Blueeyeddevil06, thank you for being my beta!
By the one-year anniversary of Usagi's death, Mamoru had learned to access his Golden Crystal. He had an incredible amount of power, and he could heal. That fact devastated him. He could have healed Usagi had he only known about the power.
The night of the one-year anniversary the four scouts knocked at his door. A very drunk Mamoru answered and let them in.
Mina said, "I thought we could all use some company tonight. Since when do you drink?"
"Make yourselves comfortable." He pointed at the living room. He held up the bottle in his hand. "I don't drink—normally. I had to go out and buy this today. I couldn't face tonight sober." Tears ran down his face. "It's that fucking Golden Crystal. I could have saved her." He clutched the bottle tightly as if he could strangle it.
He then flopped down on a chair, opened the bottle, and took a sip. "She shouldn't be dead. I fucking failed her."
"We all failed her," Rei corrected. "She shouldn't have sacrificed herself. She wouldn't have let herself die if Minako had told her she was the princess!" She glared at said girl.
Minako flinched at her tone, "I didn't know she would do that!"
"Well, she did!"
Mamoru sighed, and set the bottle down on the table hard. "If you're going to fight, get the fuck out of my apartment. I don't care about your petty squabbles. I could have saved her if I was strong enough. I'm the reason she's dead."
Ami looked at him tenderly, and said, "She wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself."
"Well, she's dead so she doesn't get to tell me what to do!" He roared. "I'm the one who has to go on living without her!"
It was a terrible night, followed by a day of throwing up and the worst headache he'd ever had in his life.
On the second year anniversary of her death, he was hung over. He'd had his second night ever drinking the night before. He liked that he suffered from his hangover on the day she died. It was a sort of penance for him. He wanted to suffer since he failed to save her.
He didn't even begin to get over her death; he learned to exist with the pain and suffering. And that was all he was doing—existing. He thought he was lonely before, now he knew what true loneliness was. He felt like he was missing part of himself.
Two years and seven months after her death, he made something go back in time. A book appeared on his desk, and it shocked the hell out of him.
He spent an hour trying to figure out what it meant before he opened the damn thing. There was a note in it from him, and it told him what he had to do to send it back in time. An hour and a half later, he managed to make it disappear into the past.
He smiled for the first time in exactly two years, seven months, one week, and six days. He didn't care about the dangers of time travel. He would go back in time, and he would fix the past and make the world a better place. He was going to save his Usako.
He didn't give a shit about his current timeline now. He skipped all his classes and worked tirelessly to send himself back in time an hour. He did it in his bedroom since he hadn't seen himself in his study. He was hoping he would be able to figure it out quickly.
It took him a long five days.
It was five days of drinking black coffee and eating a few crackers when his hunger got too bad. His hair was unruly, not that he regularly had it cut anymore, and he didn't even think to shave.
Finally, he sent himself back in time, and he teared up with relief. He was going to fix the living hell he was existing in.
He then showered and changed so that he wouldn't scare the shit out of his past self. He barely remembered he needed to shave. When he was done, he thought he still looked rough, but he decided he didn't want to wait to go get a haircut. He was going now. He didn't want to live this way anymore. If there was a chance, he could do something. He was impatient to get a start on everything.
He then heard someone pounding on his door, and he decided to answer. Motoki was standing there looking panicked. "Good, you aren't dead. I was afraid you killed yourself. Answer your fucking phone! What the hell is wrong with you!?"
"I turned it off days ago."
"And you're not going to class!"
"I can go back in time. I don't care about this timeline now. I'm about to go back and save Usako!"
"What in the world are you talking about?" Andrew worried that Mamoru had gone crazy.
"This Golden Crystal I have is finally useful. I can go back in time! I'm going to go and yell at myself and tell him to get his head out of his ass. I'm going to fix everything!"
To Motoki, he looked like a lunatic. "Calm down. What do you really think you can do?"
Mamoru flashed him a huge smile, and said, "This," and disappeared. He didn't want to stay there and argue with Motoki. What was the point? He was going to fix everything.