I don't own Code Geass. Only the imaginary plot and the ideas expressed on that fic. All characters belong to their respective owners.
A/N Well, don't know how this came to me, it only began as a small script and eventually evolved to a story.
The beginning will be a bit strange, since I was trying to describe some sort of an unconscious state, and then slowly regaining senses. Hence, I'll have to jump up time periods to make it look a bit realistic.
I also have the tendency not to divulge all information straight away, so that all pieces are put together as the reader goes on.
Hope you enjoy it as I did, mainly in terms of dialogue and showing the moods of the characters.
Rated M this time just to be safe, for few inappropriate words used, and sexual tension. Maybe even more but... it's up to you to find out.
The story is set 12 years after the Ressurection film, so characters may diverse from their original as part of their-supposed- character development, but not complete OOC.
You cut me like a razor blade
And you don't even know that I'm in pain
Maybe you bleed a little tiny bit too
But it never lasts long for you
A bit of tissue paper and your cut dries
But another piece of me just dies
Yeah, you cut me like a razor
Cut me like a razor blade
This ends today
I don't wanna fight this battle
Show me some respect
I'm the woman you keep saying that you love
Well, not enough, I've had enough
You know that it's hard for me, for me to be hard to you
I keep trying to make excuses for the things you do
You know that it's hard for me, for me to be hard to you
But it is something that I know this time I gotta do
(Razorblade, Lara Fabian)
" Please, operate him! He's gonna die! He's not regenerating fast enough..!
" I promise I'll try my best... It won't be easy... He needs hospital and not a small clinic.
Can't guarantee success either, given his state..."
" Just do it. I believe in you. You'll save him again. I'm gonna search for an entrance to C's world to see about his regeneration. I'll leave him in your hands."
" Right. Do your part, and I'll do my own..."
Everything began from absolute darkness. Eternal, tormenting darkness, a sight pure and clean, untouched by human hand or any other source.
It was in this darkness he was lying, floating...
All he could hear was voices, while he was unable to move...
Listening, watching, feeling extreme pain from time to time, sleepwalking between the world of the living and the dead.
He dearly wished for that silence, that tranquil nothingness...
Until he somehow felt a force, pushing him back to light...
A blurry vision, and a voice he could hardly make our the words...
" Stay with me. You're strong. It's gonna be alright..."
(Dreaming)
"Where...where am I?"
C2 was holding his hand in affection.
" You're gonna recover soon. After the mess in Cs world, I feared your regeneration was extremely slower.
I brought you to a doctor to remove the bullet just to be safe. It was a hard procedure, and you lost too much blood. Your recovery might take some time, and you'll be forced to stay in bed for a short period. But it's ok. We'll both fix you. "
" Selfish, as always, woman. You never thought I might still want to die." he teased playfully.
" I wouldn't let you escape. You owe me many smiles. " C2 smiled cunningly.
" Who else is in it?"
" It's alright. It's a person we can trust. You'll see it when you wake up.
" So you're not gonna tell me?"
C2 smirked.
" I said you're gonna see for yourself, and realize the flow of time... It's been 12 years already...Now rest, L2."
He slowly opened his eyes, but could barely see perfectly clear. His vision was blurry, and he felt his head heavy and dizzy. It hurt like hell, so soon gave up the effort.
" I had to change bandages, and took some scans of you. Sorry for moving you. L2, isn't it?
Let's see first, I need to ensure you're fully conscious. Can you move a finger? Raise one, as yes. Awesome.
Please, don't talk. You don't need to open your eyes, either. Just listen. You've been severely shot and had to undergo through surgery . The process required breakage of your two lower ribs, so to gain access to the bullet stuck, and it was successfully removed. Your vital organs seem totally intact. Your condition is stable. But it's gonna hurt, a lot, until you recover. So, for the time being, you're given heavy painkillers. You might face various side effects.
I can't define them exactly, as I've never operated someone of your... kind. Most probably you'll be fine. You're getting so much better. " the female voice sounded encouraging and friendly..
The last thing he could feel was a headpat, before he fell asleep again...
Light. Blinding fucking light forcibly thrown to his eyes, and the rubber sensation of a glove peeling them open, one by one. He hated it, absolutely hated it.
" I wish I could examine you better. I can't get complete health indications from examining eyes with geass, considering there re no clinical studies... You're one of a kind. " the soft voice sounded like tender and soothing to his ears.
His vision was getting less blurry, as the annoying light was turned off.
He could vaguely see a face wearing a full set of light blue medical robes.
" Please, get your tongue out. Your colour is fine. Excellent."
" Now, I'm gonna change your bandages. The last thing we need is an infection. That might hurt a bit, as I need to move you. I'll try to be gentle... "
Slowly, his vision began to improve gradually, but dizziness persisted. Must have been the side effects from the painkillers, so to endure all that. He wasn't even sure if he was hallucinating or not.
Blue eyes staring at him, face mostly covered in white mask. He was sure he'd seen them somewhere before, but the memory seemed far away...
" K-Kallen, is that you?" he tried to utter, almost whispering from the exhaustion.
She didn't retort. Maybe he was hallucinating, indeed.
" Don't talk, L2. We're done for today. All is going well. Soon enough , you're gonna get up as well. "
" Oh, I heard you moving. You must have woken up. I'm really glad. It seems you're recovering quite faster than an average person, which is awesome. But clinically, you still seem pretty mortal. I think you can now sit in bed and try getting up, little by little. No harsh moves, please."
The pain was almost gone, and the only drawback now was to come out of this numbness. With a bit of struggle from his side, he managed to pull his body into sitting position, and slowly began gaining control of it again.
" Move slowly, because you'll get dizzy again. For a start, fifteen minutes is adequate."
He got curious by that mysterious, red head woman washing her hands on the sink.
She stood rather tall on her high heels, almost around his height, wearing her white doctor robes. But the most discernible feature, was her long red ponytail. Even hidden by the robes, the silhouette seemed to be slim, concealing promisingly beautiful curves. That body type could only remind him of one specific person he once knew, and somehow had forgotten...
He kept on speculating the back view of the doctor, eyes feasting in awe and secret admiration. Out of all this horrible and painful situation, the only enjoyable thing he could see was that figure. And the best part was yet to come, when the red head finally wiped dry her hands and turned to his direction.
His jaw almost fell open, as she lowered her surgical mask, revealing her full face.
"K-Kallen- ka..." he stuttered.
He couldn't believe his eyes, after reassuring the identity of the woman. She was entirely different, in a good way. Slightly older than the last time he remembered, but not old enough to have lost her charm. Some people could even say she was at the peak of her beauty. Fresh and confident, with a small tint of early maturity. A full fledged woman, in every sense of the word. Charming, sweet, and as always... attractive. Fatally attractive, to say the least...
Kallen addressed to him in a polite and calm tone.
" Good to see you capable of sitting. I'm Dr Kozuki. You may call me Kallen. And you must be L2.
For typical purposes, I registered you with a different name on my records. A random one. Just sign here, please." she brought him the patients record book, and offered him a pen.
An ominous cloud shrouded Lelouch's mind. Kallen acted as if she didn't recognize him at all. He even began to wonder whether something happened to her, or had forgotten him, indeed.
She was as professional as a doctor can be, and kept a distant behaviour...
Kallen herself was actually puzzled by having Lelouch before her, after so many years.
Compared to her, there was nothing different on him, in terms of appearance.
Everything felt bizarre, from the moment of their reunion to her tending to him as her patient. Their encounter felt surreal, and untrue.
She gave him a polite smile, though it couldn't be seen easily in her mask, as he signed the book and she took her distances again.
Lelouch tried to compliment her out of kindness and gratefulness, in a failed attempt to break the ice. Although they knew each other, they were now like perfect strangers.
"Thank you Kallen. It's good to see you again. You've grown up to be a fine woman." he tried to make a friendly approach, feeling uneasy and embarrassed.
" It's actually rude to say that to a female, L2. Better keep the words to yourself." she took the record book and placed it on her office in the next room, voice devoid of anger and emotion at all.
" No, it's not what I meant. You look a bit ... different. You're more of a lady, now." his eyes unwillingly wandered to her distinctive rich bust, until he feared he might be caught red handed and lectured.
" Glad to know you considered me a man before, it's actually flattering." she got slightly defensive, yet maintained a polite tone.
" Well... No, I meant that..." he flustered a bit, and much to his luck he was interrupted.
" I know." lips forming a supressed faint smile." I used to look more like a tomboy. I'm still like that, at heart. But it doesn't hurt to try taking care of myself, when occasion demands it. It's my job, and had to adjust to the dresscode. After all, people change." slowly and gradually, she lowered a bit her defenses, taking a sceptical look, nonetheless.
It was strange for her to look at the eyes of a man she had once loved so deeply. His young look actually troubled her, to the point of guilt and despair.
Lelouch almost looked like a young adult near the end of his puberty, while she seemed slightly older. She even questioned herself whether the resurfaced feeling was appropriate or acceptable , considering the slight age gap their appearances had. Yeah, it wasn't like she met him NOW, and of course they had actually the same biological age. Still, the view of his eternal youth felt akward and discomforting.
It was so... alienating, abnormal even, to her eyes.
" Kallen. What's wrong?"
" Oh, nothing. It's just...a bit funny. That almost immortal state. So... unusual, especially for science." she admitted.
" Well, we're in the same boat." Lelouch almost regained his confidence. "It's surprising for me as well to see an ace pilot ending up as a doctor. I applaud you for the hours it took you to study. You've always been a good student, despite your absences. And you definitely know how to make good use of your dedication, when you put your mind and heart into a goal."
" Thank you for the kindness. It was actually a last minute decision. At first, I had thought joining the military, until I...lost my mom. Then, I had a change of heart. I wanted to devote myself to helping people. To save lives. Maybe because I had taken too many of them, back at the war. It's some sort of personal atonement. Or something like that. To purify those hands of the blood, if that is ever possible."
" I see. By the way, it's funny to see you dressed like that. Isn't that skirt a bit too short?" he made an attempt to commend her appearance, so to test her reactions, just like the old times. Yet he miserably failed to predict the outcome.
" It's perfectly fine and balanced. Neither too long nor too short. What else is a doctor supposed to wear? " she retorted in a flat voice.
" Well, I don't know. They say various things about nurses and doctors..." he smirked in his own usual way, as he used to take pleasure out of her embarrassment.
" Sorry for ruining your perverted fun. That's the silly way aroused teenagers tease girls. I... grew out of it, I think." she surprised him, and yet her next sentence indicated she wasn't fully invulnerable.
" I'll just interpret it as a compliment for saving your skinny ass.
And before you ask, given your condition, I've seen you. ALL of you. Quite typical for a doctor, though. Nothing to be ashamed of. " she retaliated the teasing, reversing the roles. Now, it was Lelouch the one who felt blushing in a dissaray.
It was the first time Kallen actually outsmarted him. But he somehow felt it was almost natural.
In those twelve years, Kallen had managed to study books, gained academic knowledge, interacted with people and came to face the challenges of her patient's cases.
Contrary to her, he... he had no significant progress at all. No matter how smart he was, his brain was almost rendered as wasted potential. He could no longer access more advanced education, attain an outstanding occupation, and secure for himself a decent lifestyle.
Along with his aging process, so had stopped his mental evolution. He had become again, in some way, that Lamperouge student, the lazy bum Kallen once hated. A boy without a shred of ambition, as his original purpose was fulfilled.
While Kallen tried her best to develop her character, cultivate her spirit, advance herself to a higher level.
Kallen kept on fighting in life, though in a different way than just piloting a Knightmare Frame. She had a future in society, no matter how limited her time was on this world.
Lelouch had nothing of that. His life was somewhat monotonous, only fighting Geass users and spending time with C2, somewhere in the most isolated places, away from luxurious buildings, tasteful food and any form of entertainment, sleeping under the starry sky, like a stray animal. Therefore, further advance was a just a word unspoken to him..
So yes, in some way, maybe Kallen had surpassed him, at least in terms of experience and socializing skills. She behaved and treated people accordingly to her age.
While he... he almost sounded and behaved like a virgin, inexperienced boy. And maybe that was immature, given his actual age.
" So, L2. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss? I mean, something different than immature and childish jokes. I think soon enough you'll be free to go, and return to your way of living. My job is almost done, so you won't need me anymore. You'll soon disappear with your wife, once more. "
There was a slight hint of bitterness in her tone , regardless of the composed aura she was emanating.
And it was natural, from her side. Lelouch never told her what he thought of her. He was never honest, even though circumstances didn't help either. There was always something between them that felt incomplete and unclear, and when those two were to come closer, there was always something to put obstacles to them.
To make matters worse, once he got revived, he just departed with c2 without waving a single goodbye. And the last straw was the news that followed : that he'd paid a visit to Shirley and even to Kaguya.
Why was she the only one left out, after all the devotion she had displayed towards him?
It never hurt to remain friends or mere acquaintances, but it seemed like their relationship was only business and nothing more. Hence, that's why Kallen wanted to treat him solely as a patient, without any emotional attachment.
Luckily for her, his recovery was exceptionally good and fast, so it'd soon be over.
Last time he had to change bandages. His broken rib had healed completely.
" Thank you. Kallen. "
" Don't mention it. It's my job, kid. I'm glad you're safe. And thank god you're lucky." she had a soft yet still typical voice in her.
" Kallen, may I remind you we've got the same age. I'm actually a few months older.."
" Well... doesn't look like it. Of course, it's not your fault. It's just...funny. Sorry. "
"I..." Lelouch couldn't complete the sentence, as the ringing sound of her phone interrupted the moment.
Kallen begged his pardon and went to the other room, voice sounding sweet, calm, and serene. It wasn't like the tsundere type she acted towards him. Her face was warm, emotional, pleasant, and wholeheartedly smiling. That was her real self, he could safely deduce.
Lelouch could but stare her meticulously, secretly admire the beauty she had hidden all along. The beauty she had to suppress back at the time of rebellion.
She was elegant, posing in all her majesty unleashed , a true queen now, like what she deserved to be.
He had envisioned her as she'd grow up. It was the woman he could see her becoming. That's what he had tried to save, in the first place. And at the same time, that's what hurt the most. To have that woman before him, so close, and him to have his feelings repressed.
" Excuse me. I had to answer. Good news for you. It was Suzaku, I told him to contact you when he'll have the time. It's nice that you spend some time together. He's missed you, a lot, and he was terribly worried about your last incident." her face was sparkling after the call ended.
"I'll see him for sure, once I'm out of here." Lelouch was profoundly moved at the thought of his best friend, as he looked forward to meeting him again.
There was silence for a brief amount of time between the doctor and her patient, as the atmosphere seemed electrified.
" Say. How's your life?" Lelouch tried to break the ice between them, but almost seemed impossible.
" Suzaku is gonna tell you. I bet best friends talk about everything."
" I asked about you, Kallen." he showed some friendly attitude, yet it could only erase the smile painted in her face.
" Me... You're kidding. " she instantly lost that previous sparkle, shrouded in apparent disbelief. It was the calm before the storm, as Kallen made a struggle to contain her discomfort.
"You could have asked twelve years ago, if you really cared. I'm fine anyway, thank you." she tried to be typical, though the struggle was real, reading between the lines.
At least, she was the one who was honest. He wasn't.
" I... " he tried to speak, yet the words couldn't come out. Always him, being the one hiding things from her. Kallen didn't seem to care about his response, either, so enabled him to get out of the difficult position.
" No need to say anything. I don't want to hear. You're free to go tomorrow. Unless you feel any pain, you can contact me again. Nice to have met you, L2. "
Bound to your side I'm trapped in silence
Just a possession
Is it sex or only violence that feeds your obsession
You send me to a broken state
Where i can take the pain just long enough
Then I'm numb
Then I just disappear
So go on infect me
Go on and scare me to death
Tell me i asked for it tell me I'll never forget
You could give me anything but love...
Does it feel good to deny
Hurt me with nothing
Some sort of sick satisfaction
You get from mindfucking
Stripped down to my naked core
The darkest corners of my mind are yours
That's where you live
That's where you breathe...
(Anything but love, Apocalyptica)
Another day of work was finally over, as she was done with her appointments. It was already early at night. Kallen was pleased, knowing she could return at home and enjoy some rest. She took off her medical robes, untied her midwaist long hair and let it fall loose. As a last step, she picked up her bag and was about to leave, until she heard a knock on the door.
It was him, unexpected. Yet it was natural. He wouldn't be able to show his face under daylight hours.
" Hello, L2. I thought everything was fine. I was about to leave as I'm a bit tired today. Is anything the matter? Any unexpected pain?"
" No, I'm perfectly healed. I... came for you." he seemed slightly hesitant.
" Me? Sorry, I... don't understand. I doubt there's anything to talk anymore." her voice was apathetic, though he could feel her blood boiling.
" I want to explain." he felt like he had just drawn the pin of a devastating grenade.
He anticipated her fury. But for some reason, it made him happy. Because it was an indication she still felt something, even if that was only hatred. Better than nothing at all, compared to the -mostly- cold treatment he'd been given as a simple patient.
Kallen, at least, wasn't a person that would keep on pretending like forever. She had treated him, her job was over, so she could show her true colors now.
" Explain what? That after twelve whole years you didn't pay me a single visit? Not just a friendly conversation? Why Shirley, or even Kaguya? Why was I the only one being left out... Lelouch? " she complained, trying to contain herself from overreacting.
" It wasn't easy. And you know that. " he crossed his hands.
" Because you thought I was still in love with you, so I wouldn't be able to handle my feelings...?
I've gotten over you a long time ago. Such a big idea you've got about yourself."
" Yeah... I know you moved on. Falling for my best friend proved that." he raised his eyebrows and tried to sound entertained, though in his words there was a drop of poison. It wasn't only his choice in c2 that resulted to their communication breakdown, it was also how Kallen paid him back. Maybe it was revenge, or she genuinely fell for Suzaku.
Regardless of that, he knew it was impossible to keep in touch with her, of all the people... simply because of the feelings she awoken in him. And in no way those thoughts could be innocent. To cut a long story short, it was hard for Lelouch to remain friends with the woman for whom he felt sexual desire...and it was even harder to confess to her that forbidden truth.
If he had shown any feeling, even after his Ressurection, Kallen would have followed him to his personal hell, giving up the promising future she had on the peaceful world he created. And he despised the idea of her bearing the cross of his own sins, having to live as an outcast as well. He'd do anything in his hand to secure her well being, even if it meant hurting her. And his sacrifice paid off, given the present they dwelled in, now.
Maybe now, she was mature enough to understand his reasons, and be able to forgive him for all the pain he caused.
" Honestly, I find it pointless to raise my hand against a kid." Kallen struggled hard to manage the bridles of her hot temper, reminding herself she had to act like an adult. She'd fight him through words, this time, no punches and slaps.
And she managed to hurt him, just a slightly bit.
Her words felt like a cold sting to his heart. That " kid" was undermining him.
" Once upon a time, you told me I had to live, and I kept on going. I had thought I'd never move on if I never got my answer. But I did, anyway. After you left with c2 without a single Goodbye. After I found out you contacted Shirley and Kaguya. When I realized I had the least affection out of all your harem girls.
It was Suzaku the one who picked up my broken pieces, and I picked his own for the loss of Euphemia. We mended our wounds and managed to go on, hand in hand. " she made a small pause.
"And that's how I woke up to the truth, seeing how ungrateful you ve been in the long run.
I hate myself for bringing this up, reminding you how hard I fought your battles . I don't want to speak about the things I did, putting my life on the line. Because I'd do it anyway, with or without you.
But... I had hoped you might appreciate my efforts, just a little bit.
I deserved more than that. Just a friendly visit, a funny chat, as a small reward for the loyalty I showed to you.. It would not hurt at all.
Once more, you proved I was just a pawn. No respect, nothing. So, there's no room for excuses. I grew up now, and can't be manipulated anymore.
Suzaku was my comfort, became my lover and the best thing ever happened to me. So, at least, I should thank you for the injustice. You pushed me to the right man. I love him, and want to spend my life with him. "
Judging from Kallen's inner turmoil, Lelouch deduced it was better he'd follow her train of thoughts, rather than contradict her.
" Yes. I can see that. You've had many things in common. Actually, I guess it's only me the reason you've been rivals. You only fought because of me. And when that reason ceased to separate you, the truth prevailed between you two."
"Perhaps, yes. You wanted your friend to be happy, wanted to get rid of me as well. Your wish is granted, we both found happiness in one another. Unless you hated I remained in the picture.."
" No. I'm...glad you gave him a solid reason to live, other than following a geass command. Suzaku needed somebody who can understand his burden. Someone who could see behind the mask of Zero. And it'd be dangerous for him to choose someone who was out of this, for fear of revealing information to the public. I'm... happy for you two. But .."
he wanted to mention something crucial, only to get interrupted by her.
' No 'but' and 'if's . Just leave me in my own happiness. And of course, you're always free to talk with Suzaku whenever you feel like. You don't have to pretend that you care about me. You've done enough to help me. Leave me be, just like you always did. Kids who don't grow up don't change, after all."
Kallen had become emotional and vulnerable, out of her own anger. She wasn't in position to think clearly, so to be able to listen and interpret him, adapting a hostile and agressive attitude towards him. She hated him, loathed him deeply that very moment, though it wasn't real hatred. It was pain and bitterness, sorrow and hopelessness. That's why she could only find comfort into reminding herself he looked like a kid. Obviously, it made her feel superior, feeling older, hence wiser and more experienced. And above everything, it helped her to hold back, as she still found him attractive, no matter how he looked. Because it was still Lelouch, no matter in which vessel he was hosted...
" Do me a favour. Stop criticising my looks. It's annoying, and immature. " Lelouch immediately noticed it was the second time he was called like that.
" I'm being honest, unlike you. Truth hurts. That's all you really are. Isn't it a bit obvious?" she was too stubborn to go back, and that annoyed him a bit as well.
" Like that makes you any better. You lived on, you moved forward with my best friend and now offending me like that, without listening to what I wanted to say. "
The actual word he wanted to use was "you screwed yourself with my best friend", but kept the thought to himself. Only a little more he would put up with her, just to allow her let it all out.
" What you see is the mirror of your actions. This... ambiguity. I have mixed feelings about you... One part of me is still grateful to you, for everything you've done, you were the voice guiding me. And yes, I'll always appreciate and recognise the heavy sacrifices you made. But on the other hand, I can't forgive how bad I was mistreated after you got revived...
I saw it in your reactions. Not a single friendly hug. Not a single emotion displayed at me. Nothing can justify that coldness, after Zero Requiem was over. Later on, I found my closure. You were just a child who had no use of his disposable toys. And that's why you discarded me. Like the kid you are, Lelouch."
The younger version of Kallen would have slapped him a thousand times, he could assume. This one was hitting hard, through words. She underestimated him, looked down on him, pitied him even. Maybe it was more painful than the time he was treated. Yet he wouldn't give up the fight. He had to defend himself and turn the tide. And this could only be achieved by using her own words against her, as a last resort. It hurt him, albeit had no other choice. Kallen had to be reminded who was the king.
" You insist too much on that. So... does it make you feel any better to call me like that, making me small and repulsive to your eyes? Do you really believe your words, Kallen, or you're trying to convince yourself through repetition? Why are you talking to a kid? And why does it affect you so much?" he raised both his eyebrows in and took one step closer, aiming to test the affection he had on her.
Wasn't working. Not as much as he wanted. Kallen took a step back though. It was a good sign. Though not a guarantee she felt attraction. Maybe, on the contrary, his young look might be a turnoff for her.
Out of mere embarrassment, Kallen tried to avert from the subject.
' I think we're done now talking. Nothing's gonna come out of this. It's better we remain typical, on professional level, if we ever meet again. Hanging out with young men is not my cup of tea, anyway, unlike you who have an Oedipus complex. "
"Know something. I'll let you win. Keep calling me a kid, then, if that gives you some sort of...satisfaction...!" he raised an eyebrow and smirked, throwing off her inner balance, as he managed to approach her by taking one step closer.
Checkmate.
He adored that shocked, almost sensational expression of her. It stimulated his senses, waking up his darker side. Because he was getting pleasure from mindfucking her. He was savoring a mental orgasm, each time he did that. Because of the strong attraction he had for her. He wanted to dominate her in every possible way...
And that's the part he loved and hated about himself as well. The part he wanted to avoid, to repress. For her own well being.
" Your tricks can't work." she decided to lower the tones, and tried to revert to her cold and typical behaviour. She wouldn't succumb to his infatuating game. No matter the fact he had won. She'd resist the temptation, against her own will.
" Are you sure?" he touched her cheek, while she tried to recollect from ther back of her mind all the painful moments he had offered her.
She'd try to act like him, just for a while. Maybe it might even help her understand him, by putting herself into his own shoes.
She bit a small part of her lip, and tried not to think of his touch.
" I've seen that expression before, Kallen. You took great lessons, ever since. " Lelouch immediately noticed, as he took her chin on his fingers.
She kept biting her lip harder, to the point of bleeding.
And as his lips were to touch hers, seeing that expression of both disgust and pain on her face made him stop, as she exhaled a moan of pain.
" What happened?"
" Nothing serious. Just bit myself too much." she covered her mouth.
" Who's the terrible actor..." he sighed, as she proved herself to be unpredictable, one more time. And he instantly regretted pushing her too far.
" Is it bad? "
" You're kidding me. I've sustained worse injuries and you never asked. You're really funny. '
Lelouch couldn't help himself, as he felt the urge to behave in a cute and kind manner, as an act of remorse. He gave her a headpat, as she kept her hand on her bitten cheek, until the pain faded away.
Kallen was taken aback, blue eyes open wide, when he took strands of her hair and placed them behind her back, as they were falling to her face.
Those long fine strands of fire, reflecting her fiery personality. She was like a rose covered in thorns, back when she used to have her spiky hair in that tomboy look. Her hair felt soft and silky, treated as it was deserved. And her skin felt smoother. If he had felt attraction before, now it was even more irresistible. Because he always felt enchanted by her feminine side, often too hard to hide his emotions, for fear of being called pervert. It was the tomboy in her that saved the situation, most of the times. She was both a man and a woman, when occasion demanded. She bore two identities, even now. Eventually, the woman would prevail in time, and that power was too strong to keep him indifferent to.
" That reninded me... " she formed a bittersweet smile, trying hard to contain an emotional outburst of tears.
"What?" he felt flustered.
" There's no way you could know. You were not complete yet. It was your mindless form the first one to have given me a headpat, as I was crying."
"Really?" he got serious, feeling uneasy for the period he had no control over his own body.
"Yeah. I guess your body itself valued me just a little bit. And then... I cried even more, because of that. " she finally broke, unable to contain the tears, and finally hugged him spontaneously.
" I cried so hard that somewhere deep within, a part of you still recognised me. But it was only that. Just your empty vessel. Your flesh alone. Neither your mind nor your heart. " she broke the hug. " Forgive me. I misbehaved. " she tried to maintain her composure, acting like nothing happened.
" You even failed to recognise my hug when you got yourself together. So... No big deal. Don't pay attention. I just got too emotional and stupid." she tried to act strong, out of pride.
" Kallen... I think it's time to give you the answer you've been looking for. Why I cut all ties with you. In fact, you had the answer, just didn't want to admit, and made up everything else to suit yourself."
" Really. I want to listen straight from your mouth. Even if it's not convincing enough."
" Just tell me what you feel when you're so close...!" Kallen felt vulnerable by his piercing look, and made a step back while he took joy of that.
"See? Attraction, it is a dangerous thing, and a clear indication that no friendship can be formed under the presence of such emotion . It's like playing with fire. It'll get you scorched and soon you'll be consumed by the flames of desire. And we both felt that way, Kallen. Even now, I can feel the tension building up between us."
She turned her gaze, mouth wide open. She had to resist, and deny the truth. Out of pride and dignity. She had to act cool, play indifferent, because he was lying, just to comfort her.
" Attraction can only be plain lust. Especially for males, feeling attracted doesn't necessarily mean they have feelings, or they are in love. Its just an indication they want to engage in intercourse, and nothing else. And once they get that satisfaction, they simply disappear without growing emotional bonds. So, yes, I can accept the fact you might have felt that attraction, indeed. Still, it's the same as your empty vessel. Your flesh alone. One more proof that you've only seen me as your tool..."
she could feel her heart pumping despite the shivers his words brought to her spine. Did Lelouch really mean that he couldn't see her just in friendly way? No, she refused to believe that, though it'd be more convenient she allowed herself to get lost into his beautiful lies. Like she told him, plain lust meant nothing. Still...
" ... the only thing that makes me wonder, is that you knew you could have fooled me easily, and I would have given myself to your pleasure. It's weird how you never took advantage of that..."
Lelouch took an affirmative and relieved expression for a while, as Kallen began to realise the answers lied in herself all along.
" But still...? Why so cold after you were brought back? Where was the attraction or the care? I felt nothing like that. You'd think of a way to remain friends with me. When there's a will, there is a way. Always. So..." she ruined her day once more...
Lelouch laughed, as Kallen's stubbornness made her falter.
"Don't you understand, Kallen? Even after I was revived, how much of a choice I was given, after bearing all world's hatred upon me? Would I be able to take you on a date? Buy you presents? Go amusement park? Marry you? Giving you kids? You deserved a man who can offer you all of the above, and even more...
And that's why... I showed nothing, once more. And had to keep distances, especially from you. I left with c2, without looking back.
And then, when I learned about you from Suzaku. I thought you had managed to get completely away from that fate. To live with a man who can show his face, someone worthy of standing next to you. Someone who'd have you as his queen. Not a former demon emperor. Not the mask of Zero. Someone who'd be proud to walk beside you with a clear face to show.
I...got mad at you. Not for choosing my best friend over me. But because I wanted for you to get the most appropriate option you could ever have. Neither me nor Suzaku were the best candidates to play this part in your life, Kallen. That's the truth. "
" ... You knew I would have followed you..."
" And all your future would be wasted for nothing. You can see that, now, Dr Kozuki. I've seen it, somehow. I've seen the person you are today and..."
The phone rung again.
He saw again, that expression of her. How her face sweetened when she interacted with his best friend.
Suzaku made her smile, while he felt for himself that he was toxic to her and only brought her tears. Suzaku was a better man, a better choice, even if still not the best. After all, who was he to command her own heart? He was the one who let her slip from his delicate grasp, even if he didn't really want to. And it was far too late to make up for everything... wasn't it?
Lelouch felt strange, as he was overrun by conflicting thoughts...
"Hey.. I can't speak about that right now... I'm not alone. Yes, I'm still at my clinic, Lelouch came to visit. He's experiencing post surgery pains so I examined him. Do you want to talk to him?
Oh please... it's not the right moment.
Later, when I get back to my home. Kisses, for now."
Lelouch overheard part the conversation, as she was speaking a bit louder from her excitement. He tried to act as nothing happened. And yet the feeling was unbearable. The thought of those two together .
Suzaku, who always took all what was important to him.
He did love his friend, and of course that love was above everything. Yet couldn't help himself feeling slightly jealous. And it hurt twice that he loved them both...
" I'm back." she was excited, then her smile deteriorated. She could sense there was something bugging him. " Is everything ok?"
" I think it's better to leave. I'm glad we talked. I wish you happiness, for both of you. " he feigned a genuine smile, concealing his inner turmoil.
Her face darkened. She didn't want that moment to come. It would only please her to know that this departure would be temporary.
" So, is it a farewell again? You'll just walk away now you got it off your chest, and might disappear forever this time. We might meet from time to time, and talk, just like you talk to Suzaku. "
" Better not." he was serious, albeit Kallen could feel he was sceptical.
" So, it's not like you actually wanted to talk to me, to make me feel better. You did it only for yourself. I should have expected that.
" And what the hell am I supposed to do? " he almost broke, grabbing her wrist and stared deeply into her eyes.
" Endure, instead of running away from pain, like a coward Lelouch. I knew you've lived for quite some time with C2, and yet I've been always there for you. Be it your pilot, your bodyguard, your pawn, and nearly your personal source of... comfort. I endured every single time the way you've been rejecting me, and my heart was bleeding. Even if I was never important to you."
" Not important? Well..
When you were captured and then learned you were sent away. I thought that Suzaku is taking all what's important to me. First Nunnaly, then you. That's what I had thought."
"Ironic, isn't it? It's still the same, even now, I guess. " he laughed in bitterness, as he let go of her hand.
" He took nothing, Lelouch. You gave us both to him, this time... Because you knew we'd be in good hands. And you did the right thing, concerning that. So... I think there's no reason to feel something like... jealousy. Sorry, I know it's not exactly that feeling. Just hard to put it the exact way."
" It might be, after all. I ve always been self destructive. Giving away the people I loved, pushing them far away, for their own well-being."
" You don't need to be like this anymore." she put her hands on his face, and he closed his eyes, yearning for her touch. A touch so soft and yet so intimidating, breathing fire into him.
" Its even harder to think of you and him... " he flustered and hated himself for thinking out aloud.
Kallen lowered her head in akwardness and tried to clear her throat.
Lelouch's words intrigued her and shocked her. And much as anticipated, Lelouch was ecstatic, staring at her burning blue eyes. He wanted to challenge her, as he always did, maybe in a dark and somewhat twisted manner. But that was also due to the fact he wanted to be treated like the oujidere he was. And he could, in fact, try endure the thought, if he knew he was her actual king, no matter who was standing next to her.
" Who do you really think when you kiss him, Kallen? Who's on your mind each time you close your eyes? It's me, isn't it? I am your first kiss. I am the first one you wanted to sleep with...!" his stimulated expression appealed to her more than his words, and his dominant attitude was irresistible.
Lelouch, becoming possessive over her. It was far from reality, for sure.
" This is insane. You're becoming irrational."
" Yes, Kallen. The tension between us is insane. I told you, attraction is a dangerous thing, and I can't hold back anymore. We're treading on unknown territory. We can't be friends. It's all or nothing between us. Either give up and I walk away, or give in and I'll stay, whatever way I can. I'll endure...!"
" Then stay."
They both kissed in a wild, passionate manner, tongues exploring their mouths, bodies drawn against one another, like paper stuck on glue. They were not just kissing, they were almost biting, devouring each other, lips sucking hard, throats swallowing their unified liquids. A violent thing, almost primitive. And as they were kissing they kept on removing their upper clothes, licking the flesh exposed.
He placed her on the office, standing between her legs, after he had raised her skirt and forcefully removed her underwear.
She grabbed his glutes, pushing him against her, swiftly unzipping his trousers and pulling down his boxers, as she roughly led him inside her, nails dug deep into his back.
Their union was passionate, raw and wild, all at he same time, like meteors clashing together, as they were engulfed by the flames of their desire.
In small intervals, they both opened their eyes, staring at one another, savoring pleasure from each others satisfaction, moaning in absolute ecstacy. Their lust was insatiable , as if there was no tomorrow. They thought of nothing, absolutely nothing but the moment itself, totally absorbed in their own dark paradise... And their compatibility was so unexpected, that they almost came together.
Sweating, shaking, desperately gasping for breath, they looked each other and they hugged tightly, like tragic heroes of an old ancient drama. Perhaps they wanted each other to the point of sacrilege, and that's why gods hated them. That was their sin . Their attraction and chemistry.
They were fully aware of the cruel reality surrounding them. They wouldn't go against it, for the hammer of God would strike hard on them once more.
Only decided to be strong and endure the fact that they could not be entirely together, as their paths were completely different, and none of them wanted to hurt the people around them. They could, however, deceive fate, just by stealing moments, meeting from time to time, and they'd cherish those moments to keep on going, until they'd meet again. That way, they would endure.
Lelouch needed C2, so not to be walking alone on his isolated path. And Kallen needed Suzaku, to keep on moving forward, and supporting him on his Zero identity.
And the others, perhaps they secretly knew, and just never spoke about that. Maybe that was also the reason they managed to steal moments, after all, as those two were usually meant to be interrupted.
Maybe fate spared them, as a reward for all the injustice posed on them.
Several years later...
Kallen was lying at the bed of her house, slightly exhausted during the last days, after she had returned from the hospital. It was only typical and expected to be just a little bit weak, as part of her woman nature. She had barely slept recently, and knew too well that more sleepless nights would follow. She was content with that, nonetheless, as it wasn't the first time she was faced with that situation.
She opened her eyes, and saw him standing next to her, putting the newborn into the cuddle. A newborn baby girl with brown hair and blue eyes.
" She's asleep..." Lelouch kept a low tone, so not to wake up the baby, and sat close to her and went on :
" She's gonna be a strong girl, like her parents. How will you name her?"
" Euphemia. It's Suzaku's wish, and I totally agree with that." she replied in a calm voice.
" She looks much like Suzaku. "
Kallen sighed in disappointment, taking a funny expression.
" Don't remind me of that. Two out of two, and none of them took after me. Genes...! " she sighed again in complaining.
" But she has your eyes. They're blue." Lelouch tried to comfort her.
" It's only temporary, you remember. The big one was born with blue eyes too, and then they changed. Such a tough luck!" she mused.
" What is he doing now? Where is he?"
" In his room, his kingdom, like he says. Eccentric kid, smart, brilliant, like someone I know. I can smell trouble in the near future..." she rubbed her head in a cute manner. " Recently, he's been playing a PvP videogame. He says he wants to become the best player of his alliance, and that needs dedication."
Speak of the devil, the boy opened the door abruptly and was about to shout in excitement about his achievement.
Kallen warned him that he'd wake up the baby, so tried to speak a bit lower :
" Mom! I did it! I..."
he didn't complete his sentence, as his eyes fixated on the young black haired man with the purple eyes.
" Who are you, sir?"
" You don't remember me. I got your parents married..You were too small, back then." Lelouch smiled blissfully, after seeing him in such a long time.
" But you look kind young. And my parents are grown. Especially mom. " the young boy teased Kallen, smirking like a brat.
" Take it back, kiddo! Show some respect to your mom. " Kallen frowned in stubbornness.
" I think your mother looks fine. Actually, she looks younger than her actual age. " Lelouch came to her defense, initiating suspicions on the young boy.
" You look suspicious to me, young man. " the boy furrowed his eyebrows. " I'll keep a close eye on you. "
" But don't you know your mom's secret? She's a vampire, stealing youth from her victims. " Lelouch raised his eyebrow, and amused the little boy, much to Kallen's embarrassment, as he looked at her from the corner of his eye.
" Say, we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Lelouch, and you?" the young boy asked him.
" What a funny coincidence. We're namesake. We need to come up with nicknames so that they don't confuse us."
" Doesn't matter, big Lelouch, we are different. Because it's time to announce my achievement :
I did it. I got crowned emperor in the Cyrodiil campaign! So from now on you will now call me " Your Majesty" and bow to my will! "
Kallen took an amusing grimace. She'd never get away, and was happy about that.
" Yes, Your Majesty. What do you say that we played a game, if you have a chess board. I could even teach you some clever techniques." Lelouch recommended to the kid.
"Sure."
The boy headed to his room and they were left alone for a few seconds...
It was only at that time Lelouch registered a sign of worry...
" You think he'll be... hated?" Lelouch wondered about their striking resemblance.
" No, no way, he's popular already. And last time I took him from kindergarten, a girl grabbed him and kissed him. It was funny. " she dispelled his gray cloud instantly, and then he took again his cool conposure :
" See, Kallen? Maybe that's why we can't be together all the time, or we'd end up with an army..." he teased once more, and Kallen's cheeks were painted red, much to his amusement.
" What do you mean by army?" the boy intervened, and shocked them, yet Lelouch was ready to come up with a believable excuse.
" I was talking to your mom about the game we are to play. You should treat your pieces with respect as they're your army. And, next to your King, your strongest piece is the Queen... ! Always treat her in kindness and respect, for you may lose it all, without her... And the Queen shall reward you one day..."
" Why looking at my mom?"
" I am explaining, to both of you. It'd be rude not to look at your mom at all. Isn't that right, Kallen?
" Y-yes." she stuttered.
And he kept on explaining him the entire philosophy of his favourite game. The boy was still young to understand it all, but apparently he was absorbing information like a sponge, and grew fond of the strange young man.
" You know something, big Lelouch? You're fishy, but I like you. You speak of strange things. And you embarrass mom! the boy concluded, after he was allowed to win their first match.
Lelouch looked both at his younger carbon copy, and then Kallen. He then smirked to her, in his usual seductive manner...
* Cyrodiil is a vast PvP area, part of The Elder Scrolls online game, where 3 alliances capture castles, and if all 6 castles around imperial city are captured by one alliance, then the top scorer is crowned emperor. It's a tough achievement, especially on the big campaign. I thought it was funny to use that so to strongly indicate the reader about who's the actual father of Kallen's firstborn son.
* I thought of Kallen as a doctor because she had medical books on her house, in the aftermath. Plus, the fact she was a person who studied a lot, and was seen even in the series when she was reading her frames manual.
I'd be pleased if you left me a comment, in case you liked my plot. Thanks for having reached this end already.