Chapter 9 - I Shouldn't Feel So Sad

"Hey."

Keith turned his head to the side to see Shiro, leaning on the edge of the entrance to the dining room. "Hey."

Keith's hands were full of the paper plates used during the competition. The party had moved outdoors and he decided to tidy up and have a few minutes to himself. He always felt down on the night before going home. It felt worse this time, which he figured came from the stress of the two weeks and the shortened stay. His emotions were all over the place. The trip had been crazy with so many ups and downs, he was still processing.

He was happy with his life in Altea, more so now he had Lance, Hunk, and Shay. But, even before meeting Lance, Keith hated to leave his childhood home. He never regretted his move, but coming home brought all the familiar comforts and memories. Maybe it's why Shiro's and Pidge's attitudes hurt him so much. It shadowed the happiness he always associated with home.

However, he was excited to go back. He missed Red, his apartment, and school. He thought about the painting waiting to be finished, the class he was going to propose to the College Board for Fall semester, and his comfy bed where he could curl up with Lance. He missed it and was happy to get back to his normal routine.

"You should've left this for me," Shiro said, pushing off the wall to walk over to the table to gather the remaining plates.

"It wasn't much," Keith answered with a shrug. "Might as well get it done."

Shiro followed him into the kitchen where Keith stuffed the plates into the trash. It was close to full, so he pulled the bag out of the trashcan. Shiro deposited his pile and Keith put it by the door to take out later. "You can leave the rest of the dishes for me," Shiro offered.

"I'll at least put the pots in the sink to soak," Keith said. Shiro watched in silence as he filled the pans with warm, soapy water, then washed his hands. "Want anything to drink?" Keith asked, as if he were the host.

"Sure, if you're buying."

Keith chuckled, turning to the fridge. He took out two bottles of beer, used the bottle opener on them, and handed one to Shiro. They sat on the barstools at the breakfast bar and took a long draw from their bottles, both plunking them down on the counter almost in sync. "Well, technically we put all the groceries we bought, including the beer, on your debit card, so you're the one buying," Keith said.

"I saw the charge. I should never have told you my pin number."

"You use the same pin number for everything. Dad's birthday. It's not like it's hard to figure out."

Shiro grunted, then took a swig of the beer. "I should probably change it."

"Knowing you, you'd change it to my birthday."

Shiro gave him a betrayed look. "I-I would not."

"Which tells me you use my birthday for one of your pin numbers. Good to know."

A small huff of a laugh. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm glad I can say I'm gonna miss you a little, too."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

"No."

Shiro looked down, his fingers picking at the label on the bottle. "Fair enough."

"I do appreciate that you're more your old self."

"I can't believe what an ass I've been."

"I can't either."

"Lance…Lance is wonderful, Keith."

Keith fought back the flash of irritation the statement sent through him. "You should have seen that from the start."

"I know. What's stupid is that I did. I just wouldn't let myself believe it."

"You're such a dick."

"True. I will make it up to you. And him."

"I truly hope you do."

"I gave Lance my number. Told him to text me when he felt comfortable or if he wanted."

"Lance told me."

"Pidge did, too. I told him I wouldn't bug him, but that I hoped we could become friends."

"Good. He's not going anywhere out of my life any time soon."

"I know. He's good to you. I can see it now that I'm not blinded by jealousy."

"Dick," Keith repeated.

"We're really excited to come visit next month. Allura looked into hotels. I know your place is a one bedroom."

"I can stay at Lance's place and you can have mine. But," Keith said, pausing for a few moments, "I was looking into the townhouses Hunk and Shay live in. They're really nice places with two bedrooms. Pretty roomy. If one opens up for rent, I'm gonna ask Lance to officially move in with me."

"Wow."

"And don't say it's too fast. He's pretty much living with me already. There's no point in him wasting his money on an apartment he doesn't use."

"No. I wasn't gonna say anything against it. You guys are serious about each other. I think it's great."

"You really do?"

"In spite of the evidence over the past month, I do."

Keith smiled the first genuine smile at his brother this whole trip. He believed Shiro, and while he hadn't quite forgiven him in his heart, he was well on his way. "Don't tell Lance. I'll bring it up when he gets back from his research trip."

"Look at my little brother," Shiro said, raising his half-empty bottle up in a toast. "Nabbing a doctor. Or, almost doctor."

Keith clinked his bottle against Shiro's. "Mazel Tov."

Keith and Shiro joined the group on the deck. Lance was on the porch swing with Pidge and Keith slipped onto Lance's lap as his boyfriend wrapped his arms around him. Colleen and Allura looked on from the loungers, and Coran was arguing with Sam as they leaned on the railing. Keith's heart was feeling heavier, knowing they'd be leaving after breakfast the following morning.

As if sensing his mood, Lance nuzzled against him. "Oof, you're too heavy to be on my lap."

"I guess that rules out me ever riding you," Keith shot back, quietly so no one but Lance could hear him.

He didn't count on Pidge's catlike ears. "Jesus, fuck, Keith," she said, shooting him a dirty look.

Lance flushed, but also laughed. "Just keep your weight on your knees, Keithy," he gasped. Pidge elbowed Lance in the side, which made his laugh stutter. Her expression morphed into something frightened, as if she realized she went too far, but Lance started laughing harder.

Keith half-heartedly kicked her in the shin. "Sorry. I forgot I was speaking in front of a little kid."

She sputtered, "I'm not a little kid!"

"You just look like it."

"Fuck you!"

"Katherine Maria Holt," Colleen said in a stern voice.

"Oo-ooh," Lance said, surprising Keith with the teasing tone, "the full name. Someone's in trouble."

Keith could see the almost-eye roll from Pidge, but the young girl knew better than to do it in front of Colleen, who had pinned Pidge with a stern look. So, to gross out Pidge more, he nodded, "On my knees?" he said in a musing tone. "I suppose I could do that. You are pretty skinny, so I should have room to bounce."

Pidge squirmed, sending a little glare to Keith. "If you think I'm a little kid, stop talking about smashing your bits together in front of me."

Keith relented, secretly happy that Lance seemed relaxed about Pidge. "Okay, Pidgey. I'll respect your child's mind."

"Keith…"

"Sorry, Colleen!" he said, contrite.

"Bring Lance back to us soon," Colleen said, drawing Keith into a hug. "Hunk and Shay as well. We adored all three of them."

"I'm sure you'll be on the guest list for the wedding," Keith said, tightening his arms around her. As Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Shay planned to leave early in the morning, Sam, Colleen, and Coran were saying their goodbyes tonight. Pidge and Matt planned to come over before they left for their goodbyes. Which, to be honest, Keith was doubtful about. Getting Pidge out of bed before noon was a miracle in and of itself.

Keith had always loved Colleen, who he saw as a sort of surrogate mother as he grew up. Without his own mother around, Colleen was there to listen to all of Keith's childhood thoughts and fancies, and Keith's teenage problems. Sam and Colleen were best friends with his dad, and helped Shiro and Keith through their grief after his passing. It was as hard to say goodbye to the Holts as it was to Shiro.

"We wouldn't miss it for the world," Colleen said, giving one last squeeze and pulling back. Instead of letting go, however, she reached up to cradle Keith's cheeks. "I am so proud of you, Keith," she said, giving him a small smile. "Your dad would be incredibly proud of you, too."

He felt the sting of tears. He always hoped his father would have a sense of pride in what Keith had accomplished, but Keith could never be sure. He felt his father would like Lance – his dad appreciated a sense of humor and Keith knew Dad would love how Lance took care of him. Hearing it from Colleen, who knew his father so well, meant a lot.

"I sure hope he would be."

"He is. I know he is. I am and Hank always listened to me."

Keith laughed, giving her another hug. "Thank you for everything. Including your help with my stubborn brother and my more stubborn friend. And for talking to Lance."

"You know I don't like to meddle," she said, laughing when he snorted. "Much," she amended. "But you and Lance deserve each other, so don't let two sourpusses destroy what you're building with him."

"I won't," he promised.

"Because I'm expecting an invite soon for your wedding." With that, she pulled away to go say goodbye to Lance, leaving Keith spluttering for a few moments.

Sam's hug was short, but as heartfelt. While Keith had Shiro as a father figure, Sam also filled that place in his life. Sam was quiet and unassuming, but loved Hank's kids as if they were his own. "I was so happy to meet Lance and your friends."

"I'm glad you and Colleen are as awesome as you are. Thanks for giving Lance a good welcome."

"Unlike Shiro and my stubborn girl? They're coming around, son, don't worry. They both love you too much and I think they see, now, what Lance means to you. And, even more so, what you mean to him."

"Our last breakfast together," Shiro announced in a morose tone.

Keith set Shiro's plate in front of him, then punched him on the arm. "Don't make it sound like I'm never gonna see you again. I'm not dead."

"I know. Let me be sad, today, okay?" Shiro pleaded, rubbing at his upper arm. "And thanks for the goodbye bruise."

"I want to give you something to remember me."

"Like I'd ever forget your annoying ass."

"We'll be back soon," Hunk spoke up, putting plates in front of Lance and Shay. He and Keith had worked together this last morning to put together a huge breakfast for everyone. Pidge, somehow, had dragged herself out of bed and sat yawning next to Lance. The breakfast was Hunk's idea – one last hurrah of his cooking before leaving and depriving the Garrison City folks of his talent. Well, it's what Lance claimed, anyway.

"And it's not like you can't visit us," Lance said, pulling his plate of omelet closer and picking up his fork.

Keith sat on the other side of Lance, not hiding the expression of surprise on his face. It was rather significant for Lance to say, and gave Keith hope. He caught Shiro's look across from him. His brother looked surprised as well, but pleased. He was happy Lance said it, since the plan was for Shiro, Allura, Pidge, and Matt to come down to Altea for a surprise birthday party if things went well between Lance, Shiro, and Pidge over the next month.

"We would love to," Allura replied smoothly. "If for no other reason than to dine at Hunk's."

They all laughed and Hunk blushingly replied, "You know I will always be happy to cook for you."

"Just make sure you give us enough notice for the wedding," Matt warned between shovelfuls of his food. "I want to make sure I'm there to steal the bride away."

Shay blushed and Hunk tried to look angry, but failed.

"You couldn't handle her," Lance declared.

"That's the truth," Shay agreed, aiming a sly grin at Matt, who gamely nodded.

"No argument here. A boy can dream." He turned his eyes on Hunk. "I could steal the groom away."

Pidge spoke up, "Do you honestly think you could defeat Shay in battle and steal Hunk? Or that Hunk would even be happy with your basic ass?"

"Aw, I feel the love, Pidgey," Matt cooed at her. "But," he said, smiling at Hunk, "I promise to treat you like a queen. No, I mean king."

Hunk shook his head. "Sorry, Matt. It's tempting…" he coughed a 'not' in his hand, "…but I've made a commitment to this beautiful lady here."

Matt blew out a loud sigh. "I have no luck," he whined.

"You're trying too hard," Shiro said after a sip of orange juice. Hunk, of course, had fresh-squeezed it. "And, constantly going after people who are already together with someone."

"True," Matt agreed easily. "Still," he said, eyeing Hunk and Shay once more, "I'm not opposed to sharing."

"I just have trouble believing you can't find someone," Lance said, then spluttered a protest when everyone laughed. "I said before, he's cute and nice!"

Shiro rolled his eyes. "Matt's kind of a player. He's never serious about relationships, just hookups."

"Now, Shiro…" Matt said, frowning at his best friend.

"Tell me I'm wrong."

Matt's mouth dropped open, but he didn't say anything.

"If you want a relationship," Pidge said in a growly, morning voice, "quit being a fucking ho and be serious."

They all laughed while Matt pouted down at his plate.

Allura threatened bodily harm when Lance and Shay tried to clear the table and do dishes. They protested, but she showed her terrifying side and shoo'ed them out of the dining room and kitchen. "Shiro and I can take care of cleaning after you guys head out. There's no reason for you to do it!"

"We can while Hunk and Keith load the car," Lance protested.

"No," she said firmly, shaking a fist at him, causing Lance to throw up his hands defensively.

"Okay okay!" he said, glancing at Shay.

"I don't know why you were arguing with her in the first place," Shay said, shrugging.

"I should know better!" he said, scampering off toward Keith's room.

Allura sighed. "Ugh, I'm going to miss you all so much!"

Shay gave Allura a hug, too. "We're going to miss you, too! It's been great to have a girlfriend to hang out with!"

Allura checked to make sure Lance was gone. "At least we can see you next month!"

Keith found Lance in his room, his suitcase open on the bed, folding shirts neatly and tucking them inside. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at Keith. "Just finishing up, Keithy. Shouldn't take me long."

Keith came up behind him and slid his arms around the slim waist, pressing his forehead against the nape of Lance's neck. "No hurry, love," he murmured. "We've got some time. It's only a bit after nine."

Lance dropped another folded shirt into the suitcase, then turned in Keith's arms to face him, draping his arms over Keith's shoulders. "You okay?"

Of course, Lance would notice his mood. "Yeah, I'm good."

"I know you're not telling me the truth," Lance said, a loving smile on his lips. He pressed his smile against Keith's forehead. Keith closed his eyes, feeling a smile slide onto his own face.

"I always feel a little sad before leaving," Keith admitted.

"Of course you do, baby," Lance said.

"I feel like I shouldn't. I've been gone for two years. I'm twenty-four. I shouldn't feel so sad."

"I'd think it weirder if you didn't feel sad. I feel the same when I leave Miami. Ask Hunk. I cry for hours. Days." Keith huffed a laugh. Lance kissed his nose and continued, "I've been gone six years and it's always the same. I know I'll feel sad thirty years from now. Your family, friends, and memories are here, Keithy. It makes sense that you'd be sad."

"I guess." They were quiet for a few minutes, giving each other long, slow kisses.

Lance stopped kissing him to hug him close, his chin resting on Keith's shoulder. "I won't judge if you cry a little," he promised.

"Thanks," Keith said dryly. He tightened his hold on Lance's waist. "I'm sorry this trip was so shit."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault how Shiro and Pidge acted."

"Still…"

"No. Don't take any of the blame on yourself. Besides," he said, pulling back to look into Keith's eyes. "There's been some pretty amazing parts of this trip."

Keith nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I did get to see your dick, I guess."

Lance pouted, shoving Keith out of his arms, which made Keith laugh. "I meant you telling me you loved me, ass," Lance complained, turning his back on Keith to continue packing.

Keith tried to kiss on him, but no matter what he did, Lance kept his back turned to him, twisting and turning and squirming away at all of Keith's attempts. Keith could tell he was trying not to laugh, so Keith resorted to dirty tricks by digging his fingers into Lance's sides.

Lance screeched, whipping around to fend off his rude boyfriend, but Keith pressed his advantage and Lance collapsed in laughter, pulling Keith with him right onto the futon.

They stopped laughing at the loud *CRACK* as the futon collapsed underneath them.

"I can't believe you broke the futon," Shiro said, placing Shay's bag into the trunk of Keith's car.

"We weren't even fucking or anything," Keith said.

"Keithy!" Lance yelled.

"You owe me for it," Shiro said. "Is that everything?"

"It is. I'll send you a check. It's already in the mail."

"Somehow, I doubt it," Shiro said in a dry tone.

"Buy a better futon next time. Or, maybe a real bed," Keith suggested.

"It's fifteen years old, Keith. And I didn't buy it."

"You should have upgraded."

"It worked."

"Buy a fucking bed, Shiro," Keith said in a flat tone that got Shiro laughing.

Keith knew the banter was a way to postpone their leaving. He and Shiro always did it before Keith got in the car to drive away. Shay and Allura were crying in each other's arms. Hunk was hugging Matt, and Lance stood at Keith's side, waiting patiently.

When Pidge took her turn at a hug with him, she clung to him in a way she never had before. "I'm so sorry," she choked out between sniffs.

"I know, Pidgey."

"I'll do my best to make it up to you."

"I really hope so. I do love you."

"I love you, too, you big jerk."

He laughed, kissing the top of her head.

They all hugged each other, though both Shiro and Pidge approached Lance cautiously. He allowed their hugs, brief as they were, and it gave Keith more hope things would eventually smooth over. Shiro clung to Keith last, tightly, and Keith felt the tears well up in his eyes. He squeezed them shut to control them, but a couple slipped out.

"I'm gonna miss you, little brother," Shiro said.

Keith cleared his throat. "We'll see you soon. I promise." He felt he could say that without arousing Lance's curiosity.

"We will," Shiro said, his voice suspiciously thick. As they pulled away, Keith saw Shiro's red eyes and tears and felt his heart constrict. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

"You ready, love?" Lance asked, placing his hand on the small of Keith's back.

"Uh, yeah," he said, clearing his burning throat again.

Allura dabbed at her eyes, Matt and Pidge waved, and Shiro tried a brave smile as they pulled out of the driveway. Everyone in the car waved back; Keith put the car in drive and started the ride home.

Lance could not stop yawning and, in fact, dozed off a few times during the drive home. A drive home that was, for the most part, quiet. As if all occupants of the little, red car were lost in their own thoughts. Keith, amped on on the four cups of coffee he had at breakfast and the large Americano with two shots of espresso from Starbucks, was wide-awake. He had the radio on, but low, so as not to disturb his sleepy passengers.

Hunk watched the scenery go by, his arm around Shay who was slumped up against him snoring slightly. Lance drifted in and out of consciousness, his hand fumbling for Keith's when he woke. It had been a long and emotional two weeks, so Keith understood his passengers' states and didn't blame them. If Lance weren't so exhausted himself, Keith would suggest Lance drive so he could get some sleep, but he let his Sleeping Beauty rest.

"So, it's been quite the trip," Hunk said in a soft tone not meant to wake Shay or Lance.

Keith thumbed the volume down on the radio. "Mm. Quite," he agreed in the same low tone.

"I think it'll take awhile to unravel everything that happened."

Keith let out a small huff. "True. I know it will take me awhile. I can't imagine what Lance is going through."

"He'll be okay," Hunk assured him.

Keith took a moment, as traffic was almost non-existent, to glance at the man next to him. Lance's head pressed against the window and his breathing was calm. There was even a slight smile on his face as he slept. Keith wished they had a pillow in the car. Though he was sleeping peacefully, Keith worried that Lance would wake with a crick in his neck from his position.

"I know he will. He's a strong guy."

Lance yawned all the way through their goodbyes to Hunk and Shay, promising not to bother them for a few days, though both of them assured Lance he was never a bother. "I don't know," Lance said. "I mean, you did just spend two straight weeks with us. I'm sure you need a break."

"Okay, nothing about these past two weeks were really straight," Hunk said, getting a snort from both Lance and Keith. "And we never need a break from you. We love you. Both of you."

"Thanks for everything, guys," Keith said, hugging Shay, then Hunk. "You guys helped so much."

"It's what we're here for, Keith," Hunk said, reaching up to pat Keith on the head like a little kid. Keith playfully batted at his hand. "You're our family, now. And Lance has always been."

"I can't wait to see Red," Lance said, bouncing in his seat. He was wide-awake, now, with only the occasional yawn breaking his façade of energy.

"Be prepared to be ignored," Keith warned. "Red punishes me for a long time if I leave him for a few days. I can't imagine what he's gonna do after two weeks."

"That's right. You usually bring him to Garrison City with you, huh?"

"I have. It's not exactly fun listening to him screech for four hours, but I couldn't leave him for a month or two."

"Oh, god, no, Keithy," Lance gasped. "I couldn't imagine that!"

"What? Leaving him that long or listening to his screeching?"

"Both. Both is good."

It was a relief to see the familiar outline of their apartment building. He couldn't wait to be back to their routine and their bed. He tried not to think about Lance leaving soon. What was he going to do for a whole month without the love of his life? The selfish part of himself wanted to convince Lance not to go, but it was a very small part of himself. He'd never seriously consider standing in the way of Lance's education. It was still going to be a lonely month. Now that he was used to Lance holding him in sleep, he didn't think he'd be able to sleep much.

Hopefully, his art muse would be active during the month. He had a short class to teach, but nothing else scheduled, so he wanted to devote every moment to painting so he wouldn't think about the crushing quiet he knew would descend on their apartment.

They wearily made their way to their floor, dragging their bags behind them. "It's good to be home," Lance whined out as Keith dug his keys out of his pocket when they stopped in front of Keith's door.

As if in answer, a yowl sounded behind the closed door that made both young men laugh. "The lecture begins," Keith said, turning the key in the lock and letting themselves in.

Keith had not exaggerated to Lance. From the moment they crossed the threshold, Red chastised them for a good fifteen minutes. The little Lord of the Manor followed them about as they went into the bedroom, turned on the AC, unpacked their clothes, put away toiletries, and checked out the place. Red voiced his displeasure in strangled yowls, but didn't allow either Keith or Lance to touch him, swiping his noble paw at them when they tried to soothe.

"We'll just have to wait until he's done telling us what he thinks of us," Keith said. "Or until dinnertime when he relents."

"I'm gonna pop over to my place and make sure everything is okay," Lance decided. "Maybe dust. I'm sure it's probably a mess right now."

"Okay, baby. Put your colors in the basket. I'll start a load of laundry while you do that. I need to clean a bit here, too."

"I should have taken tomorrow off," Lance said, flopping on the floor to empty out his suitcase. He tossed items into the basket next to him, putting his whites to the side. "Or I should not have stayed up so late last night."

"We can crash early tonight," Keith suggested. He'd sat on the floor next to Lance to go through his own clothing. "And order in. I can't gather enough energy to cook anything. Or go to the store to get something to make."

"Chinese," Lance said firmly.

"Sounds good to me."

Lance hummed a happy little sound and soon both of their bags were emptied. Lance disappeared and Keith hauled the laundry down and put it in the washer. As he slid his card into the machine, he thought about the past couple of weeks. It would take him a long time to process it, he knew, but as much as it had been bad, there were so many great highlights.

He almost melted there on the laundry room floor. Lance loved Keith. Lance now knew Keith loved him. It opened up so much of the future for them. The washer started filling and he knew he should go back, but he stood there frozen in awe until the machine clunked into the next cycle. His future with Lance. He could see it, clear as day, written on the wall of concrete blocks, illuminated by the spotty fluorescent light of the basement laundry room.

Years of love, fights, laughter, tears, adventure, dull days. Building a family, making friends, growing their careers. Something Keith dreamed of, but had no idea he would ever achieve. It overwhelmed him while at the same time excited him. A small part wanted to rush out to the nearest jewelry store and seal the deal, but he held the thought back. Soon enough, for sure. Soon enough.

The text message alert on his phone pinged four times before he pulled it out of his pocket. Lance, of course, asking where he was and that he'd ordered the food already and got Keith Kung Pao chicken and Garlic Noodles and Wontons and hoped it was okay. Keith smiled, moving his thumb over the screen to send a message back that he was in the laundry room and would be up in a sec and that Lance was perfect and ended with an "I love you" he knew would bring a brilliant flush to Lance's cheeks.

The machine clunked into the next cycle and Keith pushed off it to head upstairs. Hopefully, Lance would still be blushing and the Chinese food would be here soon. He smiled as his steps quickened. He couldn't wait to get back to the man he loved.