THE INCARNATION

Chapter 5: Month Eight - Obligations

Loki's world was turned upside down when he saw his brother, the Golden Prince, the Favored Son, pushed from the Bifrost and into indefinite banishment on Midgard. His shock quickly morphed into guilt. He had plotted and prodded… knowing too well how easily Thor could be incited into idiocy. Still, he had never dreamed to so incite the All-Father's wrath or that Odin could ever bestow such a punishment on Thor.

If Thor received such a punishment from Odin's hands, what would he say if Loki's involvement with the Frost Giants was uncovered? How much greater would his own punishment be for revealing weaknesses in Asgard's defenses to their enemies… and then acting as an accessory to a declaration of war?

Loki's guilt felt like a boulder on his shoulders and quickly flooded his heart with fear.

How long would Thor be stranded on Midgard? Defenseless and without even the protection of his natal form? Banishment alone was a punishment beyond comprehension, but to be bound to the form of a mortal was even worse. He would rather be bound to the form of a dumb beast than that of a Midgardian for at least a beast would have no knowledge of its state. To maintain the soul of an Aesir in the form of a mortal, with all memories of what Thor had once been, was beyond comprehension.

Loki wandered the halls of the palace in a daze.

It grew all the worse when the All-Father suddenly succumbed to the Odinsleep and Frigga placed Gungnir in his hands. If the truth of what he had done was discovered, if Frigga suspected what had occurred, she would not have entrusted him with the realm. He no longer trusted himself.

He reaped his own reward for his deeds when an army of Frost Giants invaded through the secret pathway he had revealed to them. They demanded the Casket in exchange for their secrecy over his treachery. He refused, but it was too late. Heimdall had seen and heard all and Frigga was informed.

The disappointment in her eyes was worse than a vial of poison and far more of a punishment than the All-Father's wrath.

"Oh, Loki," was all she could say.

She held out her hand for Gungnir to fall back into it and Loki could not even argue against it. Then it was Frigga who took the throne and handled sealing up the secret passages between Jotunheim and Asgard and trying to repair the fractured alliance between realms.

In penance for his transgression, Loki was assigned the task of keeping vigil over Odin in his magical sleep. Day and night, he sat by the unmoving side of his father, watching as his shuddered eyelids flickered in distant dreams and memories and the wisdom of the ages. The golden veil of power covered the All-Father, who looked all the more wizened and haggard for his long delay in rest.

Loki did not wonder at such a delay- with two such princes in line for the throne. If Thor had been unworthy of ruling, what of Loki?

Oooooo

When Odin woke, the hard as ice expression in his one eye told Loki all he needed to know. Loki shrank in his chair like a child about to be scolded and grit his teeth.

"Since when was Loki Odinson charged with contradicting the All-Father's decrees?" Odin said. He sat up, strength exuding from his refreshed body like water from a spring, and he stared so penetratingly into Loki's eyes that Loki felt he could read every thought within his mind. "Thor may be cruel, arrogant, and greedy, but you, my son, will allow all Asgard to be consumed by your jealousy and pride."

Odin could not very well banish both heirs and so Loki remained in Asgard. Alone. Without his brother for the first time in his very long life.

"When will you bring Thor back?" Loki asked his father, some months after Thor's banishment.

"I will not be bringing him back," Odin replied. "Thor will bring himself back, when he proves he has learned his lesson."

"How long will that take?" Loki asked, uncomfortable at the open-ended nature of his answer.

"Whether it last three days or a thousand years, what is that to you?" Odin answered. "You said yourself that Thor was not ready for the throne. Let him become better prepared."

An Asgard without Thor was like a summer without the sun. For so long, Loki had existed as the shadow to that sun, the night to his day, the winter to his summer. Without Thor, Loki felt set adrift and aimless. Who was there to correct? What was there to measure himself against and fall short from? Who was there to take the penetrating gaze of Odin and the rest of Asgard away from resting on Loki alone? He could no longer hide in the shadows, haunt to the library, or glory in Thor's fumbles.

Royal tasks fell on his shoulders alone. All social niceties, and transgressions of etiquette, were his alone and born by himself. The direction of the Warriors Three and Sif belonged to him. Odin's many lessons, tasks, chidings, and musings were carried by Loki alone. When the diplomats came from Nidavellir, it was Loki who must perform for them. When a ritual hunt was called for the Aesir, it was Loki who must head it, in Thor's absence. He could not hide in the shadows of Thor's gilded charisma.

It was more than in royal duties that Loki felt Thor's absence. Gone were the midnight explosions into his chambers, half intoxicated and booming about the victories on the latest quest. Gone were the knowing looks and shared jokes between brothers. Gone were the jests and teasing, the constant edge of competition and comparison.

How long had Loki relied on Thor like a crutch and allowed himself to spiral around Thor like a planet around a star? How long had Loki delighted in this arrangement, all the while despising it? Now, without Thor, he found he must lead, and he must take to the forefront. Loki must stand as sole son of Odin, or fall as sole son of Odin. If he was honest with himself, he could not say he preferred this arrangement. Who was there to make Loki appear wise? Who was there to make Loki superior than he truly was? He was forced to stand in the light of his own merit and he felt all the more his own lack.

All that remained was Loki.

He wondered how many others looked upon him and said he was unworthy.

Loki was convinced now, all the more, that he had no desire to ever be king.

Oooooo

Thor missed the rain. He didn't realize how much satisfaction he gained through the scent, the feel of conjuring the storm, the thickness of the gathering clouds, the wetness in the air, or the way the very earth seemed to breathe a sigh of relief after a deluge. He found joy in watching things grow and drink in what he gave. He delighted in knowing that people could count on a strong harvest due to the work of his hand.

In the barren New Mexico landscape, he could count on one hand the number of times it had rained. The storms were spectacular and so were the burst of wildflowers borne out of them, but he had to wait for the rain to come. He could not call it whenever he wished.

He wished he could summon rain to make Jane a garden of her own.

He missed knowing he was stronger than any other he came across. His defeat at the hands of an average Midgardian left him feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before. He was not invincible. He could be overthrown. That meant his home, his family, they too were vulnerable. He could not fulfill his role of protector and guardian as he was meant to, as he longed to do.

With the return of his enchanted Mjolnir talisman, his confidence grew. He knew he could finally tap into some of his innate magic. He still had one gift, one innate magic all his own, that he had thought diminished. Now, he hoped he could grant one gift to his Midgardian patroness, one way of proving himself worthy of her, of showing he was not entirely inept or without honor.

Thor, as prince, had an entirely different set of expectations on him than the rest of his Aesir counterparts. The rules were simple for him. He could do as he pleased in private, but in public, he must never show a preference to any but his queen and wife. The expectations were not so dissimilar in the lower classes of Asgard, but the amount of scandal to be expected from breaching taboos lessened according to the amount of property and influence of the wronged party. No one would think twice over two unwed servants gallivanting in a courtyard in Asgard. However, if one member of the party was a landholder, well, then it would be the outcry of the kingdom.

Someday, Thor would be expected to declare an official queen. Most expected the Lady Sif to be the obvious choice, however it was not the season set apart for marriages and families yet. On Asgard, all social life circled around the bi-millennial reproductive cycle of Aesir women. Of every five hundred years, one hundred was set aside for the creation of new houses and family lines. All warfare and inter-realm trade ceased and all Aesir came home for a time of what they called "Harvest." It was as if everything in Asgard took in a deep breath and reset itself for the next generation.

It was during this season that marriages were declared, spouses were exchanged or added, and offspring were possible. By the time the Harvest ended, the young had reached their maturity and no longer required the intensive care of their parents. Business and trade outside the realm resumed. Warriors took up their swords and traders their wares and all set their sights far afield from Asgard and onto the greater expanse of the Nine Realms.

As the bearer of Mjolnir and wielder of lightning, he was symbolically expected to preside over the beginning of each Harvest. It was the rain which made the earth seed and blossom and grow and it was his presence at the Harvest which declared the Aesir's seasons of growth had similarly come to fruition. During his first Harvest, he had been present at every single marriage of import and called forth rain on each, as was expected. However, it had been far too soon for his age-set to enter the Harvest as participants. It would not be until his second or third Harvest when his age-set would be expected to wed.

As a prince, Thor's choices in wife were a matter of great political importance and could not be ruled by the easier arrangements that the rest of the Aesir employed. It was not unusual for Aesir to exchange spouses at each Harvest, according to their whims and social aspirations. Since the stability of the realm depended on the role of the queen in the affairs of state, Thor was not permitted that luxury. Thus, he was not expected to declare a queen until his coronation and any dalliances before or after were simply not recognized.

On Midgard, Thor was neither prince nor wealthy Aesir. He had not land of his own and no house of extended kin who depended on him for protection and sustenance. He was reduced to the status of little better than a common laborer or house servant and he was acutely aware of this whenever he caught Jane worrying over bread and reducing his rations for drink.

In comparison with himself, Jane was a wealthy, established woman of means and autonomy. The Midgardians who interacted with her held in her respect and deferred to her greater knowledge. They used a title of honor when addressing her and did not expect her to perform menial labor for herself. She made decisions without consulting external kin and, as far as he could tell, she relied on no other patron for her well-being or protection. She held her own property and was beholden to none.

He considered himself lucky to have gained the patronage of such a woman. Thor was not surprised when Jane made advances on him and welcomed him into her bed. It was not uncommon for wealthy, unconnected women to take on their house servants or men of lower class as lovers. He considered himself fortunate that she was not only good-natured and companionable, but pleasing in face and form. While this was a sting to his pride, he would willingly accept the arrangement and even enjoy it.

He was surprised, however, when she began to shower him with affection when they toured Puente Antiguo or when they spent time within the glass-walled space of her lab. He had not realized she was serious enough for such a formal declaration of intent. For her to parade him alongside herself, out in the light of day and in the eyes of others, meant she wished for him as more than lover but as formal consort and he knew what expectations went along with such a position.

On Asgard, if a woman in possession of her own lands and fortune openly took a man with lesser means and connections into her home, all participants understood what to expect. Women of means who did not wish for their autonomy or holdings to be disturbed by the interference of a more influential husband would often choose men of lesser station to fill this role. While her lover's family would not be able to provide the appropriate gifts for a formal marriage arrangement, both families would, nonetheless, understand the pair to be married. The man could be expected to gain in both prestige and future status through the alliance, if he served his role honorably. Thor had known of young warriors from poor families who contented themselves with such marriages, until their positions were elevated enough for them to marry on their own merit.

Since the man could grant his wife no benefits of social standing or possessions, he was expected to serve as her protector and assist with her properties, at her direction. Most importantly, this chosen man was expected to father an heir, or his position and standing could be challenged.

Thor had thought… well, Jane was no maiden and her former lovers had dwelt in her home, under her patronage, but they had failed to perform their duties by her and she remained childless. He had thought that was why she sent them away. When Jane agreed to allow him to stay in her home, continued to provide for his needs, invited him into her bed, and then openly declared him as consort through her public actions, he thought he understood what she was asking him for.

He willingly assisted Jane with both her estate and her work, and fulfilled all the roles a husband should be expected to fulfill. He found no small amount of anticipation in the thought of fathering a child. He knew Midgardians were not like Asgardians and their cycles of procreation were not bound to a certain season. He rather enjoyed the thought of bypassing so much waiting and having such experiences so soon. The prospect gave him something to look forward to, a purpose to guide him through his otherwise floundering days. He knew his role and where he fit now.

As Jane's consort, he had greater standing and security than before. He was wed to her for the duration of their children's youth and she was beholden to him as his patroness until the time that their children reached maturity. He did not exactly know how long it took Midgardian children to age, but he knew it was laughingly faster than Aesir children. It would be a novelty like none of his age mates had yet experienced. He rather delighted in besting them all at something.

He was surprised when, a few months after their informal marriage, Jane did not show signs of being with child. He watched her and monitored her carefully, but he began to grow worried. What if he could not give her a child? She would be sorely disappointed with him and he would not be able to repay her for all the kindness she had given to him. Even worse, if he proved himself impotent, she may even reject him and replace him with another. Such a rejection would be all the worse for the it to come to the one who once wielded Mjolnir.

When his brother returned his Mjolnir necklace to him, his hopes were renewed. It may not be able to summon a storm to enrich this land around him, but it contained enough power to provide his patroness with an heir.

He carried himself even taller when he instinctively recognized his success. He did not think Jane had yet noticed how her form had already begun to shift and soften. Then again, Darcy had always reminded him that Jane tended to become so caught up in her mind that she forgot she had a physical form at all sometimes. It seemed that in this, she was no different.

He would wait until she noticed so he could see her joy himself. If nothing else, he had proved himself more valuable than her former lovers and this pleased him. Jane would be satisfied and he could look with anticipation to continuing to increase his estimation in her eyes and prove himself of greater worth than he had been at first. In the meantime, he knew this was why his mother had sent the twin pair of ceremonial daggers. One was to be carried by Thor, the other by his wife, as a symbol of his role as protector and guardian of their house and family. Even if he was only a consort to the House of Foster, he would retain the dignity of giving his wife a ceremonial dagger encrusted with the symbols of the House of Thor. Any who came across her would know that she, and her offspring, were under his protection and he would defend their honor, in case need arose.

When he knew her to be with child, he finally felt confident enough to give her the dagger. She had seemed surprised. He wondered that Midgardians did not have such a custom of their own or if her surprise was merely due to not expecting him to have access to such a finely crafted dagger.

"A knife?" she asked.

"It is more than a knife. It is… uh… for your protection. Promise me, you will wear it always?" he pleaded.

"Ok. I'll, uh, try," she said. "I don't know much about weapons, though."

"Then wear it as a bangle, until you have need of a weapon. It will grant you strength and health as well as protection."

He showed her how with the press of one of the red gemstones, it retracted into a thick bracelet, studded with engravings of little hammers and glistening rubies. It still hummed with power, though he could not feel it as well as he once would have been able to. He knew the magic was strong, for his mother had enchanted it herself, and none in the Nine Realms would be able to grant their wife such a dagger.

He may not be able to return to Asgard or lift Mjolnir, but at least, for a moment, he felt himself worthy.