(Shirebound gave me this prompt. "How can you eat that oyster-thing? That's disgusting!"

I don't own any hobbits. They all belong to JRR Tolkien and I'm only borrowing to torment them for a little while.)

"I love trying all these new foods," Merry declared as he squeezed lemon over an oyster. "Having a seafood feast before we all head back inland again is a wonderful idea."

Sam watched but made no attempt to join him, preferring instead to spread some succulent crab meat upon a thin wafer. "I've become quite partial to some of this stuff from the sea. Have you tried that white fish, Mr Frodo? It's not so strong a flavour as river fish."

"I have. And it's even nicer with that parsley sauce." Frodo swallowed a bright orange mussel, using his fork to point to a boat of gently steaming pale sauce. "I don't understand why Gimli will not even try seafood."

Pippin's mouth turned down at the corners as he watched Merry tip back his head and let the oyster slide out of its shell and into his mouth. "How can you eat that oyster-thing. That's disgusting!"

Merry chewed once and swallowed, smacking his lips. "Why? It's got a lovely delicate taste . . . sort of sweet and salty."

Frodo gave a mock shudder. "You do realise you're eating them alive, don't you?"

Merry's reply was delayed as he slid another pale, lemon drizzled oyster into his mouth and chewed. "Oh no you don't, cousin. You won't catch me out that way again. I remember you once telling me that mushrooms screamed when they were picked."

Frodo grinned. "It stopped you eating them, though, and that left more for me. You were so easy to tease when you were a faunt."

"My Mam gave you a sound telling off for that one and Dad put you on stable cleaning duty for a week," Merry crowed as he swirled his tiny fork in another oyster then lifted the shell and threw back his head once more.

"It was almost worth it. You didn't eat mushrooms for a week before Aunt Esme found out, and I got to eat your share whenever they were served." Frodo selected another mussel, pausing to dip it in a pale yellow sauce before popping it into his mouth.

"Actually, Frodo is correct. The oyster is alive." Aragorn interjected as he helped himself to a few cockles.

All eyes flew to Merry, who froze, mid chew. They watched in fascination as his face cycled through pink to white and then green. Eyes wide, he began to search frantically and it was Legolas who thrust a small dish beneath his chin. With some relief, Merry spit out the oyster and Legolas hastily threw a napkin over it while Frodo offered a glass of water to his cousin.

Aragorn hid a smile behind his own napkin but then grunted in apparent pain, turning questioning eyes upon his elven friend who glared back.

Legolas turned to Merry. "It is believed that oysters do not feel pain as we do," he offered as he waved for a servitor to remove the covered dish. "I confess that I have never enjoyed their texture when raw and prefer them cooked and served in a sauce."

Sam eyed the other foods set before them on the table as though expecting them to get up and start marching toward him. "I don't hold with eatin' creatures that aint dead. Is there ought else I should know about this lot?" he asked warily.

Frodo calmly helped himself to a spoonful of white and another of brown crab meat. "It's alright Sam. The rest of it has been cooked. It's just oysters they prefer raw. I don't know why because in my opinion they have very little taste and are rather chewy."

Pippin, who knew Minas Tirith better than any of them and had been fascinated by the fish market in particular, saw his chance to clear the table of other diners; leaving more for himself. "Well, yes, it's all cooked. But have you seen how they do it?" he asked with some relish.

Now all the other hobbits set down their eating utensils and Pippin found himself the centre of attention, a position he delighted in. Letting his gaze roam their faces slowly he dropped his voice. "They take the shellfish, crabs and lobsters and throw them into huge pots of boiling water." He paused for dramatic effect. "While they're still alive. You can actually hear them scream!"

Three sets of eyes widened, three sets of cheeks whitened and three faces turned to Aragorn. "Is that true?" asked Frodo in a voice barely more than a whisper.

Before answering, Aragorn glanced aside at Legolas. He held no inclination to have his ankle kicked again for it hurt, even with boots on. Legolas rolled his eyes but nodded and Aragorn dabbed at his mouth with a napkin before replying. "That is the quickest and safest way to kill them, yes. And there are those who argue that most shellfish have no way of feeling pain as other animals do. They have no voices and the screaming you describe is just air escaping their shells." He pointed to a dish of mussels. "And just how would you chop the head off one of those anyway?"

Sam was the first to recover, having wrung the necks of a few chickens and skinned a coney or two in his time. "That's true. I couldn't rightly tell you whether they even have a head." He began to pile crab meat on his wafer once more.

"A good point," agreed Frodo as he took a bite of his own. Living close to the land as most hobbits did they were, in general, more pragmatic about such things.

Merry, having by now recovered his normal colour, helped himself to a lobster tail and some sauce. "Just be sure to let me know if I try to eat anything else that's still living."

Pippin grinned, accepting with good grace that he would not have exclusive use of the feast after all. "Of course, Merry."

Aragorn leaned aside to whisper to Legolas behind his napkin. "I suppose now is not the time to tell Frodo that crabs are thought to be of the same family as spiders?"

Legolas' foot made unerringly accurate contact with the king's ankle again.

"Ouch!" Aragorn hurriedly slid his feet behind the legs of his chair. "Apparently not."

END