.

I walk inside the apartment, and Bambam is on the couch with his guitar. He nods his head toward Lisa's room. When I open the door to Lisa's bedroom, she's lying across the bed on her stomach, hugging a pillow. I walk over to her, but she's asleep. I know she's had a long twenty-four hours, so I don't bother waking her. I let her rest.

Bambam is at the table now, playing the song he and Lisa just wrote. I walk to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine. There's only enough left for one glass. Sorn and I really tore through their stash. Lisa is probably going to start keeping the wine in a Windex bottle.

"Jennie?"

I turn toward Bambam, and he's hugging his guitar, his chin resting on it. "I'm really hungry. Do you think you can make me a grilled cheese?"

I laugh as soon as the question comes out of his mouth. But then I realize he's serious. "You're asking me to make you a sandwich?"

"It's been a long day, and I don't know how to cook. Lisa always cooks for me when I'm over here."

"Oh, my God. How old are you? Twelve?"

"Transpose those numbers and you've got your answer."

I roll my eyes and open the refrigerator to take out the cheese. "I can't believe I'm making you a sandwich. I feel like I'm disappointing every female that has ever fought for our equality."

"It only counts against feminism when you make your man a sandwich. It doesn't count if it's just a friend."

"Well, we won't even be friends if you think you can ask me to cook for you every time you visit Lisa."

Bambam smiles and turns back toward his guitar. He starts strumming it to a tune I haven't heard from him before. Then he starts to sing.

Cheddar, swiss, provolone. That is where I feel at home.

Slap that cheese on some bread. I like it more than getting head.

Grilled cheese,

Grilled cheese,

Grilled cheese from Jennie.

I'm laughing at his impressive improv abilities, even though it was a terrible song. He's obviously just as talented as Lisa is. He just suppresses it for some reason.

He sets his guitar on the table and walks over to the bar. He grabs a paper towel and places it in front of him. I guess that's the extent of his sandwich prep.

"Do you even have trouble writing lyrics? Or do you pretend you can't write because of your guilt?"

"What would I have to feel guilty for?" Bambam asks, taking his seat at the bar.

"Just a hunch, but I think you hate that you were born with the ability to hear, but Lisa wasn't. So you pretend you need her more than you actually do. Because you love her." I flip the grilled cheese over. Bambam doesn't respond right away, so I know I have him pegged.

"Does Lisa think that, too?"

I face him full-on. "I don't think so. I think she loves writing lyrics for you. I'm not telling you to stop pretending you don't know how to write lyrics as well as she can. I'm just saying I understand why you do it."

Bambam smiles, relieved. "You're smart, Jennie. You really should consider doing more with your life than just making sandwiches for hungry men."

I laugh and pick up his sandwich with the spatula. I drop it on the paper towel in front of him. "You're right. I quit."

He takes a bite, right as the front door opens. Sorn walks in holding a sack, wearing her Hooters uniform and a scowl. She sees us in the kitchen and nods, then walks to her room and slams the door. "Did she just nod her head at you?" Bambam asks. "That was an oddly nice gesture that didn't include a middle finger. Does she not hate you anymore?"

"Nah. We're practically best friends now." I start to clean the kitchen, but Sorn yells my name from her bathroom. Bambam raises an eyebrow, like he's worried for me. I walk toward her bathroom and can hear a lot of commotion. When I open the door, she grabs my wrist and pulls me inside and then slams the door shut. She turns toward the counter and begins dumping out the contents of her sack into her sink.

My eyes go wide when I see five unopened boxes of pregnancy tests. Sorn starts frantically ripping into one and hands me another. "Hurry," she says. "I have to get this over with before I freak out!" She pulls a stick out of the box and then grabs another one to open.

"I think one is enough to indicate if you're pregnant."

She shakes her head. "I have to be sure I'm not pregnant or I won't sleep until I have twelve periods."

I have two of the tests open, and she rips a third one open, then grabs a mouthwash cup from next to the sink and rinses it out. She pulls down her shorts and sits on the toilet.

"Did you even read the instructions? Are you supposed to pee in an unsanitized cup?"

She ignores me and begins peeing in the cup. When she's finished, she sets it on the counter. "Dip them!" she says.

I stare at her cup of pee and shake my head. "I don't want to."

She flushes the toilet and pulls her shorts up, then shoves me out of the way. She dips all five sticks into the cup at once and holds them there. Then she pulls them out and lays them all on a towel.

This is all happening so fast, I'm not sure I've had time to process the thought that we're about to find out if Sorn is going to be a mother. Or whether Bobby is going to be a father.

"Do either of you even want kids?" I ask.

Sorn shakes her head adamantly. "Not even a little bit. If I'm pregnant, you can have it."

I don't want it. My idea of Hell is having a child comprised of pieces of Bobby and Sorn.

"Sorn!" Bobby yells, right before the front door slams shut. Sorn cringes. The bathroom door swings open, and I suddenly don't feel like I should be in here anymore. "You can't text me something like that in the middle of my study group and then ignore me when I call you back!"

Bobby…in study group? I laugh, but my laughter causes both of them to turn their glares on me. "Sorry. I just can't picture Bobby in a study group."

He rolls his eyes. "It's a mandatory group project." He turns his attention back on Sorn. "Why do you think you're pregnant? You're on the pill."

"Pickles," she says, as if that's a good explanation. "I stole three pickles off my customers' plates tonight and I hate pickles. But all I can think about are pickles!" She turns back toward the pregnancy tests and picks one up, but it hasn't been long enough yet.

"Pickles?" Bobby says, flabbergasted. "Jesus Christ. I thought this was serious. But you craved a fucking pickle."

Bobby is stuck on pickles, but I'm still stuck on the idea of Bobby in a study group. "When do you graduate?" I ask him.

"Two months."

"Good," Sorn says. "Because if I'm pregnant, you need to get a real job so you can raise this child."

"You aren't pregnant, Sorn," Bobby says, rolling his eyes. "You craved a pickle. You're so dramatic."

This entire conversation is making me want to ensure Lisa and I use double the protection from now on. I take my birth control religiously, but there's been a time or two that we haven't used a condom. Never again, though.

Sorn picks up one of the pregnancy tests and presses her hand against her forehead. "Oh, fuck." She turns and tosses the stick toward Bobby. It hits him in the cheek and then he fumbles as he tries to catch it.

"Is it positive?" I ask.

Sorn nods, running her hands down her face. "There's a line! Shit, shit, shit, there's a really long, visible line! Fuck!"

I look at one of the boxes. "A line just means it's working. It doesn't mean you're pregnant."

Bobby is holding the stick between two fingers when he drops it back on the towel. "That has your pee on it."

Sorn rolls her eyes. "No shit, Sherlock. It's a pregnancy test."

"You threw it at me. There's pee on my face." He takes a hand towel and wets it under the faucet.

"You aren't pregnant," I reassure her. "It's not a plus sign."

She picks up another one of the tests and studies it, leaning against the counter. "You think?" She picks up one of the boxes and reads it, then sighs with relief. She pours the cup of urine out in the sink.

"Why didn't you pour that in the toilet?" Bobby asks with a grossed-out look on his face. This, coming from the guy who ate a bar of cheese after Sorn tried to wash herself with it.

"I don't know," Sorn says, looking at the sink. She turns the water on to rinse it out. "I'm distressed. I wasn't thinking."

Bobby slips in front of me and wraps his arms around Sorn, bringing her head to his level. He brushes her hair back gently. "I'm not going to get you pregnant, Sorn. After our first scare, I wrap my Jimmy Choo up hella tight every time."

I was on my way out of the bathroom to give them privacy, but I freeze when I hear Bobby refer to his penis as a Jimmy Choo.

I turn back around. "Jimmy Choo?"

Bobby looks at me through the reflection in the mirror. "Yeah, that's his name. Lisa doesn't nickname her penis after cool things?"

"Cool things?" I say. "Jimmy Choos are designer shoes."

"No," Bobby says. "A Jimmy Choo is a rare Cuban cigar. Right, Sorn?" he says, looking at her. "You're the one who named him."

Sorn tries to keep a straight face, but she sputters laughter. She brushes past me and runs into the living room, but Bobby is right on her heels. "You said Jimmy Choos were huge cigars!" They end up on the couch, Bobby on top of her. They're both laughing, and it's the first time I've ever really seen them affectionate.

It's disturbing that a pregnancy scare is what brings out the best in them as a couple.

Bobby kisses her on the cheek and then says, "We should go celebrate with breakfast tomorrow." He sits up and looks at me and Bambam. "All of us. Breakfast is on me."

Sorn pushes Bobby away from her and stands up. "I will if I wake up on time."

Bobby follows her out of the living room and into their bedroom. "Girl, you aren't even sleeping tonight."

Their door closes.

I look at Bambam. He looks away from their door, toward me.

We both just shake our heads.

"I'm heading home," he says, standing up to pack his guitar. He grabs his keys and walks toward the door. "Thanks for the sandwich, Jennie. Sorry I'm a brat. It's Lisa's fault for spoiling me for so long."

"That's actually good to know. If Lisa is the one who spoiled you, then I'm not going to have to break up with her for expecting me to make her sandwiches."

Bambam laughs. "Please don't break up with her. I think you might be the first thing that's ever made Lisa's life easier."

He closes the door behind him, and I can't help but smile at his parting words. He didn't have to say that, but the fact that he did makes me think Bambam and Lisa are more alike than I initially thought. Both thoughtful.

After Bambam leaves, I lock the front door. I hear a thumping sound behind me, so I spin around and listen for a few seconds to see where it's coming from.

Bobby and Sorn's bedroom.

Oh. Gross. Gross, gross, gross.

I rush to Lisa's bedroom and close the door, then crawl into bed with her. I wasn't planning on staying here tonight. I still have homework I haven't finished this weekend, and really do need to have some alone time in order to get it all done. Lisa is way too distracting.

"Jen," Lisa says, rolling toward me. Her eyes are closed, and I think she might even still be asleep. "Don't…be scared…the chicken." She signs the last word.

She's talking and signing in her sleep. I grin at her nonsensical words. Did she talk in her sleep before she started verbalizing? Or is that something new?

I kiss her on the cheek and fold her arm over me as I snuggle against her. I wait to see if she speaks again, but she doesn't. She just sleeps.

•••

I was awake by seven, but Lisa was still asleep. She woke up sometime in the middle of the night and took off her jeans and shoes, but then went right back to sleep.

I was making a pot of coffee when Bobby walked out of his bedroom and told me to stop. "I'm treating you to breakfast, remember?" Then he went to wake up Lisa, but Lisa told him she needed two more hours of sleep.

"Let's let her sleep," I said. "Let me go change out of my pajamas and we can go."

Bobby told me no, that the place we're going to eat actually requires pajamas.

I have no idea where we're going, but Sorn wanted to sleep in, so now it's just me and Bobby, going to breakfast in our pajamas to celebrate Sorn's negative pregnancy test. Without Sorn.

Nope. Not weird at all.

"Did this restaurant just open?" I ask Bobby. "Is that why I've never heard of it?" He told me earlier it was called Fastbreak Breakfast, but it doesn't sound familiar.

"We're not going to a restaurant."

I glare at him from the passenger seat, just as he pulls into the driveway of a hotel and drives around to the side of the building. "Wait here," he says, hopping out of the car. He takes his keys with him.

I sit and watch him as he stands next to the side entrance to the hotel. I start to text Lisa to ask her what the hell I've just gotten myself into, but before I can type out the text, a businessman walks out of the side door and doesn't even notice as Bobby grabs the door handle and holds the door open. He waves me out of the car, so I get out and follow him inside, shaking my head. It's finally registered why he told me to wear pajamas. Because he wants it to look like we're guests here.

"Are you kidding me, Bobby? We're sneaking into a free continental breakfast?"

He smiles. "Oh, it's not just any free breakfast, Jennie. They have Texas-shaped waffles here."

I can't believe this is his idea of treating people to breakfast. "This is stealing," I whisper, just as we walk into the breakfast area. He reaches for a plate and hands it to me, then grabs his own.

"Maybe so. But it doesn't count against your track record because I'm the one who brought you here."

We make our plates and take a seat at an area by the window that's not visible to the front desk. For the first ten minutes, Bobby talks about school, since I was so intrigued by the idea of him actually sitting in a study group. He's majoring in management, which is something else that intrigues me. Baffles me, even. I can't imagine him in a position where he's in charge of other people, but I guess he does manage Sounds of Cedar pretty well.

I don't think I give Bobby enough credit. He has a job, he goes to school full time, he manages a successful local band, and he manages to keep Sorn somewhat happy. I guess it's just his addiction to porn and his inability to clean up after himself that leads me to assume he's got a lot of growing up to do.

When we're finished eating, Bobby grabs a tray and piles muffins and juices on it, then brings it back to the table. "For Lisa and Sorn," he says, covering the muffins with a napkin.

"How often do you come here? You seem to be experienced in the art of breakfast theft."

"Not very often. I have a few hotels around town that I frequent, but I try to mix it up every now and then. Don't want the desk clerks becoming suspicious."

I laugh, sipping the last of my orange juice.

"Lisa has never been on board. You know how she is, always trying to do the right thing. Irene came with me a few times, though. She liked the thrill of possibly getting caught. She's actually why I call it fastbreak breakfast. We had to make a break for it once because a clerk walked around, writing down room numbers and checking them to last names."

I look down when he says Irene's name, not wanting to hear how good of friends he is with her. Not that I care if Bobby and Irene are friends. I just don't want to hear about it. Especially this early in the morning.

He notices my reaction, because he leans forward and folds his arms over the table. He tilts his head in thought. "Our friendship with her really bothers you, huh?"

I shake my head. "Not as much as you probably think. What bothers me is how much Lisa stresses about it."

"Yeah, well, imagine how much Irene stresses about it."

I roll my eyes. I know how much Irene probably stresses about it. But just because she stresses more than I do doesn't mean I'm not allowed to stress. "I already told Lisa it's just going to take me a little time to get used to it."

Bobby laughs under his breath. "Well hurry up and get used to it, because I already told you once that she'll never leave her."

I remember that night very clearly. I don't need Bobby to point it out again. It was when Lisa and I were hugging in the hallway. Bobby walked inside the apartment and didn't like what he was seeing, because Lisa was dating Irene at the time. Lisa didn't know Bobby was in the apartment, but before Bobby walked to his room, he made sure I was aware of his thoughts on our predicament. Bobby's exact words were, "I'm only going to say this once and I need you to listen. She will never leave her, Jennie."

I lean back in my seat, growing defensive like I always do when Bobby talks about Lisa and my relationship. He always seems to take it a step too far, even though I feel like I've been more than accommodating and understanding when it comes to Lisa's friendship with Irene. "You did say that," I agree. "But you were wrong, because they did break up."

Bobby stands up and begins gathering trash from the table. He shrugs. "They broke up, sure. But I didn't tell you they'd never break up. I told you she'd never leave her. And she won't. So maybe instead of trying to convince yourself that you just need time to warm up to the idea of Irene always being a part of Lisa's life, you should remind yourself that you already knew that. Long before you agreed to start a relationship with her."

I stare at him, dumbfounded, as he walks the trash to the trash can. He comes back to the table and reclaims his seat. I forget what a casual asshole he can be to everyone. I recall his words again, only this time they mean something completely different.

"She will never leave her, Jennie."

This whole time, I thought Bobby was saying Lisa would never break up with her. When all along, Bobby just meant that Irene would always be a part of Lisa's life.

"You know the one thing that could make this entire situation a little easier?" Bobby asks.

I shake my head, unsure about anything anymore.

He looks at me pointedly. "You."

What?

"Me? How could I make it easier? If you haven't noticed, I've worked really hard to try and have the patience of a freaking saint."

He nods in agreement. "I'm not talking about your patience," he says, leaning forward. "You have been patient. But what you haven't been is apologetic. There's a girl you seriously wronged, who is a huge part of Lisa's life. And even though she claims not to blame you, you probably still owe her an apology. Apologies shouldn't happen because of the response of the person who was wronged. Apologies should happen because of the wrong." He slaps his hands on the table like the conversation is over and he stands up, grabbing the tray of food he made for Lisa and Sorn.

My stomach turns at the thought of being face to face with Irene after everything that has happened. And even though I don't take any responsibility for all the resentment she and Lisa have been building up toward each other over the years, I do take responsibility for the fact that I was a Krystal for a hot minute and never once reached out to her to apologize.

"Come on," Bobby says, pulling me up and out of my stupor. "There are worse things in life than having a girlfriend with a heart the size of an elephant."

•••

I'm completely silent on the ride home. Bobby doesn't even try to get me to talk. When we get back to Lisa's apartment, Lisa is still asleep. I write her a note and leave it beside her on the bed.

Didn't want to wake you because you deserve the sleep. I've got a lot of homework to catch up on today, so maybe I can come over tomorrow night after work.

I love you.

Jennie.

I feel bad lying to her, because I'm not going home to do homework. I'm going home to change clothes.

This drive to Irene is long overdue.