Time moved faster in the peaceful calm of the Canadian wilderness. At least that's what it felt like to me. Or maybe it was just that time passed so much faster when you had someone to spend it with. And Alice really knew how to spend time.

We had fallen into a comfortable routine of hunting, training, and relaxing in the cabin. Alice liked to delve into the future for a few hours every day, checking in on the Cullens. I spent most of that time reading. First, the books on local wildlife I had found on one of the dusty shelves in the bedroom, later the magazines and newspapers she brought home from her trips to town.

She visited Fort George about once a month to get a few necessities like candles, matches, or replacements for the clothing we ripped, and always brought home a few newspapers so we could keep up with whatever was going on in the world. There was nothing major of interest happening, but it passed the time.

Being up here in the quiet, with only her and my emotions around, helped me slowly regain control over my gift. As the months passed, it became easier to separate them and though this came as a blessing at first, it gave the depression weighing on my mind newfound power as well. However, it never became overbearing like it had before, and I solely credited this to Alice.

Somewhere close by a group of deer passed me, and I thought about chasing them for a moment. Though I'd already forced myself to down more than I had ever had in one sitting of human blood, the acid at the back of my throat was still sizzling. This was normal, Alice had explained. Apparently, animals weren't as filling as human blood. Between this, the foul taste, and the continued frustration of defeat every time I couldn't finish my prey, I had been over it weeks ago.

To me, the idea of killing a human became more acceptable with every passing day but Alice was always so thrilled whenever I got back from a hunt. She'd sit in front of me for hours, examining my eyes closely to see how they changed. The muddy orange tinge they had taken on brought her unmeasurable joy. It was enough to dissuade me from pursuing the idea. At least for now.

This time, however, she was not waiting for me in front of the cabin.

Alarmed, I sped up, intently listening, and scouring the area for her emotions. When I finally found them, they were almost unrecognisable.

Her cheerfulness and hope were vanquished, overshadowed by something much heavier, much darker. She was deeply upset. Not upset like when I had pushed her away at first or when I pinned her to the ground during one of our training sessions. This was deep, ground-breaking, earth-shattering despair.

A single sob reached my ears, powerful enough to tear my body into pieces.

I didn't slow down before reaching the door, storming into the dimly lit room. She was curled up on the rocking chair, her legs held tightly to her chest and her beautiful face hidden behind her knees. She sobbed again. I would have preferred to lose a limb.

"Alice?" I gently asked, as I approached her. She didn't react. Panic rose inside of me. Had she been hurt? Had a nomad passed by while I was out? No, she would have seen that. But what else could have pained this delicate creature so much?

I sank to my knees in front of her and carefully lifted her head, examining every inch of her perfect face to ensure that she was not injured. Her skin was as flawless as ever, no signs of a tear or bite mark. But then—

I smelled it on her breath the moment I noticed her eyes. So used to the liquid gold, my brain had skipped over it at first. But now, with the enticing scent of human blood in my nose, I saw it. Familiar gold had turned into a painful amber, tainted by the influence of her victim's blood.

She had slipped up, I realised. Alice, perfect little joyful Alice, had killed a human. And despair was choking her almost as badly as it used to claw at me. It was unbearable. And yet, just taking it away from her felt wrong.

"I-I didn't want to… It just— It was so strong, I—," she sobbed.

I couldn't endure seeing her like this any longer. Without thinking twice, I wrapped my arms around her delicate frame and pulled her into my lap.

"It's okay," I found myself whispering as her hands grabbed my shirt, tearing the thin fabric. Her tiny body was shaken by her sobs. The pain bled straight into me. I swallowed the venom that was watering my mouth when she gasped for air, and clenched my jaw, silently sharing in her sorrow. Just holding her.

It took a while for her to recover. The light had long disappeared and it was pitch black in the cabin when I finally felt her despair slowly recede. It didn't disappear, sorrow like that never just disappeared, but at least she was starting to calm down.

I gently ran my fingers up her back to her neck, searching for her alabaster skin. And when I finally found it, I tore down the barrier I had so carefully built up to separate my emotions from the outside world.

The remnants of her anguish hit me first but having regained control over my gift, it was an easy thing to dissipate them. But I didn't stop there. Instead, I pulled forth all the hope, affection, love, and appreciation I had so graciously received from her over the past five months and pushed them into her tiny body.

She immediately responded to it, her muscles relaxing and her head finally lifting from my chest. "W-What is this?" she stuttered.

"Everything you gave to me over these past months. I thought it's time I returned some to you."

She sighed happily. "Why didn't you tell me that you've got control over your gift again?"

I wanted to shrug my shoulders but immediately decided against it, realising that it would make Alice uncomfortable. "It didn't seem important," I admitted.

We fell silent again, until I finally found the courage to ask her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Darkness fought for a hold on her emotions, but it couldn't get past me. I was determined to keep her safe.

"I-I saw that you finished the newspaper and wanted to get you a new one but there— Just a few miles south, there was a hunter who had fallen off a cliff… There was so much blood. I didn't want to. I wanted to be strong. For you. But the smell was so overwhelming. I couldn't stop myself…"

I fought off another wave of shame and despair, but Alice stopped me before I could completely defeat them. "Don't take it away. I want to feel it."

I tensed. It was against every fibre of my being to let such a gentle creature feel this pain. But I couldn't turn her down either. So, I let the darkness come, carefully re-introducing her to it by letting the emotions slowly seep through the invisible wall of positivity I had enveloped her in.

Her muscles tightened, and I could feel her fingers gripping the cotton of my shirt with renewed force.

"Is there a body we need to take care of?" I asked carefully without any judgement in my voice. How could I have blamed her for this? I had been thinking about doing the same for days now. It somehow just had never occurred to me that she—

Alice interrupted my thoughts by shaking her head, tickling my neck with a few stray strands of her spiky hair. "They won't find him until the ice on the Bay has melted," she said.

I nodded. She had taken care of things.

I was taken aback by how much this surprised me. Of course, she knew how to dispose of a body, she was a vampire after all. Still, she had always made animal blood seem like the natural choice for her. I just had never imagined her with red eyes. But now, as we fell silent and she rested her head against my chest once more, it was all I could think about.

xxxx

Alice's cheery disposition was clouded for a few more days and I noticed that she meticulously avoided the bathroom mirror and all other possibly reflective surfaces. She dodged my eyes as well. I wasn't sure if it was because she still felt like she had let me down or because the colour of my eyes reminded her of hers. The fact that she accompanied me on all my hunts, almost drowning herself in animal blood, supported both.

I didn't dare to ask, not wanting to bring back the painful memory.

To my relief, she eventually recovered and five days after the incident, there was no trace of the kill left in her eyes or emotions. The only change remaining was the fact that she spent more hours rigidly sitting on the floor in front of the rocking chair, resting her back against my legs and combing through the future.

I had asked her about what she was seeing once because I sensed an unusual commotion in her emotions; disappointment, fear, worry, and helplessness flashing quickly after each other before disappearing altogether. Alice just shrugged it off and changed the topic. I hadn't asked again, but the turmoil recurred every time she turned her eyes to the future for more than just a few minutes.

It was churning her feelings right now.

I sighed and lowered my book, looking down at the top of her head. Alice had done everything to put her slip up behind her, even torched the dress she was wearing that day. Meanwhile, I couldn't stop thinking about it. The image of her with red eyes had burned itself into my brain and I saw it whenever I closed my eyes.

From the moment she had first told me about animal blood, it had been a certainty that I was going to become a vegetarian too. That my eyes would turn golden just like hers, and that we would join another coven within the decade—or even sooner. Alice had been getting more frequent visions of us meeting them just a few days before the incident. It was a sign of the event getting closer, she had said.

But now, with the image of her with perfect ruby eyes so vividly painted by my imagination, another possibility had formed inside my head.

I had had doubts about animals even before tasting their poor substitute blood for the first time. And the last months had only confirmed that this lifestyle was not for me. Compared to the revolting taste and unquenchable thirst, killing suddenly didn't seem as bad anymore.

Sure, I still remembered the crushing weight of death but being around Alice would make it tolerable. I was confident in that assessment. And even though I hadn't talked to her about it yet, I was almost certain that she wouldn't mind it either. A lot of her reaction the other day was due to her feeling like she let me down, she had admitted that.

I could see it clear as day now. No limiting ourselves to one place at a time nor silently suffering through painful thirst as we tried to blend in with humans. Instead, we could travel. Maybe even spend some time with Peter and Charlotte. There were so many countries she had talked about. We would have to leave out the South and Italy, but other than that, the world would be hers. I could see us visiting cities by night and spending time in lush forests during the day. Crossing the Atlantic to Europe. Maybe even climbing a few mountains.

But there was one thing that kept me from sharing this idea with her.

I leaned forward to get a better look at the drawing she had been working on before disappearing into the future. It wasn't a specific scene like countless others before. Instead, the five portraits were randomly scattered on the page. The Cullens. Would she be able to let them go?

As if she had heard my thoughts, an immense pain blossomed in Alice's tiny body. The force of the unexpected emotion hit me like a battering ram before I could take any preventative measures. My body stiffened and my mind was wiped blank for a second. Then, I finally caught myself and got the situation under control.

Alice started shuffling at my feet, but the unsettling sentiments didn't disappear. Instead, shock and hysteria mixed with her paralyzing fear and the heart-breaking grief. Whatever she had seen, it couldn't be good.

"No. No. No, no, no, no, no..."

I had been so preoccupied with protecting myself from her sudden outburst that I hadn't even noticed that she started mumbling. The same word, over and over again. An endless stream of denial, irregularly interrupted by her sobbing.

"What did you see?" I asked, carefully placing a hand on her shoulder. The touch only intensified her effect on me, but I still hesitated to intervene. Emotions were a private thing, and I didn't want to intrude. Not, if she wanted to feel this.

She winced as if my hand had burnt her and was on the other side of the room before I could react, frantically pulling at her hair.

"Alice, what's going on?" I repeated my question, but she didn't respond again. She was completely trapped, blinded by whatever terrifying thing she had seen.

I didn't want to, but I had to. If she had seen danger coming, I needed to know. Immediately. And so, I took a firm hold on her emotions and pushed the darkness away, soothing her with all my might.

Alice blinked, disoriented. Dazed by the sudden emptiness inside of her.

"Tell me what you saw," I repeated once more, approaching her. She needed to get away from the window. If someone was coming, they would—

"They're going to turn us down!" she shrieked, and I groaned under the renewed wave of panic she was summoning. I was able to keep it away for now, but if she continued to get herself worked up like this, I would reach my limits pretty soon.

"Alice, I need you to calm down," I panted.

A new sliver of worry, this time directed at me, demanded passage into her heart. I let it through.

"I-I'm sorry Jasper, this is all my fault," she sobbed and hid her face behind her hands. Our vampiric nature robbed her of the tears but that didn't make her crying any less painful.

I had to make a decision before her emotions became too much and overtook me as well. And so, I hesitantly let go of her sorrow and sadness, limiting myself to keeping the panic as far away from her as possible. Another tearless sob cut through the air as the emotions returned to her. It formed a big knot in my stomach.

I reached her before the next cry could escape her throat and wrapped my arms around her tiny body, unable to believe that I was consoling Alice again. The second time this week. Alice, the endless array of sunshine and hopefulness that had managed to pull me from the darkest pits of my depression. Alice, who never once looked at me without a smile on her lips. That smile was now gone, replaced by a deep frown she hid in the soft fabric of my shirt.

"Are we in danger? Is someone coming?" Her previous outburst made me suspect that this wasn't the case, but I needed to be sure. I couldn't concentrate on her fully, not until I knew we were safe.

"No." Her answer was little more than a breath, muffled by the cotton, but my sensitive ears picked it up anyway.

I let my shoulders relax. At least her body would come to no harm. But her mind… That was an entirely different beast to tackle.

xxxx

I waited for a couple of hours, until the panic was no longer fighting my hold and stretching out its invisible claws in Alice's direction, before I asked her again. "What did you see?"

The question evoked another sob, but it was more subdued than before. I suspected that her body simply lacked the strength to produce a more intense reaction right now.

"The Cullens," she finally whispered. "They're turning us down."

The revelation hit me right in my gut. Not strong enough to make me double over but more than sufficient to spread a nauseating sensation throughout my whole upper body.

Even though I had thought about an alternative way forward, there still was a side in me that longed for the peaceful happy ending she had promised on that rainy day in Philadelphia. A side that ached for the warm joy she always experienced when talking about what our life with the Cullens would be. It had been those emotions, that hope, that made me follow her on the first day. Losing it, would have meant losing her just a few weeks ago. But that was no longer the case.

I had spent days thinking of a different future with her. And frankly, I did no longer care what this future held in store. As long as Alice was in it, I would be fine.

"And then?" I asked. "What happens after that?"

Alice lifted her head from my chest, staring at me from her dark ochre eyes. "What do you mean 'what then'? They turn us down, Jasper!"

I soothed the panic that developed inside of her. If we were going to talk about this, it needed to be in a calm, rational way.

"I know. I just wondered if you saw what happened afterwards."

She freed herself from my arms and took a step back. "You don't understand. There is no afterwards. Our family is gone and… and I— I'm the reason for it."

Her body started to tremble again, and I didn't dare to interfere with her sadness. Not yet at least. Instead, I opted to distract her. "Tell me what exactly it is you saw. Why do they turn us away?"

She threw her hands in the air, frustration oozing from her pores and immediately overtaking the sadness. It was not the win I wanted, but I'd take it.

"I don't know. The process is still too uncertain right now, but the outcome is clear. They turn us away," she said.

I sighed and took a seat on the couch to our right.

Alice observed me for a moment, before pulling the rocking chair closer and sitting down opposite me. "It started to flicker after the— incident. First, I thought it was them moving again that caused the vision of our meeting to falter but then— I had red eyes in this vision, Jasper. They were always golden before. Now they're red and the Cullens are turning us away."

I sent her a wave of calm before replying. "I don't think this is your fault. I've been thinking about it and… What if this is not an accident but our decision? What if we just decide to go back to normal? To live our immortal lives like they are supposed to be lived?"

Her eyes widened. "That's not an option, Jasper."

"What if it was?" I had expected her to be apprehensive at first. She had lived with the idea of being with the Cullens, pursuing a vegetarian lifestyle as she liked to call it, for many years. It was only natural for her to be hesitant.

"You know that I've been struggling. This whole animal blood thing is not working out for me. I am thirsty all the time and feeding only makes me feel sick for hours. Yesterday, I missed half of what you told me about New York because my mind fantasised about the masses of people and how no-one would notice one or two of them disappearing," I continued. "I don't want this to be our life."

She reached for my hands and sent a shiver of consoling sentiments up my arm. "Jasper, I—"

I cut her off. "You said it yourself, this isn't going to get better any time soon. I don't want to spend our first decades together in constant pain, always thirsty and thinking about how I'll kill the next unfortunate human soul that crosses our path. I don't want you to worry about whether we'll get too close to one of them. Blaming yourself if you don't see it early enough."

Alice was waiting to protest, I could see it in her eyes, sense it in her bones. But I didn't let her get this far.

"You would blame yourself, I felt it that day in Philadelphia."

Her disapproval subsided but she still pulled her lips into a pout.

"We don't have to do this to ourselves. I'm not looking forward to the killing but if that's what it takes, I'll gladly take it. It would be different, I know I can take it if you're by my side. We—"

This time it was her that interrupted me. Her voice was soft, airy and crystal clear yet laced with a painful undertone that pierced my marble skin as if it were butter.

"But it wouldn't, Jasper. I've seen it." She gently squeezed my hands. "I'm sorry that I pushed this on you without explanation. It wasn't right, this should have been your choice from the beginning. But it is the only choice."

I could sense that she was scared to continue, deeply upset by the memories of past visions she was undoubtedly thinking about.

"I've been getting more and more visions about it lately, probably because you've been pondering it," she explained. "I've seen us with red eyes. I've seen me trying to help you, console you. It's not enough. No matter what I do, no matter how much I love you, I cannot protect you from incorporeal feelings that are as untouchable to me as the air itself."

I shuddered from the darkness that flooded her emotional compass. So much grief. "What did you see?"

"If we go down this path, there is no future for us. It has been changing, sometimes it's just a few months away, sometimes decades. But all the visions, all the futures I see of us with red eyes end with you helplessly drowning in depression and me being alone again."

She gently placed a hand on my cheek and forced me to look into her eyes. "I'm afraid of being alone again, Jazz. I can't do it anymore."

The pain in her words urged me to pull her close, to put my arms around her and protect her from whatever horrors she had seen. But how could I protect her from something a future version of myself would inflict?

"So this is it?" I muttered. "The die has been cast? Fate has spoken? The only path for us to be together is animal blood?"

"My visions can change, you know that," she admitted. "It's possible that we will find a loophole somewhere down the way, but the chances are slim. And I'm not willing to take these odds. Plus, I really love the Cullens and I know you will too."

I sighed. The picture of her ruby red eyes slowly dissolved in my mind and took with it all the hopes I'd had for an easier future. Perhaps, this was how it was always meant to be. I had spent a good part of my second life inflicting pain on thousands of creatures, vampire and human alike. Maybe it was only fair that I lost a few decades of the third one to pain as well.

"What do you think?" she asked cautiously.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Does it even matter? Your visions don't leave much of a choice."

"It does to me. This is our future, we're talking about. Whatever we do, I want us to decide on it together."

I sighed and closed my hands around hers. "I want us to be together for as long as possible. And if the only way to achieve that is by forcing myself to drink animal blood for the rest of my immortal life, I will do that."

A smile danced on Alice's lips just as hope and affection were waltzing inside her heart. I had made her happy and that was all I cared about.

However, the joy didn't fully reach her eyes yet. She was still holding back. "And the Cullens?"

I chuckled. "Being with them will make you happy, won't it?"

She nodded determinedly.

"Then being with them will make me happy too."

That was all it took. The last ounce of doubt lifted from her and joy flooded every single cell of her body. A small, elated shout escaped her throat as she pushed herself from the rocking chair and straight into my lap.

I shouldn't have been surprised by her reaction, having sensed the emotional build-up seethe beneath her skin. Still, I found myself overwhelmed by the sudden outburst of affection, unsure of what the best course of action would be.

But Alice didn't give me time to overthink it. Instead, she wrapped her arms and legs around my upper body, embracing me tightly and showering me in emotions that would have immediately intoxicated even the most resolved man. She had no intention of letting go anytime soon. And I didn't want her to.

A/N: Congratulations for making it through the longest chapter to date! Full credits for the "Alice could slip-up"-idea go to my amazing Beta and writing buddy MegyWrites. Thanks for giving me this input, I love how the chapter turned out!