Hi friends! Thank you so much for all of the love and reviews you submitted after my last update. I had a lot of fun writing this next chapter. I think it might be my favorite so far. I hope you enjoy reading it, and as always I can't wait to hear what you think!
Jay had been walking up and down the halls of Chicago Med for hours, covered in Hailey's blood.
Every ten minutes or so he seemed to replay the moments leading up to the crash in his head — going over the timeline of events, thinking that maybe if he'd waited just a second longer before pulling out into that intersection that he could've avoided the accident all together. Avoided being the reason that Hailey and Jordan were both in the hospital — a place he hated enough on its own without having people he cared for deeply as patients fighting for their lives in it.
Or, maybe then it would have just been someone else pacing these halls, waiting to hear if people they loved we're going to live or die.
"Jay." The detective spun around at the sound of a familiar voice calling his name. Jay's face unintentionally fell at the sight of Adam Ruzek approaching him from the direction of the waiting room. Despite recognizing his voice, he wasn't the person he'd been hoping to turn around and see.
Jay wanted to hear from his brother, or Dr. Rhodes, or Dr. Manning — or literally any doctor who came equipped with an update on Jordan or Hailey. But, he appreciated the cup of coffee Adam was currently offering him at the very least.
"Thanks," he mumbled, taking the cup from his coworker. He couldn't bring himself to drink it, though. However, holding it felt oddly comforting. It gave him something to do with his hands.
"How you holdin' up?" Adam asked. Jay shook his head in return, the movement serving as his response. Adam discretely gave him a once over as Jay looked off to the side. He took in the sight of his bloodied clothes, and the cut on his head that was being held closed by seven stitches that Will'd had to talk him into getting. Adam treaded lightly as he continued. "You sure there's nothin' I can do? Get you a change of clothes?" He paused momentarily in between thoughts. "We're all out there…. pullin' for them. We just wanna help."
Jay shook his head again. There was nothing more that any of them could do to help; now it was just a waiting game. Adam tilted his own head, finding Jay's eyes in doing so. He still looked like a deer in the headlights; his whole face written with fear, panic, and guilt. "It's my fault, Adam."
This time, Adam shook his head. Immediately and instinctively. "No. Don't say that. You and I both know that couldn't be farther from the truth."
"How?" Jay snapped back. "I drove that car into the middle of the damn intersection. No one else. Me."
"And the tool who T-boned you had a blood alcohol level of 0.12%." Adam insisted, placing one of his hands on Jay's shoulder. "Jay. None of this is your fault."
For the first time, Jay really looked at Adam, half believing his tenacious words. In truth, it didn't matter what the circumstances were. He would always blame himself for endangering them. For hurting them. The last thing he ever wanted to do.
"I get it," Adam continued then, shrugging slightly. He paused for another moment, carefully choosing his words as he elaborated on this. "You love her. You love both of them."
This got Jay's attention.
He straightened. Stiffened, even. As if he was pulling himself together when really, this statement only made him unravel further.
He'd known how he felt about Hailey for a long time now, and those feelings only intensified with each day he spent with her. And while Hailey and Jordan were a package deal, loving Jordan was even easier. She was sweet, smart, adorable, and a literal carbon copy of his favorite person in the entire world. They both deserved so much more than what they'd been through, and he only knew half of their story.
All Jay could do was nod in agreement. "She doesn't know," he finally admitted, after several moments of silent acknowledgement.
"So, then you'll tell her. As soon as she's out of surgery," Adam rationalized, as if it was the easiest thing in the world for one to do. Another beat of silence passed before he added, "This is not on you, brother. You gotta know that."
Once again, Jay nodded. He wasn't entire sure that he believed in signs from the universe, but… maybe this was one; a sign that he'd waited long enough to tell Hailey how he really felt.
Moments later, his gaze shifted from Adam to Will and Dr. Rhodes as they came into view behind him. Jay moved past Adam, meeting the two doctors halfway. "How are they?" Were the first words out of Jay's mouth once they were in earshot.
"They're both stable and out of surgery. Hailey lost a lot of blood, but, she's going to make a full recovery." Dr. Rhodes said. Jay exhaled a sigh, but the relief he felt only lasted a matter of seconds, as the assurance Connor's words were meant to be didn't fully land or last as Jay absorbed the look on his brother's face.
Adam had caught up to Jay's side at this point as he pressed Will with a simple but firm, "But?"
"How long has Hailey known?" Will asked. Then, off of Jay's bewildered silence, and as if he'd been keeping something from him, "Where's Jordan at in her treatment? This information would've been good for Dr. Rhodes to know prior to cracking her chest open."
Jay looked at Will like he'd just spoken in a foreign language. "What— What are you talking about?" His words were laced with a mixture of confusion and frustration.
Bluntly, Will stated, almost just as incredulous as his younger brother, "I'm talking about the giant tumor in her chest."
Jay now had a new memory on repeat in his mind.
I'm talking about the giant tumor in her chest.
I'm talking about the giant tumor in her chest.
After that, he'd made Will show him the x-ray they'd taken. The one that very plainly showed the giant tumor in Jordan's chest. Jay hadn't even really known what he was looking at, but the giant mass located just below her heart, hadn't looked normal. And that was where his knowledge started and ended on the matter. And he hadn't quite had the time to fully comprehend what exactly it meant, either.
Jay had stopped by Hailey's recovery room first, unable to do nothing more but sit there and hold her hand and apologize as she laid there, unconscious. He'd had stayed there forever given the choice, but Jay knew where Hailey would want him to be.
Go with her.
He could hear the sound of his partner's voice echoing in his head: I don't want her to be alon— .
The last words she'd said to him, and she hadn't even been able to finish the sentence.
By the time Jay had composed himself enough to make his way up to the hospital room Jordan had been relocated to post-surgery, the little girl was already awake. She was semi-groggy, yet fairly alert given what she'd gone through, and showing signs of full recovery… despite the giant tumor in her chest. He didn't even know where to begin in figuring out how to wrap his mind around that. He did eventually take his brother's advice and had changed into a less frightening, less bloody wardrobe prior to going to see her, though.
"Hey you," Jay said, appearing in the doorway, masking all of his internal, emotional turmoil with a soft, close-lipped smile.
Jordan turned her head at the sound of his voice, her expression initially unreadable. Jay eventually gauged a mixture of pain and confusion from it.
"Where's my mom?" She mumbled, as he stepped further into the room, taking a seat in the chair beside her hospital bed.
Jay chose his words carefully. "She's down the hall," he began to say, pausing intermittently as he considered how to translate all that was in his head into words that a nine year old would be able to absorb. "She in a bed just like yours, but right now… she's sort of sleeping. But when she wakes up, and you feel up to it, Dr. Halstead said we can go see her."
Jordan frowned; another expression of confusion as she contemplated his words. "You're not a doctor."
Jay cracked a smile at this. "I'm not," he acknowledged. "But my brother is."
"Oh," Jordan sighed, averting her eyes down towards her chest. She looked for the piece of glass that was once protruding from it, another frown crossing her features.
Jay matched it with his own layer of concern, "You okay?"
"Is that the doctor that said I'd have an ugly scar?" Jordan asked.
Jay couldn't help but wince at those words. While part of him actually kinda sorta wouldn't put it past Will to use that exact phrase, the part of him that didn't currently have the energy to yell at his brother for potentially using such a phrase in the first place with any patient — let alone a nine year old — gave him the benefit of the doubt. Will was rash and impulsive, but he had a pretty good bedside manner. "Did he really say that?" Jay questioned, skeptical.
Jordan's silence and dancing eyes, looking everywhere but at him in place of a verbal response, told Jay all he needed to know. And now, he had a new source of concern: was this — body image — really what nine year old's were worried about these days?
"You might have a scar," Jay told her after a moment of thought. "But it won't be ugly."
Jordan casted a sideways glance at Jay at this, wanting to believe him.
"Scars prove that you're strong," Jay went on. "That you're tougher than whatever hurt you. I've got a bunch of them." He proceed to wiggle his shoulder outside of the collar of his shirt then, just enough to show her some proof.
The tiny blonde's eyes widened ever so slightly as they landed on the circular scar on Jay's chest, just below his shoulder. Being only nine, Jordan shouldn't have known what kind of scar she was looking at. But being the daughter of a detective of the Chicago Police Department, Jordan knew exactly what kind of scar it was. Her face fell from an expression of initial surprise to disappointment as she looked up at Jay. "Στην πραγματικότητα δεν είμαστε αλεξίσφαιρος," she said, as if she were realizing this fact in realtime, for the first time.
Jay narrowed his eyes, as if trying to read her mind in order to translate the Greek she'd just spoken. He was quick to admit his ignorance. "All I got was bulletproof."
Half amused, Jordan smiled sadly. "I basically said… we're not actually bulletproof."
Jay was the one to sigh this time as he slipped his shoulder back into his shirt. Hailey didn't lie to her, right? So he wouldn't either. Even if the word seemed to have more of an emotional context to it, when used between Hailey and Jordan, than physical. "You're right," he admitted. "No one is."
Jordan looked up to the ceiling in thought. Jay could practically see the gears turning in her mind. Off her lingering silence, Jay prompted, "What else can you teach me to say in Greek?"
With her eyes still fixed on the ceiling, Jordan grinned, the smallest of giggles escaping her lips. "Μαλάκα."
"What does that mean?" Jay asked, clearly on the outs of whatever joke she'd just made.
"Can you keep a secret?" She asked.
"I sure can," Jay mused.
Jordan's sideways glance fell in the category of mischievous as she looked at him this time. "It means… asshole." A wide grin was quick to punctuate her words.
Jay dropped his jaw, a feeble attempt to feign offense and hide the laugh he really wanted to let out. It was the hilarity he needed at the moment, honestly. "Jordan Noelle Upton," he said, ultimately letting a grin breakthrough his 'surprised' exterior. "Maybe we should try something your mom won't kick my butt for saying?"
"Hmmm," Jordan hummed in thought, failing at her attempt to suppress a yawn. Following another moment where her eyes rolled skyward in thought, Jordan looked back at Jay — a shy yet sweet, dimpled smile replacing the one she previously had plastered to her face. "Σ'αγαπώ."
Jay raised his eyebrows after she spoke, expectantly awaiting her translation.
Once more Jordan averted her eyes, in a way Jay wasn't 100% sure how to decode this time. It was still shyness, mixed with something more she wasn't telling him, until the phrase spoke for itself.
With genuine sincerity Jordan turned her head to the side, so that she was fully looking at Jay as she said, "That one means I love you."