Author's Note:
READ THIS:
Naruto-actor: Naractor
Sasuke-actor: Sasactor
Sakura-actor: Sakactor
Shikamaru-actor: Shikactor
Ino-actor: Inactor
Kurama-actor: Kuractor
Warning for passing mention of cannibalism if that's anyone's squick. There are no details given for it at all.
She marched towards them.
Ino rubbed a hand down her face and groaned.
"She's so loud already."
Shino eyed Ino weirdly and muttered, "Well, that's how you usually are. I see no problem with her acting if I'm honest here."
Ino made to remove her sandal if only to throw it at the uncaring insect lover but was stopped by Sai who smiled sweetly at her,
"Hey, look on the bright side. Atleast she's not wearing booty shorts."
Ino stilled. And then nodded thoughtfully,
"You know what Sai? You're actually not bad at this look at the cloud's silver lining bullshit."
Sai dropped his grip on her hand and shrugged, "I try."
Inactor was now right beside Sasactor glaring daggers at Sakactor.
"You bitch! I will have to spray Sasuke with disinfectant now that you've touched and tainted him."
Sakactor stomped her foot in anger and threw the heart glasses towards the audience.
Only, instead of catching the pair, the people scooted to the extremes, giving the accessory the wide berth as if it was possessed by some evil spirit.
Which wasn't far from the truth really, after all, the Sakura actor had worn them.
"Ino-pig, what did you just say? I have the softest, cleanest, bestestest skin okay? I haven't tainted Sasuke in anything but love!"
Inactor snorted, flicking her banana-tail in something resembling a nonchalant attitude but ended up in a clumsy retrieval of her banana when the said fruit decided to fall from her head, the tape not being enough to keep it on.
"Um... " she said as she fumbled with her fake ponytail. "Oh right, wait," she raised one hand, coaxing Sakactor to have patience while she struggled and made a fool of herself.
After a minute, she finally managed to put the banana on her head and make it stay.
"Okay so where were we?" She asked herself quietly and then suddenly she looked enraged again, "Oh yes! You Saku- Forehead Girl! How bold of you to assume that you would have the softest skin when the Evil Queen's mirror literally declared me the most beautiful of all konoichi?"
Sakactor titled her head, "What–huh? Evil Queen's Mirror?"
Inactor huffed, "Mirror mirror on the wall? Don't you read fairytales?"
Sakura whispered to Naruto, "Do you think that maybe we should send this genin to the mental hospital? She's showing signs of being delusional."
Naruto nodded solemnly, "Yes. Yes, we should."
Sakactor hit her head with her hand, "Just shut up will you? Anyway, I didn't call you here so we could have a verbal fight."
Inactor looked taken aback, "You didn't?"
Sakactor smirked and looked at Shikactor who was now hiding behind Naractor.
"No, I didn't. I called you to tell you that this Shika-baka thinks Sasuke-kun can't become the Hokage."
And Inactor saw red, "WHAT?!"
Lee shuddered, "Ino has a lot of... youthful energy."
Tenten hid her smile and patted Shikamaru on his back, "Buddy, you're going to die in this play."
Chouji munched on some onigiri and cheered for Ino while Shikamaru shot him a dirty look.
"Traitor."
Inactor was in the process of throwing Naractor out of the way so she could get to Shikactor.
The pineapple boy was quite evidently, clinging to Naractor as his lifeline which he really was at this point.
"Ano, calm down, we can sit and talk about this you know?" Naractor tried, but Inactor hit him even harder.
"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? THIS IDIOT SAID THAT MY SASUKE-KUN, MY PERFECT SASUKE-KUN CAN'T DO SOMETHING!"
Ino snorted, "Perfect? Far from it."
Sasuke threw a chip at her.
"You know," Kiba commented, "It's really quite telling when it's Naruto who is acting calmly and rationally in this situation."
Eyeing Naractor, Naruto chuckled, "See? These genin actually see how cool-headed I am."
Just then a big growl sounded throughout the area and a genin dressed in an orange fox costume jumped onto the scene, attaching his long tail to the Naractor's shorts.
Huh. That was... Kurama?
Naruto sighed, "Nevermind. I spoke too soon."
Sakactor shrieked. "MONSTER!"
But Inactor rushed towards the Kurama wannabe instead, hugging them.
"AWW! A Teddy-fox! So squishy!"
The apparent chakra beast awkwardly hugged her back, patting her.
Naractor shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "Uh guys? He's supposed to like rip you apart or something," he said pointing towards Kuractor.
Kuractor stiffened and then pulled away from the hug and pointed at Inactor,
"I. KILL. YOU." He growled and started running after Inactor who had finally realised that the chakra beast was well... actually a beast.
Only, the tail attached to Naractor meant that the poor genin was being dragged through the dirt in this little game of chase.
Sasuke winced, "Ouch. That must be painful."
Naruto looked disturbed too, "Holy shit. Why can't he just removed the tail?"
Sakura smiled knowingly, "Oh I don't know? Maybe they're just showing how big of a masochist you are Naruto."
Hinata giggled softly and Naruto just went back to glaring at the ground in unprecedented hatred and frustration.
Sasactor now seemed to remember that he is infact in the play, and that he infact has a line to say so he moved ahead,
"We need to get someone to stop these two hooligans!" he declared and then looked at Shikamaru as if he was some gross bug. "You, oye, go call someone."
Shikactor yawned, "Why would I listen to you?"
Sakactor joined Sasactor side, " 'Cause you're at the literal bottom of the social hierarchy and as such you must listen to the king like a good little servant boy."
Shikactor looked at her like she'd gone bonkers, "Are you even listening to yourself you dumb bitch?"
"Shikamaru would never call me a bitch," Sakura grumbled.
Shikamaru eyed her lazily then tapped her shoulder. She looked at the Nara as he said one word,
"Bitch."
Sasuke and Naruto burst out laughing while Sakura tried to look less offended and flustered.
Sakactor held Sasactor's arm now, "Yes I do. And I said nothing wrong now, did I?" She looked at Sasactor with adoration and the duckie guy nodded jerkily.
"This farmer girl said nothing wrong."
It was truly a miracle how Sakactor did not react to that obviously demeaning nickname.
Shikactor sighed and sat down.
"Fine," he muttered. "But I'm sleeping after this."
Sakactor smiled elegantly, "Only if you please the king."
Shikactor still looked at her as if she was the personification of dumbassery.
The genin then looked directly at Chouji and shouted, "GIVE ME THE DAMN CHIPS!"
Chouji startled, dropping the bag of chips he was holding.
Tenten nudged the guy, "Oi! Chouji give him the chips. People are looking."
Out of his stupor, Chouji picked up the bag and threw it at the genin on the ground.
Sitting back, he pouted, "Those were my favourite flavour. Human-ginger-toes."
Hinata looked green, "... human?"
Chouji nodded, still dazed by the loss of his precious snack, "Yeah."
The rest of the Konoha 11 decided to collectively drop the matter right now and later question the foodie about cannibalism.
Shikactor sat there for a bit but then brought the packet in front of his face and opened it in one loud rip, effectively dropping some scraps onto the ground.
"HOW DARE YOU WASTE EVEN A SPECK OF MY FAVOURITE CHIPS!" someone roared and in came another genin.
He was racing towards Shikactor at impeccable speeds given that he most definitely was wearing 200 layers of clothing. Something was stuffed in his pant legs and arm sleeves and under his many shirts. There were spirals on his cheeks and two funny looking pinecones on his head in an attempt to copy Chouji's genin hairstyle.
Chouji's eyes watered, "Is–is... that me?"
"Who else could be that fat?" Shino replied in return, ever tactless.
Chouji cried harder, "He's so like me, yay."
Author's Note: THIS IS ACTUALLY GOING SOMEWHERE NOW. WOW.
Also, the last thing, my intention isn't to fat-shame. Twas a bad joke, that's it. And I crack them all the time, I'm fat myself. I don't consider the word an insult, but an adjective. That's all.