Chapter 8

Ron looked over at Hermione and smiled, which she returned. The evening had turned cold despite a nice warm day in mid-autumn. They'd decided to stay indoors in Hermione's flat — not something that was unusual for them.

The day had been nice, but both of them had spent it all day at work. The shop was busier than ever, and with trying to manage three stores and the excited customers, not to mention their new products being one of their greatest hits yet, he barely had time to catch his breath until locking the door of the Hogsmeade premises at five o'clock that evening.

Without thinking, he'd come straight to Hermione's flat as if he lived there. She hadn't seemed perturbed by his presence, which was a good sign, though maybe, he realised, they really should discuss their arrangements.

This flitting back and forth, never actually going to his own place for anything more than clothes, had been going on for months. At first, he thought it was for the best. Regardless of their situation, regardless of the fact that Hermione was now four months pregnant with his baby, it seemed a step too far for them to actually live together.

But more thought led him to realise that he was already living with her anyway. They could deny it as much as they wanted, but it was the truth, and considering they'd have a baby in five months, it made sense that they made it official.

He was more than happy to move into her place — if she'd have him. It was bigger, it was tidier, and it was much more appropriate to raise a baby in. At least, initially.

He knew he'd been a bit of a jerk at the start about the whole thing, and she'd for some reason tolerated his brash behaviour, when really, she'd desperately needed his support. He'd had months to come round to the idea, though, and while he still did not believe that he could be a good dad, he was going to try.

In a way, the thought warmed him at times. It wasn't something he'd freely admit to Hermione, but occasionally he'd take in her growing belly and his chest would constrict with happiness. The very large part of him was terrified about it all, but there was a small part in him that couldn't wait for the baby to be born. The kid would be well cared for with Hermione as its mother; of that he was certain.

"You're staring, Ron," Hermione said, pulling Ron from his happy thoughts.

"Am I? I can't help it. I like looking at you."

He could see her try to hide it, but the corners of her mouth turned up at the compliment. They were sitting on the sofa together, the wizarding wireless on low in the background. Hermione had a book open in her lap and Ron — apparently — had been watching her.

Now, she closed the book, marking her spot with a piece of paper, and fully looked at him.

"I've been thinking," she began.

Ron raised an eyebrow. "About?"

"Our living arrangements."

Ron couldn't quite believe his luck. "I've been thinking the exact same thing!"

Hermione nodded formally, as if she was briefing someone on a business plan and not talking to her boyfriend slash father of her child. But the words that came out of her mouth sounded like a concerned teenager asking someone on a date for the first time. "We're… um… going good, aren't we?"

"Good?" Ron asked. "It's great. Well, at least for me it is. I'm living out a teenage fantasy with you right now. I love you. And a bonus, the sex is amazing."

Hermione flushed. "Yes, well…" She shifted.

Ron sunk back into the sofa, smirking. One thing he'd discovered about her was that the confidence she exuded in the workplace didn't translate to a relationship. In many circumstances, she seemed unsure of herself — especially when it came to sex. He didn't know how many more times he could tell her that he loved every part of her. Sure, the way their relationship had started was unconventional, but her being pregnant didn't change the fact that he'd been in love with her since he was a kid. Their relationship — the emotional and the physical — was more than satisfying for him, and, he thought, for her too. She just didn't seem to have the confidence to always express that.

Quite frankly, he was willing to let her do anything she wanted to him, but she didn't seem interested in that, so he left it. That Steven bloke had really fucked her over, even if she continued to insist he was decent and it had ended amicably.

"What have you been thinking about?" he said after a moment, realising that she was uncomfortable.

"I just thought… you're here all the time anyway, that maybe you really should move in. I know we said we shouldn't rush it, but —"

"Yeah," Ron answered. "I was thinking the same thing. Besides —" he nodded towards her small bump, "— it's a bit late to decide not to rush things, right?"

She smiled and nodded. "So, you'll move in?"

"I have most of my stuff here anyway, don't I?"

"I suppose you do."

"Want me to go and get the rest of it?" Ron asked.

"Now?"

Ron shrugged. "There's really not much left to bring. I don't really own that much, to be honest. A simple life." He shrugged again. "So… should I?"

Despite Hermione being the one to bring up the topic, she seemed taken aback by the abruptness of the whole thing. He wondered if she'd brought it up with the intention of him moving in officially by the time the baby was born. But, Ron didn't care. Hadn't they done enough fucking around already? He loved her, she loved him. What was the point in delaying?

His answer came a moment later when Hermione looked around her flat. She took in her tidied kitchen, her neat sofa, the scrubbed floors and the lack of junk that was in Ron's own flat.

"A kid's going to mess it up more than I am," he told her, smirking. Another time, he might have taken offence to her insinuation, but he just found it amusing tonight. "You realise that, right?"

Hermione turned red, bringing her eyes back to him. "It's just… I've spent so long living alone… it'll be weird having not one, but two, extra people here."

"It'll be okay, though, won't it?" Ron questioned. "I mean, if I spill something, you're not going to toss me out on my arse, are you?"

Hermione smiled. "No, I won't do that."

"So… I can get my stuff?"

This time, she didn't hesitate. She just nodded. "Go and get your stuff."

"Now?"

She nodded again.

"Okay!" Ron leaned forward, kissing her firmly on the lips. After, he stood. "I'll be back quickly. As I said, I don't have much left. All your stuff is better than mine, so I'm happy to leave all the other crap behind. Just some clothes and some sentimentals… you know."

"I look forward to you coming back."

Ron hurried to her door and wrenched it open. He couldn't quite believe that, as of tonight, he was going to be living with Hermione.

It seemed that all of his teenage fantasies were finally coming true.

He looked back at her one last time, once again taking in her growing belly.

And then some, he thought with a wry smile.

…

It took Ron a lot longer to return than he'd said. When he'd left, he'd given her the impression that he only had a handful of things to bring back. And considering he had the ability to Floo or Apparate, she'd been expecting him back — home? — within half an hour.

But when an hour ticked by, and then another, she began to worry. Had he changed his mind about the whole thing? Had the weight of everything finally caught up to him and as he was packing the final things to bring over, he realised just how messed up everything really was?

It didn't feel messed up anymore. In fact, everything was rather pleasant. Easy, even. Not only had she noticed that Ron had really seemed to have come round to their situation over the past month or so, she had learned that he was the type of boyfriend she'd always hoped he would be. All those times she'd found herself fantasising over their friendly dinners turning into something more were coming true. The reality was even better. He made her feel things she'd never felt before, and she was truly happy. He calmed her when she felt herself panicking. Every time she started to wonder if she'd made the right decision, she'd look at him and there was something about him that just made her relax and know that it would be okay.

But maybe it was different in Ron's mind. Maybe his acceptance of it was a pretence for her. She knew now — based off things Ron had said and everything Ginny had finally spilled after they'd gotten together — just how long he'd wanted to be with her for. Almost as long as she had with him. Maybe he was so desperate to be with her that he was willing to suffer through everything else just to get that.

That was… sweet, really. But also, what if she wasn't enough to keep him around anymore?

The panic had just nestled itself into her when her door opened, and Ron walked in carting two small bags and something under his arm that looked very much like a prototype for a joke shop product. He dumped the bags on the floor in front of him and then put down the prototype. No… it wasn't a prototype, it was a statue of a broomstick that sparkled orange every so often.

And she realised then that she need not have worried even for a second that he'd change his mind. He looked positively delighted to be there, with her, proven by the way he grabbed her face and kissed her in the doorway. It was a long, passionate kiss, and she wondered if he was going to start undressing her there — and was surprised that she'd be happy for him to do that — but he eventually dragged himself away, keeping his hands around her face.

"I love you," he said, speaking in a way she'd never heard him speak before. He was usually so crass, so outspoken, and had a dictionary of choice words he liked to throw around in casual conversation. But here… here he spoke so tenderly that she was filled with a belief that he'd never stop loving her.

She just about melted.

"I love you too," she replied weakly, staring up at him. Her eyes then fell on the two bags he'd dropped at his feet. "Is that… it?"

He nodded. "Yeah. As I said, I don't need much. And most of it's here anyway."

Hermione stared at the two bags for a moment longer. She was about to comment that she thought the shop was doing well, but he seemed to read what she was thinking. "I can afford more," he promised. "I just… don't need it."

"Oh… okay." She pulled back from his embrace and bent to lift one of the bags.

"I've got it," he said. "Give me a moment." He picked everything up, vanished into her — their — room and returned empty-handed a few moments later.

She really hoped he hadn't just dumped them on the bed, but now wasn't the time to question him about it. The last thing she wanted was for his first impression of living with her to be her asking him to hide his stuff in the bedroom. There were some things she'd just have to learn to deal with if she wanted to keep Ron around. And keep him around, she wanted.

"Sorry I took so long," he then said, taking her hand and drawing her towards him. "I had a thought when I was there so I just…"

"You just what?" Hermione asked.

The happiness he'd been emitting a moment ago disappeared, replaced by an uncertainty. It was something she'd always noticed about Ron — he seemed to be filled with an equal amount of self-doubt and over-confidence, the two interchanging depending on the situation. He seemed confident enough being with her, but now, when he had to say something seemingly important, he doubted himself.

"I…"

"Ron?"

He grimaced, but seemed to steel himself with whatever it was he was going to say. "Listen… I know I haven't been that great this whole time. I know the way things happened between us wasn't ideal and is a result of one huge fuck up. If I could change things, I would tell you how I felt about you the moment I figured it out and maybe we could be here now with a whole bunch of kids and happily married and whatnot. But I guess I'm still glad we are now here, because if it wasn't for an unlimited supply of Firewhisky that night, I'm not sure either of us would have found the courage to say and do what we did — even if we both wanted it. I'm glad that I'm with you — finally — and in a weird way, I'm glad we're having a baby. It almost feels like we are making up for all those lost years."

"I'm glad too," Hermione said. "I'm glad that I actually decided to drink that night and I'm actually glad that I went to you in that state and not anyone else. Not just because I wanted you, but because… I don't think I could do this with anyone but you."

Ron smiled. "Yes, well, I feel the same. And I really love you. I love everything about you and I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it's the truth. I've known for a long time that I could never be happy with anyone else. I tried… believe me, I tried, but it just kept coming back to none of the others were you. So… I had a thought, and that thought was… we should get married."

Hermione took a step back. To say she was shocked at the sudden turn of events was an understatement. At first, she wasn't even sure she'd heard right. Or maybe she was overreacting, because of course Ron couldn't possibly mean now. Not when she was taking a huge step in just asking him to move in with her. Maybe he meant eventually, like in the next five years, and was expressing that thought now.

But then he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out a ring, holding it out to her. It was a very pretty ring, one with diamonds on it. One, that, given more time, she would have loved to have.

All she could do was stare, though. She had no words, nothing. She just stared.

Eventually, the silence seemed to be too much for Ron. He laughed, though it was a laugh filled with uncertainty. "You're, um… I guess just say something."

What had Ron been thinking when he'd gone and got that ring? Had he thought that just because she'd asked him to move in that it meant she was ready for everything else? They'd barely had time to figure things out as a couple, and if she was being honest, the main reason she suggested they live together was out of convenience.

She loved him. She really did love him, and she'd wanted to be with him for longer than she cared to admit. But if she wasn't pregnant then they'd still only be dating at this stage. They'd be in the 'honeymoon' phase of their relationship. If it wasn't for the baby, they wouldn't even be discussing this.

When she still failed to form words, Ron lowered his hand, allowing it to fall by his side. His ears were red and he seemed a little disappointed.

She finally managed to bring her eyes back to his, her brain only now putting together a sentence. "Ron," she said weakly. "That's… that's really sweet of you, but —"

"Huh," Ron said, and he shoved the ring back in his pocket. "But."

Hermione shook her head, trying to process everything. All hope that he was joking vanished with the embarrassed look he now possessed. He couldn't quite meet her eye.

"You… want to marry me?"

"I guess." He shrugged. "I thought it'd be a good idea. You know… for our kid and what not."

Hermione knew immediately that 'for our kid' was an excuse and she felt herself melt just a little bit. Until now, she'd thought that maybe things were moving as fast as they were because of the baby. But maybe it was because of her more than she'd thought.

"A baby doesn't need us to be married to have a good life, Ron," she said gently.

"I know that." He shuffled his feet on her floorboards. "I just…" He shrugged.

"I know."

"So… your answer's no, then?"

Hermione chose her next words carefully, knowing that his feelings had already been hurt by her reaction. Clearly, he'd been expecting something very different, but it was an answer that she couldn't yet give him. One day, it seemed possible. One day, if things went as well as they were going, she'd like to marry him. Just not now.

"It's a no for now," she said softly. "We don't need to get married. Not now."

He nodded. "Alright. I guess I got a bit ahead of myself. You know, I want to be there for you, for the baby. I just thought… did any part of you think about saying yes?"

Hermione didn't answer.

"Right."

"I don't want you to ask me just because we're having a baby, Ron," Hermione said.

"That's not why I asked you."

"You did just say…"

He looked so deflated; hurt and more upset by her response than she'd thought he'd feel.

"Maybe we should just drop the subject," Ron said. "Forget I ever said anything. It was stupid of me. You're right, we don't need to get married." He turned away from her and Hermione saw that he was heading towards their bedroom.

"It doesn't mean I won't ever want to."

He paused, but he didn't turn around. "But there's a chance you might never want to?"

"We've only been together for a few months. It's hard to say —"

"We've been in love for longer," Ron replied, and she heard the change in his tone. He had a habit of doing that — lashing out when he was embarrassed or hurt. "At least, I've been in love for longer."

"Being in love has nothing to do with it," Hermione said. "I love you, Ron. I love you very much. But I don't want us to get married right now."

"You could have just said yes," he answered, and he finally turned to face her. "I wasn't expecting us to get married tomorrow. Just one day. Maybe even in a few years."

"I didn't want to say yes just yet. I didn't ask you to come back here with a ring. I asked you if you wanted to make you living here official."

"Well, I'm here now."

"Yes, you are."

They stood in silence for a moment, staring at each other. This was not how she'd expected this night to end. She understood that he was upset. It was endearing that he loved her enough to want to marry her, because quite frankly, she was quite convinced that no one would ever want to do that, but she couldn't say yes to him just because he felt embarrassed by her rejection.

After a moment, Ron spoke again. "Why did you say no?"

Hermione's eyes widened. "Because we've been together for only a few months. Because we are starting a new relationship. Because we are trying to figure out a whole lot of other things right now, that getting married isn't exactly of high importance."

Ron blinked. Hermione was beginning to feel angry. He was starting to become unreasonable, less understanding, and she, less forgiving. His hurt wasn't any excuse for his continued harassment over her decision.

"I know I've upset you, Ron. And I'm sorry that I can't give you what you were hoping for. But it's how I feel. And it doesn't mean I don't love you, because I do."

"It doesn't feel like it right now," Ron muttered.

"You're being very unfair."

"Am I?"

"Yes. And I was going to tell you that you can keep that ring. Save it for another… another time. But maybe don't even bother if this is how you're going to react. You're being incredibly selfish."

Ron's face flashed with anger. "I wanted to marry you. How's that being selfish?"

"Because you refuse to accept that I don't want to marry you."

The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She knew exactly how it sounded to him: that she didn't want to marry him, ever. That wasn't how she meant it, but at the same time, she was too angry to correct herself.

All of his anger vanished, replaced once again with hurt. She watched the change happen in front of her. Watched all of those insecurities within himself rear up in full force. He'd spent years working on them, growing in confidence in everything he did.

And now she'd unravelled that in just one sentence.

He nodded, taking a step towards her. She wondered what he was going to do, but he simply just walked past her, straight to the front door.

"Where are you going?" she asked, turning to follow him.

"Home."

His words stung. A moment ago, this place had been his home. She'd been uncertain if they were doing the right thing, but now that he'd said it, she knew that it was.

"Ron, please don't —"

"What am I supposed to do, Hermione?" Ron asked, choking on his words. "You're right. A baby doesn't mean we have to dive into lifetime commitments with each other. I'm not an idiot. I asked you because I love you. It might seem quick, but it's not to me. I've had years to figure out how I feel about you and I thought you had too. I misunderstood. I'm sorry."

"I do know —"

"Yeah, but we're still on different pages. I thought you wanted to marry me, I thought you would say yes. I really did. I see it now that I was wrong. You don't have to say yes to me, I know that. I just… I just wanted you to."

"Please stay," Hermione pleaded, reaching out for him. He stepped away from her and shook his head.

Hermione closed her eyes, controlling herself. She didn't want Ron to leave, but she also didn't know what to do or say to make him feel better. He was completely humiliated by what had happened.

"Maybe we did rush things," she said quietly.

"Yeah, everything except the one thing we should have moved faster on. Us. Maybe if we had, we'd still have a kid on the way, and you would say yes to marrying me. I was just trying to make up for lost time. I didn't want to waste another second with you. We've done enough of that. I thought you felt the same."

Hermione swallowed, nodding. She couldn't disagree with him on that. They'd messed around maybe too much. They could love each other to the moon and back, but that wasn't always enough. She'd really believed that they were perfect for each other, but perhaps she'd been wrong. "I love you, Ron. Merlin only knows how much. But maybe… maybe this is too much even for us. Maybe we just need to… to do this as friends. Maybe we're on different pages and…"

Her words didn't seem to surprise him, which told her he was thinking the same thing.

He nodded. "I've spent my whole life being your friend," he said. "I can continue doing that. You're the most important person in my life, Hermione."

"And you're mine."

"And I love you so fucking much that when I'm around you, I can barely breathe. I'm glad I got the chance to know what it was like to be with you, even if it was only for a short while. It was everything I imagined and… so much more."

Hermione opened her mouth, but closed it again. What she really wanted to say was that she hadn't meant it, that they shouldn't just be friends. He clearly loved her and she knew she loved him. But it was clear that he couldn't get past the fact that she'd turned him down. And if he was going to remember that when they were together, then they were both going to be miserable.

Tears poured from her eyes and she took the three steps to him at the door, falling in his arms. "I do love you, Ron. I really do."

"I know." He put his arms around her, holding her tight; holding her in the way she'd become accustomed to. "And I'll still be there for every moment with you and the baby. I don't have much to offer, but it's all yours, all our kid's. I promise."

Hermione nodded against his chest, burying herself deeper into his embrace. His hold on her tightened. Had they just broken up? After only a few months? And had they broken up because… they loved each other? It didn't make sense, but it did.

Ron pulled away, kissing her forehead. He smiled down at her, his anger and hurt all drained. He then laughed. "Merlin, we're a fucking mess, aren't we?"

Hermione laughed too, because it was true. "A real mess," she agreed. "We spend a large portion of our lives falling in love, and when we finally work it out, we can't even get that right."

Ron kissed her mouth this time. Even now, even after everything that had just happened, it felt right that she was kissing him. Like she didn't want to kiss anyone else.

She melted into him, wondering briefly if he had changed his mind. But he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. "You know," he said, "the sex really was good. Even if we can't work out in the long term, I'm definitely up for a friends with benefits type of thing. You know… if you ever want."

Hermione laughed, lifting her head to look at him. She expected to see a grin on his face, but was surprised when he looked completely serious. And even more surprised that the suggestion appealed to her. "Are you serious?" she asked.

Ron shrugged. "Why waste something good?"

Hermione smiled. "Why, indeed," she replied. "Thank you, Ron. Thank you for teaching me that I'm lovable. That there's someone out there who can love me for who I am. That it's possible to fall in love with me."

"It's easy to fall in love with you, Hermione. The hard part is falling out."

Ron leaned down and kissed her again and she knew that neither of them really wanted this to end. She once again contemplated asking him to stay, to come home. But she didn't.

"Call me for anything," he said. "I mean it. Any time of day or night, anything you need. Call me."

Hermione nodded, watching as he opened the door. He gave her another smile, to which she returned, and then she watched him leave. He wasn't leaving her for good, she knew that, but it felt weird knowing that the next time she saw him he would simply be the father of her child and best friend.

She sighed, closing the door once he was out of sight.

This could all have been resolved if she'd just said yes to him. Maybe even given him a promise of one day.

She shook her head. No, that wouldn't be staying true to herself. It would have been wrong to agree to marry him, no matter how strong her feelings were… still were. It had been his choice to not stay when she'd said no and she had to accept that… as much as he had to accept her decision to say no.

Standing by the door and looking around the empty flat, she rested her hand on her belly. Now came the hard part, she realised. She now had to figure out on Earth she was going to be a single parent.

They're idiots, I tell you. Idiots. But also, because it's a romcom, a break up had to be in there - and it's usually always over something stupid like this. But romcoms always have happy endings too!