CHAPTER I

"That's not good, Jocko," frowned Larry. "That won't do at all."

"What are you on about? What won't do?"

Jack and Larry were sipping beers in Jack's living room. The girls were out, so they didn't have to worry about being overheard. Larry Dallas, Jack's friend and neighbor, a used car salesman and self-styled connoisseur of all things romantic, had lived in the building longer than him and was well acquainted with his roommates.

"I expected better of you, pal. But no, you had to go and get stuck on her."

"Who? On who?"

"You sound like an owl. On you-know-who! I just said her name, and you jumped three feet in the air."

What was going on with these people? Suddenly everyone was a mind reader. Chrissy first, then Larry. Who next, Mr. Roper? Was he really that transparent?

"You know, Jocko," continued Larry, "you gotta love the irony. When you first moved in with those two honeys, there wasn't a guy around here who didn't envy you. Everybody assumes you're making it with both of them. While in actual fact neither would let you get close, right?"

Jack looked morose. "Go ahead, rub it in."

"Just as I thought. Oh, those two…" Larry's dark eyes took on a dreamy look. "Walking contradictions, both of them. You'd think what you see is what you get, and yet neither of them is quite what she seems."

"How do you mean? Are they Russian spies or something?"

"Wouldn't that be cool! But no such luck. What I mean is, a lot of guys have tried it on with either or both of them and never gotten anywhere. But if you had to go and fall for one of them, you would've been better off with Chrissy."

"How would that be – Hey, I'm not admitting anything! You are so full of it, Larry."

"You are the one who's full of… lu-u-uv," sang out Larry. "Okay, you don't wanna confide in Uncle Larry, your loss. Anyway, I was saying. You see, Chrissy is a minister's daughter from a small parochial town. She was basically raised in the church. She's only here to get some real-life experience before she goes back home, marries some parochial guy and has a dozen of his kiddies. She may look like a ditz and a pushover, but she's anything but. She knows exactly what she's doing, and she won't let any guy get at the honeypot without wedding bells first. Also, Reverend Daddy makes surprise visits from time to time, just to make sure."

"So, how is this better?"

"Here's how. With Chrissy, you always know where you stand, which is nowhere. While Janet, on the other hand…"

Jack focused on not jumping too high this time.

"Janet's much worse. That one will tease you within an inch of your life with those huge innocent eyes of hers and then leave you high and dry. And the worst part of it is, she isn't even aware she's doing it. Not intentionally, at any rate. She is just… what she is. Just goes about her business with total disregard for the better half of humanity. Because Janet does what Janet wants. Or what she thinks is right. It may not be your idea of right or mine, as long as it's hers. She's a long way from home, unlike Chrissy, so there's nobody to keep tabs on her. She's modern, she's independent, and just as you think you hit the jackpot she turns all prim and proper on you. And kicks you in the cojones."

"Yours included?"

"Hey, can't blame a guy for trying." Larry looked sheepish. "All water under the bridge, pal. Word on the street is, she's never done it. Never."

"So, same as Chrissy? What's the difference?"

"Well, she's gotta do it sometime, right? She's not saving herself for marriage or anything like that. She looks ripe for picking. You tell a guy something's never been done, he won't rest until he tries to be the first. But you never know where you stand with her – there's always this hope dangling in front of you like a bone, until you've run yourself ragged and all you've got for your trouble is blue balls. I tell you, this girl's quicksand. Gotta hand it to you, pal. Out of all the girls in all of L.A., you had to go and move in with these two."

The front door opened, and in floated Janet on her four-inch stilettos.

"Hi Jack," she purred on the way to her room. Then, as an afterthought, over her shoulder: "Hi Larry".

Larry turned to Jack and mouthed silently: "Quicksand".