Thank you for your beautiful comments and words of encouragement.
He can feel his palms sweat as he approaches the three brass numbers. He'd only stood before them a handful of times, but by far this was the most important. For 24 hours Harvey had played every scenario over and over in his head and the conclusion was the same every time.
He'd take what he could get.
Because any reality that didn't have Donna Paulsen in it was one that Harvey couldn't live with.
And if everything went to plan today then hopefully Harvey would have a fighting chance of staying in Donna's life.
He was hoping she'd be up for a walk. Neutral territory he figured. That and running into the guy that Donna had not only managed to keep quiet about but start a family with probably wouldn't be a great starting off point for anyone. Especially with the knowledge that he had been less than enthusiastic about the news of her pregnancy.
If Donna had mentioned the ongoing tension in the office he was likely to have a pretty low opinion of him. And he couldn't blame the guy, understanding completely how seeing Donna upset brought out a protective instinct so strong that it blinded everything else. If the shoe was on his foot it would take every bit of restraint he had not to give him a piece of his mind.
But he couldn't think about that guy right now. That was a thought for another day.
The knocks echo down the corridor as he attempts to steady his nerves but it's all for nought when all too quickly the door opens.
It's an unexpected visit and the shock is plain to see. "Harvey" Donna says, almost disbelievingly as she keeps a firm hold on the door.
"Hey" he says quietly, as an unnatural awkwardness permeates between them. "Ummm I'm sorry for arriving unannounced but I umm..wanted to talk to you and so I was wondering if maybe we could go for a walk".
"A walk?"
With a firm nod and what he hopes is a sincere look on his face, Harvey confirms his request.
Overlooking their last interaction, one that left Donna cursing Harvey's name, she decides to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"Okay. Did you want to come in while I get ready? I won't be long" Donna gestures behind her.
With a subtle shake of his head Harvey says, "Oh. Oh, no I just … maybe downstairs is better", doing his best to come across as casual.
Unable to mask her confusion Donna takes a step back, "Sure. I'll be down soon".
Relieved that at least the first part of his plan had worked out, Harvey throws another smile her way "See you in a bit".
He's scrolling through his phone when she appears in front of him, unsure of how much time has passed, they silently agree on the direction and begin to wind their easy through the weekend crowds. In an attempt to break the silence, Harvey offers to buy Donna a coffee, which she awkwardly refuses.
"It's just the whole caffeine and pregnancy thing, kinda frowned upon".
"Oh of course, sorry" Harvey says, silently curing himself for not realising that himself.
"It's fine, I miss it, believe me", Donna says wistfully while biting her lip.
They'd completed almost a whole lap of the park when Donna had to speak up.
"Harvey" She says expectantly, quickly gaining his attention.
"We've been walking for thirty minutes".
He'd been so wrapped up trying to work out what he wanted to say and how he was going to say it that he failed to notice Donna looking a little pale.
Apologising once again, Harvey guides them to an empty park bench,
He's already kicking himself when he sees Donna sit much too far away, hands placed firmly under her thighs as a foot bounces nervously. Her eyes are focused straight ahead, silently observing the comings and goings of the park.
Harvey figures he may as well take a chance while he has it. Hoping that Donna will hear him out.
"I umm. I wanted to apologise to you. Needed to apologise… for the way I've been acting and how I've treated you". Harvey pauses when he feels Donna turn slightly.
"You didn't deserve any of it. At all".
Looking at her head on, Harvey sees something beyond the somewhat shocked expression. Her glassy eyes blink away the tears.
Donna's voice is like gravel but when she replies, "Thank you Harvey" it's genuine. Harvey smiles at her. But he knows he's got a long way to go.
"I'm sorry I took that moment from you"
Attempting to inject some levity into the conversation Harvey continues, "I guess my reaction wouldn't rank too high compared to other people you've told".
Her gaze drifts back toward the park, "You're the only person I've told. Well, apart from… " , her words suggest that it's just himself, Donna and the father that are the ones with the inside news.
And it makes him feel even shittier. With his unwavering gaze on Donna, he decides he may as well let it all out.
"Yeah I gotta hand it to ya… I had no idea you were seeing anyone, let alone something that serious".
"I'm not", Donna says quietly, looking down at her hands
"Not what", Harvey asks confused.
"Seeing anyone".
"Donna…"
She looks at him with tears in her eyes, Harvey's thoughts immediately going to the darkest place possible".
"Donna. Did someone hurt you?"
"No" she assures him. "Nothing like that".
"Then what happened?"
"We used protection and it didn't work" Donna says matter of factly.
Attempting to absorb the new information, Harvey asks, "And this guy. He knows?"
Unable to look him in the eye, Donna stares down at her hands, "Yeah he knows".
Harvey looks at Donna, waiting for her to elaborate.
"He doesn't want to be involved. At all. He was pretty clear on the option he wanted but at the end of the day he was happy for me to decide on whether or not I keep the pregnancy".
"What's wrong with him?" Harvey exclaims, unable to rationalise why someone would throw away the chance to share something this important with her.
The outburst puts a smile on Donna's face, for a moment at least.
"It wasn't anything serious Harvey. There was a lot going on in my life and he was around when I needed to… unwind… Guess that kinda backfired", she says, reflecting on the irony.
Harvey holds his tongue when wondering why she didn't come to him when something was bothering her. Instead he sits silently, letting all of this new information wash over him. Eventually he speaks.
"How are you?"
Donna emits a small chuckle as she wipes a tear from her eye
"I'm petrified," she says honestly as the thoughts she had been holding inside came rushing out.
"I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that I'm growing and will shortly be responsible for another human. I have no idea how I'm going to fit a baby into the life I have now. And!...I will at some point have to tell my parents, who pretty much refuse to be in the same room together, that their 30 year old single daughter is pregnant and has decided to raise that child alone with absolutely no contact from the father".
Knowing this is none of his business Harvey considers her concerns before asking tentatively, "Are you sure this -", cutting him off before he has a chance to finish. Donna turns to Harvey, the look on her face resolute.
"I thought about it. But the choice I've made is the only thing I am sure of".
"Well, if anyone can do it. It's you", Harvey says, just as certain.
Taking a moment to look at her, Harvey once again can't help but be amazed at the woman before him. He could see she was struggling and yet here she was making one of the biggest decisions of her life and choosing to do it alone. Knowing that he had made things worse for her over the last two weeks has his feelings of guilt reemerging.
"I know I already said that I was sorry but -"
"It's fine"
"No it's not. I was dismissive and rude and selfish. I was a terrible boss… and an even worse friend" Harvey says with a palpable remorse.
Donna's wide eyes clearly display her shock at the repeated acknowledgement of his recent behaviour. It has Harvey pushing down the urge to offer everything he's ever wanted to give her. Everything he thought they could have. But he knows more pressure from him isn't what she needs right now.
Despite everything that had happened between them in the last few weeks, Harvey breaks an unwritten rule and bravely reaches for her hand. Her gaze is set on them, his hand over hers and it takes a few seconds to break it. Eventually Donna's eyes meet Harvey's.
"I'm here for you Donna, no matter what. If you ever need anything. And I mean anything at all. I'll be here. Always. Okay?"
It was everything she had hoped to hear but never wanted to acknowledge. Just having him next to her made her feel like everything was going to be fine. The feeling of relief was overwhelming and she couldn't keep the tears from falling. The hand covered by Harvey's stayed firmly in place while the other wipes the tears away.
"You alright?" he asks softly, this thumb caressing the top of her hand.
Despite the crying Donna smiles at Harvey. "Hormones", she curses, taking a deep breath. He smiles back at her in a way that she rarely gets to see. The warmth in his eyes settles her and with a final squeeze Harvey stands and tugs playfully on her now outstretched hand.
"C'mon. Let's get you home. I've taken up enough of your day".
The slow walk back to her apartment is a comfortable one.
"So… How pregnant are you exactly?" Harvey asks, glancing over her midsection as they walk in-step.
Donna smiles, it's the first time anyone's asked her that. "Nine weeks".
"So that's early. Right?" he asks, realising just how little he knows about pregnancy.
"Yeah. first trimester" she says as Harvey holds open the door to her complex.
"So does that mean you're sick?
"A little. I'm mostly just tired.
"Oh…", Harvey says, immediately feeling guilty about the long hours her job demands.
"It's okay Harvey" Donna says, keeping the tone of their conversation light. "My weekends are all about napping right now".
Harvey laughs as she slides the key into the lock. "Well I definitely don't want to be the one getting in the way of that".
Turning away from the door, Donna hesitates slightly before surprising Harvey with a hug.
Seconds later she feels his arms around her waist.
"Thank you. For the walk", she whispers into the side of his neck. The true meaning of her words are not lost in translation as Harvey gently squeezes her waist before speaking.
"You're gonna be a great mom". While his voice is quiet, the comment is unwavering and confident. The look in his eye shows just as much as they part. It's still a surreal feeling, being called that.
"See you tomorrow Harvey".
As the door closes Harvey feels one weight lifting while another bares down. But for today, he would sleep easy knowing he had made things right with the one person he couldn't live without.
No Gordon in this chapter but I felt like it was the right place to leave it.
As always, comments are adored.
Jess.