Questions and Commands - or. How Bingley Tried to Rescue Wickham, and Why His Wife Would Not Let Him.
*The sequel to Freindship*
xXx
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
December 1813
"Lydia!" gasped Elizabeth, looking worriedly behind her sister, "Mama did not tell us you were coming."
The Darcys had come for her sister Mary's wedding last week and had planned to stay until Twelfth Night. Elizabeth had been careful to confirm the Wickhams' absence before she agreed to observe the Christmas season with her family.
"La! Do not fuss Lizzy, Wickham is not with me! I came to surprise you all! Is it not a good joke?"
"Mrs Wickham." Darcy, who had appeared just behind his wife, nodded at Lydia. "Did you travel from Newcastle by yourself?"
"Some of the officers and their wives were going to London. It was not hard to cadge a lift." Lydia replied, casually throwing her bonnet aside for Mr Hill to catch. "Wickham wishes me to stay at home, because I am increasing. He has become a dead bore! I knew Mama would not deny me some fun. I wish to attend the Christmas Assembly!"
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. Living with the regiment had not improved her sister's manners, nor her vocabulary. Lydia flounced past her, to greet the rest of the family who were gathered in the parlour.
"I am grateful it is only her." Fitzwilliam murmured in her ear. She caressed his face and smiled, enjoying a moment alone with him. "Indeed. I am glad for your sake and for Georgie's. I would not want your Christmas spoiled."
"And if it was? How would you compensate me?" He asked, low and rumbling, a tone that had proved very effective with his wife this last year.
Elizabeth laughed and kissed his nose. "Oh, would you not like to know!"
"Perhaps you can show me?" He replied cheekily, before Mrs Bennet called them both to come back to the parlour.
"Later," she promised.
-x-
Alas, later did indeed bring a reason for Mrs Darcy to console her husband.
The Bennets and Gardiners were introducing Georgiana Darcy to their favourite Christmas games after dinner.
"Let us play Questions or Commands!" cried Lydia, "I shall be the Commander! First I shall ask each of you a question in turn, which you must answer honestly, or if you forfeit, you must accept a command. I like commands for you have do what I tell you to do, and it must be something silly or difficult, like a dare!"
"What fun!" clapped Kitty. "But I should like to be Commander, Lydia! I can think of as many questions as you, and more too, for I am two years older."
Miss Darcy looked dubious.
"Pshaw!" snorted Lydia, "I am a married lady! You are practically an old maid! I am a much better Commander."
Kitty looked mutinous.
"Indeed my dear," came a disdainful voice from the doorway, "you adore commanding." It was Wickham.
Miss Darcy gasped. Mr Darcy scowled. So did Mrs Wickham. Everyone else looked wary, except Mrs Bennet, who squealed, "Oh, dear Wickham, how wonderful that you could come after all!"
Wickham had smiles and charm for everyone, but Elizabeth overheard him hiss at his wife. "How dare you leave without notice!" And his wife's tart reply, "You were so happily engaged with that trollop Mrs Godfrey, I did not think you would miss me!" Further whispers indicated it was his money he had missed, for Lydia had absconded with the rather substantial winnings of a recent card game.
The evening fell rather flat after this, and the Bingleys and Darcys were glad to escape back to Netherfield as soon as was polite. Jane managed to avoid bringing the Wickhams by telling Lydia she could not possibly deprive their mother of her company, when she had been so missed. Lydia, thankfully, accepted this flattery in lieu of a bed.
xXx
Netherfield House, Hertfordshire
Christmas 1813
The next day Miss Bingley and the Hursts arrived, and there followed a week of engagements around Meryton. Wickham plagued Darcy with his smug smile. Miss Bingley was almost as irritating, torn between flattering Darcy and reminding him that Elizabeth had made Wickham his brother. Darcy was sick of them both, and Lizzy had to calm him hourly, though she would quite happily have slapped either. She was heartily regretting leaving Pemberley for this.
-x-
St Stephen's Day brought something of a reprieve, as the Hursts were returning to visit friends London, and Miss Bingley was to go with them. Georgie also took the opportunity to be conveyed to her Aunt Fitzwilliam, along with Mrs Annesley, to celebrate the New Year. She had assured her brother that Wickham no longer had any power over her, but she was more comfortable leaving nevertheless.
That night Bingley, Darcy, Jane, and Lizzy entertained only each other and, with the relief of being amongst trusted friends, let themselves get somewhat disguised.
"Say!" shouted Bingley, "we should play Lydia's game. We never did! What was it? The commands?"
"Questions and Commands! Yes," agreed Lizzy, "I have a question!"
"I prefer your commands," whispered her husband, insinuatingly.
"Shush!" She slapped him, playfully. "It is a question for you! No, for Bingley, because you will not tell me."
Darcy looked a little worried. Bingley sat up eagerly.
"How did you and Fitzwilliam meet?"
Bingley looked at Darcy, unsure, and Darcy shook his head. "No!"
His wife merely laughed at him. "My love, I do not think you understand the game. As much as you enjoy it, you do not make the commands! Charles, I command you to tell me!"
Jane joined in the persuasion, for sherry made her much more forceful. The sisters had discussed the mystery previously, dying to know what could be so bad that even Charles would not tell them.
"Elizabeth, please!" begged Darcy. "It is very embarrassing."
"It cannot be so bad, surely!"
"Darcy, can we not tell them? I do not think it as bad as you believe."
With much badgering from the others, Darcy consented to the tale being told. He stood brooding at a window while Bingley explained their meeting, and Wickham's part in it. Elizabeth was incensed.
"How dare that man! Is there no end to his hatefulness?! I wish I could command him to experience the same!"
"I will take that dare." Jane responded, calmly.
"What?" Three faces looked at her, full of surprise.
"I think his behaviour merits some comeuppance. And my brother Darcy deserves revenge. He is too good to take it, but I would act on his behalf."
"Jane!" Elizabeth was admiring, "I am impressed!"
"Jane, you do not need to revenge me." Darcy put in, smiling at his sister in law. "I am humbled that you would wish to."
"Angel, please listen to Darcy. Revenge is not..."
"Charles," said Jane firmly. "I know he has done much worse, and I know we cannot truly compensate for his most wicked deeds. But such petty acts that our brother has had to endure! And to see Wickham's smug face at Longbourn all week, spoiling our Christmas! I cannot bear it! I am determined that I should do something."
Elizabeth beamed at her sister.
-x-
Bingley had pleaded with his wife, to no avail. He knew that Wickham had done many loathsome things, but he could not bear the thought of embarrassing him. Was he not their brother? But his Jane stood firm. As soon as she could determine what herb or medicine to use, she would ply Wickham with it. Lizzy agreed with her sister. Darcy, while too gentlemanly to encourage Jane, could not be brought to interfere against her. Somewhat shamefacedly, Bingley approached his last resort, Lydia. She promised him she would speak to her sisters.
Indeed Lydia did speak to Jane, to congratulate her on developing a sense of humour. Her own humour with her husband had not improved. Not only had he taken back his money, but Lydia has caught him flirting with Harriet Goulding last night, not to mention his indifference to her sickness in the mornings; and that was also his fault! She was most ready to see him suffer a set down.
Jane confided that she did not know what to use to make Wickham ill, but Lydia knew just the thing. She promised that she would dose him before the assembly next week, and ensure he attended.
Bingley was distraught; he did not know how to prevent this! He did not wish to cross his friends, nor his wife, but how could he allow Wickham to be embarrassed? He spent the remainder of the week in an agony of indecision. In the end, he did what his wife told him to: nothing.
xXx
Meryton, Hertfordshire
January 1814
Darcy looked up at the Assembly Rooms and bounced on his heels, a wide grin across his face. His wife was much amused. "If only you had been so cheery the first time you attended, we would have been married much sooner!"
"If you had thought of this scheme then, I would have married you on the spot!" he retorted.
She laughed and took his arm. "I hope your good cheer tempts you to dance, dearest. I do not wish to sit out tonight."
"Mrs Darcy," he growled in her ear, "you could tempt me to anything!"
"And frequently do!" she whispered back, knowing he would only be further provoked by her impertinence. His current happiness after the last fortnight was a balm to her soul.
They entered the Assembly Rooms and saw the Bennet party speaking to the Lucases. Lydia waved. Darcy's smile grew larger on seeing them, and Wickham frowned, confused. Jane smirked at Lizzy.
-x-
Near the end of the third set, which Elizabeth was dancing with her brother Bingley, she noticed Wickham stumble. He had begun to look a little pale. She glanced towards her husband, who was standing with her father, and saw that he was grinning back at her.
"Lizzy, do you think Lydia has done it?" Bingley whispered urgently. "He looks very ill!"
"I know she has, for she told me so when we arrived."
Bingley looked anxious.
Sure enough, Wickham rushed from the room as soon as the music stopped, to the chagrin of his partner. Lydia was waiting by the door to direct him to the correct room to relieve himself. Wickham believed the room had a commode; but it was actually empty of anything useful. Lydia turned the key in the lock for good measure.
Elizabeth and Jane hurried to meet Lydia in the hall, their husbands behind them. The ladies laughed to hear Wickham shout for aid, knowing the revellers would not hear over the music and lively stomps of the reel being danced.
Bingley wrung his hands. "Can we not let him out now? Surely he has learnt his lesson!"
Jane looked at him severely (or as severe as Jane got, which would in fact have seemed rather kindly on another face; Darcy's, for example.) "Charles, we have spoken about this. You are not to interfere."
"Yes, dear." replied Charles, dejectedly. This prompted Darcy to laugh loudly, making Mrs Long jump in surprise on her way past to the ladies' retiring room.
She told Mrs Bennet, who came to see what fun was being had without her.
"We are playing a trick on Wickham, Mama. We have locked him in!" Lydia told her.
"And then what shall you do?" asked Mrs Bennet, confused when no one could explain the actual joke. "I shall let him out if you will not tell me," she declared.
"Do!" pleaded Bingley.
"If you wish," said Lydia. "I must claim my partner for the next set."
Jane looked at Darcy, who shrugged. She handed her mother the key.
-x-
Meanwhile, Wickham had been struggling to control his stomach. Though he had initially tried to get out, the pain in his gut had soon taken precedence. He had not been able prevent himself from vomiting, but as he could find no chamber pot (or anything similar) he was now concentrating on holding back anything worse.
When his mother in law burst into the room, his surprise temporarily overcame his control, and he truly embarrassed himself. He could not hide the noise, the smell, nor the stain in his breeches, from Mrs Bennet. She could not hide her disgust! Her exclamations were so loud and so perfectly timed to meet the lull in the music, that half the Assembly rooms rushed into the hall expecting a murder. And thus most of Meryton witnessed Wickham's mortification; and those who did not certainly heard of it (and many increasingly exaggerated versions) in the coming days.
xXx
Netherfield
Later that night
"It is a strange feeling," Darcy told his wife, as he helped her undress, "I do not wish to think myself capable of enjoying Wickham's predicament, but I cannot help it."
"I unashamedly enjoyed it!" Elizabeth exclaimed, turning to him. "For all the harm he has caused, he more than deserved it!"
"I never thought I would be happy to see a member of my family humiliated, and gossiped about."
"I never thought Jane would be the cause of it!"
Darcy laughed. "She was wonderful, was she not? And Lydia!"
"I am excessively proud of Jane! And you cannot be ashamed of enjoying the scheme, when it was Jane's idea!" She laughed, then looked pensive. "I do worry for Lydia. What a different idea of marriage she has! What a husband!"
He pulled her into his arms to comfort her, and she rested her head on his chest. "Truly my love, I hope it does bring you some peace to see him get a taste of his own medicine."
"It did." He nuzzled her curls, and then kissed them. "Though it was not the best part. I most enjoyed being defended by my friends."
Her heart tore a little at this earnest admission. She hugged him tighter.
"We will always defend you, my love." she told him, before leading him to bed.
The next morning Darcy stopped by the sickroom, to gleefully inquire how Wickham had enjoyed the assembly. He did not bother to wait for a reply.