This chapter was based on chapter 13, Alatus Nemeseos from my fic, Your World In Our Eyes.
Every year, Liyue would hold one of the largest festivals in the country to commemorate the fallen heroes. The people of Liyue would celebrate for five days under a full moon. Lanterns would be released into the sky, guiding the lost souls of the fallen heroes and leading the warriors home. There were many, even those who lived beyond the borders of Liyue, who would gather in the city of Liyue Harbour just to take part in the festivities. It was a festival known as the Lantern Rite festival.
The Traveller, Aether, was no exception of course, being forced to join in by his companion, Paimon (not that he minded, he needed a break every now and then). They took part in the preparations which led them to visit the many towns around the region.
It was one of those nights when Aether decided to rest at Wangshu Inn, only to be told that there were no more spare rooms due to the influx of travellers who had come to visit Liyue for the festival. In the end, he managed to convince the boss to let him sleep in a corner with a blanket near the top balcony of Wangshu Inn, even managing to get a promise of a free breakfast the next day.
"We could camp out," Aether suggested, only to be vehemently rejected by Paimon.
"No way! Paimon doesn't want to sleep outside tonight! What if we get woken up by hilichurls again? Besides, our tent is still broken from the last ambush."
"We could teleport to Mondstadt. We could find an inn there and teleport back to Liyue Harbour in the morning."
"Nuh-uh! The last time you teleported, you threw up and hit your head against a tree! Paimon doesn't want you to get hurt again so no teleporting!"
"It was one time!"
As Paimon took the lead, Aether took his time to walk up the steps. He could see the edges of every step with his Elemental Sight but ever since the battle with the Fatui Harbinger and Osial, the burning pain that came with overuse was now a constant, albeit more of a minor annoyance now than it actually hurting him. Still, it served as a reminder of the things he had lost in his time in Teyvat. How much more would he lose should he continue with his journey? Aether did not know the answer. (He did not want to know.)
Lost in his thoughts, he failed to watch where he was going and tripped on the last step. Aether reached out to the unseeable railing despite not knowing where it was located, and was about to resign to his fate of falling flat on his face when he felt an arm slinging under his torso. The position felt familiar, almost like the time he fell off the Jade Chamber and a certain adepti rescued him in the same way. The arm held him up, stopping him mid fall before pulling him back up.
"Xiao?" Aether asked as he turned to face the unknown person.
"It's Yanxiao," Smiley Yanxiao answered with an amused voice.
Aether blushed and stammered out his apologies as he was helped up past the last step of the stairs and onto his feet. He could hear Paimon giggling as the chef released his hold on Aether after checking his condition. Once assured that Aether was fine, the chef left them alone and disappeared into one of the rooms.
That night, when Aether slept, he dreamt of the battle with Osial at the Jade Chamber. As he fought the Fatui, he would catch flashes of Anemo belonging to Xiao. On that battlefield, it was just him and Xiao fighting against the Fatui as Osial roared in fury in the background. He stood with his back against the adepti, knowing that Xiao would watch his back. But when the floor crumbled beneath his feet, he turned to reach out to Xiao only to find that there was no one there. Gravity took hold and he plummeted into the ocean below. Aether woke up with a gasp, his body jerking from his aborted movements to save himself, causing the blanket wrapped around him to fall. He immediately activated his Elemental Sight, ignoring the sharp pain that came with activating it. His erratic breathing slowed once he saw the white silhouette of Paimon sleeping on his lap. He deactivated his Elemental Sight and closed his eyes, listening to the birds chirping on the balcony railings along with Paimon's loud snores as his heartbeat slowed from its previous panicked pace. By the time Paimon woke up, Aether shoved his nightmare into the depths of his mind and he was ready to face the world.
Aether left Wangshu Inn with Paimon, just as Xiao returned from his patrol, the two of them none the wiser of how close their paths had almost crossed.
"I was hoping that we could have met Xiao before we left but well…" Aether sighed as they walked towards Liyue Harbour.
"Why do you want to meet Xiao?" Paimon asked, fluttering in front of Aether while still matching his pace.
"I wanted to thank him for saving my life during the battle with Osial."
"Oh! Paimon wants to thank him too!" Paimon exclaimed loudly. "Let's head back to Wangshu Inn after the festival! Paimon thinks that we should make some almond tofu as thanks."
"By we, you mean you right? Because you know that I can't cook."
"Uh…we'll figure it out later!"
It was a few days later before Aether returned to Wangshu Inn with Paimon, having finished all the commissions given to him for the preparation of the Lantern Rite festival. He was exhausted from the journey and trusted Paimon to lead him the way. Suffice to say, he was not expecting to run into Xiao. Literally.
"I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Aether said as he pushed himself off the person he had walked into.
"Traveller," Xiao growled as he pushed himself off the ground and onto his feet.
"Xiao!?" Aether exclaimed loudly, his face heating up in embarrassment.
Xiao explained, after managing to draw Aether's and Paimon's attention back to him, that he had felt a source of malevolence, hence why he was in front of Wangshu Inn instead of being at his usual spot. He even apologised for the increased aggression from the corrupted creatures roaming around Liyue, despite it being out of his control.
"That is because the changes that occurred in these monsters stem from me - or more precisely, from the karma I have accumulated," Xiao explained but when he looked at Aether, it was to a face of confusion. "Nevermind. Stay in the inn, I will handle this."
"Wait, Xiao, let us come with you," Aether spoke as Xiao turned to leave. "We can help you deal with the corrupted creatures while you handle the source. If the corruption is the same as the corruption from the Abyss then wouldn't my purification help?"
"It's not the same."
"Then let me help you! I can fight the creatures! Wouldn't the work be done faster if it's split between the two of us?" Aether said, his voice almost pleading.
Aether's persistence paid off when Xiao reluctantly allowed Aether and Paimon to accompany him. However, when Aether laid eyes on the first corrupted creature he met that night, he had to stop himself from vomiting when he saw it with his Elemental Sight. What should have been pure white figures of hilichurls were now figures covered in black writhing chains that pulsed intermittently. Black ethereal smoke would drift upwards from the bindings and from the black cracks on the bodies beneath the chains. Aether shut off his Elemental Sight immediately, no longer able to stand the repulsive sight. He chose to rely on the sound of Xiao's strikes as well as Paimon's directions in the battle but it was obvious to anyone that Aether was pulling the team down. Xiao had been forced to protect him on numerous occasions, even sustaining injuries when he warped in front of an incoming blow.
At the end of the battle, Xiao said nothing, only moving onwards towards the next source of malevolence. Aether knew that he was holding Xiao back and the best course of action for him would be to return to the inn. However, the thought of letting Xiao fight those monsters alone sent a shiver down his spine. Was it selfish if he did not want Xiao to be alone? Even if he was the one holding him back?
Aether returned to Wangshu Inn with Paimon after Xiao destroyed all the corrupted creatures. The adeptus had thanked him for his help (even though he was more of a burden than help). He told him that his assistance had been invaluable (even though he did nothing but cause trouble). However, when a man showed up in front of Wangshu Inn, proclaiming himself to be an adeptus known as Starsnatcher, Aether stepped in. Aether tore the man apart with words as Xiao watched from behind while Paimon cheered in the background.
"You just don't want to socialise," Aether teased with a smile while 'Starsnatcher' ran away crying. Xiao merely grunted in reply and said nothing.
With the matter resolved, there was nothing left to do but to return to Liyue Harbour for the Lantern Rite festival. Aether and Paimon stayed overnight at the inn but before they departed for Liyue Harbour, Aether wanted to seek out Xiao.
"Why?" Paimon asked as she followed Aether up the stairs.
"I haven't thanked him for saving me from Osial and for saving me last night. Also I…Nevermind, it's nothing."
Fortunately, they found Xiao leaning against the balcony railing at his usual spot. Paimon stayed behind the entrance to the balcony at Aether's request while Aether approached the lone adeptus. He stopped in front of the white figure, partially admiring the Anemo swirling around Xiao's hand where his Vision lay.
"Xiao, I…I want to thank you for saving me. You saved me from Osial and from those creatures last night."
"There's no need to thank me. It is my duty," Xiao answered as he continued to stare at Aether.
"Still, thank you for saving me."
As Aether walked back to where Paimon was waiting, he paused in his tracks and turned to face Xiao. He approached the adeptus, daring to reach his hand out to where he supposes Xiao's hands would be. He missed his mark, instead, landing on the wrist. He recovered fast despite that slight miscalculation and in one smooth motion, he moved his hand down to grip Xiao's hand. He clasped both of his hands over Xiao's and asked if Xiao could accompany them to Liyue Harbour to join them for Lantern Rite.
"Come with us to Liyue Harbour for the Lantern Rite festival!"
Aether did not know what he was doing. He wanted Xiao to come with him but why was he doing this instead of asking him like a normal person?
(He did not just want Xiao to accompany him, he wanted to stay close to Xiao. The feelings he harboured were only starting to grow.)
"Come with us to Liyue Harbour for the Lantern Rite festival!"
"I do not partake in mortal activities."
"Please?"
"Leave, Traveller."
"Are you really going to let me, a poor innocent blind soul, walk to Liyue Harbour by himself? All alone? How could you?" Aether pleaded even though he knew that it would not work.
"Really, Aether? Did you really think that would work?"
"...Only to the gates," Xiao relented.
"It worked!?" Paimon gasped in surprise. Aether too was surprised that it had worked but he had enough self-preservation not to voice it out.
As the party of three journeyed to Liyue Harbour, Aether and Xiao walked together side-by-side while Paimon was content to take the lead. Unbeknownst to the two of them, Aether was trying his best to shake away the intrusive thoughts in his head. Thoughts about holding Xiao's hand or walking closer to the adeptus. And as Liyue Harbour came into sight, Aether concluded that perhaps, just maybe, he might have a small crush on the adeptus.
When did it start and how did it get to this point? Would Xiao even return his feelings? Aether did not think he could handle the feelings of rejection should he confess. What would the chances of him feeling the same way even be? It would be better if their current relationship as friends remained than to have this budding friendship sever over a crush.
Once they reached the gates of Liyue Harbour, Xiao wanted to return immediately to Wangshu Inn, only to be stopped by Aether who, once again, invited Xiao to join them in the festivities.
"Won't you go to the Lantern Rite festival with us?"
"No."
"You are obviously one of the heroes this festival is all about... Why don't you wanna get involved?" Paimon asked.
"I...detest the rabble. No cares in the world, so peaceful, so joyful...They are nothing like me. Too long have I spent slaughtering, accompanied by the burden of suffering that follows in its wake. Crossing paths with all those jubilant people will only make me...That's all I have to say. But stay vigilant. Keep your eyes open for any menace. If you find yourself in trouble…speak my name."
Xiao left, leaping into the air with a swirl of Anemo, leaving Aether and Paimon with nary a goodbye. Aether was saddened by Xiao's departure but he quickly shoved those feelings away when he felt Paimon tugging at his arm.
The two of them immersed themselves in the Lantern Rite festival. Aether would ask Paimon to describe the scene when he heard a unique noise and Paimon would pull Aether to the various stands scattered in the city. However, as they continued to explore the festival, the crowd started to grow as the night went on. Eventually, the Elemental Sight became useless as everywhere Aether could see was nothing but a sea of white figures contrasting against the black world. He started to feel suffocated as he was pushed around by the crowd. He felt his breath coming in quick as he was shoved to the side by a random passerby. Paimon had disappeared somewhere at some point but Aether could not bring himself to care for the moment as he struggled to force air into his lungs. His ears started ringing, the din overriding the noise of the crowd all around him. He forced himself to walk, not looking at where he was going, even when the crowd was no longer enclosing him, even when he stumbled out of Liyue Harbour, Aether continued to move. His walk turned into a run until he found himself sprinting into the dark world. His Elemental Sight remained unactivated as he continued to run in the darkness.
He finally stopped when his legs gave way and he fell on top of a field of grass. He rolled onto his back and breathed in the crisp night air. His heart was still beating fast but he no longer felt the constricting feeling in his chest. However, as he sat up and used his Elemental Sight, what greeted him was a field of Dendro and no landmarks to tell him where he was. He fell back onto the ground, tears prickling in his eyes when he realised he would not be able to find his way back by himself. He screamed and cursed loudly into the empty air before dissolving into hysterical laughter. He was angry at his disability and his luck but mostly at himself. He was useless and a burden to everyone, especially to Xiao.
When his tears finally dried up, Aether continued to lay on the grass, the back of his hand covering his eyes. Aether knew that he should return to the city. Paimon would have noticed he was missing by now and she was probably panicking trying to find him. However, he could not bring himself to move from where he lay. Instead, he sat up, shivering as a gust of cold wind blew into him. There was one person he could call, but he was very reluctant to do so. He did not want to cause any more trouble for that person (he probably had better things to do). He did not want to betray that trust given to him (he would regret giving that trust to Aether in the first place).
Aether hugged his legs, pulling his limbs closer as his body shook from the cold (or maybe it was the feeling of panic that never left). All he had to do was to say one word but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth and it felt as though there was something stuck in his throat. However, as the thoughts of never seeing his best friend, Paimon, or his sister, Lumine, ever again plagued his mind, he finally caved and spoke the adeptus' name. And as soon as the name left his lips, Aether heard the sound of the grass crunching behind him as someone landed on top of it.
"Traveller?" a familiar husky voice called out from behind.
Aether almost teared up again as he spoke, "Xiao? You really came."
This was a mistake, he should not have called for Xiao. He should have just wandered around until he found a landmark and made his way back to the city with that.
"Traveller, where is your companion?" Xiao asked, his voice laced with concern.
The tone of concern was so out of character for someone like Xiao that Aether had been almost tempted to laugh hysterically again. Aether quickly shoved that thought away. There was no need to worry others, he was not going to burden them further with his problems.
"She's still in Liyue Harbour. I...was overwhelmed. There were too many people and I wanted some time to myself," Aether explained as he hugged himself tighter. He sucked in a deep breath before he continued, "I left the city, wanted to take a walk to calm myself then I got lost because I couldn't find the way back. I-I'm sorry Xiao, for calling you. I know you said to call you if I'm in trouble but I was starting to panic and..."
"Traveller, Aether, stop," Xiao interrupted.
Aether quickly shut his mouth, did Xiao notice his lie? He was sure that he perfected his lying, having been practising on Paimon everytime she asked if he was okay. He heard the grass crunching as Xiao approached him. He walked until he reached Aether's side before moving to sit beside him. The two of them were silent, neither knew what to say to the other. Perhaps he should apologise to Xiao for calling him for no reason. However, before he could speak, Xiao spoke first.
"If you are in trouble or in pain, whether emotional or physical, call me and I will come. I know you will not abuse this power. I trust you, Aether."
But why? Why was Xiao so willing to trust him? (Why would he trust him if Aether does not even believe in himself?)
The two sat in silence once more. Aether wanted to say something to Xiao, to acknowledge his words but what should he say? Should he say thanks and return to silence once more? Should he tell him his feelings, his anxiety, and the pressure he felt as the days went by? Or should he proclaim his fleeting love before the weight of the world puts an end to his life?
Before he could come to a decision, Xiao spoke again, this time in a softer tone.
"The lanterns form a wave, like a sea of lights."
"Xiao?"
"There are still lanterns drifting from the city, like fireflies."
Was he describing the lanterns in the sky? Aether knew that it was the main attraction of the festival and he had heard Paimon mention how beautiful they were, but no one had tried to describe them to him without prompting. Was Xiao trying to cheer him up? The thought of it brought a smile to Aether's face.
"Xiao, are you describing the Xiao Lanterns?" Aether asked. He smiled before he continued, "Thanks for cheering me up."
The two of them sat in silence once more, but this time, Aether no longer felt his anxiety and fear threatening to choke his lungs. His hands were no longer shaking, even allowing him to loosen his grip on his legs. If Xiao was willing to try to cheer him up, then Aether would try to push away the negative thoughts that threaten to drown him. If Xiao was willing to stay by his side, then Aether will try his best to endure what comes his way.
"Did you make a wish, Xiao?"
"I have no need for such a thing."
Aether nodded his head in understanding but said nothing more.
"Did you?" Xiao asked.
"Did I?"
"Did you make a wish?"
"Not yet. Paimon was supposed to make me a Xiao Lantern but she forgot."
"I can make you one if you have the materials."
After Aether handed the materials he had collected for Paimon to make the lantern over to Xiao, Xiao immediately started making the lantern on the spot. However, when Xiao was done, he wanted to throw the lantern away, claiming that it was ugly and not something that he could give to him. Aether stopped him, gently taking the lantern out of his hands.
"It's a beautiful lantern."
"It's unsightly."
(What does it matter if one is ugly or beautiful? To the blind, everything looks the same.)
"I like it! Thanks, Xiao!"
"You have your lantern. Now go make your wish."
"Help me write it?"
Xiao sighed but complied with Aether's request. He took hold of the paper and brush that Aether had procured for Paimon and wrote as Aether spoke his wish.
Aether had many wishes but there was only one he truly wished would come true.
"I wish for my family and friends to stay safe and be happy."
(The other was an impossible dream and the rest were selfish.)
"Do you not wish to be reunited with your sibling?"
"I think it's selfish to wish for that."
Xiao had whispered something but it was far too soft for even Aether's sharp ears to decipher it.
"What did you say, Xiao?"
"Your lantern is ready. Release it and return to your companion."
"Thank you. If you hadn't come…"
"I will always come to your aid. No matter where you are, even beyond the boundaries of Liyue. I will always come so do not hesitate to call my name."
The lantern was released into the sky, joining the many that filled the sea of lights. Aether looked up at the sky, despite knowing that he could not see anything, instead he tried to imagine what it would look like.
Perhaps it was his confidence coming back or perhaps it was a whimsical desire but as Aether turned to face Xiao, he decided to reach out for that impossible dream.
"Xiao, I have one more wish, will you hear me out?"
"Hmm? What is it?"
"We're friends right? But is it possible if we can be something more?"
"More?"
"I…uh…gods, why is this hard? I…Xiao, I wish that we could be together, more than just friends, more than this contract of protection between us. Xiao, I like you so…"
Aether was more than ready to flee as he felt his face heating up from his confession. He could not see the expression on Xiao's face, even with Elemental Sight. Was he angry? Disappointed? Suffice to say, he was taken off-guard when Xiao cupped his face and kissed him lightly on the lips.
"We can be more, if that is what you wish," Xiao said, as he released his hands from Aether.
Aether smiled as he reached out to hug Xiao. "I do, I wish that we can be more. Do you…like me too?"
"Hmm, yes, for a while now."
Aether knew that he should return to the city, knowing that Paimon would still be panicking over his disappearance. But as he felt the comfort of being by Xiao's side, basking in the warmth of being loved, he decided that the matter could wait for a few more hours.