THE INCARNATION

Chapter 6: Month Nine - Friends

There were no stars that night and still Jane sat on the rooftop. She stared upward, as if it were the stars she sought when in reality her eyes grasped for answers they could not find in the sky. The flames of her fire flickered down to near embers, but still she sat. She pulled her sleeping bag tighter around her and pretended she did not need to stoke the dying flames.

She was interrupted from her musings by the sound of light feet on the ladder. A familiar pony tail and set of dark-rimmed glasses peeked over the edge of the roof and held a white disposable cup in one hand. Carefully, she climbed the rest of the way over the ledge and collapsed in the chair next to Jane. She gave a huff and frowned at the cloud her breath made around her face.

"It's freezing up here, woman. What's the point of a firepit without fire?"

Darcy stood and added a few more split logs onto the simmering orange and smiled in satisfaction when the hungry flames eagerly lapped them up.

Jane didn't even turn her gaze from the clouds. "I don't want to hear it," she said, in place of greeting.

Darcy snorted. "Hi to you, too. What don't you want to hear?"

"Your 'I told you so.'"

"Good. Cause I wasn't gonna say it. I brought you coffee. It's the good stuff."

This got Jane's attention and she turned to the cup in Darcy's hands. She eagerly took it in her hands as the peace offering it was, despite her growing skepticism. "You drove two hours to bring me coffee?"

"It's decaf."

"Ugh," Jane groaned. She drank it anyway. "Did Thor call you?"

"No. Isabella did... and then Louis. I guess they have an undeified Norse god on their hands who is making his own little thunderstorm of tears behind the restaurant. They called for backup."

"Yeah. That could have gone better. I kinda over reacted."

Darcy shrugged. "To be fair, finding out your alien 'friends with benefits' thinks you are his 'wife' is enough for a decent blow out. Finding out you are his baby mama is on a whole nother level."

"It shouldn't be possible. It never was possible. I don't even know what to think."

"Hey, you wouldn't be the first woman to get surprised. These things happen, even with protection."

"No, Darcy. They don't. Not to me. The doctors always told me I couldn't. I had a congenital abnormality. They said it was basically physically impossible for me to get pregnant. Ever. And I was good with that. You know how I am. I thought it was better than way. Then I could spend all my energy on my research and not have to think about anyone else. I made sure all the men I dated were good with that, too. It's just, now what do I do? This wasn't in my plan. Ever."

"And having an alien fall from the sky in front of your van was?"

"You have a point. That was also a surprise, but a different kind."

"Yeah. I guess this one is a bit more terrestrial… and not as helpful to your research."

Jane sighed. "That's one way to put it. What am I gonna do?"

"Oh, no, Boss Lady. I know when to keep my nose in coffee and out of y'all's business. I'm just here for moral support...for both of you."

"Are you going to see Thor?"

"Just came from there… hence your reheated coffee."

"Is he…?"

"Like a kicked puppy who is wandering lost around Puente Antiguo? Yeah. I explained how things work here the best I could. Louis helped. So did Isabella. I think Louis is gonna take Thor home with him for a few days. You know, till you both can figure yourselves out."

Jane felt guilt at the rush of relief she felt at that, but she couldn't help it. It was too much to take in and she didn't think she'd be able to think straight with Thor's bright blue eyes watching her every movement.

"I'm a terrible person," Jane said. She hung her head in her hands and failed to look over at Darcy. From Darcy's answering silence, she knew her friend was listening. "We only fought because he told me he wasn't going to take the SHIELD job. I was so caught up thinking how perfect the job would be for me that I never once thought about it from his side of things. Do you know why he didn't take it?"

"Because they are heartless suits who stole all your research?"

"See, even you get it more than I do. Not exactly. Because they suspect he's not from Earth and they want to keep an eye on him and run tests on him… possibly worse. I didn't even think of that, yet, isn't that basically what I've been doing with him, too? Using him for my own research and not thinking about him as a…what do we call him? A person?"

"Well, if he's human now, I think it's safe to call him a person."

"Yeah, well, despite how much I distrust SHIELD and how much they've set me back with my research, still, I wanted him to work for them so I could wash my hands of him for awhile without feeling guilty. That was terrible."

Darcy didn't answer, which Jane felt was answer enough. She finished up her coffee and threw the cup into the fire at her feet and watched as it sizzled and burned. "I've never been good at 'people stuff.' Science is easy. It's more black and white and easier to test and understand. There are laws that can be discovered and predicted. People, well, they are hard. They don't do what I expect and I don't always understand them. I don't even understand myself. But I can't always solve everything with a spectroscope and astro comb."

"Not even aliens… or demigods. You sure you don't have a baby snake in there?"

Jane snorted. "That would be more interesting. No. Thor's human now, or 'mortal' as he puts it. He assured me that everything would be entirely 'Midgardian.'"

"No Sigurds or Percy Jacksons? That's too bad. I'd like to see a baby thunderstorm."

At that Jane managed to chuckle and she realized that Darcy had managed to cheer her up in a way that only Darcy's personal brand of magic could muster. She stretched out and yawned. Then she stood.

"Well, I think I need to sleep. I'm exhausted. Are you staying the night?"

"Of course. I'm staying the weekend, actually."

"I'm glad. Thanks. For more than the coffee."

"You got it, Boss Lady," Darcy said and threw her arms around Jane in a quick hug.

Oooooo

Cabinets opened and slammed shut. Plates clattered and the microwave hummed. Thor could hear Louis humming to himself and open up a can of soda.

"Hey, man, you ok out there? It's cold," Louis called through the sliding door.

"I am well. The cold does not bother me," Thor answered. He lied. The cold, this minimal amount of it, should not bother him. It never had before. Now, he felt his skin prickle beneath his hands and he felt all the more determined to deny that he could feel it. If he pretended, then perhaps he could ignore how very weak he felt.

"Fine, fine. I'mma head out soon. See you ina few."

"May your journey be bountiful and your quest courageous."

Louis chuckled heartily and shut the door again.

Louis spent the better part of each week driving his trucking route. This left the small apartment inhabited only by Thor. It was quiet. Too quiet. When Louis returned, the apartment was filled with Louis' friends and family members again and Thor felt more at ease. When Louis left, well, then Thor was forced to face the emptiness again and it grew harder each time.

He still wore his vest and hardhat. True to his word, Louis connected him to a cousin who needed strong backs and arms to work at a construction site. They paid cash and asked no questions. It was hard work, but it was work and it made him tired enough to sleep. Even still, the nights seemed too long and he wished he didn't wake quite as often as he did.

Over and over again, his mind replayed that final conversation with Jane.

"Perfect," Jane had said. "You've got no job. You have no money. You don't even know how long you are staying. Then you decided to 'give me' a kid. Then what? Did you just plan on leaving me with your kid, once your dad calls you home? Did you even stop to consider the future or think of anyone but yourself?"

"How dare you speak of me so, mortal!" he cried back, fire in his eyes.

"You are as mortal as I am, now," she shot back.

He stormed out of the house. No thunder shook the sky, no storm clouds brewed on the horizon, the door did not break from the strength of his hand upon it.

That night, Thor gazed up at the night sky, as close to Mjolnir as he could get, and he cried out to Heimdall once more. He told the Gatekeeper all his troubles and sorrows. He pleaded to return home. He begged for his banishment to end. Then he chided himself, his heart falling further within him.

The worst of it was that he knew Jane was right.

What Thor heard, in between the lines of all Jane said, was another reiteration of what his father had told him upon his banishment. He had marched right into Jotunheim to defend his slighted pride and broke a centuries old truce without once pausing to consider the consequences. How was this any different? Had he ever stopped long enough to wonder if Jane saw things the same as he? He had assumed she thought as an Aesir, despite ample evidence she was anything but Aesir. Did he truly seek to benefit Jane or only appease his wounded pride and prove his worth to himself? Still, the effect was only to prove the opposite- just as it had been on Jotunheim.

Unworthy. You are unworthy.

Perhaps they both were right. He was unworthy.

He made messes and left others to clean up after him. Now, in his banishment, his mother could not kiss away his errors. His brother was not here to fix what he broke or broker peace in his conflicts. His father was not here to speak truth into his blunders. His faithful companions were not with him to speak encouragement and unflinching loyalty despite how many times he erred and led them wrong.

He was alone.

Well, not entirely alone. He still had Jane, though he felt how much on the precipice even that relationship was now.

He had made nearly no effort to form other Midgardian relationships. He had not once tried to settle in or take on the daily life of a Midgardian. Jane was right. He spent all his time waiting to be rescued and avoiding the reality he found himself in. He lived as an Aesir- a stranger, a visitor, a tourist and not as someone building a home and a life. He had remained in denial about the fact that he could be here a very, very long time. A year? A decade? A century? How long would the All-Father leave him here? How long before he could be considered worthy?

If he did not change, how could he be considered worthy-by Odin or by Jane? He had done nothing. He needed to change. He needed to become worthy.

The lights of Santa Fe drowned out the stars and the nearly tangible quiet of Puente Antiguo was swallowed up in the relentless hum of mortal noise in the city around them. Thor still sat on the third floor balcony, his eyes watching the horizon, as if he were seeking the stars instead of simply losing himself in the urban mirage.

He heard the front door slam. He was surprised by the flash of light and the sound of a chair grating against the cement floor.

"I never thought I would see the day that Thor Odinson was refused by a woman," came a smug voice beside him. "Tell me where this woman of yours is. I am half in love with her already."

"What do you want, Loki?"

"To gloat, of course, and make you feel more miserable than you already do."

"Go away," Thor said, not in the mood for Loki's delight at his misfortune.

Thor felt gutted like a fish prepared for frying. Never had he faced such a rejection before. If he had given Jane a rainstorm and she had complained, he could have simply given her the sun instead. If she had protested his muscles as too bulky or his grip as too firm, he could have accepted it and mitigated his strength. But this was not the power to wield storm or strength. Clouds were summoned from the heavens. His strength came from his physical form. This was a piece of his very self. It was his very heart, his soul, his own being that he had imparted along with his lingering magic.

And it was all he had to give.

And it hadn't been enough.

His first and only time summoning his innate power to hallow a womb for his own seed and his recipient was displeased. More than that. She was furious.

Thor had not even considered that an option. He had assumed, well, he had made many assumptions. All had been proved faulty. Worse than that, Jane had sent him away. He was at a complete loss at what to do. Jane said she needed time and space and so he stayed away.

That space and the precipice they were on made him realize he had not merely been filling a role in Jane's life. He had come to care for her. Deeply so. Perhaps he should have realized it sooner. Perhaps he should not have assumed she felt the same way or that he would not have to court her for himself. He had been too lax. He had presumed she would fall for him because he was him and he had never struggled for the affections of a lady before. So many failed assumptions and Thor found himself, once again, swallowing his flawed pride.

Louis let him sleep on a couch in his living room and gave him further instruction into the ways of Midgard-mostly by teaching him the rules to American football and teaching him how to order a pizza. For six weeks, Louis had allowed him to stay, but Thor knew he could not remain there forever. He had no idea what to do next.

The image of Loki in full Asgardian regalia made Thor suddenly so homesick that he had to look away. His own pair of ill-fitting jeans now were covered in paint and grease and had a hole torn into one knee. He could even sense how his physical body was shifting and changing beneath. He could not even keep up with how much his world had changed.

He could feel his brother analyzing his appearance and he felt his cheeks burn at the thought of further disdain.

"Go ahead and gloat. If you would rejoice in my low conditions, at least one of us can benefit from my debasement."

Loki chuckled. "I like that. You truly are despondent today."

"Isn't that why you came?"

"Of course. Mother sent me. She thought I could cheer you up."

Thor snorted. "Ah, yes. Rubbing salt into my wounds will lighten my heart."

Loki grinned and gave a mock bow towards his brother. "I am nothing if not the essence of compassion and and sympathy."

Thor leaned farther back in his chair. At one point in time, his change in posture would have been enough to destroy the flimsy piece of Midgardian craftsmanship. Now he doubted he could even tear it asunder with his hands if he tried.

"Loki, you were right."

"I usually am. About what this time?'

"How many times did you rebuke me for my arrogance and my blindness to the realities around me? Do you remember the argument on Vanaheim? You said I believed I was a star and all around me were planets, forced to bend to my gravity, while I remained oblivious to their existence other than their orbit around myself."

Loki's smile faltered slightly, though he quickly replaced it. "I remember."

"I was born to fill a role. I was born a prince of Asgard. My acceptance, my ease, the respect granted to me from others is a byproduct of that role. It is not mine alone. When stripped of my title and position, what am I? Father was right. I am unworthy. Yet, how long have I believed myself superior to all? You have borne the brunt of my arrogance, and for that I apologize. I too often compared us and delighted to find you lacking, simply because you did not possess the same gifts as myself. Finding myself without the gifts I once thought to be innately mine, I find I am heartily ashamed of myself."

Loki inhaled deeply and sat back into his chair. His eyes were unreadable, but his lips twitched in the slightest hint of a frown. They sat in silence for some time before Loki sat forward again, his hands clasped in his lap.

"Did I tell you that your loyal companions sought to join you in your banishment?"

"Sif and the Warriors Three?"

"Yes. They begged most heartily for your return. I dared not defy the All-Father by summoning you back and Father was no more willing. He asked if they wished to defy his orders as well and when Sif volunteered herself to join you in your defiance and banishment, Odin refused. 'Your loyalty is first to Asgard, not to Thor,' he told her and he sent her to the training ground to remember her oaths.'"

Thor chuckled. "The Lady Sif would be a formidable companion on this realm. I do not believe she would revel in mortality."

"Even so, does it follow that the thought of it is without a certain charm?" Loki said, his grin turning predatory. "Imagine the Lady Sif wandering the urban byways of Midgard in full armor and sword, the loyal protector at your side."

"I would prefer if it were you at my side," Thor said, honestly.

Loki shuddered and shook his head. "Now you jest! I would not willingly banish myself to Midgard for anything, not even misplaced loyalty to you. I admit, you now know the full limits of my brotherly devotion, but there it is."

"And Father dare not have both his heirs mortal and on Midgard."

Loki considered this for a moment before he pursed his lips. "True, but it does not keep him from sending one of his heirs to Jotunheim while the other remains on Midgard."

"Jotunheim? Truly?" Thor asked, his interest piqued. "For what reason?"

"I suppose, if we are both bent on such shows of sentimentality, that I have my own confession to make. It was I who allowed the Frost Giants in to the Weapon's Vault to interrupt your coronation. Father has decided that my penance will be to spend some months on Jotunheim tallying damages for recompense and brokering a renewed treaty."

Thor sat frozen in shock for some time. So long that Loki began to shift in his seat, but he did not look away from his brother. Loki carefully watched his expression, like a cat stalking a mouse, waiting to see if he should pounce or hide. Thor's initial burst of fury and betrayal melted away into resignation and he closed his eyes.

"My own brother prefers our enemies in our sacred vaults over my place on the throne. I have truly never known myself until now."

"For what it's worth, I probably should have handled my doubts in a less destructive way," Loki said. "Father has more than chastised me and shown me the many, many errors of judgement I made."

"Your means may have been dubious, but your judgement of my worth was not. I was no more ready to take the throne than I was to inhabit mortality."

"Yes, well, I cannot say I was any more prepared for either eventuality than you were."

Thor opened his eyes and took the hard, plastic hat from his head. He flipped it in just the same way he was used to with his own winged helmet. The gesture felt familiar, comforting, even if the helmet itself was so foreign to him. He placed the hat on the nearby table and leaned forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees.

"Jotunheim? Well, I cannot say that is a preferable fate to my own."

"Well, at least I am not forced to take the native form of its inhabitants, unlike yourself."

Thor laughed. "You as a Jotun would be a sight I would pay a king's ransom to see."

"And a sight I would pay a king's ransom to make sure you never, ever saw! I will endeavor to avoid inciting the All-Father's wrath lest that be my fate! Now, if you are quite done moping and feeling sorry for yourself, mother would like to speak with you."

"I would be right glad to speak with her," Thor said.

"She thought you might."

oooooooo

It poured cats and dogs the day Jane left Puente Antiguo. All she owned in the world was packed up into cardboard boxes and crates and she looked around the space she had grown so very fond of in a wave of sadness. So many dreams and so many victories had filled this space. She wished that it had been sunny. She wanted to climb onto the roof one last time, but she not in the rain. Besides, she wouldn't be able to see much beside mile after mile of dreary, overcast sky and drenched, sodden desert.

Darcy came from the trailer, her hands full of precariously balanced boxes and she placed these on a counter. She rubbed some strands of hair out of her eyes and grinned.

"Well, that's about it," she said. "Let's hope this rain lets up or we won't be able to load up the truck."

Jane sighed. There wasn't much they could do but wait. She stretched and yawned but the movement felt awkward and bulky now. Overnight, it seemed, she could no longer force her jean buttons to meet over her expanding middle. She had been forced to exchange her jeans for some more stretchy sweats. Still, there was no hiding it anymore, even if she tried.

She yawned again and glanced out the door… and found a tall, bedraggled figure watching her from the window. The rain drenched his golden hair and his hands were jammed tight into his jean pockets. When she saw him there, she froze. They both watched each other for a few moments before she gave a hesitant wave. He took that as the invitation it was and came into the lab. Puddles dripped off him and onto the floor and he struggled to pull off his jacket. She didn't even protest when he dropped it unceremoniously on the floor.

"Hey," she said.

"Lady Jane," he said. He moved to kiss her hand but did not release it after. He simply searched her face with his eyes, asking a thousand questions without voicing a single one.

"Did Darcy call you?" she asked, casting an accusatory glare at the woman behind her. Darcy's guilty grin was both unashamed and defiant.

"We needed muscles and he has muscles to spare. You didn't think I was gonna let you carry those machines in your condition? And there's no way in hell I was gonna manage those by myself."

"It is an honor to assist you, in any way I can, Lady Jane."

Jane felt the weight of his eyes on her as heavily as if they were made of concrete and she flushed. After their argument, he had done exactly what she asked him to. He had left. He had found himself a place to stay and a job. He had not sought her out or asked her to make any decisions about them. Even more surprising, Louis began to stop by each week with an envelope filled with cash for her.

"Thor asked me to give this to you, Miss Jane," Louis said, rather bashfully. "He, uh, said, 'Tell her this is in gratitude for all she has done for me.'"

"Hey, Thor," Darcy said, swooping in for a hug. He released Jane's hand to lift Darcy from the ground and swing her around. His face finally broke into that wide, brilliant smile that Jane only then realized she had missed.

"Lady Darcy, you fare well, I can see."

He placed her back onto the ground and a thick, awkward silence fell onto the trio.

Darcy swallowed loudly and pushed her glasses farther onto her nose. "Uh, yeah, so, it's raining still. I think I'll just, uh, check the trailer again. You know, just in case we missed anything."

Jane knew she hadn't missed anything. She rolled her eyes, but did not protest. She knew she needed to talk to Thor. It was time.

"So, uh, it's good to see you again," she began. She chewed on the corner of her cheek and felt herself search for the pockets that her sweatpants didn't have. She gave up and intertwined her fingers behind her back. She felt his eyes settle on the now-unavoidable swell beneath her t-shirt and she felt her self-consciousness grow.

"You look well, Jane," he said, so earnestly that she had to look away. He did not feel a similar compulsion and openly drank her in. He took a step closer before catching himself. He leaned back against a table, rather than approaching closer.

"Thanks," she said. "I, uh, thanks for coming. Really…"

"Of course."

"I… I missed you," she said. And she had. She really had. "It's time we finally talk. Really talk."