CHAPTER 4

CC woke up very suddenly and wondered if someone had thrown bricks at her head, because that's how she was feeling. The sun seemed high in the sky, it wasn't early in the morning. The sun hurt, anyway. She had no idea where she was.

Oh god, she thought, I must have gone home with that… Jason? Jasper? … Or with someone else? But she couldn't remember much besides noise, booze and disgust, at herself and others. She was definitely alone in the large bed, and when she forced herself to look at the other side, it didn't look like anyone had been there at all. She struggled to focus on her surroundings, but there was something familiar about them. This thought process was sufficiently exhausting and she dozed off again.

Images flashed in her mind, from random situations in the past and from the previous night. Drinking and smoking in the street. Her green dress. Music and lustful eyes on her. Niles. Niles? Why did she have a memory of looking at Niles' face, and from up close?

She opened her eyes and looked at the room again, her brain connecting what she saw with that memory. She was in the guest room at the Sheffields'! She felt rather sick, and not because of the hangover.

After a heavy sigh - that she regretted because it made her head almost explode with pain - she realised she could simply leave. With some luck, no one would even notice! She saw her green dress neatly folded on a chair - she couldn't possibly wear that, what the hell was she thinking when she chose to go out dressed like that? Was she really so desperate for attention? Clearly not as much as she had thought, since she had not even allowed herself to get lucky…

She forced herself to get out of bed and examined what she was wearing… Hmm bright pink leggings and a sporty blue jumper. It would probably be okay under her coat for a short time. She decided against taking a shower there if she would be back at her home after a quick cab ride, so she just took a step towards where her shoes and coat were placed, but her head was spinning so much she had to sit back down on the bed.

And right then, there was a soft knock on the door. She stayed still and silent but the door slowly opened anyway. She groaned partly in annoyance and partly just in pain, and didn't turn to look at the door (as she was currently facing the window).

Niles' voice was gentle and soft when he spoke.

"Good...afternoon, Miss Babcock. I came to check if the daylight had turned you into dust yet."

She almost felt herself smiling at the light-hearted joke and at the caring tone it was delivered in.

She didn't answer, so he continued:

"We have just finished lunch downstairs, I figured it would be too early to disturb a night creature like you, but perhaps now that you have risen you would like some late breakfast? Toast and bacon would certainly help that massive hangover you are no doubt experiencing."

The thought of food made her want to throw up right there and then, even if she knew it would help. She had to act anyway, she couldn't just sit there much longer.

"Thanks for your concern, Toilet Scrub, but I was about to make my way home."

"Oh, no, that is not going to happen."

"Excuse me?"

"Miss Fine and I thought that it would be good for you to stay with us for a few days, you know… so that you are not...alone. Alone and free to terrify the whole city, I mean. Later I can take you to your apartment to pick up some clothes or anything else you might need. And Chester."

"What? Why wouldn't I rather be alone than be here with the happy couple and the butler-who-hates-me? I probably don't even work here anymore!"

As she spoke, she stood up in order to stride towards her belongings, only to discover that evidently a great part of the alcohol she had consumed was still circulating in her body, as she failed to walk steadily at all and had to hastily lean on the nearest wall.

Niles stepped towards her, eyebrows raised as if to say told you so.

"Well this is exactly why. You are not well enough to look after yourself and to be honest we don't really want a repeat performance of the last couple of days." He explained, kindly but triumphantly, as he peeled her off the wall and walked her back to sit on the bed.

She looked up at him, as he was still standing: "Oh so what, am I a prisoner here now? You'll chain me to this bed and provide water at regular intervals, so that you are sure that I will not turn to alcohol, and just let me survive in misery? I am not sure why suddenly everybody is caring so much, when they never did before?!"

She finished her sentence on a really loud note, and Niles took a step back. It was somewhat true that no one had stepped in as they saw her stress-eating over the last few months, or at the first signs of an upcoming breakdown. Everyone in the house was too preoccupied with their own happiness or, like himself, too oblivious to notice that the cold and brave façade was crumbling under their very eyes, to reveal a fragile woman. A fighter, a warrior, but still imperfect and ultimately breakable.

"You have nothing to say to that, do you?" She said very calmly as she smiled bitterly, an immense sadness in her eyes.

"I don't," he admitted, wearily. "But…Perhaps we can show you now, what it is like to be cared for. I don't know if you remember much, Babcock, but I saw the state you were in this morning and earlier yesterday, and it was… dangerous."

She looked puzzled. Did he really care if she was in danger? It would be more usual for him to be the one putting her in danger… She remembered the days when they had acted as true friends and a soft expression appeared on her face for just a second. What if she could spend some time just relaxing in company, rather than chain-smoking and binge-drinking alone? But – accepting help and company was also dangerous. What if Niles betrayed her again? What if she had to witness Maxwell's sickening displays of affection with his trashy fiancée?

Niles could see her internal battle taking place. "If you come downstairs with me now, we can have a cup of tea, and that breakfast offer is still on the plate, you know, pun intended. And then we can watch the Spanish soap opera!"

She suddenly looked interested and he smiled. "I've been taping it all week to watch it all at once at the weekend," he revealed conspiratorially.

She shook her head "I have not watched it in a while..." (since I stopped having you to watch it and discuss it with, she thought).

"Then I'll update you before we watch!" He said, guessing what she was thinking and happy to have something to offer, as he crossed back the distance between them and took her hands. He helped her stand up.

"I would love some tea," she said. "I can't promise I'll be able to take breakfast though. Maybe I'll come downstairs in a bit? I'd like to take a shower first…" She trailed off, remembering about her lack of choice of clothes.

He saw her look down at her outfit and understood. "I'll ask Miss Fine if there is something else you can borrow for today," he said softly, and added in an even softer tone: "And I won't let you watch any soap opera until you eat something. I don't want to guess how long it is since you had a proper meal. No, wine is not a meal." He joked, but with some grave undertones in his voice.

He handed her the fresh towel that Fran had already placed on a chair when she had prepared the room, and she moved towards the bathroom wondering what she was doing trusting the invitation to stay at that house.

It took some time for CC to shower as her head was still fuzzy and dizzy. As soon as the water poured on her head, she had to jump out of the shower, feeling violently sick. After throwing up, she was left breathless and in tears for several minutes, but as she resumed her shower she felt the benefits of having a little less poison in her system, and started to feel even vaguely hungry.

As she came back to the room, she found a dressing gown that Niles must have borrowed somewhere for her, and clad in that and the clothes she had previously borrowed, she made her way downstairs feeling not a little ridiculous.

"Well that took some time, I thought the water had melted you eventually!" Niles said with a grin as she arrived in the kitchen. She glared at him and was about to respond in kind, but the pain in her head seemed to prevent any thoughts beyond the most basic.

"Oh, I see, they finally cut your tongue!" Niles took advantage of the silence, not showing how the lack of a reply seemed particularly worrying to him. "Here, eat your mid-afternoon breakfast, it's been ready some time but I tried to keep it warm for you," he said as he handed her a plate of toast, eggs and bacon.

She looked at him gratefully but still wordlessly, and she slowly ate most of the food in silence.

"Good, Babs, you already look a bit less ghastly with some food in your stomach," he smiled with what looked like a sincere smile.

"Where is everybody?" She asked.

"It's Saturday. Out, shopping, sports, friends". He knew she would be relieved, and she looked it. "So, do you want me to update you on the Spanish soap opera before we catch up with the latest episodes?"

They spent the rest of the day watching TV and chatting pleasantly. CC still felt rotten from her hangover but she hadn't been in a better mood in weeks. Probably since she had last hung out with Niles so casually, so carefree.

He drove her back to the penthouse where, even with a lot of doubt in her mind, she packed a week's worth of clothes, and Chester. No one was back at the mansion for dinner, so CC and Niles ate together and she went to sleep early, exhausted from the efforts she had put her body through with her recent behaviour, and unwilling to let herself think about why she had accepted to stay at the Sheffields', how she would cope with Maxwell's wedding and with her lonely future, and why it was so much fun to spend time with that annoying butler.

Sunday was spent peacefully. CC was still recovering and nursing the last of her headaches, so she quietly read a book then watched TV with Niles, ate her meals with Niles, chatted with Niles. She hadn't spent a whole day relaxing in a really long time, she wasn't used to not being constantly on the go. Keeping always busy had the advantage of covering up the loneliness, so she only had to deal with it late at night when she couldn't sleep - until recent weeks when the loneliness had overpowered her.

But as Sunday evening approached, CC started dreading Monday. How would she deal with Maxwell? Would he fire her or not? If he did, could she find a way to make him change his mind? Did she even want to? What about Nanny Fine? How could she look at her former love rival without feeling like the utter failure she was? She knew Nanny Fine had been helpful on the night when she passed out at the club, and that she had insisted for her to stay at the mansion for extra safety and company, but she didn't want to be grateful to the woman that, she perceived, had taken everything away from her, and that seemed to embody perfection in everybody else's eyes, even when she messed up. She went to bed early again, unsure of how to handle the next day.