Watch me, watch me float away
I was never yours to save
It all comes back three fold
As above, so below, so below
As Above, So Below, In This Moment

I pulled on my jeans, trying to ignore the voice inside my head that was telling me how bad an idea this was. I hadn't seen Mario since we'd broken up, and a part of me felt like I should have said no when he called. The other part of me was desperately trying not to remember how it used to feel when he touched me.

Sighing, I shook my head and finished getting dressed. I had to get control of myself. All I needed to do is get through this afternoon, then I could come home and see Dick. Which probably meant I would need to tell him that I'd met up with Mo, but that could wait.

I pulled on my coat, and paused a second at the front door. I really was not looking forward to this at all.

"Pull yourself together." I whispered, looking at myself in the mirror. "Thirty minutes with him, and then you can come home. That's it. Just get it over with."

Forcing myself to leave the apartment, I walked down the street to the café. It was another cold day, and I focused on the snow at my feet, rather than where I was heading. That surprisingly helped, and by the time I opened the door, I was feeling a lot calmer.

I stepped inside, a little annoyed when I saw that he had already arrived. I'd been hoping for just five minutes to sit and chill. It was my fault for not leaving earlier. I knew he always arrived exactly on time.

"I wasn't sure if you'd come." He commented, pushing a coffee over to me.

"Honestly, neither was I." I sat down, dropping my bag at my feet. "I can't say I'm excited to be here."

He hesitated, biting his lip. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I thought if you knew the truth, you would leave."

"I told you how important honesty was for me, and you just kept lying to me. What did you think would happen when I found out?" I held my mug close to my chest, trying not to cry. "Was anything you told me true?"

"I was in medical school."

I rolled my eyes, feeling my jaw clenching in frustration. "You know that's not what I meant."

He nodded. "I know. I just don't know how to fix this."

"I don't think you can. You used me, Mario. We'd been friends for so long, but you only took it further so you could get information from my work. Did you even care about me at all?"

"Of course I did. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you." He took a sip of his coffee. "But what was I supposed to do? When my father asks…"

"You drop everything to do what he wants. I'm well aware." I looked over at some of the other customers, trying to avoid his gaze. "It didn't matter how it would affect me, because at least he was happy, right?"

"I never wanted to hurt you." He said, after a moment. "Would you have stayed if I told you about my family straight away?"

I hesitated, unsure of the answer. "I… don't know."

"And that's why I don't. Do you think I like being the son of Carmine Falcone? Even in Australia, his legacy still followed me."

"If you hated it that much, why did you keep obeying him?" I could feel angry tears beginning to well up in my eyes, even as I tried to hold them back. "You could have said no, and walked away."

He reached out, taking my hand. I flinched a little, but didn't pull back yet.

"You don't… you don't say no to him." He said finally. "I was scared he would hurt you if I did."

"So you thought breaking my heart and getting me fired was the better option? Rather than telling me the truth and letting me make my own decision." I yanked my hand out of his. "What do you want from me, Mo?"

"I want my friend back, that's all." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

I didn't really know what to say, because I was really hurting inside. Wiping my eyes, I took a breath. "How do I trust you now? How do I know that the second your father finds out where I'm working, he won't ask you to pry for information again? I have a life here, a good job, and a guy I'm seeing. I don't want to lose all that because you can't say no to your father."

He looked like I'd just punched him, his sharp features making his hurt even more obvious. "You really think so little of me now?"

"I think that I have no way of knowing what you would do if you were asked to. And I know that I can't be a part of that world, because it would feel like I was constantly at risk." I took another sip of my coffee. I was probably being a little hypocritical, given I was now dating a vigilante, but the truth was, I felt a lot safer around Dick than I ever had around Mo.

"Did I make you feel unsafe when we were together?"

"Not at first. But once I realised you weren't telling me the full truth about anything, yeah, you kinda did." I looked down at my mug, wishing I was anywhere but there. "You don't understand what it's like to realise that the person you love is lying to you."

"What can I do?" He asked. "How can I get your trust back, Fay?"

"I don't know." I bit my lip. "You were my best friend, and I do miss that. But I can't pretend nothing happened."

He nodded, standing up. "I'm sorry for everything. I won't push you, but I hope we can be friends again."

With that, he walked out, leaving me sitting there. I rested my head in my hands, trying to pull myself together. I hadn't expected it to hurt so much, like my heart was breaking again. It wasn't that I wanted to get back together with him, because I really didn't, but I did miss having him around.

After a minute or so, I got up and left, feeling a little better. I needed to get home so that I had time to get myself back on track before Dick arrived.

As I walked down the street, staring down at my feet, I tried to breathe through the hurt and the upset. I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, but I had enough awareness to feel eyes on me. I paused, turning to look behind me, but there was no one watching. I shook my head, feeling a little stupid.

"Damn, Faith. You have been in this city for way too long." I said to myself, tucking my hands into the pockets of my coat. "You're getting paranoid."

I continued on, unable to shake the weird feeling. Violent as Gotham was, I lived in a relatively safe area, and it was really unlikely that anyone was coming after me. Still, it was a weird feeling, and very unsettling. The walk felt longer than usual, but finally I was stepping into my building. I went straight upstairs, starting the bath running.

As I slid into the warm water, my phone began to ring. When I saw that it was Dick, I was momentarily scared he was about to say he couldn't come.

"You're not about to cancel on me, are you?" I asked, picking up.

"No, definitely not." He replied. "I just won't be able to get there until an hour later, around seven. Bruce has me stuck in a stuffy boardroom meeting. I'm sorry, Faith."

"Don't apologise!" I ran my fingers through my hair, sinking lower into the water. "I don't mind waiting another hour, as long as you're still coming."

"I promise I will. I have to go now, but I'll see you soon."

Hanging up, I set a timer on my phone and settled down to relax before Dick arrived. I didn't know what had caused that weird paranoid feeling, but now that I was home and safe, I had time to get out of my head for a while.