Author's Note:

Please note these bullshit contractions:

Naruto-actor: Naractor

Sasuke-actor: Sasactor

Sakura-actor: Sakactor

Shikamaru-actor: Shikactor

This chapter's got more subtle humour than outright crack in this one or so I think.

Go on!

And promptly fell asleep.

And the best part was? The genin was definitely not faking it.

Shikamaru sighed, "Oh how I wish I was the one on stage right now."

Ino hit him on his head, "I swear to god, sometimes I wonder if you're sleepsexual or something."

"SHIKA! WAKE UP! We need your help," Naractor shouted, shaking the Shikactor uncontrollably.

It was truly a wonder how the genin still managed to sleep through it all.

"Not we. Only you need his help," Sasactor sniffed haughtily.

The genin with a dome of pink swooned from her place on the ground, already given up on acting to be unconscious.

"Yes! Sasuke never needs anyone's help! He's amazing."

Sakura threw her hands up, "Oh come on! They're just trolling me at this point."

Sasuke smirked, "Well, they're not entirely wro–"

Sakura looked at him with unadulterated murder intent and flashed a sickeningly sweet smile, "You want to complete that huh Sa-su-ke?"

Sasuke, intelligently, turned to the ground. Mouth sealed shut.

Now, Naractor was standing, looking at Shikactor like he was a mystery to crack.

He took a tentative step forward, raised his leg, waited for a bit, leg suspended mid-air and then proceeded to kick him. With a lot of force.

Shikactor still did not get up.

Naractor sat on the ground with a thud, "I GIVE UP," he declared, looking disdainfully at the sleeping genin.

Before anyone could say anything, Naractor's face morphed with a realization,

"But wait. Naruto never gives up. No matter how stupid, or reckless or dumb or dangerous or illogical or pointless the situation is, he never gives up." Then he looked at the audience,

"Sorry for the characterization problem but now I take back my words and I will keep on trying to achieve this impossible feat of waking up a Nara." He smiled so sincerely that Naruto wondered if the genin realized that he had just dissed on Naruto.

Kiba turned his head towards Naruto, "My friend, the genin knows exactly what he's doing."

This time, Sakura patted Naruto's shoulder, "There there. Happens."

Naruto swatted it away angrily and huffed, "Well whatever. Atleast I always get the job done, unlike you losers."

Sasactor walked upto Naractor, purposely standing behind and him and forcefully shoved him away, "Move aside you peasant. Make way for the precious Uchiha."

Naractor broke out of character trying to muffle his laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of what was being said.

Sasactor squatted beside Shikactor and uttered one single word.

"Shougi."

And really, it was pure magic, how the genin actually woke up making grabby hands at Sasactor, "Gimme," he mumbled. "I wanna play. Gimme."

Sasactor stood up smugly and looked at the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, this here–" he pointed at Shikactor who was rubbing sleep from his eyes, "this is how you do it."

"MARRY ME!" Sakactor asked again. "You're such a hunk Sasuke! Marry me!"

Sasuke and Naruto had to restrain Sakura who was one inch away from plummeting the poor actor to the deepest pits of torturous, burning, fiery hell.

Sakura grit her teeth and shook off their grips on her, sitting on her chair again,

"I–" she said, turning away, "I would never be so tactless in my proposals."

Naruto looked at her in bewilderment, and Sasuke's ears turned pink.

"What a draaagggg." Shikactor drawled, standing up lazily and pocketing his hands.

Naractor hopped with joy, "Finally! You're up! Now, tell this villainous, manic boy that he'll not become Hokage."

Shikactor looked at Naruto blankly, shrugged and then turned towards Sasuke and said lazily, "You villainous, manic boy, you'll never become Hokage."

Sasactor fumed, "What the actual fuck? Why not?"

Shikactor wanted to be anywhere but that stage. And it showed.

He shrugged again, " 'Cause Naruto said so." A pause, "and that was in the script."

Kiba snorted, "This is why ninjas are trained to kill and not act."

Sai smiled knowingly, "But I must say. These genin have got some big balls to mock the war heroes."

Ino placed her hand on his, "I'm dreading my portrayal."

Sai smiled again, "Don't worry. It can't be worse than how you already are."

Ino didn't have time to wonder on what Sai had actually meant by that.

"That's the most pathetic reason I've ever heard," Sasactor said, crossing his arms intimidatingly.

Shikactor scratched his head idly, "You're the most pathetic human I've ever met."

Sakura couldn't help it, laughter bubbled through her throat and Sasuke slumped into his chair.

"This isn't fair," he complained. "why does that damn Nara get to be savage while I'm a complete moron?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke innocently, "Well, that's 'cause this might be fiction but it's still realistic fiction. I say they're doing well depicting your personality Sasuke."

Sasuke recalled the breathing exercises his therapist had taught him and said no more. If he did, he was afraid he would be attending Naruto's funeral tomorrow.

"Shannnaroo!" Sakactor shouted, and she looked wild, a rabid dog about to rampage, "What did you say you half-dead-idiotic-lazy-pineapple-disguised-as-a-human?

Shikactor groaned, "Shut up. Why in kami's name do y'all have so much energy?"

Naractor grinned, "Well that's all because of Ramen!"

Naruto grinned, "Yes, that's all because of Ramen!"

Everyone on and off stage rolled their eyes.

Sakactor was now in Shikactor's face, "Just you wait, I will call Ino-pig. Let's see how you like that now?"

Shikactor paled, "You wouldn't dare." He tried to say weakly.

Sakactor smiled, it looked horrible. "Oh yeah? Try me."

Sakura cheered for the genin, "Yeah girl! You show them!"

Sasuke whispered to Naruto, "Is she on her period? What's with all the mood-swings?"

Naruto chuckled, "No, not today. They start next week."

Sasuke looked at him oddly, "Why–how–why the fuck do you actually know?"

Naruto shrugged, "Girl things."

That explained nothing.

Shikactor was positively sweating with nervousness, "Don't call that abomination."

Sakactor grinned, all teeth and demonic energy.

"Then admit that Sasuke is handsome and elite."

Shikactor stopped shaking, "Go on, call that abomination."

Sakactor looked genuinely confused because how come Shikamaru would choose to tolerate the annoyance that Ino was over admitting how amazing, awesome, great, and god-like her Sasuke was?

In righteous fury, she turned towards Naractor and hit him on his head, "Baka! This is all your fault!"

Naractor rubbed his poor head, "Wha–how even?"

Sakactor pretended to wipe away a tear from her eye and turned away dramatically, "All." She sniffled, "Your." She sniffled again, "Fault."

Naractor turned to Shikactor, "Buddy," he began, "You broke Sakura-chan."

Shikactor did not smile, or reply, or do anything except stare at the left entrance with trepidation.

Because standing there was another genin in mostly purple clothes, a banana hanging from her head, meant to represent a ponytail? And she was, like Naractor, wearing a banner that said 'President of Sasuke's fangirl club'. She was standing with her hands on her hips, expression furious.

"Forehead girl! How dare you summon me with telepathic power of fangirling rivalry! And how dare you touch my Sasuke-kun! Move away from him you old hag!"

She marched towards them.

Author's Note:

I still regret nothing.