I felt the air hit my face, but instead of conveying a pleasant sensation as it used to every time I rode a horse or rode the skies on an air dragon, now it only contributed to the pain in my swollen cheek continuing and not allowing me to divert my attention to something else.

Naturally when we departed back to the empire, I took the driver's seat. It was rare for the ruler of a nation like Vollachia to take care of that, but even I knew how ridiculously uncomfortable it would be to sit in the same seat as her.

"I didn't expect the encounter with your princess to go like this, boss. I thought you had a talent for seducing women and with." Cecilus said that comment, sitting next to me as a chaperone while I took charge of controlling the horses. Had I been calmer, I would have seriously considered pushing him to the ground in mid-stride. But in those moments I just ignored his words, not even giving them shape inside my head. He pouted at being ignored and started to look at the scenery. Most likely he was trying to cheer me up, but anything other than chopping heads off was a terrible thing for him.

All that was on my mind was Emilia, damn it. I couldn't stop thinking about her and I was really furious about the whole thing. She had hardly said a word to me since our fight, of course, we yelled at each other to the point that Cecilus found it inappropriate to butt in, which was saying a lot.

What the hell did I do wrong? What's wrong with that woman? What the hell did I expect? I had saved her life! I did so much for her...!

I took several deep breaths and tried to analyze the situation with a cool head, without letting my feelings get the better of me. It was something I had learned from Vincent, for better or worse. But right now it was difficult for me, because I could not ignore the whirlwind of emotions I was feeling. The irony of it all, was a part of me, a small part of me was actually happy. She had thought of me, she hadn't forgotten me. That certainly would have been the worst thing.

After a few moments, I looked out of the corner of my eye into the booth. I saw that Halibel was taking care of an unconscious Frederica or whatever her name was. When I looked at Emilia, our eyes met and I quickly turned my attention back to the reins, afraid to see her looking at me like that. She kept looking at me the same way! As if I was the man who betrayed her!

I tried again to remain calm through deep breaths. Cecilus seemed to notice, but surprisingly said nothing. I focused my mind on anything I had done that might have upset Emilia, the cynical part of my mind was happy that this beautiful woman was thinking of me, the other part would probably be shedding tears of blood if it could.

Roswaal was the one who had hired Elsa, he gave her a Metia to make her job easier, it was a magic cloak to invalidate Emilia's magic and kill her. Emilia would have died if it wasn't for me, in fact, we had died because of that crazy clown! She didn't know, of course. But my outrage at learning that bastard caused Emilia's death in a loop wasn't exactly measurable. The instant I found out, I vowed to kill him. Did she think he'd apologize and wipe the slate clean? Well, I wouldn't be surprised when he had those sisters as servants.

Ram had tried to kill me, in fact, he had done it in complicity with his sister in the forest. I remembered vividly in my dreams how she had cut off my leg after I had escaped from Rem. I hadn't had the heart to stab her back then - I hadn't even stabbed her, I hadn't done anything to her! But that didn't matter to them when they used those damn chains to pummel me over and over again.

I learned that, in this world, strength is everything. Be it physical, magical or mental. The weak died, they didn't deserve anything, that's how simple things were. But it was one thing to be strong and quite another to be a traitor with some power. Winning someone's friendship and then stabbing them in the back was the most disgusting thing one could do from my point of view, giving fake smiles, fake compliments, fake nicknames... thinking about it just made me sick and made my mood even worse.

Beatrice desperately desired the peace of death. She had pleaded for it with passion and thanked me that she was that person. She said I had paid my debt in the end. What was supposed to be the right decision? In 400 years Beatrice told me she had found no one, had no goals and had only clung to life because of an obviously false promise, betrayed by her own mother. Should I let her rot forever or respect her wishes for eternal sleep?

I acted fairly with Roswaal, I stood up for myself with Ram and respected Beatrice's wishes. Did I expect him to perform some kind of miracle? Did I expect him to just snap my fingers and make everyone happy? We reaped what we sowed, Roswaal and Ram got what they deserved, I rewarded Beatrice for letting me escape by fulfilling her longed for wish.

I didn't understand what was bothering her in those moments, I didn't remember our fight well. Every time I remembered that moment, I simply remembered how the blood had rushed to my head, I only vaguely remembered her throwing meaningless accusations at me.

"Why didn't you come back, why didn't you let me decide?", I think those had been his words. But I was too angry and in too much pain to understand them then. That slap had hurt me quite a bit, not physically, but I felt it in my soul. In other times I would have cried if she had done that to me, but now I learned not to show that weakness in front of others. Just because I didn't show it didn't mean it didn't hurt, but an Emperor cannot show that side to his subordinates, not even among friends.

I couldn't help but be furious at that moment. Emilia had really given me a pretty good slap in the face, and things only got worse when we yelled at each other. I didn't remember much of what we had said to be honest, but I knew I said cruel things to her with my biting sarcasm, mockingly retorting at each statement without even thinking about it. I could only regret it when the words had already come out of my mouth naturally and disdainfully.

Asshole, Brute, Coward. Do you show your love by making her miserable?

I actually said those words to myself every time I remembered Emilia's expression.

Right after the slap, we yelled at each other and I walked away.

When I saw her on the verge of tears, I simply walked away. I didn't have the courage to see her cry. If I thought about it, about the expression of pain I caused her, I felt a pain in my chest that was comparable to when one is pierced by a dagger. You could be sure it hurt even more.

Most likely Halibel or Puck had convinced her to go with me, even I wasn't sure why she accompanied me. It must have been because I had no choice, I thought. Even if Emilia hated me, I was the best option she had at that moment. The lord of the domain, Roswaal, was dead. Naturally, her cursed lineage put her in a delicate position where she was likely to be blamed for complicity just because of her race.

It was well known that Vollachia was a place where such discrimination did not exist. There only strength and the ability to grow mattered. Emilia was strong with Puck's help, she had a great spirit like me and from what I remembered in the capital, she along with Puck were superior to Elsa if they teamed up. Perhaps she could even be on the level and position of a divine general, so even if she decided not to stay with me, as seemed to be the case, she would have a good life assured in the empire. I would make sure of it.

We arrived in the city of Pappelt relatively quickly, we stayed to rest until the next day, since the trip had exhausted us. Well, I and surely Emilia were exhausted, my two companions were inhuman beasts, after all.

The city of Pappelt was one of our destination points, we had used that city to rent the carriage with the horses when we arrived from the empire, since we had no experience with land dragons in Vollachia. Halibel had some contacts all over the place, what he calls "The power of connections", when I fled to Kararagi, he taught me how important they were.

Fortunately he managed to find a trader who rented quite docile horses, in the empire I had used horses on one occasion, but my main means of transportation was another. Entering the Kingdom was somewhat complicated, since it was essential that I went to convince Emilia, as ironic as it sounds. Since we wanted to go unnoticed, this city was perfect. It was fortunate that it was on the verge of extinction.

According to residents, an evil spirit had been terrorizing the place. The situation had gotten so bad that the Kingdom had to send in the Royal guard to deal with the thing. The spirit was a spirit that had refused to accept the natural cycle of life, death. Creating a ruckus looking for a method to save them all from death.

Thinking about the history of the place, I had complex feelings for the spirit. Surely, if I had met him, we would have had high compatibility with my way of thinking two years ago.

Denying death, not accepting the loss, and foolishly and stubbornly believing that I could keep everything was, without a doubt, the behavior of a madman.

I remembered my first campaign in the Empire. It was shortly after the shadow sent me to Buddheim Forest and I met Abel. "You are not a hero, nor a sage. Even if you bleed, people will still die. Why do you insist so much on being beholden to others?", those words had hurt me, it was not what I wanted to hear when the battle ended, I denied it as much as I could, I denied that cruel and disgusting logic. But in the end, I realized I could only formulate an emotional and contradictory response. As much as it hurt, there was truth in those words. Though through it all, I would still cling to RBD if the situation called for it. Sometimes I could only laugh at how hypocritical I was, but remembering those moments brought me some calm.

Those are good memories, I thought. Then the subject of being a user of spiritual arts came up, that's when Arakiya attacked Guaral...

"Su-san, I think we need to talk," Halibel said, interrupting my thoughts.

I was standing somewhat away from the inn as I camouflaged myself with the ONI mask of the Shudrak tribe.

I looked at him for a few moments, waiting for his response.

"She's no good for you," he said as he put his pipe in his mouth, as usual.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye for a moment, digesting what he was saying. Shit, I knew where this was going.

"If it's because of the slap, it's a small thing. It was natural for her to behave like that, burn down her house and kill the man who had manipulated her before mentally preparing her."

Halibel let the smoke from his pupa float away, while he looked at him as if lost in thought. "You love too deeply, Su-san. You're not acting according to your true nature, even Ceci-san is worried. All the times you got involved with her, you almost passed on to a better world."

I couldn't help but sigh at her response. In fact, I had died to get involved with her. But the reason was different. "I shouldn't have told you anything when you asked me about how I met her." Normally I wouldn't share that to anyone, but Halibel was different and I didn't feel comfortable keeping secrets from him, he was perhaps the only person I could seriously trust without fear of betrayal.

Ever since I helped him in the incident with Zerestia, he swore loyalty to me and offered me his friendship. I had seen what he was capable of doing for me and perhaps it was from then on that I considered him my best friend. He was nice and I particularly never hid anything from him. I never felt the need to sugar coat my actions, no matter how unpleasant they were, neither in my personal choices nor in politics. He was perhaps the only person who had ever opened my heart to him, even to the point of showing some of my fears and concerns. After all, he was the friend who was always there when problems arose and I didn't like to fill him with such unprepared problems.

Unfortunately that too was a sweetly deadly poison she had drunk, the two years of frankness and talking to him off the cuff had borne fruit she had not anticipated. Halibel's nature was that of an overprotective friend. No one knew me as well as he did, not even my contract spirit, but that was a separate issue. The friendship we shared was so deep, it could be quite problematic as well as comforting.

"Besides, the princess is very innocent," Halibel insisted. "She's not ready to be your Queen and I'm sure Jorna Mishigure won't stand idly by while she sees someone weaker snatching the throne from her."

"Jorna knows I will not take her as a wife, her gifts to seduce by proxy do not work on someone who knows her nature. She is free to try what she wants, it is the country of the Wolf, the question is whether she can pull it off or not. I can defend myself well against her now and with the two of you protecting me, there is no one in the empire who can defeat me, do you doubt my ability on the throne?". You might say I speak arrogantly, but an unquestionable truth. As a spiritual user of a high-level spirit, I was hovering around the strength level of a divine general. A battle between Jorna and I would not be an easy thing for either of us, besides that, I had Vollachia's strongest sword and Kararagi's most skilled shinobi serving me.

"Correction; I don't doubt you, I care about you. I will tell you again, Su-san. When you are with that woman, you are not yourself. You are full of doubt, and you know what that means in the empire...it is a death knell for whoever occupies the throne."

"She's mine," I growled. "Just like me, she will become strong. Be careful, Halibel. An insult to her, is insult to me." I sharpened my gaze taking advantage of my sanpaku features. It was effective enough to make her raise her hands in surrender.

Halibel inhaled the kiseru pipe smoke again and sighed.

"I offered no insult, Su-san. I simply made some observations and based on your behavior, they seem valid to me." Halibel said that and then moved closer to me. "Su-san, I'm simply concerned, that's all. We just killed a sinful archbishop half a year ago, the black thing that separated you from me by sending you to Vollachia a year ago was a witch thing and now you're trying to marry a half-elf you don't even bother to understand." That last statement almost made me yell at her. All the way I was thinking about her, trying to understand her! I thought and thought and thought. But I knew that if I acted childishly I would only prove her right. I knew the Eternal Playboy, I knew what his trick was.

"You are misinterpreting. She has nothing to do with Satella, it's just a resemblance product of chance. Now go and re-apply more of your curse to the maid, it would be a problem if she woke up halfway and made a fuss," I said, obviously ending the conversation. I had enough on my mind with Emilia's behavior, I saw it difficult to make her my wife as I had always dreamed, but I couldn't force her to accept me either. Talking about her, as if she was already my fiancée only created a lump in my throat and thinking about the consequences this would have was not something I felt like right now. Fortunately Halibel didn't seem to realize that my main concern was the Kingdom of Lugunica, I could react badly if they found out, they would quickly deduce that I was behind Roswaal's death. The knights knew who was the fourth candidate who never showed up and they knew perfectly well who was backing her.

Halibel simply shook her head in her typical gesture of disagreement, but said no more. She must have believed that I would not give in and, in fact, I would not. Emilia was not up for discussion, even if she would not agree to be my queen, she was still mine. I would keep her safe and dedicate myself to making her happy.

Of course, that didn't mean I had given up on marriage. Although I suppose, if I told her now, I'd be in for at least a dozen of the same slaps, which I doubted I could resist. She would not easily forgive me in the hypothetical event that I did.

The night in the city was as expected. Deserted, calm and quiet. The dragon carriages had already been returned to the contact Halibel had, we were now in one of the most luxurious inns in the place, it was mediocre at best.

I headed to the bathroom wearing only a towel around my waist, unlike the crystal castle, the rooms here obviously didn't have a bathroom, so we would have to wait to use it in shifts. I'm going to be honest, I was looking forward to seeing Emilia come out of the bathroom. I just wanted to, I knew I needed to talk to her, since we would have a long trip alone tomorrow. There had been my apologies several times along the way, I had no regrets, but we couldn't continue in a stalemate.

Every time I got closer to the bathroom, the words slipped out of my mind. Naturally I was nervous, I was afraid of screwing up. By the time I saw her come out, all my preparation went down the drain, as my mind went blank. Partly because of the pressure I felt and partly because of the beautiful figure she had. Her skin was so white, I could see her beautiful neck; I hoped I could kiss it, her pretty wet silver hair; which I hoped to run through my hands and her beautiful body covered by the steam leaking from the bath. It was a beautiful sight.

"...". I noticed how Emilia was somewhat petrified when she saw me, examining my body. I would have liked to think that for the same reason I was seeing her, but more likely it was that my scars and dragon blood was repulsive to her. I had psyched myself up for that a long time ago, but it still hurt that she saw me like that.

"Emilia...we need to talk." I said, shaking the dirty thoughts out of my head.

"...". She was still silent as she looked at me in surprise and seemed to try to look for an escape. I shortened the distance by getting close enough to be face to face, cutting her off from any chance of running away. We needed to end this now, I didn't think I could take her silence any longer.

"Emilia about what happened...," I tried to be direct. It wasn't an easy subject, for sure. I couldn't just tell her something cruel... well, I could, but I knew she would hate me more.

"Why?" she whispered. I managed to catch what he said, but I didn't understand.

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"Why did you come back?"

...

I was honest, there was no point in lying. It was more than clear.

"For you," I said. At my answer, I watched as she clenched her fists tightly, as if that wasn't the answer she was looking for. "Because I wanted to see you, because I couldn't let that crazy man hurt you, because I missed you, because I love you."

After continuing with my answer, I noticed how it seemed to surprise him. Wait... He hadn't noticed?

"Liar, liar," I whisper. "Liar, liar, liar, liar."

"It's the truth, Emilia. I couldn't bear to be without you."

"Why didn't you come back sooner?" she said. I saw her visibly tremble, as if she was holding back her emotions intensely, but before she could answer.

"I thought you were dead! That I let you die when Ram taunted me - that I was the one who led you to your death!". I shout, startling myself.

"And you, all this time...! I cried for your death! I thought I had killed my only friend by taking you with me to the mansion...every time I asked Beatrice she only hinted that you hadn't made it." She broke down, I walked over to her and hugged her. There was no reason, I just did it out of instinct, I couldn't see her like that.

"Don't touch me," she whispered spitefully. It hurt, but I still held her in my arms, after a few moments I felt her hot tears run down my chest.

"I had fought with Roswaal that day, I knew what a monster he was when I saw him refer to your death as a tantrum... that day I had abandoned the royal team, if I didn't leave the mansion, it was because I had already lost my reason for living that day." She said between sobs, I rubbed her back as best I could and tried not to cry, but it was incredibly difficult. His words tore me up more than anyone else had ever done. I couldn't bear to be the one to make her suffer.

"Why didn't you come back?" he repeated. Why hadn't I come back? I could have done it two years ago. Tell her at least that it was okay, explain to them what happened and solve the problem head-on. But I had decided to run away, trying to forget everything but her.

"I was afraid...that you would hate me as I hated me. I was afraid you would look at me the way Ram had looked at me. I was afraid you wouldn't accept me because I was too weak. I was afraid you would find me a nuisance," I confessed. That particular loop was where I related the worst to Emilia. I had shown her my most pathetic side, having her take care of me, feed me and protect me. She and Beatrice had protected me with their lives from Ram and Roswaal. I didn't want to feel that way again, so weak, so useless, so pathetic. I didn't want her to think that of me, that's why I had created Pleiades, that's why I dared to return once I had it all... and, still, she rejected me.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot, I told you you weren't a bother, I told you so!" he shouted. "You saved my life, I had almost died because of Roswaal and it was you who helped me!". She turned away from me and the way she cried was horrible, as if she didn't know how. "I couldn't do anything, like always. I couldn't protect you, even after you came back, I made you suffer.. love me! It's impossible to love me. "

After her outburst, she took a lock of her hair and pulled it tightly to show it to me. "How can you possibly love me? I'm horrible, I've only caused you pain. When you tried to help me, I hit you unfairly, I felt horrible when we fought! I'm sure it hurt you more."

"I love you," I replied, "You saved me too...in the capital and also in the mansion."

"I didn't save anyone! I let everyone die. I let Roswaal manipulate me, you almost died because of my carelessness at the hands of Elsa. If the barrier had worked in the village, Rem wouldn't have died and you wouldn't have had to pass, so much.", he said emphasizing my scars. "It's all my fault!"

"Of course not, stop being an idiot! This was all by my own choice. You don't want to take the blame for others!", I shouted, feeling my emotions burst as if my shackles had been released.

"Roswaal was a piece of shit and those maids were no better! You know why I was so scared when I was there? Those bitches wanted to kill me for my smell! Goddamn it!" I shouted. "Thank the almighty dragon they died. I would have loved to have been the one to kill those bitches myself. I WOULD HAVE ENJOYED IT."

Emilia looked at me in horror as I exploded. I must have made a miserable expression.

"No one had ever in my life betrayed me like that. It hurt so much when they looked at me like that. They put me through fucking hell! Why couldn't they remember anything? Was it always an act? If it wasn't, then why did he do it in the hallway?! Why didn't they help me?" this time I was the one who collapsed. I released everything, what I hadn't even talked to Halibel about. Emilia obviously didn't understand, but at least I told someone, I got it out of me.

"I didn't kill them...I let them die," I finished. I could feel the tears slipping away from me solemnly. Hadn't I made myself stronger so that she would never see this part of me again?

She just seemed to ignore my cruel words and simply caught me in an embrace so that I could hear her heartbeat as she caressed my back, as I had done. She was too dangerous, she was too sweet a poison. My hardened heart simply melted every time I heard her voice, that beautiful silver bell voice. She could make everything I kept for myself seep out by whispering things in my ear. Weakness would seep through my melted heart.

"Are you calmer now?" she asked as I pulled away from her breasts. In other instances I would have savored that moment. But now I just wanted to do something, I didn't think it through. It was simply the answer my soul had come to.

"Emilia... if you don't want it, dodge it." After a few moments, I kissed her. I wanted her to understand that I really loved her. She had come back to play with my heart, to reach deeper than anyone else, to take it as if it were hers and it was. I wanted to show her that my words were not a lie.

When we parted, I took a breath and stared at her, noticing her huge blush. It was a good sign, wasn't it?

"You..." she whispered something. But before I could understand she got up and went running to her room. I didn't understand what happened, I didn't think much of it when I realized that my towel had come off at some point. It's possible that using RBD is necessary from time to time.

"I'm sure the boss will be upset if he finds out you were spying on him, Halibel-san," said Cecilus who was also spying on them from afar.

"Good luck telling him. He'll burn you alive too," he replied sarcastically.

"Come on, come on. It's just a joke. Besides, I don't think the best ninja in the world would let himself be discovered if he didn't trust me."

"There was no reason to distrust Ceci-san. I know she is loyal to the emperor."

"But it seems you don't feel the same way about the Emperor's wife," the blue-haired young man replied.

"My loyalty is different from yours. I serve Su-san to repay the kindness and friendship he showed me, not because I am an emperor," the half-wolf man replied. "If that woman betrays Su-san, I fear the wound will be so great that it will never heal. That's why I don't trust her."

He said that and let out a ring of pipe smoke. He followed it with his eyes, as if that ring represented something to him.