Re-Destro paced back and forth, mumbling to himself as he planned all possible routes on where to take down the League. He still had crusts in his eyes but it didn't matter, they make good breakfast.
But he didn't expect them to be so small and his stomach started rumbling. He was sure it's him because it came from below. And he was still very sure it's him even though Skeptic is carrying him around on his shoulders since they woke up.
He was about to suggest they get to the nearest fast food until his gaze landed on Curious, who was once again standing still and unmoving. But contrary to her almost-catatonic phase yesterday, this time she's staring at an ice cream stall with a special discount in Wednesday mornings! Neat! Her skill on tracking down discounts finally proved to be useful!
He ordered the team to get some tasty cold treats in there. But as soon as the door is opened, a gust of cold wind caused Geten to be completely frozen solid. Not even his multiple layers of clothing can stop the true cold from permeating his very core.
"Oh my God!" Skeptic yelled out loud, hands on his cheeks while balancing his laptop on one finger. "What happened here?"
Re-Destro thought for a bit, not knowing that Skeptic deliberately said it out loud so he can put him down and sneak into the stall. Geten has this nasty habit of completely freezing every time a gust of cold air went up to him. It got so bad that he can't even wear Detnerat-grade shades because he'll freeze out of sheer coolness.
"He needs warm hugs!" the Supreme Leader yelled out and went in to hug the frozen Geten and beckoned Trumpet to get on with it too while making sure Curious – who's now back to normal, to stand aside since she's so busty and will definitely NOT give a proper hug.
Geten was slowly thawing when Selkie appeared from a nearby manhole and shouted, "GAY!"
Re-Destro was shocked, not because a hero found them, but because it made him nostalgic to see homophobic seals.
"Selkie!" The CEO walked up to the heroic seal in his manhole and stood towering over him with a T-pose to further assert his dominance before spitting facts. "It is not gay to hug the homies goodnight!"
Selkie was stunned at the revelation. All this time he's just lurking around people and waiting for a gay moment to appear, in which he would pop out and call them out. All this time he never thought it could just be friendship between very manly dudes, or maybe trust and camaraderie.
Owing up to his mistakes, he went out of the manhole and gave the warmest hugs to Geten, to which he instantly thawed. Curious recorded the miracle live as the hero left shortly afterwards.
"Oh my god what a scoop!" Re-Destro said, blatantly stealing Curious's line because it's just his thing. "That would make great F***ING news!"
"What happened?" Geten stammered, slowly coming back to his senses of bewilderment and brotherhood.
"You just got saved by a former homophobic seal! Congrats!" Curious slung an arm over him, blatantly stealing Re-Destro's line because he stole hers.
Geten shuddered a bit, not because he was cold, not because Curious's chest is lightly pressing on his back, but because the woman never bothered to wear gloves and he feared that his coat is now turned to an explosive. And it was his favorite coat…
KABOOM!
Favorite coat is now gone. But thankfully, all that's happened to everyone there is that their faces became black, making Selkie come back and berate them for being hypocrites and blatantly using the racist blackface caricature. He left shortly after.
"What the hell happened here-" Skeptic came out of the store carrying an absurd amount of frozen treats when a wave of fangirls came in and trampled all of them and carrying the now-shirtless Geten away into the sunrise.
"Now what?!" Re-Destro stood back up, dusting himself from being trampled by fangirls, and wondering why the heck are they not detected by the horny police… and why is HE not the one being carried away?! He swore if he saw the ever beautiful Inquisitive simping for Geten he'd shove him in front of an air-conditioner.
The rest of the crew got up and just stared at the last remnants of the fangirls as they disappeared into the sunrise.
"I think they found out Geten is a prettyboy, sir-"
"It's the natural favoritism people have to characters with cool elemental powers," Curious said calmly. "Ever wonder why Endeavor is the current number one hero despite being so violent all the time? Because people naturally flock to them. The only other characters with sufficient pulls are the token female-"
Re-Destro and Skeptic turned their attention to her, while Trumpet found the nearest wall and faced it.
"Curious! Use your token powers!" Skeptic yelled out, stuffing his face with as much ice cream as possible before his buddies notice anything that he's not sharing them.
"Yeah Curious! Use the favoritism!"
"But how?!"
"USE YOUR BIG MOMMY MILKERS!" Skeptic yelled out as he devoured the frozen cow juice products with the ferocity of a horny neckbeard trying to donate to some titty streamer with a malfunctioning button. All the more distraction for him to eat more and more ice cream.
"What…?" Both Re-Destro and Curious turned to look at him.
But in the end, even Re-Destro thought it was a good idea, but there's a few problems. "Your neckline is too high up," he said to the woman. "Your jacket is hiding all possible curves, and your overall outfit is hiding all traces of skin…"
"But it's the middle of winter!"
"You wore the exact same outfit during all of our meetings at Detnerat… and I have the best heaters in the country because of Geten! Do you know a little something, Curious?"
"What?"
"What if-" Re-Destro gasped in shock. "What if you just wear your clothes that way because… you're a character who's going to be killed! And whoever drew you don't want people to think you're sexy! He didn't even give you enough time to even look sexy!"
Curious gasped. "No! That's not true! You're the one who told me this is my official outfit!"
"Yeah but think about why the thought popped into my head! Face it Curious. The big man up there even made you a butterface so people will not get upset when you're killed!"
Horror flashed within Curious's eyes as she remembered all those fanfictions she read. "N-no!"
"Yes!" Skeptic said out loud, simply because he thought he would turn into a chad if he said 'yes'.
"Compare yourself to all those female characters, Curious!" Re-Destro taunted the woman. "If you align yourselves with them, you're the only one who wears that outfit while everyone else gets to be sexy! EVEN RECOVERY GIRL! THINK CURIOUS THINK!" he said while pointing two fingers on his head, but only making himself look stupid instead of his teammates getting it.
Curious took a step back, thoughts flashing through her head about the outfits of the other female characters, before fully realizing that she's the most covered one out there. Some wore as much clothes, but they hug their owner's curves, some wore fancy dresses, and they look pretty in it, while some just wore skintight outfits. "No…" she whimpered.
Re-Destro was about to call funeral services for all the roasting he just did when Curious spoke out, "No! I'm not going to die! I'll make it out of this alive!"
"Skepsman! What are the chances of a character dressed up as ugly for killing purposes?"
"Over 80% sir!"
Curious covered her mouth, her vision trembling, her legs about to give way, and she felt her world is crumbling to dust in a spectacular representation of Tomura disintegrating the ground below her, making her fall into the abyss. She thought of possible things in her future – gathering riches, getting out of her penthouse onto a real house at the countryside, getting married and have little blue smurf children… all gone… just because of her fashion sense.
She began to cry.
"Um boss? I think it's too much…" Skeptic commented as the two of them observed the blue woman bawl her eyes out.
"Let her face the facts, Skeps. No amount of her parading around in swimwear will change things now… not that I want to see her in swimwear…"
The both of them shuddered in fear. Trumpet wiggled as well as he stared the wall, just because he wanted to.
"Do you think she'll make it?"
"I dunno, really…" Re-Destro shook his head and crossed his arms, wondering about the possible futures for his comrade. "I just noticed some trends… and she fit all of them. What do you think?"
Skeptic nodded. "Yep, it's the trend. Female characters don't do screentime here. She'll get taken out one way or another-"
Curious, still in the middle of her crying, indirectly stumbled forwards, her dress going an inch lower and somewhat revealing her spectacular cleavage within, causing a spontaneous army of simps to come heading their way. She didn't expect this one bit and fainted, her eyes turning into black Xs and her tongue hanging out.
"Oh come on!" said a simp, pointing at the unconscious woman. "The first time we get an actual female villain aside from Toga and now she got killed off just as fast?! Surreal!"
"Yeah this sucks!" said another. "Let's get outta here and wait for Lady Nagant to get busted out of prison!"
The entire simp army left, leaving Curious there, now with her eyes thick horizontal lines and badly animated tears going down.
"Welp… how do we save Geten?" Re-Destro asked Skeptic, who instantly turned to his laptop to show a list of names they can get help from.
"We got MLA members living nearby! This one can teleport-"
"Bring him in."
Skeptic pulled out his phone, plugged it into his laptop because it's out of battery, which is then plugged onto a nearby public wall socket nearby, and started calling from it. "Hello? Can you teleport Geten back here? Thanks!"
And just like that, the Iceman is back, still without clothes and looking he'll freeze to death in any second-
And he got frozen. But nothing like a warm hug can't handle!
"What about Trumpet?!" Curious got up, looking as badly animated as ever. "What about him huh?! If we're going to kill off a character then it should be the guy no one likes, right?"
Re-Destro and Skeptic briefly glanced at Trumpet still silently facing the wall as if he's already one with it. Meanwhile, Geten is frozen solid once again.
"I snapped his neck yesterday remember?" Re-Destro blankly said as he turned to face the token female of the group. "And then Death himself brought him back to life because he hates his guts as well. He's technically immortal. Do you have any idea how long his nonsensical political party had been? He has pictures with actual dinosaurs in there! And they all have feathers! FEATHERS! DINO FEATHERS!"
"Boss?" Skeptic tapped his back. "I think our absurd rank in the corporate world is just there so that the League will look ten times awesome when they steamroll us with their superior plot armor."
"Ya think?" Re-Destro thought for a while. One-shot villains? Check. Absurd status? Check. About to be steamrolled by the League? Not sure.
"I'm right, boss. I'm always right." Skeptic then turned to Curious. "I'm voting Curious for next character going to die."
"Well?! I'm voting YOU for next character going to die!" Curious yelled back. But Skeptic merely shook his head.
"I'm theoretically the weakest member of this group and my puppets are far worse than their Nomus. I need human-size materials just for my Quirk to work…"
Curious raised a curious eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Members of the League come and go. And yet Spinner – the most useless of them all, is still there. I'll not be surprised if that pathetic reptile outlive the remaining members. The point here is that, there's a huge chance that I'll get hired because Shigaraki has a habit of surrounding himself with weak members. Pretty much like Overhaul."
Re-Destro nodded, for Shigaraki too - share his love for surrounding himself with weaker members that him. Overhaul is also the same story, the strongest of the group surrounded by weaklings. "Maybe that's just how villain teams work?"
"The League's been here since season 1, boss." Skeptic growled at Curious, mouthing out 'You're Going To Die' over and over to the woman. "They tend to collect useless members. I bet Compress will be the next to go. Maybe Machia."
"I think Twice will be next, he's too overpowered and Tomura's not gonna like that," Re-Destro said. "If Toga gains the ability to use Quirks in her disguise mode, she'll get kicked out too."
"See? He HATES powerful members!" Skeptic then pointed at Gigantomachia – still playing with his awesome Playstation COLOSSUS. "He's just gonna be a huge disappointment, pun intended."
"So what?!" Curious yelled back again.
"Curious…" Re-Destro's voice trailed off. "You don't have a limit to your mine-laying capabilities. Completely invisible and undetectable, you can blow up the country if you wanted to without getting caught. Plant mines all across your published works and you can make an apocalypse in a day. So what with your weak explosives? When in reality explosives need to be stacked up if they were to deal some real damage? I'm afraid you're too powerful for this world. You gonna die."
"AM NOT!"
"Yeah, you gonna die." Skeptic nodded, completely ignoring the frozen Geten right beside him. "We had a good run, I guess?"
"But they can't just take me out so early in my introduction!"
"You gonna die," Re-Destro repeated Skeptic. "I'm gonna give you life insurance. Good money once you ded."
"Oh yeah?! And what if I lived?! What now huh?!" Curious towered over Skeptic despite not wearing high heels. It made Re-Destro remember about the good ol' days when Lady Dimitrescu was still popular. "Wha'choo gonna do now?!"
"Then congrats! You made it!"
The CEO has had enough and grabbed Trumpet and tossed him in front of an incoming ice cream delivery truck. If there's something Trumpet is good at aside from being useless, he makes a great human speedbump.
The truck ran over Trumpet, making an awesome backflip and getting rewarded by a stunt jump cash bonus.
Meanwhile, an ice cream cart (In the middle of winter) stopped to marvel such an awesome skill of being a speedbump, with the person peddling it deciding to become a living speedbump himself and took off into the sunrise, moments before the sounds of an ambulance echoed through the early morning horizon.
Seizing the opportunity, Re-Destro took the cash bonus and pocketed it for himself before running over to steal the ice cream cart and beckoning his team (along with the still-frozen Geten) to follow him in their climb up the mountain to defeat the League of Villains.