Kris

It honestly wasn't that long of a drive back home from Ralsei's.

Bathed in a golden morning glow, they drove through the winding roads of the Hills. Getting glimpses of the many estates on the rolling hills below through the trees every so often. They'd barely had time to get lost in their half-sober half-drunk thoughts before they were turning off of Moorpark and onto Hazeltine. Pulling into a free parking spot in front of their apartment's gates.

With exhaustion fogging up their voice, they said, "Thanks for the ride. I'm sure Ralsei will tip you like fifty percent." Which got them a soft snort for their trouble before gearing up to exit the Uber. Then, stretching out their limbs. Enjoying the cracks and small bouts of pain. Before mustering up all the energy they had left, they went to open the car door but were beaten to the punch.

Their hand missed the door handle instead, grabbing thin air, almost causing them to faceplant on the pavement. If it weren't for the sturdy forearm held out for them.

Damn, that was close. Following the cut line of the pinstripe-suited arm all the way up, a horse-like Monster's face stared back. It kind of looked like—Kris glanced at the front seat—yeah, this is their driver.

"Uh, hi." They said as they were gently pulled from the (expensive now that they got a look at it) car and placed on the curb.

"Watch your step." The driver said, offering his arm, his voice coming out deep, gruff with a hint of a German accent.

And since tonight had already been so weird, Kris took it with a murmured, "Thanks."

Allowing the driver to lead them to their apartment's front gates, they searched their pockets for their keyring. Finding them in one of the back ones. Thank the Angel that they hadn't lost them yet. They didn't fancy waiting on the front stoop for Susie to get home from wherever she went after the party. It had happened once before, never again. Never again.

With a short buzz, the front gates unlocked, and once again, the driver beat them to open the gates. Missing it by milliseconds, Kris glared up at him. All they got was an unimpressed look on the driver's black-coated face. Letting out a short, sharp breath through his nose, he nodded for them to head on in. Are they losing their edge or something?! Because it's ridiculous at this point; since when were red eyes not fucking unsettling? Please, they'd love to know. Ugh, this is too much for their brain to cope with.

Copying his little snort, Kris wrenched their arm from his grip and stomped off through the gate. More than happy to be so close to dropping dead asleep in their bed after the night they'd had. Making their way through the courtyard that exuded "seventies motel that wants to be a Spanish resort" vibes, they thought they were alone. Until they recognized the sound of clicking hooves following close behind.

Oh, no. Oh, Hell no.

Whipping around, their heart skipped a beat when they found the driver a few steps behind them. Scrunching their face, they eyed him up and down. He didn't look like he was trying to rob them. If he was, he wasn't putting a lot of effort into it. No knife or gun. Just a bored expression. What is up with this guy? Staring up at the driver, it took them a few seconds to realize that he intended to escort them all the way home.

Okay… that is… that is something.

Did Ralsei call an Uber? Because, last time they checked, unless you had luggage, Uber drivers rarely left their car. Especially not to personally see-to escorting you home safe and sound. But this one did. Tailing behind wordlessly, no more bothered by their cold shoulder than it seemed he would be if Kris didn't shut up.

Unless he wasn't an Uber driver and instead was a private one. Nice suit. Even nicer car… Did Ralsei send for his personal driver to get them home safe? A spark of warmth settled in their chest at the thought. A real shame they'd never get to thank him properly.

Nodding up at the second floor, they said, "Alright, my place is just this way."

Like a shadow, the driver stayed a few steps behind them as they led him around the pool in the center of the courtyard. Heading over to the southeast side of the complex and up a single set of stairs before they finally arrived. Unit 208, a five hundred square foot studio, existed in a little nook of Carson Oakwood apartments. It wasn't much. If they were being honest. But it was alright for their first place, in L.A. of all cities.

Opening their front door was both a long-awaited sigh of relief and the catalyst for the driver to pipe up.

"I will relay to Mr. Prince that you got home safely." He said bluntly. A nod was enough of an answer from them because he went on. Bowing as he said, "Have a good sleep. Good day."

Before fucking off down the stairs and out of sight.

Yep, so weird. But at least they were finally home.

With a soft click, their door closed behind them, and their night had come to an end. Praise the Angel for that! Resting their head against the thin door, they yawned. Stretching their mouth wide and flexing their tongue as they did so.

A quirk they'd never grown out of. Their rearing by two criosphinx-ish monsters leaving fingerprints all over their person. They'd seen both their parents and brother do it so many times that the action had become second nature to them. Unquestioned until an outsider had pointed it out. Why do you yawn like that? They hadn't dignified that Human's question with anything other than a shrug.

Ugh, Humans.

An ever-present reminder that they weren't just a weird-looking Monster but something else altogether.

Grimacing at the thought, they pushed off of the door. Almost immediately running into the side of their couch. Thumping the large, obtrusive air conditioner next to the door twice to get it humming again. Sleep. They needed at least a few more hours of shut-eye before having to function like the adult they allegedly were.

Sighing, they glanced at their portable piano shoved up against the back of the couch. Those music and audio freelance gigs weren't going to finish themselves. And their half of the rent definitely wasn't going to pay itself.

So, after they shuffled over to the queen-sized IKEA bed and stripped down to their boxers, they crashed. Falling both into bed and asleep as soon as their head hit the cheap pillows. Which was all fine and dandy… Until they woke up several hours later with a splitting headache. Yeah, those tequila shots were a mistake. A fucking huge one. They are officially hungover and hating every minute of it.

Squinting their eyes, they tried to block out as much of the morning sun as possible. Hauling themself over their bed's edge, they dug through their tiny bedside table. Looking for the bottle of aspirin they'd made sure to nick from their mother's medicine box. Only to come up short. Where the Hell was it? Come on.

Grumbling, they got out of bed, their bones cracking and popping, to go look in the bathroom mirror's cabinet. Trudging over to their bathroom, which was only seven-ish steps from their bed, they heard the front door open.

"Ay yo, Kris, are ya home and not dead in a ditch somewhere?" Susie called out, her rough, husky voice reaching their ears with ease. Grunting as a reply, they wrenched open the cabinet doors and scanned the shelves. "Well, thanks for ditching me, jackass."

Ah-ha! Spotting the yellow and red box, they praised the Angel as they ripped the packaging open. Fumbling with the child-proof lock for an embarrassing moment before undoing it. Fishing out two tablets. Turning on the sink, they took a sip of water from the tap and popped the tablets in. Swallowing it all in one big, kinda, painful gulp. There! Wiping away the residual wetness with their wrist, they sighed. It was a waiting game now.

Leaving the bathroom, they found Susie around the corner in the kitchen. Half-awake and pouring cheap ground coffee into the pot. While also wearing the ripped jeans flannel shirt combo they last saw her in.

Sliding over to the opposite side of the kitchen peninsula, they grabbed their tea kettle. Filling it up at the sink despite the awkward angle. Mumbling as they waited, they finally answered, "Didn't mean to."

"Oh, I'm sure you didn't mean to," Susie muttered with a raise of her brows and a cynical quirk on her lips. Then, punching in the button labelled strong, the coffeemaker started with a whirl.

Moseying around and placing the kettle on the stovetop, Kris stalled once they processed what they'd heard. Strange. But maybe her usual hookup routine didn't go as well as she wanted it to this time. Turning a dial, the circle underneath the kettle lit up blue. Peeking over their shoulder back at her, they tentatively said, "Yeah, looked like you were doing fine with that punk chick."

Whirling around to lean back against the counter, Susie smiled wide. Putting on an arrogant tone, she said, "Umm, she was a cybergoth, Kris. Could you get it right?"

"What's the difference?" They asked, rolling their eyes with a smirk. This is what they're used to. Susie had somehow either made out with or slept with every kind of subgenre or branch of girl. You name it. Mallgoth. Derby Grrrl. a Lolita. Never a Prep, though, they thought with a wry half-smile. Wonder why that was. Arching a brow, they gestured towards Susie. "You know the difference?"

She arched one back. "Wanna know how I know?"

Full-on smiling now, they hopped up on the counter opposite her. Propping up their elbows on their thighs and resting their chin on their hands. "I wanna know how you know."

"Punk chicks don't try to sell you on NFTs after you eat them out."

Kris gasped. "NO."

"YUP!"

Throwing their head back, they let out a laugh so loud their only neighbours thumped the wall to shut them up. Wincing, feeling sort of bad, they slapped their hands over their mouth. Doing their best to stifle their air-stealing laughter. Finally, they said, "You're fucking kidding."

"Nope. And it got worse," Susie had to take a moment to stamp down her own chuckles to get through the rest of her tale. "When I woke up and realized I was surrounded by a shit ton of PVC, synthetic dreadlocks, and LED gamer lights. Kris. Kris. I've never shut down a potential future hookup so fast."

Unable to hold it back, they launched off the counter and curled up into a ball. Their giggles shook their body as Susie's filled their ears. Gasping for air, they eked out, "I mean NFTs are one way to get to cyberpunk dystopia."

"I guess, dude."

"So, what have we learned?"

Susie shrugged, flipping a stray lock of dark brown hair out of her eyes. "Never hook up with chicks that wear aviator goggles unironically?"

"Well, yes. But stop hooking up with random girls at parties." They rose from crouching to tend to their screaming kettle with a shake of their head. "Don't see me sticking my tongue down random guys' throats."

But instead of brushing them off with a careless "cha" like she usually did, she lowered her brows. Making a point to push back.

"No, only celebrity guys' throats apparently." She said with a roll of her eyes. And when they only had their confused expression as a rebuttal, she huffed. "What? You've got no leg to stand on, dumbass."

Huh? Tilting their head, they pressed their lips together. Narrowing their unseen eyes at her. "It's basically my right as your eternally single friend. Of course, I have a leg. Two of 'em."

"No, ya' don't." Susie shot back with more bite than expected.

"I'm a virgin, jackass." They said, picking up the kettle from the stove and placing it on the counter with more force than was needed. She knew for a fact that they'd never even so much as had a kiss. "How am I on the same level as you?"

"Where'd you go last night then, dipshit?"

"It's," They trailed off. Thinking back on all the mortifying things they'd done leading up to meeting Ralsei and all the other things afterwards, they hesitated. "A long story."

But Susie took that as proof of their guilt. Pointing at the triumphantly and yelling, "Ha!"

They recoiled. "Ha? There's no ha. I'm still a virgin. What are you talkin' about?"

"I'm talking about you somehow sleeping with Ralsei Prince last night. And don't you even try to deny it."

And like finally finding a puzzle piece you've been missing for ages and slotting into its rightful place, last night's events finally clicked.

Ralsei Prince.

They'd drunkenly fallen into Ralsei Prince's backyard.

Smacking their hand against their forehead, eyes going wide. Feeling the rough tape and soft pad that Ralsei Prince had put on them. Holy shit. "Holy shit, I knew that name sounded familiar."

"Dude, how drunk were you?"

"Very. But not the point." At a loss for any other words, they asked, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you think I had sex with him of all people? How could you've known I was with him let alone half naked?"

"You live-streamed it, dumbass." Then, with a ding, the coffee maker announced it had completed its job. Pulling Susie's attention away from the situation at hand. "It's all over Twitter."

"Deadass?"

"Deadass."

Where's their phone? In a mad scramble, they raced over to the bed to go to dig through their dirty clothes. Only to find that their phone was long since dead. Plugging it in with a growl before rushing over to Susie. Who'd, at the same time, poured herself a cup of coffee and took up residence on their couch. Leaning across not just the back of the sofa but their piano, too, they tried to snag her phone. "Gimme yours."

With a chuckle, Susie began to play keep-away with her stupidly long arms, "Did you really not know?"

"No. Gimme, gimme, gimme—"

"Fine. Here." Handing over her phone with a grunt, they hopped over the arm of the couch and laid across her lap. "Now, let me enjoy my coffee and try to get Ms. Cybergoth out of my head."

Luckily for her, she got to enjoy her coffee with a front-row view of Kris scrolling through Twitter. Reacting to the storm raging in all its 280 character glory. They couldn't believe it.

Have some sparkles (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ Emi_Imada_ - August 21, 2022

I'm literally gonna tear my hair out. Ralsei Prince banged a person who eats moss off of the literal ground and wears red eye contacts like they're Shadow the fucking Hedgehog.

Have some sparkles (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ Emi_Imada_ - August 21, 2022

I'm at my limit.

Anyways Stan BLACKPINK Jess_Jess_P42 - August 21, 2022

You bastards are all the worst why did i have to wake up to this shit? I could've lived my whole life without knowing that childhood celeb crush fucked a feral twink last night. like seriously f u guys. 😡

Mrs. Steal Yo Man KlaraSokolova - August 21, 2022

i've been in a state of reflection all morning since i heard about the ralsei prince news

Mrs. Steal Yo Man KlaraSokolova - August 21, 2022

i think i'm gonna walk into a lake

This… is the funniest thing to ever happen to them. And they'd once tricked Noelle into letting them write 'fuckface' on her arm and thus had to be removed from class by their guffawing father. Man, they really did peak at five years old. But this, all of this was hilarious.

Twitter is genuinely under the impression that they, Kris Dreemurr, bedded a Disney Channel star last night. Wow. Brilliant. Amazing. Iconic. Ten out of ten. Would recommend. They had to give the internet kudos, though, for figuring out Ralsei's identity before they did.

Pausing their joyscrolling, they sat back. Fully taking in that the person they'd met a few hours ago was Ralsei Prince. Ralsei Prince.

One of the most prominent young monster actors of the new millennium and son of one of (if not the) most famous monster acting duo of all time. Gun to their head, they had to admit to being a little enamoured with him back in the day. Pretty sure there was a bit of body envy in that mix too… But either way, whenever the show Double-O Monsters came on, they were glued to the screen.

Waiting for the moment Ralsei's character, Agent Icarus, would appear on the screen. Which, back then, wasn't as often as they used to like. Icarus was the typical bespectacled Smart Guy secondary character. An expert hacker, a genius engineer, techno babbling all over the place. The only difference to most other characters of his archetype was that instead of being a know-it-all, Icarus was also an innocent boy next door. Having been dragged into the spy agency by the spunky main character.

Kris always felt that Icarus would feel at home in their tiny hometown. Sure, they didn't have high-speed internet or action-packed villain of the week kind of problems, by they'd make do.

That was then, though.

As they aged out of Disney Channel's key demographic, so too did they grow out of their crush on Ralsei. Moving on to bigger and better things! Like being endlessly disappointed with everything the C.W. network put out. And scrolling endlessly on social media while watching long video essays in the dark of the night. Oh, and pointedly ignoring the long list of fanfic taking up space in their tabs. They were a teenager, dammit! Much too old for all that Disney Channel stuff unless it was angst about their lost youth.

But looking back on last night, they still took a moment to fanenby just a tad. It's not every day you get to meet your childhood celebrity crush. While also having them be every bit as thoughtful and intriguing as you thought they'd be. And if everybody cried out in laughable anguish at the thought of them sleeping with Ralsei? Well, then that was a bonus.

Or was it?

After scrolling for long enough, they'd ventured further enough into the Twitter storm to find some… not-so-nice comments. Which, yeah, it's Twitter. Most of it is trash, but…

🌹Rosalind (She/Her) rosalindreeves - August 21, 2022

Ha Ha Ha. Laugh it up as if this Human degenerate couldn't just be using Ralsei for his money. He's young, rich, and orphaned (aka traumatized). The perfect combo for a golddigger.

Mrs. Connecticut Clark Markie_MarkWoods - August 21, 2022

EXACTLY! ! Like? ? Come on! It's so clear that this Kris kid is probably fleecing him as we speak.

🐞Enbybug 🐞 MyraDoyle102 - August 21, 2022

Are we just gonna ignore the tremendous fukboi vibes radiating off of this kid? Like who live streams themselves directly after having sex? ? Clearly someone with illusions of grandeur. Someone get Ralsei away from them please?

Aqua's Best Girl Fight Me Jordan_Cress - August 21, 2022

Do we even know if they're actually eighteen or are they lying about it?

Mrs. Connecticut Clark Janice_99 - August 21, 2022

I think it checks out but idk. Wouldn't put it past a grown Human to mess with a Monster kid like this. Gross.

Frogs are better than people 🐸 Alice_Lipsey - August 21, 2022

Kris Dreemurr is a fucking creep and anybody who thinks this Ralsei situation is funny deserves to rot in hell with them ️ ️ ️

They couldn't help but flinch at that last one.

It's different knowing that they're aimed at you. Not to mention all the misgendering, which, ouch. Looked like most of the negativity was coming from fervent Ralsei stans. Quite a few of them were calling them some combination of fuckboi and sleazebag, which, at least, were new. Most of the time, people just called them a creep. No need for the rot in hell part.

However, these people were convinced that last night wasn't just a one-night stand. Oh, no. It wasn't even the first time they and Ralsei had gotten together. Which was news to Kris and would undoubtedly be news to Ralsei. The reason behind it was to blame them for a recent pattern of uncharacteristic behaviours from Ralsei. A list that included… him being spotted leaving a supposed mob-influenced club in the early hours. Which, wow. The webs of conspiracy that some people could spin were impressive, to say the least.

Abruptly, over near their bed, their phone sprung to life, and a flurry of notifications rang out. Tossing Susie's phone back to her, they went to tend to theirs.

Good news and bad news.

Good news! They'd gotten a massive influx of followers and likes on TikTok. Pushing their follower count up over ten thousand. Shooting past it and landing in the fifteen thousand range. And their likes? Almost to one hundred thousand. They knew that being associated with big names helped you out, but damn.

On the other hand, the bad news was that those Ralsei stans had figured out what to do about them ruining the actor's life. Death threats mostly. And digging up some old TikToks of them doing weird occult shit and "breaking" into their old school at night to do more weird occult shit. They'd used their mother's key. Harmless, but if they were persistent enough, this could get ugly. And possibly ruin their chances of making it big.

This is decidedly less fun. Ugh. Couldn't they go back to laughing at ruining people's childhoods with their mere existence?

Without warning, the only throw pillow they owned crashed into their head. Signed, sealed, and delivered by Susie. "What's wrong now?" She asked, trying to sound annoyed, but too much concern slipped through.

Watching their chance to show the world that they're wrong about them down the drain. Yes, they are that eccentric Human kid who eats moss and doesn't talk much, but they're also so much more.

They knew there were other kids out there like them. Humans with Monster parents and vice versa. Consumed with feelings of disorientation and isolation. No matter how much their families loved them. Hell, they'd even heard these feelings echoed in Humans raised by ethnically different humans. The same with Monsters. They wanted—no, needed to let these feelings out. To share them with the world. And the only way they knew how was through music. But now? They might not even get to.

Sure, at first, they wanted to troll the fuck out of everyone freaking out. But now? Now, they're worried that'll make things worse. And what is Ralsei making out of all this? Now that they know who he is, the reason why he was in near tears talking about his father is clear. All this was happening the day after the anniversary of his parents' deaths. Angel above, that's gotta be rough. Okay, okay, okay.

"How do I fix this?" They asked, their voice as small as a mouse.

From her spot on the couch, Susie pondered the question before answering with, "One hell of a publicist, Dude."

"Other than that." They snapped.

Throwing up her arms, Susie said, "A manager?"

"Yes, a manager, 'cause I have one of those." They said flatly. "I'm poor, Susie. We're poor. We share a Queen sized bed because we couldn't afford a two-bedroom apartment in the Valley. Where am I supposed to find a fucking manager?"

"FINE!" Susie said, gnashing her teeth. "Who do you know who knows their way around social media?

It took less than a second for a name and face to pop into their mind. They needed to get to Malibu. Right now.

Pulling out their side of the bed's drawers, they threw on a pair of jeans, a "proper" hoodie, and sneakers. Then, grabbing their phone and their keys, they tugged Susie by the arm and said, "We're going on a field trip."

"We? Why we?" Susie whined as she slipped into her scuffed-up boots anyway. "But I just got in. Kris, I'm starving."

"We'll pick up Dunkin' on the way."

"There's gonna be traffic."

"Welcome to L.A., bestie."

"Ugh, why am I your friend?"

Making it out of their apartment building in record time, the two of them hopped into Susie's beat-up Ford pickup. She'd gotten it for six hundred bucks, and it was listed with only the price, the miles, and that said: "beats walkin', don't it?". So, a steal, of course. The old girl still had some life left in her, though. Seeing as they peeled out of the parking spot quicker than they should've. But that's Lead Foot Susie for you. Given Kris' mother a near heart attack back when she taught them how to drive.

After making a pitstop at the Dunkin' on Balboa within the hour, they turned onto the Pacific Coast Highway. Only hitting tiny pockets of traffic as they hurried down the coast. Straight towards Malibu and the Holiday's beach house.

Other than their best frenemy, Berdly Avis (Twitch streamer extraordinaire), Noelle Holiday was the only person who could help them.

As their childhood best friend turned just regular friend turned really good friend, she was best equipped to deal with Kris, in general. And she even had her own mini-hit YouTube channel, WithNoelle, patent-pending. It was dedicated to holiday-themed studytubing and her discussing cult classic horror films. So, she understood social media and all of its quirks, or, at least, Kris hoped she did.

Which reminded them… they should notify the poor girl that they were on their way. As they fished out their phone from their pocket, the action wasn't missed by Susie.

Flicking between them and the road, Susie asked, "Who ya' callin'?"

Before they could answer, a cheery, familiar voice hit their ears. "Good morning, Merry Krismas. I have a feeling I know why you're calling." She said with a chirp. An audible smirk in Noelle's friendly lilt.

A slight smirk played on their own lips as they said, "Mornin', Ellie. I'd bet you're on the money."

"Ellie?" Susie whispered more to herself than to them before she practically jumped in her seat. Her claws tightened their grip on the wheel, and her shoulders shot up. "Wait! Are you talking to Noelle? Is that where we're going?"

"Is that Susie?" Noelle squeaked, no doubt a blush rising to her cheeks. She gasped. "Wait are you two on your way over? Like right now? Kris!"

"That's a yes to both of your questions."

"Oh, holy chestnuts!" And with a click, Noelle ended the call. Leaving them alone, in an enclosed space, with a furious, frantic Susie.

"KRIS!" She said, growling through a clenched jaw. Looking way too much like a caged animal at a shitty private zoo. "Fuck this."

Seeing her begin the motion to try and pull a U-turn, Kris grabbed the wheel and said, "Don't you dare turn this truck around."

"Why the hell not?"

"Number One, we're on the highway. And B, we're not gonna be there for long, suck it up."

Huffing through her nose, ripped Kris' hand off of the wheel but stayed on course. Muttering as she shook her head and scowled, "Just you wait until you get a fucking crush. Imma make your life hell."

"Promises. Promises."

Soon enough, Susie's truck pulled off the highway and down a small road lined with private signs. Chugging along until they reached the Holiday beach house. The front didn't look like much. Just some funky-looking architecture and rusty-looking garage doors. But most houses lining the Pacific Coast Highway were like that. Still selling for millions despite the fact.

As they came to a jerky stop, Susie leaned back in her seat with a huff. Jerking a thumb towards what they assumed to be the front door, she said, "Get out, jackass. I'm not staying."

"What?" They asked, stopping halfway out of the truck. "You can't leave me here?"

"Oh, I can't? Watch me."

"Susie, come on, don't be a dick."

"Oh, don't be a dick? Don't be a dick?" Leaning over the center console, Susie got up in their face. Baring her sharp teeth. "You know for a fucking fact I turn into a complete and total idiot around this girl. Why would you make me take you to her house?"

Once upon a time, this little routine would've been enough to get them to back off. Yeah, not anymore. "You're the one with the fucking truck and also the one who refuses to let me use it."

"Because you can't parallel park!"

"Umm, guys?" They both turned to see Noelle as she opened her front door (which looked more like an old fence gate). Revealing her hastily brushed blonde locks and her sixties preppy outfit of a cropped argyle sweater vest and green skirt. Clutching her phone with its dangling charms to her chest, she asked, "Could you keep it down?" Her concerned look softened with a smile as she shifted her focus from Kris to their companion. "Hi, Susie."

From a scary movie monster to an awkward teenager in seconds, Susie pulled back from her intimidation tactics. Waving stiffly before letting out a graceless "Sup." for good measure.

And as if she'd been waiting for this moment her whole life, Noelle's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Holding up her phone, she said, "What's up is that I can't believe you stole Ralsei Prince's virginity last night."

Okay, they're really getting tired of this. Now Kris hadn't meant to blow up at Noelle. But between all the Twitter stans dragging their name through the mud and the thought of having to explain themselves, they did. Unable to stop themself before they screamed out into the universe, "I'm still a virgin!"

An unimpressed humph sounded out from the meagre front yard next to them, making Noelle wince. Kris and Susie followed her line of sight. And found a middle-aged Human neighbour getting into her car on the other side.

"Buenos dias, Señora Sambrano." Noelle called out with a queasy smile and a half-hearted wave. Then, lowering her voice, she turned back to them and said, "We're one of the only Monster families in Malibu. What part of keeping it down do you not understand? Do you want them to call the—ugh, come inside. Quick."

Without another word, they both awkwardly followed Noelle through her front door/gate and tiny front yard(?) and down a tight passageway that ended in two doors. The first was straight ahead. Leading down to the beach. And the other, to the left, had a welcome mat at its feet.

Hanging a left, following her into the main house. Warm and bright, you could tell this is where all the money went. As soon as they stepped through the actual front door, a wide-open two-level space greeted them. Not to mention the panoramic view of the too-blue-to-be-true ocean, thanks to the balcony in the back.

"Damn," Susie murmured, taking the whole place in. The teak wood-filled kitchen, the white furniture that wouldnt've lasted a day back home, and all the cute DIY seashell decorations.

Yeah, she could say that again. Sometimes they forget that Noelle was rich. Like, seriously rich. Even back when their Dad had a steady paying job, it would've taken their parents years to afford a place like this. Damn indeed.

"It's nice, right? Been in my Mum's family since the eighties." Noelle said, heading into the kitchen area and beginning to bustle around. With a hint of a smile, she paused as she opened up a cupboard. "So, what was this about you still being a virgin, Kris?"

"Right." Taking a set at the mini breakfast bar while Susie lounged on a dining chair not too far away. Running a hand through their hair, they sighed. "It's a misunderstanding. I haven't stolen anyone's virginity. Let alone Ralsei's."

Picking at her chair's fancy slipcover, Susie tugged a piece of fluff off and flicked it over at them. "Okay, your live stream last night says otherwise."

"Yeah, I watched a couple of clips from that. You mentioned a walk of shame. Plus, you were talking to him so familiarly, like you were more than strangers." Noelle chimed in, gliding across her kitchen with ease. Pulling out her phone, giving it a few taps and swipes before handing it over to them. "Here look. What was everyone supposed to think?"

"I don't know." Watching the clips of their live stream back a few times, they handed the phone back with a wince. "Yeah, I see it. But, ugh. It's not like that."

"Then what's it like?" Susie asked.

"All ears." Noelle said, wiggling hers for emphasis.

"Okay, so, I'd like to start out by saying that rich people's houses are bullshit."

They went on to recount last night's events, from needing to piss to falling into Ralsei's pond. Soon realizing from Susie's intrigued focus on them, they hadn't even told Susie any of this yet. Shit. Well, now she knew.

It didn't take long to get the crux of the situation. Their clothes had been soaked since they'd fallen into the pond, and Ralsei offered to dry them. The only reason they started a live stream was that they were bored and drunk. That's it. There was no sex to be had last night. Hell, they hadn't even known that Ralsei was that Ralsei Prince. Yes, they were dumb as bricks. No need to rub it in.

"Well, Kris, you've gotten yourself in quite the pickle," Noelle said, placing a plate of bagels and assorted toppings on the dining table with a clink. They felt themself deflate in their seat. The weight of the whole situation fully weighed on them once more. Pickles are tasty, though. This is just a fucking mess. Sitting and taking a bite of a bagel with peanut butter and granola, she hummed in thought. "You could wait and let it blow over. But the longer this goes undisputed, the more it becomes the truth. And those stans aren't a good sign either."

"That's putting it lightly. They're ready to put your head on a spike." Susie said, plucking a stray blueberry from her bagel and crushing it between her fingers. Leave it to Susie to provide such comforting visuals.

Noelle said, frowning at Susie's display. "You should definitely say something."

Picking at their Nutella and banana bagel, they pursed their lips and said, "So, I should've gone with my gut."

"No. I'd bet my antlers that your gut told you to troll them. And that would've made it worse. No matter how funny it would've been. Which is most likely hilarious." The two of them exchanged a smile before Noelle went on. "Think about it. What if Ralsei saw that you weren't denying it. He's one of the most beloved and potentially influential Monsters in L.A. Heck, maybe the whole country. Even Humans adore him. And his late parents."

Susie chimed in, "Hell, even I kind of like the fluffy fuck."

"See! It would've been total career suicide if he'd seen and decided you were committing libel."

Angel above, why did it feel like the walls were closing in on them? Their hangover headache might've faded away, but a stress migraine was about to rear its head. Tapping their fingers against the dining table, they looked to Noelle and said, "And libel is…. "

"Written defamation." She answered. "As opposed to oral."

Almost immediately, Kris and Susie started sniggering with wide impish grins. Hehehehe, oral.

"Children, utter children," Noelle said, rolling her eyes with a grin of her own. "In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now is an apology video."

"What?" That got Susie's attention. "They haven't done anything wrong."

"Fine, then call it "Addressing the Situation" or something. It doesn't matter. Just make it believable. I can lend you a white shirt for you to film in if you want." Taking the final bite of her bagel, she joked as she chewed. "Can't help with the split ends and horrible cry-acting though."

Ah yes, the holy trifecta of apology videos. They'd watched their fair share of them over the years. Engaging in the collective eye-rolling that came along with them. Chuckling a bit, they remembered all the pitfalls that'd stood out in every video they'd watched. At least they'd have their friends to help.

Which, in hindsight, might not have been the best idea.

As the day progressed, things started to look dire. Despite situating Kris on a couch in the living room in an "open and non-threatening way," none of the takes were good enough. Not even after Noelle took a brush to their messy mop.

No matter how they went about it, it never seemed convincing enough for Kris. When they tried Noelle's way, it all felt overproduced and plain weird. Sounding too much like a corporate-made video for race sensitivity training for their taste.

And Susie's way…

Well, turned out that a 5'4" Human will never be as intimidating as a 6'4" Monster with knives for teeth. And any threats they tried to make sounded like they were a thirteen-year-old kid raging at their mother. That's not a time they'd like to return to, thank you very much.

At some point, after more snacks, they had moved to the balcony. Taking in the quiet beach and peaceful ocean. With the afternoon sun beaming down on them, they sipped on Noelle's homemade peppermint iced tea. The three of them were at a loss about what to do.

In Kris' opinion, the only progress they'd made was that Noelle had absentmindedly rested her legs across Susie's lap. They'd had the pleasure of catching Susie's slight look of surprise. Watching her eyes dart around as she froze in place with a small smile. One that grew as a look of satisfaction settled on her face once it was clear Noelle wasn't moving any time soon. They shook their head. Useless lesbians.

But other than that, they'd gotten nowhere. And by the looks of it, the whole ordeal was officially trending on Twitter, and everybody had an opinion on it. Thank the Angel that their parents' were clueless about most social media. Their mother had allowed them this gap year in L.A. on the premise that they wouldn't get up to anything that'd shame her.

Yeah.

If she ever found out about this, they're so dead.

Clinking their nails against the glass of iced tea, they searched their mind for something they could do. Because they had to do something. Something, something, something.

Well, they'd done it Noelle's way and Susie's way. So why not do it the Kris way?

Alright, you know what? Yeah! They're gonna try this video thing one more time. But, no more writing scripts or thinly veiled threats. Instead, they're going to explain it exactly how they explained it to their friends.

Pulling up their phone's camera and flipping it to selfie view, they began recording. Hushing Susie and Noelle's chatting, they spoke to the camera in their usual dry, deadpan tone, "Uh, hi. Apparently, I'm trending on Twitter and people are telling me to off myself. Only one of those things is new so I should probably explain my side of the story, eh?"

Having way too fun with it, they gave their side of the story. All the while poking fun at the people losing their minds on Twitter and all those stans sending them death threats.

"While I did not sleep with Ralsei, some of you need to take up knitting or something. No need to freak out over a Disney Channel star having some consensual fun."

Smirking, they couldn't resist adding one final troll at the end. "Oh, and Ralsei, if you're watching. If you ever wanted to hang out again, you know my address. Thanks for lending me your personal driver." Capping it all off with a flirty-wink-finger-gun combo.

And without rewatching it, they uploaded it to TikTok. Then, giving the video a clever caption before posting it, they turned their phone off with a definitive click.

Done! There, they've done their due diligence. Let the internet do what it will with that. Feeling a thousand times lighter than they did ten minutes ago, they took a sip of their drink and sunk into their sunchair. Closing their eyes with a soft sigh. Only to be jolted upright when Susie and Noelle started up a round of applause.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Noelle said, clapping and cheering as Susie let out a hoot of her own.

"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind." They said, with one hand on their chest as the other waved away their cheers. "I'm just glad I'm free."

"For now," Susie added, a cynical smile on her face.

"Susie's right, Kris. You should get a manager if you're going to be causing scandals like these all over L.A."

Sinking lower in their seat, they huffed and crossed their arms. "Yeah, managers cost money. And I do not have any."

"Then just ask a savvy adult you trust."

Hmmm, internet-wise adults that they also trusted… that's not a long list. "The only ones that would qualify are Asriel and Dess, and they're both busy with Uni, sooooo…."

Sitting up in her chair, Susie said, "What about your parents—you know what I heard it as soon as I said it. Nevermind."

Humming, Noelle fiddled with her metal straw before gasping. "Your Angelfather!"

"Uncle Wing Dings?"

Hmm. Sure, Uncle Wing Dings technically qualifies. Though he was apparently good friends with their parents back in the day, they barely saw the man. But apparently, according to Noelle (which meant, according to Dess), he knew his way around the internet. While also being quite persuasive and the most brilliant Monster to ever live with like ten PhDs. And more than a little weird too. He just knew things sometimes, without you even alluding to them.

Blowing their bangs out of their eyes momentarily, they asked, "Isn't he busy being, I don't know, a scientist and professor?"

Wincing, Noelle twisted one of the rings on her fingers and shrugged. "I mean, he's supposed to be on a sabbatical right now. Though I'm sure how well that's going."

Susie shrugged as she yawned. Stretching out her back before settling back into idly petting Noelle's legs. "Might be worth a shot. It would've been handy to have a real adult to help."

Out of nowhere, their phone started ringing. Checking the screen, it was a call from a private number. So, not spam. But, who did they know who called?

"Hello? Kris speaking." They answered hesitantly, putting the call on speakerphone.

A proper yet unhurried voice flowed from the phone and said, "Kris Dreemurr, it's been a while. The last time we met, I believe you were suffering from a rather unfortunate haircut. I trust it's been rectified by now."

Uncle Wing Dings.

Their lip quirked into a half-smile, remembering that awful haircut fourteen-year-old Kris had been stuck with. "My bangs were never the same."

"Yes, yes, but your brother's never truly recovered." Uncle Wing Dings said, much to the chagrin of what sounded like their brother somewhere nearby. But, after hushing Asriel, their uncle went on, changing the subject. "Now, I hear you require a manager."

Hold on. Kris' eyebrows knitted together as they looked over to a confused Noelle. There's no way she could've notified Dess quick enough. Going back to the call, they said, "I am, but, um, how?"

Uncle Wing Dings waved their question away with ease. "Oh, your brother was quite distracted and distraught when he came into my office this morning. You know how he worries about you. And I am too. Messes like the one you're in don't go away easily and, well, I need a new avocation."

"Avocation?" They echoed.

There was a small silence before he said with a chuckle, "Hobby. Apologies. I can get a bit pretentious at times." That was saying the least. "Moving along, both of your videos were good, but I'd like to find a way to contact Ralsei's manager. Merely to iron out a few wrinkles, don't worry your head about it. Sounds good?"

"Yeah, I think so." They answered, despite only having half a grip on this conversation. Angel above, this guy moved fast.

"Excellent. Quite excellent." He said, slow and pensive, before getting distracted. "Ms. Holiday, put that down."

"You're not my dad!" So came Dess' muffled voice in the background.

"I'm your science father, now knock it off." He said, his voice fainter before pitching back up in volume. "Talk soon. Have a good day, Kris. December, what did I—"

Click. And like that, Uncle Wing Dings was gone.

The sounds of rolling waves hitting the shore filled the silence their Angelfather left them in. Ugh, this is too much for their brain to handle in one twenty-four-hour period.

"Wait," Susie said, breaking the silence. Raising her hand as if they were back in school, she asked, "Both of your videos? You only posted one."

He did say both, didn't he?

Having something to latch onto, Noelle leapt into action. Logging onto every social media she could before letting out an 'ah-ha.' "He just posted a video like a minute ago."

They were up and leaning over her shoulder in seconds. The three of them huddled up, staring down at Noelle's Instagram feed. The video thumbnail was of Ralsei in his kitchen. He was leaning up against his granite counters, looking way too adorable for his own good. With a glance up at Kris for confirmation, Noelle started the video.

"Hello everyone. Ralsei here. And I know a lot of you have questions about how my night went yesterday and I'd like to answer them the best I can." Formal, silvery, and comforting. Yep, they had definitely fallen into Ralsei Prince's backyard last night.

While their videos were similar (Both having them telling their sides of the story), his made it all seem more whimsical. Which isn't how Kris would describe it. But to each their own. And despite using flowery words, it didn't feel any less authentic than theirs did.

Though, Ralsei did get serious at one point. Leaving the wholesome image behind to sternly admonish anyone who'd think that he'd have taken advantage of an inebriated Kris. Which, yeah, they hadn't even thought about that angle of it.

As the video was winding down, he lectured his audience about how he isn't a guy who kisses and tells. Ultimately ending on the fact that he would rather like it if things like this stayed private. A well-disguised plead for boundaries if Kris had ever heard one.

"The only thing I swapped with Kris last night was muffin recipes. And that's not a euphemism, folks." He said with a wink before plucking on a perfect-looking one from off-screen and biting into it. Only he could make eating look so damn cute. "Mmm, delicious." For a moment, as Ralsei looked straight into the camera with his big, round eyes, Kris almost thought he was somehow looking at them. "Finally, I'd like to thank you, Kris—" Their heart skipped a beat. "—You really made a rough day a million times better. Oh, and I am working on finding fish therapist. Harder than one would think." With a chuckle, he gave a quick thanks to the rest of the viewers before signing off. Blowing a kiss to the camera before the video ended a moment later.

Kris couldn't help a small smile from inching onto their face. Hmm. Looked like they made their first friend in Hollywood. And, only acknowledging in the further reaches of their mind, maybe that childhood crush never went away.