That evening, with Christine nestled against my chest, her precious body pressing against me as she dreamt the hours away until morning, I did not find sleep. My mind turned circles, my thoughts lost in the labyrinth between reality and fiction. Yes, I believed the girl loved me. I knew she did, but the affirmation of the fact did not grant me a night's peace. Instead, as I calmly ran my fingertips across her white arms, savoring the newness of our intimacy, I realized the horrible truth: if I had not been worthy of her remarkable kindness and her astounding capacity for love before, I surely could never hope to live up to the grace which she had so freely shown to me as I took her as my own.
The two of us had learned the machinations of love together, but a lesson learned without the necessity of spoken instruction. I never knew so much communication could be made with the shared looks between us as we stepped precariously into untraveled heady realm of desire. As naive children learning the way to walk, our bodies were propelled by instinct to move, trusting in one another that we would not fall. Trust was the one thing I could offer her...I had no home to shelter her, no handsome face to smile with hers as we took to the Paris streets. But, she could have full faith in me that I would never turn to another woman, even should one wish to have me. . .
As she slept, she nuzzled up closer to my stomach, burying herself against my body. I wondered if she could sense how my body still trembled in disbelief in her unconsciousness. I had always prided myself in being a man who always followed through with his actions, aware of the results and consequences. Yet, with the intimacy that had passed between Christine Daae and myself, I was at a complete loss. The fact that we had made love, that she had caressed my body and surrendered her on to my possession, was beyond any event I could have rightfully foreseen. What would become of us now that we had crossed a great divide? I had failed myself by not having an answer...failed Christine even more so; for she would look to me to move forward. But, in what direction?
She was dressed when I woke, though I could not recall giving in to the temptation of actual sleep. Sitting up on the edge of the swan bed, Christine ran her fingers through her mussed hair, and I made a note to provide her with all the necessary grooming instruments a lovely young woman would require. Having felt my body stir under the sheets, Christine turned about, offering me a sweet smile. I was completely undone by the sight of her, barely awake, eyes still heavy, but opening her arms to me once again with the coming of the dawn.
"Good morning, Erik, or should I say good afternoon."
I shot up straight, confused. Had I slept through the day entirely?
Christine shoved me flat onto my back, our bodies once more closing the space between us and becoming lost in the tangled silks of the bedclothes. "Don't look so startled, Erik! I let you rest. It was very plain to see that you have neglected to get a proper night's sleep for longer than I dare to imagine. Besides, you looked so very peaceful. I didn't have the heart to wake you." Some rebels strands of hair fell forward and covered her fine features, then dangled delightfully above my own face.
"I cannot argue with you on the matter, my dear. If I told you how long is has been since I have slept from night to dawn, I am certain you would throttle me for not taking care of my health."
Playfully, she kissed my misshapen mouth and collapsed upon my chest. "I still may."
"May what?" I glanced at her as if pointing an accusatory finger.
"Throttle you."
That morning and for the fortnight following, I experienced an amount of happiness and companionship unknown to even my wildest dreaming. Christine Daae was the light of the coming morning when the sun remained hidden from us, so far below the waking world. Looking back on that precious handful of days, two weeks' time, it now seems quite possible that I experienced my first feelings of peace, the only time in my long years that my soul had ever been at rest and contented- made so by finding its twin in another person.
Not only did she release the tension that had kept me closed from so many of life's pleasures and simple joys, but our relationship began to exorcize the ghosts of sadness and solitude that haunted her own heart. We had met one another as orphans-it was only natural that we would seek one another as a refuge from the homelessness of life without a family.