Hi PD fam! I'll say this a million times, probably - thank you so much for reading this story. It's been so fun so far to write and just... see where it goes (yep, I've been breaking the 'rules' of writing and not outlining). Please continue to let me know your thoughts, I appreciate every bit of feedback. I'm going to try and update this story on Tuesdays from now on, so watch this space then! Xx.
There was nothing quite like starting off a Monday morning hitting the ground running with a drug-induced triple homicide. Multiple cups of coffee had been needed after all, in addition to at least a couple rounds of drinks once was the case was finally solved — three days later.
That night, Hailey'd texted Jordan's nanny, Amanda, to give her a head's up before heading over to the bar. As usual, Amanda was completely go with the flow, more than happy to keep hanging with her favorite nine year old while Hailey and Jay enjoyed a few drinks. And, also as usual, Hailey was overly grateful for Amanda's care and support, even if the 23 year old Master's student loved to give her shit whenever she and Jay hung out off-duty, always insisting that they were more than 'just partners'.
Maybe Amanda wasn't wrong.
"What's so amusing?" Jay asked as he held the door open for Hailey, clocking the grin on her face.
"Nothing." She was quick to respond, an obvious indication that it was anything but. Hailey finished typing and sending a response to Amanda on her phone before sliding it into her pocket. Jay raised his eyebrows, but left it at that.
"Everything all good with Jordan?" He couldn't help but ask.
Hailey nodded as she answered. "Oh yeah, she's with Amanda."
"That's a pretty great gig you two have worked out," Jay commented as they made their way up to the bar. He ordered each of them a drink then as the bartender approached, keeping the tab open.
"It is," she agreed, then admitted after a beat, "Couldn't do all this without her." That went for being a mom, a detective, and a generally overall well-functioning human being. It really did take a village to raise a child, and a village wasn't something that Hailey had always had.
She'd somehow managed to survive the first few years of Jordan's life doing it all on her own, but once Hailey had become a cop and started working undercover, that was made virtually impossible. She'd had to recruit help, especially after losing Garrett. That's when Amanda had come in. Through a friend of a friend, Hailey'd met Amanda: a UIC student double majoring in Urban Education and Psychology, who was looking for a near full-time job in order to help pay for her education. After meeting for coffee, some heavy questioning that Hailey called an interview, and a background check, she'd hired her as Jordan's nanny. Amanda had been an extension of their little family ever since.
"I'm glad you have her," Jay said, passing Hailey her drink as the bartender handed them over to him. She smiled in agreement.
After they'd finished their first round of drinks, Jay ordered them a second before proposing they move from the general bar area to a private table. Jay took off his jacket as he sat down across from Hailey.
"You're still wearing that thing?" Hailey nodded towards the bracelet on his wrist as it became visible when he took a sip of his drink.
"Ah, don't be jealous you don't have one," he smirked.
"I have three, actually. One even glows in the dark." She punctuated her works by taking a sip of her own drink.
"Damn, now I'm jealous," Jay mused.
Hailey cracked a smile as she looked down, swirling her straw around in the ice. "She was worried you might not come hang out with us anymore," she told him, despite having been on the fence about revealing what her daughter had confided in her. "After that night…" She added.
It wasn't as if Jay owed them anything; as if he had any obligation whatsoever to come around. Partners didn't have to hang out outside of work, but Hailey liked the fact that they did. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who did, either.
"What?" Jay's response was automatic, the sudden concern her words made him feel written all over his face. Hailey looked up as he asked, "Why would she think that?"
The blonde shrugged, blowing out a sigh. She didn't have a definitive answer, just a plethora of guesses. "Because she's nine," Hailey said, offering up the most obvious one of them. And when you were nine, hurting someone's feelings or getting your own feelings hurt could equate to feeling like your whole world was imploding. But it also meant a higher resiliency to bounce right back. "And also an empath who… knows and worries way too much for her age," she added, her forehead wrinkling ever so slightly.
"Hailey—" Jay started, then stopped, allowing himself a moment to fully absorb the look on her face.
He could tell that there was more, something she was leaving out. Maybe something she was even scared to say. He knew that specific, vulnerable look, the one where her eyes widened involuntarily as the confidence they normally held melted away. The one where her eyes shifted as they watered with emotion as she fought to regain enough of it to eventually get out whatever it was she wanted to say.
"Hailey," he started again, this time softer and even more sincere. "There's nothing that either of you could ever say, or do, to make that true."
Hailey swallowed thickly as these words sunk in. They were so direct yet simultaneously roundabout, and so emotionally charged and loaded. Her shy smile returned as she took a moment of her own to decipher their meaning. Then she blurted, all of a sudden, her deer in the headlights look returning, "You're not just her emergency contact." A beat passed before she added, "You're the person… I chose to be her guardian if anything were to ever happen to me."
Jay stared at her, initially stunned. He was… Hailey chose him to be her what?
Just when he finally cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak—
"I'm sorry, I should I have asked. I can change it back— I threw my mom's name in there after Garrett but I… I don't— that's not the environment I want Jordan to grow up in. And my parents— they've never even met her. But I can't do this job and not have a plan I can live with, and after Wisconsin—"
"Whoa, whoa— Hailey, slow down," Jay interrupted gently. He softened even more watching as she swiped a finger underneath each of her eyes. Quietly and with certainty, he said, "I don't want you to change it back."
Hailey's eyebrows knitted together, almost as if she didn't initially believe him. "Jay…"
"I'm serious," Jay insisted.
"Really?" Hailey rasped.
"Really." Jay said with a small, encouraging smile.
He paused briefly in between thoughts, a flicker of confusion crossing his features. "I do have one question, though."
It was Hailey's turn to nod expectantly now. "Okay."
"How is possible that neither of your parents have met your daughter?" He asked, skeptical.
Moments ago, the words had flown out of Hailey's mouth so fast, she hadn't even fully registered that she'd said them. It did sound like an absurdity, she realized now, even with what Jay did know about her family and childhood. And as far as an explanation went, there was really no other way to be than blunt. Plus, he deserved a real, honest answer. The whole truth.
Shifting in her seat, Hailey exhaled heavily. "My dad kicked me out when I got pregnant," she began. "My mom went along with it, and I… never let either of them back in."
"That's horrible," Jay reacted. He could only imagine how she must have felt — how hard of a thing it must have been to live with.
Hailey pressed her lips together and shrugged her shoulders. It was, but — it was also something she'd learned to make peace with; she'd had to. Hailey took a long sip of her drink then, finishing it off. "Thank you," she said after, looking Jay in the eye as she set her glass back down on the table. "I know that this is a lot to ask of a partner, and if you ever change your mind—"
"Hailey," Jay said, interrupting her again before she could get ahead of herself. "I think you and I both know…" He started to continue, but the rest of the sentence he'd intended to say died on his lips as he looked at her.
"You think… you and I both know… what?" Hailey prompted.
But Jay still couldn't say it out loud.
He couldn't say that he had started to fall for her; that he couldn't help but look at her as more than just his partner. That he had a feeling she felt that way, too. Because if she didn't, if he was wrong, Jay didn't know what he would do.
"I'm not gonna change my mind," he resolved to say, then tossed the rest of his own drink back. Maybe another day, maybe another time he would admit what he'd intended to say. Jay matched Hailey's small smile, his eyes lingering on hers a moment longer before he stood from his chair. "I'm gonna go close out." Hailey watched as he walked away.
Hailey got up when he returned, thinking out loud as he slid his jacket back on. "You got any plans Saturday morning?"
Jay thought for a moment then shook his head. "Don't think so, what's up?"
"What are my chances of talking you into going to the river dyeing with us?" Hailey asked, her dimpled grin reappearing as she started to lead them towards the front door of the bar.
"Like for St. Patricks Day?" It was a rhetorical question.
"No, for Easter," Hailey teased. "We go every year. Jordan gets a kick out of it."
Jay shoved his hands in his pockets and made a face, feigning as if it was the most difficult thing he'd ever been asked to do. "Will there be green beer involved?"
"Gross," Hailey laughed. Jay raised his eyebrows as he held the door open, which earned an amused eyeball from her. "Okay fine," Hailey caved. "I'll buy you disgusting green beer."
Jay was just as entertained by her reaction as he followed her out. "Great," he said, practically beaming. "I'll pick you two up at eight."