Summary:

Sherlock explains his doubts and his impossible decision to John, who helps him gain some insight on what to do.

Notes:

Surprise! Double update!

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"I hope it's someone who loves her and didn't just use her. God, I hope it wasn't a one-night stand or anything. I know Molly can get pretty lonely...", John muses aloud.

Sherlock can feel the anger bubbling in his chest at John's words, unable to stop himself from exploding.

Sherlock nearly feral growls at him. "Are you insinuating what I think you're insinuating!? Molly does not just 'put out' for anyone!"

John raises his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I know that; I was just brainstorming, geez, bite my head off why don't you? I care about her too, Sherlock, she's Rosie's godmother and our friend. I'm actually glad you have warmed up to her more since Sherrinford, it did you some good, despite how horrible it was."

"Yeah...", Sherlock mumbles, turning grumpy.

"So, are you going to tell me, or no? And do you know anything about the baby?"

"Yes."

"Okay...and?"

Sherlock takes a deep breath. "The child is healthy; Molly is six months along now. It's a girl, she's a bit on the small side, like Molly. And the father is me."

John laughs and slaps Sherlock's knee. "Wow, I'm thrilled for Molly, and for me. Rosie will have a new playmate. But for real, who's the father?"

Sherlock swallows hard and his face falls sullenly.

John's face becomes serious, and he gapes. "Oh God...you're serious?"

"Yes", Sherlock mumbles lightly. "I'm the father of her child."

"Sherlock how the fuck did-...", John shakes his head. "No I /know/ how it happened, I'm just-...I...you and Molly...", he mutters, completely taken aback. "You and Molly?", he questions, looking at Sherlock in pure shock. "Since when? Why? I swear to God if you're using her..."

"I'm not. Rather I-I don't want to. Look, Sherrinford took a huge toll on me as you know. The thing is John, you and Mycroft didn't see the whole story. Not at all. Eurus knew there was something between Molly and me. The puzzle was fairly simple, I knew who it was for immediately I just had to play a bit dumb for Eurus. But then I saw the plaque on the coffin, and I knew exactly what she wanted. The deceased doesn't place the plaque on the coffin John, the person left behind does. It was for someone I loved, not for someone who loved me. Eurus knew that I had never been brave enough to allow myself to feel it, never mind letting Molly know that it was true. She knew Molly would assume I was toying with her, being cruel like the old version of myself. It was emotional vivisection...a test. Somehow, she knew that we had...slept together. Not even experts can explain how she knows some things, but she was lurking around London for God knows how long and had Molly's flat rigged for an unknown amount of time with camera and sound so...she knew."

"I'm not using her; I do have f-feelings for her. Deep ones, and I know that now but that doesn't change the way I live my life or the job that I do. That doesn't change the risk and the dangers of it. I couldn't possibly be the type of man she wants me to be. I couldn't possibly be the father and the partner she needs me to be. I love her, but I can't love her the way she wants me to. If I did, if I stayed, how many targets would be on her back? Do you know? Because I don't.

Look how many times you've been hurt or killed just for being my friend and my associate. The last thing I want to do is hurt Molly again or to only half-know my child, but what choice do I have, John? Please, tell me. Because the last time I checked, the criminals that we go after aren't ones that would sit around silently waiting to be caught, they would come after me the easiest way they know how to and IF I were everything Molly needed and wanted me to be, that would include targets on her and my baby. My-...our child!

How the fuck could I live with that? Isn't it the more mature, and the correct choice for her to be hurt and angry at me, and for my child to half-know me, than for them to lose their lives all because they are associated with me fully? If the old me, the selfish me, had the feelings I do now, he would choose to be with her in all the right ways, despite the consequences. But the man I am now...how could I be that selfish? Tell me how", his voice cracks as he tries to catch his breath, slowly melting into a full-blown panic attack. "There is no satisfactory answer or choice to make. Both of them end up with her getting hurt."

John listens and takes a deep breath, thinking for a moment. "Here's the thing, Sherlock. One of your choices immediately hurts her, breaks her heart, and gets her rightfully pissed at you. That could last forever; broken hearts are terribly hard to heal, and sometimes they never do. You could finally break her beyond repair. You have shown her you are capable of the love she wants, and you gave her happiness with a child. To rip everything she ever wanted away from her would do irreparable damage to your relationship. The other option is a giant hypothetical. You are assuming people will be after them just because they come after you. Y'know...you may be right, especially seeing firsthand how Moriarty got to you though Molly and how much that scared you, even though you didn't have the ability to show it back then. However, you could be wrong too. My point is, even if you're right, there are ways to put protections in place. Plus she has our friends, plus you've got Mycroft and the government, and at the very least you can convince Eurus to manage protections since she is, in a very twisted way the one who got you two together. But most importantly, Molly and the bay would have you. And you're pretty damn near impossible to kill."

Sherlock chuckles lightly but still looks worried. "As much as I'd like to believe I am invulnerable, we both know better, and so does Molly."

"Well a long time ago a stone-cold man asked me if caring about someone would save them. The answer is yes, in this instance. Caring about them would save them. Your love for them would fuel your desire to protect them, and that's not a bad thing. As long as you don't get reckless because they do need you too. What I mean is that your child is going to come into this world, Sherlock. I know what it's like to be a single parent, and believe me, you don't want to leave Molly to deal with that. Plus, your daughter also deserves to have both her parents in her life. It's a tragedy when that's an impossibility, especially when both parents are good people. If I could give Rosie her mother back, I would", he says softly.

"Do you remember when Mary ran away from us? When she was so afraid that her past would catch up to her and it would end up targeting me and Rosie to get to her?"

Sherlock blinks and nods, smiling a little bit at the memory of his friend and how they had tracked her all around the world. "I remember..."

"And was that the answer?"

"No..."

"Why not?"

"Because in trying to protect you from danger so she could be with you both, she went to the danger and left you both. It was irony."

"Exactly. Staying away and not allowing yourself happiness isn't the answer. They would be more protected with you close by."

"But what about-"

"Molly knows you, Sherlock. You may not have ever indulged how...much you meant that, but you did tell me that more often."

"Right...and this flat?"

"Mrs. Hudson put it in your name when she was sick, remember? So it's yours. I think it would be good to keep for work though. I doubt you want clients traipsing through Molly's house with your child there."

Sherlock nods. "Good call, then if we have to pull an all-nighter for a case, we aren't disrupting them."

"Exactly why Rosie has a nanny."

Sherlock sits there completely speechless, such a rarity amuses John, a smirk appearing on his face. "Look at us, a pair of dads solving crime on the daily between diaper changes and naps. What a legacy."

Sherlock snorts before bursting out laughing. John follows suit, laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

"Who the hell would have thought this is what would have happened to our lives?"

"Not me", Sherlock chuckles then laughs again. "Can you see me changing a diaper?"

John laughs hysterically. "Never. I couldn't even entertain the fact that you had sex!"

Sherlock continues to laugh before they slowly calm down. He takes a breath and smirks. "Think I should take Molly on a 'babymoon' to High Wycombe?"

They glance at each other before fits of laughter overtake them yet again.