Finally. I stand back to stare at the tiny little spot which holds my signature, freshly painted and leaving me to feel slightly foolish as I wonder why he wanted me to do this so badly. Though it does feel a little nice, thinking of how my art will be here in his shop for all to see. Thinking of how a little thing of mine has made its way into a thing of his, permanently.
Well, I suppose one could always paint over a mural but a quick glance back at his face from across the counter tells me all I'd ever really need to know about that. He won't be painting over it.
"One of a kind." I softly laugh while coming over to join him. "Thank you for being my first customer."
"You never sold your paintings before?" He looks genuinely surprised.
"Gosh, no." I quickly shake my head. "It was a hobby. Suppose I wanted to do it professionally for a time, but it never got there."
He stares at me for a few moments before suggesting, "You should open a shop."
"What?" I blink a few times. "I – no, I couldn't just do that."
"Why not?"
Ah, Levi. Truly not one to let an unanswered question slip by. "I just couldn't… it's too much and I would never sell enough for it to be profitable."
"I didn't expect this place to be profitable." He merely shrugs.
"And is it?" Suddenly I'm curious, never having thought of that before. Perhaps I'm overstepping a little, but –
"Profitable enough." His eyes gleam a little as he slides a cup of tea across the counter towards me, "Enough that I don't request payment from my favorite customers."
Ah, oh heavens… my face right now, I can hardly imagine. "Favorite customer, huh?" I blush hard.
"Well," Levi looks a little amused at just how greatly he's managed to fluster me. "I said one of my favorites."
The bastard. My face takes on a much deeper shade of red but I'm determined to not let him get away with such things. "Oh yeah?" I lean across the counter with amused eyes, "Who are your others?"
Perhaps I am expecting a sarcastic comment in return, perhaps I am hoping to have his face join me a little in my flushed hue; what I am entirely not expecting is for a wave of earnestness to wash over his face while one hand reaches out to gently land upon my own. A soft voice with a gentle smile whispers over to me, "There are no others, there's just you."
Heart racing, when did he become so good at this? At causing the tips of my ears to burn with bashfulness. Words sort of escaping me at the moment, so I merely whisper back, "This is my favorite tea shop."
"I'm not surprised." His lips curl once again and I'm finding myself a little unable to look away from them. "The other shops around here are terrible."
"Mmm…" I hum in agreement, though we both know that's not entirely what I meant. "What did I ever do before you?" I softly laugh, eyes peeling down to the spot where his hand still lingers over mine. Watching as his thumbs begin to move a little, brushing up against my skin before he mumbles that I should drink my tea.
No matter how much I have resigned myself to believe life as a terrible, miserable thing – it seems endlessly determined to show me how lovely it can be at times. How precious moments can still sneak up on you, turning your entire world around.
I'm falling for him.
I hardly know how to handle that realization, hardly know how to look him in the eyes for the rest of the afternoon as I slowly sip on tea or help organize the newest tins while he assists customers. My mind feels far too disconnected with my heart, uneasiness and confusion settling in as I feel myself retreating inside.
"Are you free tomorrow?" His voice causes me to startle, knocking over a can of tea and cursing myself for the large mess now present on the floor.
"It's fine." He reaches out for my arm, quick to grab a broom and pan to clean the mess.
"I – I'm so sorry," I mumble while fumbling with my hands.
"Lilette, it's fine." He gives me a strange look, likely picking up on my nervousness. Attempting again, he asks if I'm available tomorrow.
I should say, yes. Or, no – I'm not available. Yes, I have plans. A gulp, "No."
"You're busy?" He looks disappointed.
"Yes, or – no. I, um…" Shit. This is horrendous. I take a short breath to calm myself before clearing my throat. "I'm free tomorrow."
"…Are you sure?" He looks amused. Not that I blame him…
"I'm sure." I softly laugh while scrunching my nose at a weak attempt to laugh at my own awkwardness. "I'm free, why do you ask?"
Oh. Well, now he is the awkward one. Unable to meet my eyes, he looks down at the floor before proceeding with his next few words. "The shop is closed tomorrow and apparently it's expected to be one of the last warm days before the winter hits. Do you want to… bring lunch to the park or something? There's one I walk through every morning…"
"Like a picnic?" My eyes open wide. I love picnics. Haven't been on one in quite a while, though they complete some of my most cherished memories from my childhood.
"If you want to…" he shrugs his shoulders, attempting to downplay his interest.
A nod of my head, I attempt to keep the grin on my face to a minimum. Apart from my week of hiding due to a near spiral of depression… I hardly imagine we've gone more than a few days without seeing one another since we met. He looks equally bashful in his attempt to remain nonchalant, his attempt to maintain some level of composure at how pleased he is that I've said yes.
Gods help us, we're both entirely awful at this.
The following morning, I'm nervously pacing my living room while wondering if I've done too much. Hair curled with overnight rollers and a new dress which I'd found in the back of my closet – still with the tags attached… am I overdressed? Too much effort?
No – er, I mean yes, this is fine. I never really go out anywhere – that's all this is, I'm merely excited. Merely looking forward for a reason to wear a new dress… to style my hair.
No. No. No. It's too much!
Running over to the hallway mirror, I frantically run fingers through my pin curls in an attempt to smooth them out, an attempt to appear as though I hadn't spent forty-five minutes fixing it perfectly this morning…
Quickly gathering it into a loose braid, I stand back to stare at my reflection with a nervous stare.
Oh, I liked the curls.
Shit. Now I look too bland. Too bland for what? "This isn't a date!" I hiss out to myself. "Just two friends…" nervously mumbling as I begin my incessant pacing once more… "just two –"
Ah. My eyes fall upon a stick of lipstick that I used to wear. Thrown carelessly on the hallway hutch, I grab it before I can change my mind and run over to the mirror to add a bit of color to my already far too flushed face. Careful not to spill bright rouge over onto my skin, I just finish puckering my lips a few times before a knock is placed upon my door.
Oh gods.
My heartbeat quickly rises up to settle in my ears as I walk over to the door, fingers shaking in far too much anxiety before I mumble, "Calm down, Lilette…" and pull it open to reveal Levi. His face falls slack and eyes widen a little upon seeing me, an equal shade of red quickly flushing through his cheeks as he clears his throat while lifting a picnic basket and mumbling, "I picked up lunch on the way from a… bakery – Lilette," he gives me a curious stare. "You…"
"…Yes?" I blink a few times, terrified that I've got lipstick on my teeth. A curl that I missed? Is my dress on backwards? Is that even a thing? Why is he staring at me like that!?
I watch as he gulps before pulling himself together. "You look beautiful."
"Oh." I choke out, eyes quickly brought down to my shoes as I'm unable to meet his. Say something! Anything! Just say thank you… heavens, Lilette… just say thank you. "So do you!" I blurt out before recognizing my own hoarse voice, quickly opening my mouth to correct myself. "I mean… you look nice, as well…" Clearing my throat, "Handsome… you, uh, you look nice – shall we go?"
A slew of internal curses go off in my mind.
"You, uh –" he looks uncomfortable. "…You do have a bit of lipstick on your teeth, though."
Fuck. Of course I do. After another cringe of my nose, I motion for him to step inside while running over to fix myself in the mirror. "Why am I such a mess?" I nervously laugh.
"You're not a mess." He says for what feels like the tenth time since meeting me. When I turn around to indicate that I'm ready to go, I find him still staring at me with somewhat of a lost expression on his face. "Sorry," he mumbles while pulling his eyes away.
"No more lipstick?" I blush while doing a silly smile to show my teeth.
"No…" he shakes his head. "You – that color looks really nice on you."
Favors red lipstick… Wait a moment. Why am I noting such things? With another gulp and an awkwardly mumbled thank you, I grab my coat and suggest that we leave. That we get out of here. I need to get out of here.
Now.
"Have you been to this park before?" His voice clears the air after what feels like several moments of silence. The basket is looped through his arm which doesn't hold onto the cane and even though I've offered multiple times to carry it, he hasn't agreed.
"Not in quite some time." I smile as I glance up at the trees which have all faded to dull oranges, browns and reds. The last few leaves hanging on, soon to join the others which scatter over the grass before us. "I've forgotten how lovely it is here."
"I walk this way every morning." He points towards a path on our right. "I often wonder if you come to this park."
…Often? He… often thinks of me?
I wanted to run something by you." He suddenly speaks. "Would you like to sell some of your paintings in the tea shop?"
"Wha-what?" …My paintings?
"I've had a few customers ask me about the artist." He gives a half-smile my way. "Sometimes, I see paintings hung up in shops with a price listed. Would you like to try a few?"
"I – I don't have any paintings." A laugh breaks free. "The mural on your wall is the first thing I've painted in a very long time."
"I remember." He looks slightly frustrated that I'd assumed he had forgotten. Hurt, perhaps. Frustrated that I haven't yet realized, he recalls every little thing I've ever told him. "Whenever you paint more, if you'd like."
"I hadn't realized that I was painting more." I give him a teasing grin.
He's not buying it. Merely rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue before mumbling, "You're too good not to do more, and I can tell you enjoyed it."
"Maybe I was just in it for the company." I quip before I can pull the words back. Stuff them all back into my lips and merely mumble an appropriate word of thanks, but it's too late. Entirely too late and his face looks thrown off-guard as he stops walking and turns to stare at me.
"I thought it was for the free tea." He gives me a final out, a joke which I can latch onto and back-track my way out of this mess. Of this painfully honest and terrifyingly vulnerable mess, but… I don't want an out.
"No," I stop walking as well, turning to stare at him with a quiet whisper. "…It was to see you."
He looks a little speechless. I likely look a little dumbfounded that I've actually spoken those words out loud and furthermore, that they're true. Before I can truly comprehend our next move, he's suddenly walking closer. Closer than he's ever been before – well, since that afternoon when he caught me within his arms. A smile forms over my lips, saved from the puddle. From my clumsiness…
My arms – what are they doing! Reaching out to rest palms against his chest as I feel the basket brushing gently against my side, feel the rhythm of his heart – a little faster than usual in this moment. Feel the warmness from his breath as we slowly move closer to one another.
My lower lip begins to tremble at how so very badly I wish to find myself pulled into a kiss, eyes slowly begin to close as I step somehow even further while sliding one hand up to rest against his neck and then we –
"Ah," I gasp as the basket slides a little too off to the left. The top creeps open and a strawberry jam covered tart pops out to land directly upon my shoe. "Damnit – I'm sorry," he frowns, shifting the basket in his arm to rebalance it. "Your shoe," he looks embarrassed.
"Don't worry about it!" I kick the pastry off to the side, flustered as all hell about what just almost took place. Face likely the color of the tart's jam, heart so audible I'm surprised it's not heard by nearly everyone in a five-kilometer radius. "Here," I reach out for the basket, "let me take this."
"It's fine." He shakes his head, willing me to allow him this small amount of dignity. With my hands still placed upon his arm, I move my eyes back up to frown with concern. "Levi, are you sure? I really don't mind."
Holy hell. The wind appears to be entirely knocked from my lungs as I meet his eyes, wondering just when they've become so hypnotizing. Wondering since when I've been so content to simply stare into them, simply allowing my hands to linger on his skin.
Parted lips and star-struck eyes, I feel myself fall forward a little as if magnetically drawn to him. Feel my eyes closing once more, two faces leaning together with a silent plea for no more sugary surprises to interrupt our –
I hear the noise before my mind registers the large crow which has landed directly beside us, its greedy beak nipping at my shoe in an attempt to get the few crumbs which its flock had not yet eaten.
"Oh!" I kick a little to scare it away, feeling Levi's arm pulling me in further to him as he swats at the crow with his cane. "This is one of the few times I regret not having…" he mumbles with frustrated eyes.
Having what?
Our eyes meet and the realization of our moment being stollen – twice – hits with an uncontrollable laughter. Well, laughter from myself – though Levi chuckles and squints one eye in amusement, which is quite something for him.
Willing my heart to calm, I attempt to catch up with my lip's apparent wish to kiss this man – attempt to sort out how I feel about such things when he clears his throat to mumble, "Shall we?"
Continue to the patch of grass and spread out our lunch? Accept the fact that this isn't going to happen today; that perhaps it's just not meant to? "Yes," I blush while wiping away a tear of laughter. "Let's go."
With the threat of crows and fallen pastries put aside, we find a spot underneath a large tree and spread out the blanket which we've brought. After placing the basket, I glance up to offer assistance in Levi lowering himself down yet he doesn't appear to need it. Foolishly stubborn and independent – I roll my eyes with a smile.
He passes over a ham and swiss croissant sandwich, which is one of my favorites. A small comment I'm sure I made to him once which he's recalled. With a light sigh, I feel a need to fill the silent air with some sort of conversation to distract our minds from what almost took place back there…
"Maybe I will start painting." I mumble after swallowing my most recent bite. "You really don't mind if I hang a few pieces in your shop?"
"Not at all." He looks pleased.
"Well, thank you." I blush a little and take another bite to hide my glowing face. "I wonder what I should paint next."
"What's something you like to look at?" He asks while reaching over for a napkin.
Something I like to look at? I stare at him as he wipes away a bit of mustard from his lip. I'm already looking at it. His eyes flick up to catch me staring, so I quickly shift my gaze behind him to mumble something about how pretty the trees look during this time of year.
"The trees." He repeats, entirely not buying it.
"Mm-hmm…" I gulp before teasingly pointing towards the mug of tea in his hands – yes, he brought a thermos and two ceramic mugs to a park. This man… one of a kind, entirely. "This whole scene would be cute. The picnic, the park…" You.
"Need me to shuffle out of the way?" he smirks while going for another sip.
"You could be my first model." I cringle my nose in jest.
"Model?" Levi scoffs. "Not likely."
Wait a moment. Is he being serious? "What do you mean?" Oh, this is fun. I've embarrassed him – his face flushed nearly the color of the autumn leaves. Usually the other way around, this is far more enjoyable – for me, at least.
"I'm no model." He grumbles while returning back to his sandwich.
"Levi," I furrow my brow. "You're… you are aware of how handsome you are, correct?"
Nearly choking on his bite, he clears his throat in deep seeded awkwardness before turning the tables to tease me a little in return. "I thought I was beautiful?" He smirks, referencing my foolishness in blurting such a thing out earlier in my apartment.
"Well, you're that too." I giggle while reaching out to fix his shirt collar, a little flicked up from the wind. His eyes move down to stare at my fingers, watching as I clumsily fiddle with the material of his shirt before running my fingers down his chest to fall by his side. Wondering when little touches like these became acceptable. Nay, the norm. Little brushes of fingers against skin, little excuses to shuffle closer to one another.
His hand suddenly reaches out to grab hold of mine, fingers lightly squeezing as we stare hazily into each other's eyes. Dropping my hand, he moves up to cup my cheek and I find myself lulled over towards the warmth of him. Lulled over to shift a little closer to where he sits on the blanket, knees gently pulled up to rest over his leg and fingers trailing up his chest.
No distractions, no fallen pastries, no customers to bother us, or interruptions of any kind. Just him. Just me. A few moments of floating in suspended time before he begins to move closer, before I feel the softness of his lips against mine and suddenly, I'm pulled into my first kiss in five years.
Gentle and slow exploration, testing the waters as he shifts fingers back to tangle within my hair. As he pulls me in somehow even further with his other arm wrapped around my waist, with his bangs lightly brushing against my forehead – stubble lightly tickling my chin.
It's perfect. Perfect and it's soft, sweet – entirely not rushed, yet savored. Enjoyed. Like wax lit by a flame, I feel myself melting further and further into him, lips gently exploring one another until it changes.
So effortlessly, the switch is hardly noticeable until all of a sudden his tongue slips in through my parted lips, fingers tighten just a little in my hair. Knees weak, stomach set ablaze, a tiny moan escapes my blissful lips which seems to further his intensity. Further the way his tongue brushes against mine – fingers tightening, once again.
Hungry lips, desperate fingers grab onto his shirt – deeper our kiss falls.
I want him.
Want him in places I hadn't imagined for so, so many years. Want him in a way which –
"Ah!" I pull back from the kiss as a large gust of wind sneaks up underneath my dress' hem. Sweeping up the material, I feel the coldness of the cool air against my bare legs and blush as I furiously attempt to push it back down. Levi lunges forward, gathering the material to keep it tightly around my knees – all while keeping his face at an awkward angle as to avoid staring at my legs.
I glance back up at him, preparing to whisper a word of thanks when suddenly… suddenly I'm staring at a man with red lipstick smeared all over the lower half of his face.
"Oh no!" I gasp, catching the look of surprise in his eyes which tells me I'm in no better condition. Gulp. "Your… your face," I wince.
"Yours as well." He whispers over.
Desperate, so very desperate to say something which removes even the faintest trace of awkwardness in this moment. I foolishly end up saying the first thing which comes to mind… a joke. A jest. At times, I curse the way in which my mind works…
"That color looks really nice on you." I blurt out, using his words which were spoken to me as he arrived at my home.
He blinks a few times with a lack of any expression before the two of us burst out laughing. A true laugh – it's real. The kind which originates from deep down within the belly, the kind which you'll have watered eyes and a short of breath when it finally subsides. "I've never met anyone like you," his voice is little more than a murmur while wiping at his eyes.
"Is that a good thing?" I softly laugh, "Or bad?"
"Good." He whispers before one arm reaches around my waist again to pull me back in to where it feels that I belong. Another kiss, another pause in time as I curl into the warmness of his chest. Into the place where I feel safe, where I feel at home.
My hand finds its way to his hair this time, nails lightly grazing his neck and undercut as we fall further into one another. Likely a little too far.
I've fallen.
Levi walked back into his home and took a seat down at the kitchen table, brow furrowed over the way in which things had ended for them that evening. Had he pushed her too far? Had he rushed her? A sickening feeling spread over his stomach while considering the possibility.
Truly, he hoped not.
Though, she hadn't looked upset. Hadn't looked frustrated. Apologetic, if anything.
After a far too enjoyable afternoon spent wandering the nearby village, he'd eventually walked her back to her place to say goodnight. Hands immediately found each other, arms wrapped around waists as she pulled him in for another kiss.
She had pulled him.
Not the other way around, she wanted him. Of all the people in this world and from such a beautiful soul, he was wanted. She wanted him.
Heavy breaths, fingers clasped tight, pushed against the side of her building. It was perfect. Perfect until it was not.
"Levi…" her voice had alerted him first. There's something wrong – he frowned. Tensed, pulling back.
"I don't know if I feel… ready for this. I'm so sorry –"
"Lilette." He had stopped her, "You don't need to explain." And she didn't. Truly.
"I just…" her face looked twisted and pained. Eyes lowered in shame which wrecked his heart, fingers trembling.
"Please," he lightly squeezed her waist. "Please don't feel like you need to explain anything. I understand."
"Are you mad at me?" Her voice so quiet, had she truly spoken those words? Truly feared that he could be anything of the sort?
"No," he shook his head. "Never."
Her sigh, so very heavy. So very sad and in another life perhaps, he'd be following her inside. But he understood, he didn't wish to push. "I'm sorry –" she whispered out before pulling her hands back from his chest. Leaving him with a chill he hadn't noticed before as she mumbled over, "Can we remain friends?"
Friends. He nods with a forced smile. Well, not forced because it's real. He wishes to be her friend; he wishes to be anything of hers. Something more, truthfully – but if it's not an option that's okay. It's fine.
He'll be her friend.
"Are you sure you're okay?" he brushes his hand against her arm, watching her tired face slightly nod.
Are we okay? The words he truly wishes to speak.
He turns to leave yet her voice calls out before he gets very far, "Levi! If I stop by the shop tomorrow… is that okay?"
"Of course." He turns to nod. "Coming by for the free tea?"
Her face falls. Falls in such a way where they both know that's not the case. Both know it's not for the free tea… no, not at all.
It's for the company.
With a heavy sigh, he continues home. Continues wondering if he should never have asked her out today. Wondering if he should have held back on kissing her. Oh well –
In another life.