Chapter 30

Jennie

"It's not what you think," Lisa says.

I lift my gaze and drop my hand from my mouth. "I think it's an engagement ring. Is it not?"

Lisa shakes her head as she walks over to me and says, "No. Yes. I mean…it is, but it isn't. It is an engagement ring…but…it isn't yours."

She's treading very carefully, so it takes me a moment to realize why there's nothing but a cautious, regretful look in her eyes. I look back down at the ring that isn't meant for me. "Oh," I say. "I didn't know you ever proposed to her."

She shakes her head, almost adamantly. "I didn't."

She looks terrified of my potential reaction. What she can't see is how fucking relieved I am. We haven't even been officially dating for a whole month yet. If she had already bought me a ring with the intention of proposing, I probably would have cried, but not from feelings of joy. I'm pretty sure, based on how I'm feeling right now, I would have been scared. Which is weird. I love Lisa more than I could ever love anyone, and I would love to be her wife. I would love to be married to her. But I want to enjoy the stages of our relationship for as long as we can.

I would love to be her fiancée, but I love being her girlfriend just as much. I want more of the girlfriend thing before we move it to the next level.

I laugh, clutching my chest. My heart is beating so fast. "My God, Lisa. I thought you were about to propose to me." I sit on the bed, still clutching the box. "I love you, but… Too soon."

All the tension in her neck and jaw eases with my response. "Oh, thank God," she says, running a hand down her face. But then she tries to quickly recover. "Not that I don't want to propose to you. Just…yeah. Someday."

She sits down next to me on the bed, and I bump her with my shoulder as I grin at her. "Maybe someday."

She smiles back. "Maybe someday."

I look back down at the ring and run my finger over it. It looks like an antique. "It's a beautiful ring."

She picks up her phone and begins texting me. I pull out my phone to read it.

Lisa: It belonged to Irene's grandmother. Her grandfather gave it to me while she and I were dating, but I never got around to asking her. I've been meaning to give it back to her since our breakup, but the timing was always weird. She doesn't know I have it.

Jennie: You keep it in your sock drawer. That's the most obvious place for a ring to be hidden. She's more than likely seen this.

Lisa: It's been in my closet for three years. I just moved it to the sock drawer two weeks ago to remind myself to give it to her.

Jennie: You've had it for three years and never proposed? What was stopping you?

Lisa shrugs and then says, "It never felt right."

I want to smile, but I don't. It's just that hearing her say it never felt right makes me feel good. Should it? Who knows? I'm honestly tired of second-guessing my reactions to every little thing I feel. From now on, I just want to feel. Unabashedly. Without guilt. And right now, I feel relieved. Relieved that the ring isn't for me, but also relieved that she never gave it to Irene.

"I'll give it back to her tomorrow." She reaches for it, but I pull it away from her.

"No," I say. "I think you should wait."

"Wait? Why?"

I text her my lengthy response because it's too much to try to sign for me and too much for her to try to understand.

Me: I think this ring would mean a lot to Irene. And I know it's still new between them, but I think Jackson means a lot to her, too. Maybe you should wait and see how things go with the two of them. If they fall in love, I think you should give the ring to Jackson. Not Irene.

Lisa smiles after she reads my text. Then she looks at me appreciatively. "Okay."

I hand her the ring, and she walks it back to the drawer. She slides her hands into her pockets. "What do you want to do for the rest of the night?"

I shrug. "Seeing Bobby's ass got me out of the mood for a round two."

Lisa laughs and drops down on the bed next to me. "We could go watch a movie."

"Nope," I say, shaking my head immediately. "Not sitting on that couch ever again."

"No, I mean at a theater."

"But…how would that be fun for you? There aren't any captions."

"Then take your earplugs and we'll deaf-watch it together."

I stand up, eager and ready. A date. I may not be in the mood for sex right now, thanks to Bobby, but I am so in the mood for a date with my girlfriend of less than a month, whom I love with all my soul, but do not want an engagement ring from quite yet.