CHAPTER IV

Later that night

Terri

"It was great seeing Janet tonight – "

"I'm almost wishing Janet hadn't shown up – "

Larry and Terri stopped talking at the same time and looked at each other in bewilderment.

"What did you just say?"

"Er, nothing important. What did you just say?"

"Terri, come on. You don't say unimportant things."

"You old suck-up!" Terri sent a playful slap her husband's way. "Okay, I said I was almost wishing Janet hadn't shown up."

"That's what I thought you said. How come? All this time you've been telling me how much you miss her. Now you wish you hadn't seen her?"

"It's not that, Larry. Of course, I was happy to see her. Hard to believe how close we used to be and how thoroughly we lost touch."

"So? What's the problem, then?"

"Look, Larry," Terri gently placed a hand on Larry's shoulder. "You know how much I love you and our kids. I have no regrets, none at all. It was such a miracle that you and I found each other in the first place that I never for a moment questioned any of my choices."

"Are you second-guessing them now, after all this time?"

"No, darling, of course not. When I look at you, at our wonderful kids, our beautiful house – "

"Terri, sweetheart… Wanna piece of advice? Don't bullshit a bullshitter. Have you forgotten what I do for a living?"

"Okay, if you really want to know. Seeing her brought back that time when we were young and living in Santa Monica… and when I still had a promising career."

"Oh, so that's what's eating you."

"No, Larry, of course not! I chose this life and never looked back! But when I saw her tonight… My goodness, she hasn't aged a day. Still has that dewy look, that smooth skin, that tiny waist... And those, umm, perky boobs… And why not? She's a successful career woman, obviously raking it in. She can afford to take good care of herself. Fitness, massages, facials… And her clothes! Did you notice what she was wearing?"

"I really didn't pay attention, Terri. Something simple, I guess. It didn't jump out at me."

"But that's just the thing, Lar! Don't you know it's considered bad taste to dress ostentatiously? The richer people are, the simpler they dress. But, of course, every thread is top quality, and everything costs a fortune."

"Sweetheart, I'll never believe you begrudge your friend's success. That's not the Terri I know and love. And clothes and stuff never mattered that much to you."

"No! Of course, that's not it! I am very happy for her!"

"So, what is it then?"

"Oh Lar... She swoops in in all her fabulousness – and I immediately feel like a worn-out rag next to her."

"What?!" Larry all but let go of the steering wheel but caught himself in time. "Sweetheart, you are every bit as beau- I mean, you are way more beautiful than Janet! And you don't need pricey cosmetics or fancy-shmancy duds to look great to me – "

"I beg your pardon? To you? Larry, Larry, you were doing so well."

"Just a slip of the tongue, my love, I swear! You look great, period! Not just to me but to everybody!"

"Yeah, right. Smooth save. With all these extra pounds, these saggy boobs – "

"Terri, sweetheart, aren't you forgetting something? She hasn't carried or given birth to two kids, she hasn't nursed them… Unlike some other fine, gorgeous lady I could name. You can't be a mother of two and still look like a schoolgirl."

"It's not all about looks, Lar. "

"Then what else is it about, already? What's really bothering you?"

"As I said, I don't regret the choices I made. But I do sometimes wonder if…"

"Yes? If what?"

"…if, in some alternate universe, there might not be a Terri Alden who reached the top of her profession, went back to school, became a surgeon, joined Doctors Without Borders and went on to save many lives. Can't a person wonder how things might've turned out if they had taken a different path? And seeing Janet tonight… To me, she was the epitome of all that – the road not taken. So, just as I said, I'm almost wishing she hadn't shown up and gotten me thinking along these lines. But other than that, you bet I was ecstatic to see her!"

"Okay, that's better," smiled Larry. "I was beginning to fear I didn't know my wife as well as I thought."

They drove in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"Larry, listen…" began Terri pensively. "There wassomething off about her. Did you notice, too?"

"I've no idea what you are talking about, my love. Didn't you just say she hadn't changed one bit?"

"I said she hadn't aged. But there was something very different about her. Like I said, something was off."

Larry shook his head, looking perplexed.

"Come on, Lar! The way I remember her, she was always, no matter what, ra-"

"Radiant!" said both in unison.

"Hmm, come to think of it, you are right, Terri. There was none of that radiance about her tonight. All gone. Well, life will do that to you."

…

Larry

"Go ahead, darling, get into bed. I'll just be a minute."

"You are not smoking again, are you, Lar?"

"Of course not! I'll just take a breath of fresh air outside and be right in."

Larry stepped out on the terrace, leaned on the railing and let his mind drift many years back…

…"Hey, Larry! I hear congratulations are in order!" Janet was looking up at him with her sparkling dark eyes, smiling her million-dollar smile. "Oh no! You are blushing like a schoolgirl! That's so sweet!"

"Janet, look…" He cleared his throat nervously. "Terri and I are just dating for now. Nothing's been cast in stone. I was hoping you and Jocko could keep this under wraps."

"Larry! All I was trying to say was, Congratulations on finally getting exclusive with just one lucky girl! And what a great girl, too. A real catch."

"Oh, that… Thank you, thank you, thank you." He relaxed a bit. "Truth be told, sometimes I can't believe my own luck. I never expected anything as great as this to happen to me, with my past history."

"Well… That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Your past history."

"My past hist- What about it?"

"I think you know what's bothering me. All you told me that time. I know it was in the strictest confidence, and I've never breathed a word of it to anyone and never will. But now that you are dating my friend, I can't but be concerned."

"Janet! You know very well it's all in the past! I am a different man now! I'll never do anything to hurt Terri or put her in harm's way. Don't you believe me?"

"Of course I do, Larry. I didn't mean to offend you. I trust you. If you tell me it's over and done with and you'll never go back to your old ways, it'll be good enough for me."

"It's over and done with, Janet. You have absolutely no reason to worry. I promise."

"Thanks. You put my mind at ease. Well, then, I couldn't be happier for you… for both of you."

"Janet – "

"Yes, Lar?"

"You – you aren't gonna say anything about that to anyone, right?"

"Of course not! I just told you!"

"Good. I mean, Jocko already knows. Well, most of it. But Terri…"

"Yes, about Terri. I think she should know this if you guys get serious."

"I swear, Janet, if we get serious, I'll come clean to her about everything. But on my own time. And if – I mean, when she does hear it, I want it to be from me."

"Larry, I wouldn't think of betraying your confidence. Of course it should be you. You have my word."

Larry considered himself a good judge of people. Any salesman worth his salt had to be. If he knew Janet at all, he just couldn't see her going back on her word.

Later, when they both knew they had a future together, he had sat Terri down and, hard as it was, turned his soul inside out for her.

She had been shocked. But at the same time understanding and sympathetic. He had expected no less of his Terri.

There was just one thing that still bothered him.

One of the secrets buried in his past was so horrific, so agonizing that he hadn't been able to share it with either Jack or Terri. He wasn't ashamed of it, not anymore. Time and experience had helped him to see it in the proper perspective. It just hurt too much to dredge it up. If Terri ever found out, she was sure to feel hurt, too. He couldn't have that. That one secret would have to be buried with him.

The only person privy to this secret was Janet.

When the girl he had always thought to be nothing but a pretty pampered doll had sat on his couch opening up about her own painful past… there had been something hypnotic in the lilting cadence of her voice, something mesmerising in those bottomless dark eyes of hers as she revealed the long-ago trauma she would rather have kept buried and forgotten.

Before he knew it, everything had come spilling out. Everything. Including that which nobody else knew.

Larry knew he would trust Janet with his own life. He had no earthly reason to be concerned. His secret was safe with her.

And yet… When, years earlier, he hadn't been able to reach Janet to ask for help with his gardening and Terri told him she hadn't been in touch with any of their old gang, he had secretly heaved a sigh of relief. He did miss her. Yet, he would feel safer if she stayed away and never came back…

…

Chrissy

What a night! Chrissy smiled to herself as she tidied up the house. It had been such a treat to see all the friends of her and Jack's younger days at once! Larry and Terri had, of course, been expected. But Janet dropping in out of nowhere – that had been nothing short of a miracle.

Unlike her more sophisticated friends and even her husband, Chrissy knew beyond all possible doubt that miracles were real. At any moment she could rattle off a whole litany of those which had happened to her and her family in just the past year.

She had all but given up hope of ever reconnecting with her once closest friend. Without her, something was missing from Chrissy's life. At times when she missed her the most, she liked to picture Janet living in some picturesque part of the world, surrounded by her family, her loving husband by her side… too preoccupied with everyday life to reach out to Chrissy.

But Chrissy also had darker moments. They weren't too many. Even Jack had no idea they came and went.

Those were the moments when she became aware of things which were beyond the five senses. Things most people didn't even know existed. Chrissy knew better. Those things were real, too.

She didn't stop and try to rationalize away her uncanny knowledge. She wasn't bothered by the fact that it wasn't logical or scientific. She just knew.

The moment Janet had walked in, Chrissy had, along with sheer joy, sensed there was something very subtly off about her. The way it would feel if somebody had walked into her reality from another – somebody who didn't belong in this one.

It had been great to see Janet. It would have been even greater if only Chrissy had been able to shake this vague, baffling uneasiness.

There was something else, as well. Tonight, Chrissy had planned to make a very special announcement – a happy surprise for Jack and for their friends. Something they had almost given up on.

But then, in the excitement and turmoil of Janet's unexpected arrival and speedy departure, all such plans had gone out the window...

Why did she have to pick this day, of all days, to show up? But that was a stupid thought, and as everybody knew, Chrissy didn't do stupid things. Her big announcement could wait another day.

What mattered most was that Janet had shown up after all these years. This time Chrissy was determined not to let the friendship lapse. Now that she had her card –

Hey, where was the card? She was absolutely sure she had seen Janet place it on the hall table. Now it wasn't there or on the floor anywhere near it.

"Ja-a-ack," called Chrissy. "Where are you?"

"Out here," came her husband's voice through the open door to the backyard. She stepped out to join him.

"What are you doing out here? It's late, come to bed. Oh, Jack? Did you happen to see Janet's card? It was on the hall table but now I can't find it."

"No! What's that to do with me? I haven't seen it!"

"It's all right, honey, don't get upset. It has to be somewhere here. One of us must've swept it off the table with a sleeve passing by. I'll take a better look around tomorrow. Jack, sweetie, you okay? You look like you have a stomach ache. You know you shouldn't eat so much late at night."

"I am fine, sweet girl," he said staring past her.

…

Jack

And just like that, she was back.

The same way she had left. She didn't owe anybody any warning or explanation. One day, she had simply severed whatever fragile and undefinable bond had existed between them and married a guy she had known for all of five minutes. Then they moved away.

Jack knew he owed her his happiness. His sweet Chrissy. They never would've gotten together otherwise. At the time, he had been so blinded by passion and jealousy that he hadn't been able to see what was right under his nose. He hadn't been able to see how right Chrissy was for him.

Chrissy was his joy, his happiness, his sunlight. Janet had been his agony. His bliss too, but even the bliss had been laced with agony. She had hidden depths in her soul which were bottomless pits. He knew that if he had gotten pulled in, he would never have been able to climb out. Maybe wouldn't even have wanted to.

He never for a second questioned his love for his wife. He just knew that the very existence of that love and their happiness together was predicated on Janet being out of the picture. Perhaps that was why she had stayed away all those years. Perhaps it had been some higher power's answer to his unspoken prayer.

Until tonight.