Hold on to this lullaby 1-5
Chapter 1
Just close your eyes, the sun is going down
You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now
Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound
Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold onto this lullaby even when the music's gone
-Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It was a cool Halloween night and Remus and Sirius were relaxing with a flagon of butterbeer, legs tangled on the couch in their little London flat. The day had gone by quickly enough and Remus was looking forward to a calm evening. Today had been a bit of a break in the chaos that was this war and he wanted to sit in this respite as long as he could. To just exist in this moment of peace, of just the two of them together. These moments were hard to come by, lately. Tension seeped from the war until it stained him, oily and slick and impossible to scrub clean. Just thinking about it tightened Remus' muscles and he had to consciously take a deep breath and another pull from his pint and force himself to relax. To enjoy this.
"Sirius!" a woman's voice whispered frantically from inside Sirius' robe, breaking the mood, "Sirius!"
Remus and Sirius shared a look. Sirius quickly pulled out a small, round mirror from his pocket. James had given it to him back in Hogwarts so that they could always talk to each other. But this wasn't James' voice now. Remus felt a chill swirling in his veins that had nothing to do with the butterbeer.
"Lily? What's wrong?" Sirius said.
"He's here! Sirius, he's here! He's found us!"
"Merlin's beard" Remus swore, leaping to his feet and quickly conjuring a patronus as Sirius desperately tried to talk to Lily. "Meet at the Godric's Hollow church. They've been found. Go!"
The silvery translucent wolf nodded its head before splitting into multiple copies and running in different directions. Remus couldn't think of the address. Couldn't say it out loud from the Fidelius Charm protecting its residents. He knew where they lived, though. He could say the town and a place close-by to bring help to them. The Order of the Phoenix would be fast. They had to be.
"I've summoned the Order, Lily, help is coming-"
"NO!" She shrieked. The mirror lit up green with a flash. "James!"
"Get out of there, Lily!" Sirius yelled, "Apparate here!"
Lily's mirror dropped to the ground and Remus felt his heart fall with it. All they could see was the
dimly lit ceiling with its glowing, tiny, little painted stars enchanted to look like the dog star constellation. Harry's room.
"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl...stand aside, now..." A shrill voice hissed.
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead– Not Harry! Please...have mercy...have mercy..." Remus and Sirius apparated out of their flat, racing to Godric's Hollow as Lily screamed.
They arrived at the little cottage in Godric's Hollow quickly, but it was immediately clear that they weren't quick enough. Remus' stomach flipped. A large hole in the side of the upstairs outer wall revealed what he knew to be the inside of Harry's bedroom. It gaped like a mouth. Like a soundless scream.
"No!"
"JAMES!" Sirius yelled, running straight inside. Remus swore and ran after him. Members of the Order would be arriving by the church soon. They'd have back up. Mad Eye, at least, knew the location of the house. The battered but brilliant auror could join them himself even if he couldn't bring others. They'd have back up soon, they would. They had to.
James lay across the floor of the living room and Remus could almost pretend that he was sleeping. Sirius dropped to his knees beside him and carefully replaced the glasses that had fallen off of James' nose.
"James?" Remus asked uselessly.
If he had not already been crying, the scream that tore from Sirius' throat would have assured it.
"Get up, James, damn you. Don't you do this."
"Sirius. He's-" Remus could not make himself finish the sentence. "Merlin, no, look: his wand is on the couch."
"Why wouldn't you have your wand, you brave, bloody idiot? What did you think you were doing?"
Remus couldn't stand it anymore. He could feel the walls trembling, or maybe that was just him. He didn't think he cared which it was. But maybe, just maybe Lily had escaped. She could have done it, could have apparated away while they were on their way. She had to have. He pulled himself from Sirius's side and ran up the stairs.
"Lily!"
Lily lay unmarked on the ground, like her husband. Still. So still. Even from the open door he
could tell that her body was wrapped protectively around Harry's. She would guard her son, even in death.
"Oh, Lily." Remus reached forward to close her eyes. He couldn't bear to see the green without its spark of life. A whimper beneath her sent him reeling backwards. Carefully, so carefully he moved her limp arms, unwrapping them to better see the babe they covered. They were still warm. They were still. He couldn't bring himself to hope, couldn't bring himself to take another breath until he confirmed- until he saw for himself that-
Harry blinked up at him. "Sirius!" Remus called. "Sirius!"
He could not wait for Sirius to join him. Remus gently lifted up the boy, clutching him to his chest. He could feel his heart beat. Feel the heat from his tiny body where it moved against him. "There now, Uncle Moony's got you. You're safe. You're so safe. I've got you, Harry. I've got you."
Sirius was in the doorway when he turned. He seemed to not have words for once in his life.
"Harry's alive." Remus said. It was unnecessary, really, with the boy blinking up at him, unblemished save for a fresh scar that slashed across his forehead. In that same way, it was totally necessary. Wordlessly, Sirius took Harry from Remus and held him tightly in his arms. The small boy tucked his head beneath Sirius' chin and nestled in closely. Safe. Harry was safe.
Remus and Sirius walked out of the house slowly, as if fighting their way through thick mud that sucked at their ankles and threatened to stop them. They were unsurprised to see a good number of the Order of the Phoenix waiting there by the gate. Without anyone to protect, the Fidelius Charm had worn off and revealed the little house to everyone who might pass it.
"They're dead." Remus forced himself to say, knowing Sirius could not. He wrapped one arm around Sirius' waist to steady himself. "He killed James and Lily."
"It was Peter." Sirius spat. "The rat was the rat all along," His eyes met with Dumbledore's evenly, "We changed Secret Keepers to him last minute. Double bluff. The bastard suggested it and we went along with it. Put me under Veritaserum if you'd like. How could I be so stupid ."
Remus tightened his grip around Sirius, who had begun to shake.
"I'm going after him." Sirius with an evenness to his tone that Remus both envied and feared. " We're going after him," Remus corrected his partner. He scanned the crowd, "I just need-" "I'll take the lad," Hagrid volunteered. "Me and Fang'll watch over him 'til you're back."
"Perhaps Mr. Lupin should stay with the child while Mr. Black searches." Dumbledore suggested in an oddly intense voice, staring down at Remus through his half moon spectacles. Remus had the odd feeling of being a schoolboy once more, but grief numbed any shame that might bring him.
"No," Remus insisted firmly, "Sirius stays within my sight tonight. I'm not- I can't. I stay with him."
The overlapping voices and quick movements around the cottage were pure chaos. Or perhaps it just felt that way to Remus, who was having a very hard time concentrating. James and Lily were dead. He knew it, but the information felt wrong, like his brain wanted to skip over it. The meaning of that statement felt slick, like he couldn't get a firm grasp on it in his mind. What he did know, though, was the desperate need not to be separated from Sirius that night. They needed each other.
A loud pop of apparition startled everyone and took the lid off the argument that threatened to boil over, allowing it to settle into a simmer.
Frank and Alice Longbottom appeared by the church across the way, wrapped around each other with a screaming baby Neville between them.
"Shhhhh, now, shh it's alright, it's over now, my brave, brave boy," Alice said, bouncing and
soothing the babe while walking quickly towards the group with her husband.
"The bloody bastards came for us!" Frank said loudly, not reading the solemn mood of the group, "We only just saw them at the edge of our wards when your patronus came, Remus. Thanks for that. I think I hit Bellatrix, but we side-alonged out of there before I could check. I know we shouldn't have apparated with Neville being so young, but I really didn't want to stick around and see what was coming."
"Frank..." Alice warned, looking up from Neville whose sobs had quieted down to a steady sniffle. She took in the solemn faces. Sirius trembling weakly. The baby in his arms. The tear tracks down Remus' face. "The Potters didn't get out in time, did they?"
Frank swore loudly. Remus tightened his grip around Sirius' waist, tucking his wand into his robes to use both hands. This wasn't the time. He could feel himself breaking apart. The nights where the moon broke his bones and ripped his skin hurt less than this. He had to stay steady now, though. For Sirius. He couldn't give in to the pain and grief that threatened to overpower him. He had to hold on.
As if on cue, Sirius' shaking intensified. It was a laugh. An awful laugh that bubbled somewhere out of his chest and crawled up his throat. It crackled through the still night, spreading a chill as cold as any Dementor's kiss.
"Oh, Sirius." Remus supported Harry, still wrapped in Sirius' arms and helped guide his partner to the ground. Sirius could no longer stand, could not hold himself together. That was alright. Remus was there. He could hold Sirius' pieces close when they threatened to shatter. He would deal with his own pain later. For now, Sirius needed him more. Sirius and Harry. The thought cleared his mind.
Harry's alive. He reminded himself. Harry is alive. He wasn't sure, though, if that were better or worse.
He held on tightly. Chapter End Notes
If I'm going to save Sirius from Azkaban then I might as well save Frank and Alice Longbottom from torture! A dark beginning, but there is joy to come.
Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Ultimately, Emmeline Vance and Mad-Eye went to track down Peter. It was better this way, they assured Remus and Sirius, better to have aurors take him down officially. Remus was unsurprised when Dumbledore asked to speak to Sirius alone, leaving him to hold Harry.
The boy had finally fallen asleep when sunlight gave its first gentle kiss to the horizon. Remus sat on the stairs to Hogwarts, waiting for Sirius to come out of Dumbledore's office. He did not want to be far from Sirius. A feeling that something bad would happen if he strayed too far from his partner's side stuck heavily in his throat. It tightened there, threatening to stop his breath and squeeze at his somehow still beating heart until he, too, was still.
Remus wrapped his robes carefully around the small boy, adding comfort to the warming charm that bubbled them against the crisp fall air. Hogwarts was beautiful in any season, but Remus loved it in autumn. The Forbidden Forest looked alluring dressed in reds and golds. Fall meant feasts and pranks and casual reading far from the threat of exams. It meant comfort and friendship. Or it had. Remus was re-evaluating his opinions on the season, to say the least.
Mercifully the door behind him creaked open and Sirius' footsteps distracted him before he could think too deeply about Hogwarts and everything it meant to him. Everything he lost here.
"Let's go home." Sirius said
"All three of us?"
"Yes!" Sirius snapped, eyes flashing. "I'm his godfather, he stays with me ." "Alright," Remus said slowly, "I wasn't saying otherwise."
"I'm sorry, Remus, I- we'll talk at home."
Sirius took Harry back into his arms without waking him and they walked down the path to Hogsmeade to hail the Knight Bus to get back to their London flat. Neither man wanted to risk apparating with the baby. He'd been through enough trauma that night to be subjected to the intense, dizzying pressure of apparition. Little Neville's screams from apparition echoed in his ears until they melded with Lily's. Morphed into Harry's. Made him think of James. James.
Once they were on the Knight Bus, however, Remus wished with everything he had that they had taken the risk and apparated or thought to use the Floo. He would have taken hours of flying on a freezing broomstick from Hogwarts all the way to London over this.
"YOU KNOW WHO HAS BEEN DEFEATED" emblazoned across the Daily Prophet in every early commuter's hands.
Sirius and Remus sunk deeply into their robes and Sirius tucked Harry away beneath his carefully out of sight. He concentrated on his breathing, burying the panic that bubbled sickly in his chest.
"Merlin, thank Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived!" yelled one bus rider who had clearly drank more than his fair share already that morning. A general cheer sounded through the bus. Sirius flinched and pulled his robes closer together, but the man had clearly not seen him.
Not for the first time, Remus wished away the lycanthropy scars across his own body. They made him recognizable in an instant, as bold scars were wont to do. Poor Harry, barely a year old and already marked in his own, even more obvious way. They'd have to be careful with who saw the lightning bolt scar that marred his otherwise soft baby skin.
Remus could only just meet Sirius' eyes. How did the papers know already?
The Knight Bus pulled up outside their London flat with a familiar screech and slamming of brakes. The scene on the street was even more chaotic. It seemed that the end of the war made everyone forget that the statute of secrecy even existed. Wizards in full robes sent merry sparks into the sky. A general call of, "Long live Harry Potter! Long live The Boy Who Lived!" echoed up and down the street, though it was only barely past dawn. They had to weave past far too many people for this time of day to get from the curb to the building. The Wizarding World was celebrating.
"They don't even care," Remus said as he shut the door to the street behind him and Sirius and they began to walk up the stairs to their third story flat. "They don't care about James, about Lily."
"The war is over," Sirius said flatly, "they don't care how."
Remus flinched at that realization. Did the papers even mention James? Lily? Did they care about the cost that went into winning this war? It was unbearable. And could the war really be over? Voldemort was dead, truly dead from a backfiring killing curse, according to Dumbledore. Somehow gentle, tiny, innocent Harry had managed to do what so many fully trained wizards had not. Somehow he had saved the Wizarding World.
Somehow he had lost everything.
No, Remus corrected himself, not everything. Harry had Sirius still. Harry had him, as horrifying a thought as that was.
"What do we do now?" Remus had not truly considered what life would be like after the war. After this past year he wasn't sure there would be life after the war. So many lives wasted.
Marlene McKinnon's death was fresh in his mind. They had been close in Hogwarts, in the same year in Gryffindor. She was on the quidditch team with James, and there had never been a better Beater. Her quick wit reminded him of Sirius. The pair had bonded instantly, constantly flirting with silver tongued quips. She had been killed earlier this year along with her entire family. Voldemort had killed her girlfriend, Dorcas Meadowes, personally. Remus shuddered. His chances of surviving the war had felt very slim after that. Dorcas was such a talented witch. Her counter- curses were absolutely devastating. If she couldn't make it through, how could he? He had not completely resigned himself to his own death, as much as he expected it to come for him before the war's end. Despite it all, there was too much fight in him to accept it. To admit defeat and quit fighting. The wolf refused to roll over and show its belly, even when it seemed inevitable.
But he did make it through. He and Sirius both survived the war. Here they stood, exhausted and heartbroken in a tiny London flat with far too few bedrooms to house a family that had suddenly grown.
Well, he considered. It had grown by one and shrunk by two. By three , really. His heart ached at Peter's betrayal. He felt a horrible pang of guilt coupled with vague disbelief. How could he not have noticed? Surely there had to have been signs. Why did he do it? Why didn't he go to Remus for help if he had been in trouble? When did quiet Peter, loyal Peter, Peter who was always waiting to lend an ear or a bar of chocolate, turn into a traitor? When did this, this unthinkable... thing
become the only option? He had been distant these last few months, but who hadn't been struggling with the war? He could hardly bring himself to believe it, though he knew it must be true. The secret had been given up and only the Secret Keeper could do that. But a spy? Peter?
"What do we do?" Sirius repeated, pulling him from his spiraling thoughts. "We keep going." We keep going.
Chapter End Notes
I'm a bit ahead on my writing schedule for this fic, so have an early chapter, as a treat! Thank you to everyone who has commented, left a kudos, or just is here reading.
Chapter 3
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Remus transfigured the coffee table into a passable crib. How he did so he was not entirely sure. His mind kept slipping around dozens of different trains of thought, each passing through without any sense pulled from them. Luckily his body seemed to understand what was needed in terms of magic, even if concentrating on anything for more than a few seconds seemed impossible. They were home now. They were home now and he was okay and so was Sirius and so, somehow,
was Harry. The flat would have to be baby proofed, he thought vaguely. They'd need to go grocery shopping. Maybe someone could go back to the cottage in Godric's Hollow and get Harry's things. He wasn't sure if he could go back, himself. He knew he'd see James and Lily everywhere. Lily's unseeing eyes. He shuddered at the thought. There was a funeral to plan.
"What did Dumbledore say?" He asked when Sirius set Harry down in the crib. The night's events had clearly exhausted the boy, who still slept soundly. Madame Pomfrey had come down to check him out when they were at Hogwarts, along with a healer from St. Mungo's who specialized in Unforgivable Curses. The healer may have been the expert, but Remus trusted Pomfrey above anyone else. It was she, after all, who nursed him to health after every full moon for seven years. Harry had been given the all clear by both witches. Nothing dark or damaging remained in his system. He'd have no further physical damage save for the lightning shaped scar that slashed across his forehead.
" Dumbledore, " Sirius said with a scoff, "seems to think it best for us to send Harry off to live with some aunt he's never met. I won't do it, Remus. You know how Petunia was about Lily's magic when they were kids. James never liked that muggle husband of hers. If they wanted Harry to go to them they would've named them as godparents. But they didn't. They named me. Me and Marlene, who's no bloody use to anyone anymore. He's staying with us."
Remus nodded his head slowly, flinching at the mention of Marlene McKinnon. Sirius sighed, suddenly somber. Remus knew him well enough to tell that a speech was brewing.
"This must be a lot for you, Rem. I... I understand if you have hesitations. I can't leave him, though. He needs me." Remus was startled to see tears brimming at Sirius' eyes. "I need him. And I need you. Don't... leave. If you can. Stay."
Remus was thrown back to two years prior and Lily's pregnancy announcement. It had shaken him to his core, the idea of a baby. Something so fragile and entirely dependent. He had been afraid of it, of the responsibility, of the danger that child was in simply for knowing him. He and Sirius had gotten into a fight that night. Remus, full of panic about the monster that stalked inside his skin. Full of a four year old's nightmares of sharp teeth and a full moon. But James and Lily had scoffed when he offered to keep his distance. They trusted him. It was time he trusted himself. And now, looking at the helpless child in the crude crib in the middle of their living room, Remus knew he could never hurt him. He was surprised to realize that the thought of giving up Harry now did not feel like an option that he could even consider. Keeping him felt inevitable now. As strange as it seemed, this was the only option that made sense. More than that he wanted it. Wanted this desperately. He owed it to them. Their son would be safe and happy. He'd make sure of it.
"I'm not going anywhere," he promised, "Harry is ours now, we owe James and Lily that much. You can't get rid of me that easily, Pads."
All the fight drained out of Sirius' body. He was exhausted. They both were.
"I don't think I have the strength to move the crib, but I can't leave him alone. Not tonight."
"Me neither," Remus admitted, stretching out on the couch and raising up an arm for Sirius to lay down beside him. "I think this is as far as we're getting tonight."
Sirius cast a muffling spell on the apartment before crawling in to join Remus and the celebrations on the street mercifully muted.
Some hours later, Remus woke with his arm asleep beneath Sirius' middle and a cramp in his legs from the too short couch. He blinked slowly and was startled to see the crib was empty. He sat up with a jolt and was quickly calmed by an unexpected Molly Weasley.
"It's alright! He's with me." "Merlin! You scared me, Molly."
"Sorry, love. I popped by in the floo to offer some help and didn't want to wake you boys when I saw you sleeping. He's just fine, aren't you, Harry?"
Harry gurgled a mouthful of squashed peas with a smile. Remus carefully climbed over Sirius' still sleeping form to join Molly and Harry at the little kitchen table. Out of habit he almost asked a security question to Molly as they'd done throughout the war to make sure someone was who they claimed to be. With a strange pang he realized that there was no point anymore. The war was over. The war was over. How he wanted to celebrate with James. To spin Lily in his arms in joy. To drink himself into oblivion about it. That wasn't possible, though. Not anymore. Everything was different now. How had the world changed so entirely overnight? And more than that, who was he now without the war that had ruled his life since before graduation?
"He's a deep sleeper, the poor dear," Molly mused, looking at Sirius.
"The world's worst watchdog," Remus agreed, forcing a light smile at his little joke, letting himself be pulled towards the present. Towards this moment on its own with no past or future to center it.
"Come to me whenever you need anything," Molly said sincerely, taking her time to look at him directly, even as he avoided eye contact. It felt too intimate. Too earnest. He was too raw for it, yet. It might break him open, tear the threads that were so carefully holding him together. "My sixth, Ronnie, is about the same age as this one, I've got a bit of experience raising them. And there's little Ginny, too, of course."
Remus was startled to notice the very young baby swaddled to Molly's chest. He felt a rush of awe, totally impressed by the powerhouse of a woman in his kitchen. If she could raise seven young children simultaneously, perhaps he and Sirius could handle the one.
"Now, I've got to get back before this one wakes up from her nap, ooh the set of lungs on her, you wouldn't believe it! I've left some baby food for Harry to get you started and a few of Percy's old clothes. Someone from the Order will go and get his other things for you, dears." Molly handed an impressively not baby food stained Harry to Remus and walked to the fireplace. "Remember, if you need anything at any time, just pop by The Burrow and we'll get you sorted. Kids are not so hard once you figure them out a bit."
The flash of the floo as Molly returned home finally woke Sirius.
"What was that?" He grumbled sleepily.
"I think," Remus said with a fond smile, "we may have found a guardian angel."
Chapter End Notes
Going to try and keep up with 2 updates a week. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 4
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Remus accepted the warm cup of tea being pressed into his hand with a half hearted smile. The half-heartedness wasn't an expression of his feelings towards the man handing it to him. No, Sirius made this world livable. He was the one who watched over Remus every full moon since they were in third year when Sirius (and James, and Peter though it hurt to think their names) turned themselves into animagi to keep him safe. The one who carefully followed Madam Pomfrey's healing instructions for every moon after they graduated. It was Sirius who could always make him laugh, who knew every word to every Bowie song and would sing at the top of his lungs to coax out a smile. It was Sirius who could make his heart flutter with just a wink, send heat racing through his veins with a single raised eyebrow. And it was Sirius who made tea after a truly devastating funeral, all the while holding the orphaned child of their best friends in his arms.
The half heartedness of Remus' expression was simply a reaction to sheer exhaustion and grief. He made sure to tell Sirius that repeatedly, though it didn't do much to soften the concern in his partner's eyes.
"Can you watch him for a minute? I need to get out of these dress robes."
Remus nodded and took Harry from his arms, setting him carefully on the rug and sitting cross- legged in front of him.
"Hello there, Harry."
"Moony." Harry reached up and touched Remus' face, which couldn't help but break into a true smile.
"Yes, I'm your Uncle Moony. Uncle Padfoot will be back soon, he's just in the other room." "Pafu!" Harry squealed.
"Yes, Padfoot. We love you very, very much, Harry. Just like your mama and daddy loved you. You'll be safe here" Remus knew that the fifteen month old likely did not understand most of the words he was saying, but he hoped the message would be clear. Something Sirius and Remus agreed on immediately was that Harry would know of his parents. They would keep pictures up and easily available. Stories would flow like good wine, even though it might hurt. There would be no pretending here. No softening the story of what heroes James and Lily had been. Harry would grow up to be proud of them. It had to start now, even on the day of their funeral, even though it might take everything Remus had to think about them.
Remus didn't notice that Sirius had come back into the room until he felt him crouch down next to him and place a warm, lingering kiss on top of his head.
"I love you," Remus said and turned his head to look up at Sirius, "I know how hard it is for you to not go searching for him. Thank you for staying."
"Yes, yes, your bad feeling ," Sirius ran a hand through his hair, "I hate it, I do. I feel so useless."
"It's only been five days." Remus reminded him. "He'll turn up. But also... We can't even know for sure that it's Peter's fault. What if he was forced, Sirius? What if he's somewhere hurt now?
Maybe he needs our help."
Sirius was already shaking his head before he finished.
"Even if they were torturing him he should have just died, then. Died before giving up his friends.
I would've. It was so stupid to change Secret Keepers, I can't believe I let it happen. I suggested it."
"This isn't your fault, Padfoot. If you'd have known you'd never have let it happen. You couldn't have known he'd betray them. No one did."
"Pafu!" Harry squealed again, shifting their focus and brightening the mood instantly, as if someone had yanked open heavy curtains to reveal the light of day. He looked up from the small stuffed black dog that he was rubbing along the top of the renewed coffee table. Someone from the Order had brought over most of Harry's things from the cottage at Godric's Hollow. Remus and Sirius still couldn't bring themselves to return there. The small boy gripped the edge of the table to balance himself, teetering precariously on his little legs. With an adorably determined look, he took two steps towards Sirius before dropping down to his knees.
"Pads, did you see?"
"Yes," Sirius breathed. "Do you think...?"
"They saw," Remus said firmly, "She told me that he'd taken his first steps when we stopped by to drop off candy that morning. They saw."
Sirius nodded quickly and wiped at the tears threatening to brim over his eyes with one sleeve before scooping up Harry, who had crawled the rest of the way into his lap.
"Hello, there, you!" Sirius blew an enormous raspberry into Harry's belly through his onesie. Harry giggled and squirmed with glee. Remus couldn't help but smile another true smile, one that touched his eyes this time. Sirius wrestling a baby was in his element. He was absolutely a natural.
Pride flooded his body, spreading out from his chest to the tip of every finger and toe. If only Walburga and Orion Black could see the kind, caring, wonderful man their son had become. They'd probably hate it, call him undignified for rolling on the floor with this beautiful half-blood child. Nevermind what they'd think of the werewolf boyfriend he'd be raising that child with. Remus thought it might almost be worth it to see the look of horror on their faces.
Although, if Remus were within hexing distance of Sirius' so called parents he would make them regret every cruelty they'd ever inflicted on their son. Perhaps, he thought not for the first time, it was best for the rest of the Blacks that Sirius stay estranged. There was nothing like a werewolf with a twitchy wand hand to settle a score.
He let Harry's giggling and Sirius' matching laughter pull him back into their warm living room where a fire crackled in the fireplace, tea warmed his hand from within its mug, and his far too handsome partner wrestled adorably with a baby.
Chapter End Notes
Kudos and comment for Uncle Pafu? Thanks for reading!
Chapter 5
Chapter Notes
Only one update this week, so it's a longer one.
Nearly two weeks passed fairly smoothly. Harry was a quiet baby. Bright, quick to laughter, especially when his Pafu was involved. He made the days immediately post war pass a lot more quickly. Perhaps that was also because between taking care of Harry, Order meetings, and missions to round up known Death Eaters, Remus found himself nearly too tired to mourn. He knew it wasn't entirely healthy, working himself this hard. Still, he did little to slow his pace. He would have a mandatory break for at least a day or two starting tomorrow. Remus glanced up at the wide and waxing moon above him as he walked home. It alone was visible in the sky, stars hidden by London's light pollution. Well, that wasn't entirely true. If he squinted he could just make out the dog star, flickering out a hopeful glow. The brightest star in the night sky, Sirius always watched over him.
The man by the same name as the point of light, however, was becoming quite annoying and overly protective.
"I've talked to Molly," Sirius said before Remus could even close the door behind him upon entering their flat. "She and Arthur will take Harry tomorrow night. We can pick him up the next morning."
"Hello to you too, Sirius." Remus shrugged off his jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack and toed off his shoes by the door. His muscles ached in that familiar pre-moon way and he just wanted to curl up in bed and block out the world, not rehash an argument they'd been having for the past few days.
"I was thinking we could go to that bit of forest up by Inverie. It's so beautiful there."
"Sirius," Remus sighed, "just stay here with Harry. I'll feel better if I know he's safe with you."
"I don't like it, Remus. You know how you get when you're stressed. It's going to be a bad one, I can feel it. Let me go with you, please."
"Stay here with Harry," Remus repeated.
"If I do, will you promise to join the pack then, at least? You said it's better with others."
"Not likely," Remus said with just a touch of bitterness. "Greyback's lot will have dissolved after the war ended. Most were only there for the support of the group, and it won't be safe for them now that we've won."
Even within the Order there were those who were uncomfortable with Remus' lycanthropy. He didn't blame them, as much as he might want to. He knew, though, just as the other werewolves must, that the end of the war did not entirely mean a safer place for their kind.
"Where will you go then?"
"The Shrieking Shack," Remus admitted quietly. "I've already written to Dumbledore and Pomfrey. She'll be standing by to check in on me in the morning."
"Remus-"
"Don't. My mind is made up. Stay here with Harry. I'll feel better knowing that the two of you are safe and together. That will help, trust me. I don't want to keep throwing him in new places. Not after all he's been through."
Sirius nodded his head tersely and just like that the argument was over. Though he won the fight Remus felt no sense of relief or celebration. A cramp rippled across his torso and tightened his lungs, prompting him to say a wincing goodnight to Harry and bury himself under blankets in their room.
The next day, the day of the full moon, Sirius busied himself attending to Remus' every need in a way that reminded him sorely of James. He must have picked it up from James' mother, Euphemia, who was the definition of a mother hen.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what he did to mask the taste." Sirius handed Remus a potion to help soothe his pre-transformation aches.
It was a weak sort of pain relief and left him feeling a bit numb on top of the lingering throbbing, but it was the only thing to bring any sort of relief. The bitter taste made him grimace and miss James all at once. Sirius never had a hand for potions in quite the same way James did, though he made sure to learn all of the necessary ones to help Remus. Remus wondered if the war had ended but James had survived if James would have already enrolled in formal healing training at St. Mungo's. He'd talked for years about becoming a healer like Euphemia. Would've gone straight into it if not for the war. Remus pushed the thoughts aside with some trouble. That potion always had the unfortunate side effect of making him sappy.
Before dusk, Remus said goodnight to Harry and Sirius and promised to see them both in the morning. Sirius grabbed his wrist before he could walk out the door and kissed him carefully, slowly, as if he might break.
"Take care, tonight, Moony," Sirius said, "We love you very much." *
Remus woke up the next morning to bright walls and a curtain surrounding him. The hospital wing at Hogwarts, he realized vaguely. It had been years since he'd woken up there with no memory of how he got there. Well, that wasn't a good sign. He tried to remember what had happened last night and could only bring up flashes. Worries about Sirius and Harry. A deep aching loneliness. Trying to break free from the Shack. Clawing at his face when that failed. A long and mournful howl. Blinking more as he came fully into consciousness, he was horrified to realize that he was only staring at the room through one eye.
"My eye-" He whispered, reaching up to touch a bandage wrapping across his face.
"Is just fine under that bandage. Your eye is alright, Remus, you're okay."
Sirius.
"It's alright, I'm here now," Sirius said, scooting closer in his bedside chair to hold Remus' hand. "Harry?"
"On a playdate with the youngest Weasley boy and happy to be there." "How bad is it?"
"It was a bad night," Sirius admitted after a long pause. His face was ashen and taut. "You broke your hip and dislocated a shoulder, cut in pretty deep on your side, too, but Pomfrey fixed those up just fine. Remus, you... you've got a scratch on your face now. It's going to leave a scar."
"I want to see."
Madame Pomfrey pulled the curtain aside just then and set a small mirror by his side. "Hello, dear. You gave us a bit of a scare."
At seeing her, in this same room with Sirius at his side, Remus felt absurdly like a student again. He found himself waiting for James to pipe up with questions for Pomfrey. For Peter to shove chocolate in his lap. He breathed in sharply, wincing at the memory, and let Sirius and the good healer think that his pain was only physical.
Madame Pomfrey carefully removed the bandages from Remus' face and he stared at the reflection in the mirror. The scars were red and raised, healed by the best of Pomfrey's considerable abilities so they looked cleaner than they had any right to. Still, it was a magical wound so the scars would never fully disappear. The largest one began above his right eyebrow and slashed across his nose, fading off at the cheekbone. Another small one nicked at his chin and another left an almost tasteful slit in his left eyebrow.
He knew it was vain, but the scars across his face bothered him more than he'd care to admit. He'd made it to twenty one years old, nearly seventeen years as a werewolf without managing to injure his face noticeably, just to waste all that effort in one night. His other injuries could be hidden easily enough. He'd much preferred being teased for long sleeves in the summer to the shocked stares he'd get otherwise. He reminded himself forcefully that they would fade, that the angry red color would pale and the swelling would reduce until they became nothing more than light flashes across his face. Just marks like lightning.
Lightning. Harry. The wolf must have been more concerned about the boy than he'd thought. He sighed deeply and set down the mirror.
"How do I look?" Remus deadpanned.
"Honestly, Rem, you look tough. Bloody cool, like a pirate or something." He smirked that signature Sirius Black smile that made Remus' heart flutter.
Trust Sirius to always make him laugh. A pirate! Somehow, he felt just a bit better about the scars.
Later that night when they had apparated back home (side-along to preserve Remus' strength) and Sirius had picked Harry back up from the Weasley's and put him to bed, they curled up in their bed together. Sirius traced the scars very lightly across his face, following his finger with feather light kisses.
"Please don't make me do that again." He whispered.
"Do what?" Remus asked, voice thick with sleep.
"Stay here without you. During the moon. Please. I can't. I'm not strong enough."
Remus opened his eyes and scanned Sirius' face, searching for something though he could not tell what. The street lights lit their room far more than the waning moon. Remus could just make out Sirius' face, framed by dark and wild hair. His gray eyes were bright with concern and maybe even fear, jaw tight and clenched. He ran a thumb over the space between Sirius' eyebrows, trying to smooth the worry there.
"Alright," Remus promised, "we'll go to Inverie for the next moon. Together."
He felt the tension drain out of Sirius with a long and relieved sigh. Sirius pulled Remus' hand from his face and kissed each knuckle gently.
"Thank you," Sirius whispered fervently, "thank you, thank you, thank you."
Remus turned around and wrapped Sirius' arm across his body, pulling the man closely against his back. He had the distinct feeling that he should be thanking Sirius and not the other way around. But he was tired and Sirius was warm and he didn't have the energy to express that thought while wrapped safely in his arms.
"Goodnight, Moony." "Goodnight, Pads."