MPREG WARNING. I went through a phase of writing these some time ago and am only now getting around to posting them. If you don't like mpreg or medical examinations don't read it.
Never Gang Up On A Pregnant Hobbit
Checking the fastenings of his long and rather voluminous robe once more, Frodo opened the door to Imladris' private infirmary. Curious, he looked about the now familiar room, for he had heard two voices as he stood outside, both of which he recognised.
The sight that greeted him made him gather up his robe and run (or at least try to) across the room into the open arms that awaited him. He wrapped his own arms tightly about the neck of their owner and remained thus for several moments before drawing back with a dimpled smile.
"Aragorn! When did you arrive?"
The king arose and offered Frodo a hand up onto a deeply padded chair. "I arrived late yesterday evening. I would have come to see you at once but Lord Elrond told me that you had already retired for the night."
Bright blue eyes focussed accusingly upon the tall elven healer watching them. "You could have woken me."
His admonishment was met with one elegantly raised brow. "Your sleep has grown lighter and more troubled of late and I will not disturb it unnecessarily." Without waiting for any reply he turned to the examination bed and removed a section of the thickly quilted surface.
"A few hours less sleep would not have mattered for one night," Frodo murmured. He knew Elrond would hear the words, and also that the elven lord would not deign to reply. Elrond had settled in his mind what was best for his charge and that, in his eyes, was the end of the matter.
Giving up on that idea, Frodo turned his attention back to Aragorn, who had taken a seat opposite, his face holding a knowing smile. "What brings you here, Your Majesty."
Taking in the twinkle in the hobbit's eyes, King Elessar made a slightly mocking bow. "Why, to see you, Master Hobbit. I received word that your child would be born soon and wanted to be here to welcome him into the world."
Frodo's dimples deepened. "I do hope it is soon. Turning over in bed has become rather like trying to roll a barrel uphill."
"Indeed," came Elrond's voice. "That is why I will not have your rest disturbed."
Frodo glanced over Aragorn's shoulder and his brows quirked as he watched the healer. Beneath the section of mattress that was removed, Elrond had lifted and fixed two carved uprights, from which dangled padded leather loops. He then expertly replaced the padded section of mattress.
"Come, Frodo. It is time for your examination." Elrond beckoned him forward and with a grimace at Aragorn, much shuffling and finally, a hand from his friend Frodo managed to extricate himself from the chair.
A set of steps, perfectly proportioned for hobbit feet, had been drawn up to the side of the examination table. They were much paler in colour than the bed they rested beside but very obviously carved to match it. Frodo allowed Elrond to help him out of his robe, revealing a slightly shorter nightshirt. The hobbit refused the offered hand, however, scowling at the bed before taking the handrail and climbing the steps.
"I have come to hate this bed."
"Why ever so?" Aragorn asked as he helped Frodo make the final transition from steps to bed. "It is a beautiful thing. The carving is more exquisite than anything I have seen elsewhere . . . and it is very comfortable to lie on."
Frodo's eyebrows climbed up his forehead and his eyes flew to the king's waistline. In response Aragorn grinned. "It's not just used for examining pregnant people, you know," he supplied. Both hobbit and man gave way to laughter while Elrond looked on indulgently.
"When you have both finished, I have other matters to attend to after this examination."
Aragorn knew his foster father well enough to detect the slight twinkle in those sombre grey eyes and he winked at Frodo as he helped the small hobbit to scoot closer to the end of the bed . . . the end that now sported those new additions.
Pulling a small table closer, Elrond continued. "As you are coming very close to your time for birthing I will need to perform an internal examination today, to establish that matters are progressing well with the birth canal."
Frodo scowled, squirming a little as Elrond took one of his feet in hand. To his surprise, his foot was slotted through the leather sling. "Now, just a minute. What is that for? You didn't need that before. This is very undignified."
He folded his arms and the scowl darkened, although the effect was lost somewhat by the fact that his chest had recently swollen to complement his tummy, so he could only cross his forearms, and he had one leg dangling in a leather sling.
Aragorn turned from where he was placing shiny metal objects of, to Frodo, unknown purpose into a basin of warm water on the nearby table. It was he that stepped in to try and soothe the parent-to-be's ruffled feathers.
"I know it looks odd, Frodo. But it will be more comfortable for an extended examination. Elrond needs to check deep within you and it may take longer than you are used to."
Elrond made no comment, merely taking Frodo's remaining ankle and placing it in the other contraption, leaving the hobbit with a rather uncomfortable memory of the crows strung up at the side of fields by farmers. He would have squirmed again, were he able to, but settled for blushing, knowing that his private nether regions were now on full display to anyone entering the room.
Making no comment, Elrond settled in his customary examining chair between Frodo's feet and pushed a lamp closer. Frodo would have counted the flowers carved into the ceiling beams but he already knew there were twelve.
Elrond matter-of-factly lifted Frodo's male genitalia out of the way and spread a cool salve between his legs. "There, Estel. Do you see it? It is quite extraordinary. The opening developed within only four months of conception and has been slowly working inwards. I have not examined it too often for fear of causing damage. I do not know how strong the muscles are that surround it."
Aragorn bent lower and Frodo's blush deepened as the two examined an area that simply should not, in his mind, deserve such scrutiny. He gritted his teeth, determining that if he interrupted them as little as possible the whole thing would be over sooner.
He could not resist flinching, however, when Aragorn's fingers joined Elrond's in probing the area. How could they get two such large hands into that small area? By spread-eagling him like a carcass at the slaughterhouse, his mind replied.
Both of his tormentors seemed to ignore the involuntary movement and Aragorn removed a wicked looking silver item from the warm water and passed it to the chief torturer. Elrond's face smiled at Frodo from above the stretched hem of the hobbit's nightshirt and he wondered if Bill Ferny had looked like that when he had been paid all that silver for his pony.
"This may feel a little uncomfortable at first but your body will stretch to accommodate it."
Frodo grimaced as he felt warm metal poised at the opening and hissed as it pressed inward. His body tensed against the intrusion at once and the instrument's progress halted. Elrond's voice again.
"Relax, Frodo. It will hurt much less if you relax. Let your thighs fall lower. The stirrups are there to take the weight for you. Try a deep breath . . . that's it."
As Frodo forced himself to comply he felt the metal pushing further in and only managed to relax further when it stopped. There was a blessed pause, and then . . .
"Owww!" The pressure had shifted from inward to outward and Frodo felt as though he was being spliced in two like a log with a wedge.
"Relax, Frodo. This opening will have to stretch much further than this to accommodate your babe's head. Just breathe and relax into it as I have taught you for the birthing."
Frodo took a deep breath as instructed and decided that he definitely did not want to go through with this whole pregnancy idea. Not that he had been consulted in the first place.
Aragorn's face joined Elrond's, out of Frodo's sight, beyond the nightshirt hem and the hobbit's mood grew more thunderous as he listened to them.
"See. The canal is quite smooth but you can just see rings of muscle around it, rather like those in the gullet."
Aragorn's voice was filled with awe. "I can see the opening to what must be the womb at the top. It seems a little dilated. Has it always been so?"
"No. I believe that if there are to be any birthing pains they should start soon. And see how the canal does not slope backwards, as it does in females."
"I had noticed that. Why do you think that is?"
"I believe that may be because of the shape of the pelvis. Space is at a premium."
Both voices came to a startled halt when Frodo's hand batted his nightshirt down and his angry face peered at them from over the mound of his belly. "It belongs to me, you know. There is life beyond my waist!"
Elrond's brows rose in perfect unison and for a second Frodo wondered if any part of the elven lord's anatomy did anything any other way but perfectly. He ruthlessly pushed the subject aside for consideration at some other time.
"I am not just a group of organs around a baby. Now get your eyes, your fingers and that . . . that . . . thing out of me!" The volume of his voice rose. "And let me out of this contraption!"
Taking due consideration of Frodo's puce features, Elrond and Aragorn needed no further encouragement to obey. The metal device was removed and landed with a "splink" in the basin of water and Aragorn unhooked the hobbit's trembling feet.
Elrond it was who helped Frodo down from the couch and Aragorn handed him his robe. With one final glare over his shoulder, the parent-to-be marched somewhat bow-legged from the room, slamming the door behind him.
Aragorn turned to his father. "Those mood swings are terrifying, aren't they?"
The corners of Elrond's lips quirked upward in a wry smile. "And I have been dealing with them for five months."
The colour suddenly drained from Estel's face. "Do women . . . I mean . . . will Arwen?"
His father's smile widened. "Oh, yes."
END