A/N:Love, love, love the reviews. I hear you guys about the no cheating. I hate cheating too. But I also love drama, and real life. So I hope you folks enjoy the journey I'm trying to paint. Also this will be my last update for a while, for I will be busy in my personal life. Well anyways here you folks go...
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All characters, storyline, dialogues belong to their rightful owner. Shonda Rhimes and maybe a few other shows. Also spelling mistakes, and punctuations marks are mine.
Arizona POV
I'm talking to a group of interns when I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around and I see Mark. I smile at him and then back to the interns. "I appreciate the kind words. I wish you the best and hopefully I'll see you on my Peds ward."
We walk to our group of friends, and of course I noticed the one person I wanted to see not there. I try to play it off as if I'm not bothered.
"Marcus, how'd I do?"
"Blondie you put my talk to shame. I had no idea you were speaking today."
"Yeah, it was last minute, and I honestly just winged it."
Teddy walks up to me and sits down next to the chair I'm sitting on. "Arizona I had no idea it was that tough. You always sounded so happy in your emails."
"Well I was happy, well as happy as I could be."
"You talking about Torres?" Mark smirks.
I want to deny it but what's the point everyone knows how we felt about each other. "Maybe, I don't know."
I can feel my chest closing in and I want to cry, I'm not sure why, but if I close my eyes it takes me back to the first year of being there. Missing her so much, that I would cry myself to sleep. Forcing myself to work because whenever I would have a second of down time. I would just think about her.
Mark pats my shoulder. "I think you do know, but hey what's this Good man in the storm speech you gave Carlos?."
My head turn to Teddy. "Teddy you told him? Did Callie hear you?"
"No, I didn't tell them. And I'm sorry I thought she already knew and from the look on her face and tone in her voice, it was clear she had no clue."
"Duh! I never wanted to tell her?"
"Why?"
I shake my head and give a breathless answer "Because she didn't need to know that I told her dad that I loved her before I even told her, and I didn't want her to know that I yelled at her dad."
"Im sure it's not that bad. You stood up to him and told him you weren't going anywhere. After you did that, he was fine with you and Callie. Not to mention he respected you."
"I know, but that doesn't matter anymore. Does it?"
"Arizona, you need to make a decision. I seen the way you would turn in our direction whenever you mentioned missing home. I know you were talking about Callie."
"Yeah, I was. And look where it got me? She's not here. She doesn't care to talk to me. She literally hates me. She walks pass me as if I never existed in her life, and I can't even get mad about it because I caused all of this."
"You need to decide if you want her. Or if you are truly letting her go."
"You guys I don't deserve her. I really don't, and I thought I could handle seeing her with someone else, but the truth is I can't."
"So what's your plan?"
"I don't know yet, I signed a one year contract. So I'll probably leave after that."
"No, you better not leave. We just got you back!"
"Seriously Arizona. You can't leave. We missed you and the last person who took your place was a quack. You can't leave." Teddy says sadly. "Look I need to go. I have surgery in 20. So I'll see you after."
"Okay, sounds good." I said giving her a hug. I turn back to Mark.
"Mark, it's hard just talking to you, knowing you're her best friend. I mean I know you're also my friend but you're just tied to her. Whenever I talk to you. I think about her and honestly it hurts and it sucks."
"So, your answer is running away? You already did that. Did it help?"
"Mark I don't know. I'm not gonna do anything yet. I'm just thinking. Okay?"
"Blondie, you just got back. Give it time."
"Give what time? That's just it. There's nothing to give time too. Callie is happy and that really truly does make me happy cause she deserves that. I just can't see it everyday. I thought 3 years away was hard. But seeing her hate me this past month is harder."
"I get it okay, I do. Lexi hated me for a while. Told me to leave her alone. I had to watch her with Jackson. But look. We're married and we're having a son."
"Mark, you didn't tell Lexi that you didn't want kids then change your mind once a gunman was in your face. You didn't break up with her in an airport. Then you didn't choose not to speak to her for three years because you couldn't bare the thought of hearing her voice and because you knew the moment you heard her voice you would be begging her to forgive you and be on the next flight home. You didn't do those things to Lexi. But I did all those things to Callie. I did that. So now I have to live with the decision I've made."
"Okay so your situations a little harder." He chuckled. I give him am eyebrow knowing damn well it wasn't a just little harder.
"Okay a lot harder, but what about your speech? Are you gonna be a good man in the storm? Or are you gonna blow away."
"Mark I am being a good man in a storm. I'm letting her live her life happily. Look I can't argue with you right now. I need to go to my floor, I have a few consults."
"Okay, blondie. I'll let this one slide."
I walk away knowing good and well I didn't have any consults. I just can't deal with the questions. It's like they don't think that everything they're saying I didn't tell myself over and over for the past 3 years. It's nothing new. On the way to my office, I'm stopped by many people thanking me for my speech. Which I can appreciate, but i just want a moment to myself.
Alex walks into my office, "Robbins that was a great speech, I really needed that."
"Thanks, I did too." I smiled.
Why can't I get away? I just need a few minutes to myself. I guess that's what happens when you're head of a department.
"Hey Karev. Can you watch the Peds unit. I'm gonna take a 20 minute break. I'm hungry and I'll be back."
"Ok." He answered.
I go to my purse and grab a few cigarettes and my lighter and head to the roof. Nobody will bother me there.
I get to the top and I sit on the gravel and place my crutches next to me, where nobody can see me. I light my cigarette. I take a long drag feeling the stress slowly leave me as I exhale the smoke. I tilt my head back against the wall and I think about what I'm going to do, what I want.
All of a sudden I hear the door to the roof slam open hitting the wall and I hear someone sobbing. I recognize this cry. It sounds like Callie.
I see her sitting on the side with her legs tucked under her chin just crying. She takes a sniff and I'm guessing she can smell my cigarette. I walk around the corner making myself known for she knows I don't want to invade her privacy.
"Hey.." I whispered.
She looks up at me and wipes her tears, and turns the other way. Not saying a word. Does she seriously hate me that much? That just the look of me disgusts her.
"You know, I'm sorry I'm here. I signed a one year contract, but if you want me gone. Just say it and I'll turn in my resignation and I'll leave Seattle tomorrow."
She shakes her head and turns to face me. Still not saying a word. I can feel my heart breaking. I believe she gave me her answer.
"Well, goodbye." I walk to the door.
"You know..."
I turn my head and look at her. It's the first time she didn't yell at me.
"I really loved you, and you just left me like I was nothing."
"Cal-"
"Shut up! You wanted to talk, so let me talk!" She stands up and gets in my face. My eyes go wide and I nod my head letting her know to continue. If anything I owed her this, to let her take out all her anger. Let her tell me what's been bothering her.
She paces around trying to think of what to say, "I never thought you would ever do that to me. Break up with me in the middle of an airport and never look back." Callie stops walking and looks at me. "I hated you, hated that I still loved you so much even after I allowed you to break my heart. I know I didn't make it easier for you the days leading up to our flight. I know I was whiny and that I was moody, but I believe it was warranted. I was leaving my friends and my home. But I still wanted to go with you."
"Callie, I did what was best for us."
"Best for us? You never gave me a chance to share how I felt. I can't believe you thought that dumping me in the airport was best for us."
"Look at you Callie. You're the number one orthopedic surgeon in the country. Not to mention the youngest female head of your specialty. Your artificial cartilage research took off. Do you honestly believe you could've done that from Africa? Do you honestly believe that you would've been happy with me in Africa? I couldn't let you sacrifice your career for mine."
"You never gave me a fucking chance! Don't you get that!? I would've chose you. I would've always chose you because I fucking loved you. I loved you more than my career. Do you want to know why I became those things?
"What do you mean?"
"The only reason I became all those amazing things was because of you. I was so mad and so hurt that everyday I told myself that I'll rise so high that I'll make her a fool for leaving me, and I'll do it because how well you loved me. I worked myself ragged because it was the only way I could survive."
"Well I guess me leaving did us both well." I say honestly.
Callie closes her eyes for a moment and balls one of her first up and with the other hand points to the door. "Fine if that's how you feel go! Get out of here! I lived 3 years with out you! I'm sure I could go with out you for the rest of my life!" She yelled.
"Calliope." I try to calm her down.
"What!"
"I'm sorry. I know you hate me. I'll go."
"For a world renowned surgeon. You're pretty dense. If you think I want you to go. Am I so easy to walk away from that you're willing to do it again?!!"
Now I'm mad. Does she not realize how much she means to me? That even though I was in Africa I was still missing her every second of the day. I turn around walk back up to her.
"Is that what you think!? That you're easy to walk away from?"
"You left me in a fucking airport, and you're leaving now, So yes I am easy to walk away from." She says crossing her arms.
"Fuck you, Callie!" I yell trying my best to walk away with crutches.
She grabs my shoulder and turns me around to face her. "Fuck me? No fuck you! If you want to go. Go because you want to not because you feel I want you to!" She snapped.
"If you believe that walking away was easy then you're wrong. I missed you every fucking second of the day. I cried myself to sleep for almost two years. I never took a break because if I had one second to think, it would go to you and I would lose my mind."
"And how do you think I felt? I had to come back and beg for my job. I had to face everyone by myself. I was so fucking embarrassed that I let someone who I love break my heart again! Someone who I thought would never hurt me. And even though I was so mad at you. I still missed you and I still loved you."
"Do you think what you feel in your heart, I don't feel in mine!? I yell in her face so close that I can feel her breath on my lips.
"How could you? If you did, you would've never left me!"
"Callie, I'm sorry. I promise you that I never wanted to hurt you. Do you not understand, that I loved you so much that I let you go."
"No I don't understand."
"Look, I will never know how it felt like to be the one who was left behind. I won't pretend I understand that. I will never understand how it felt like to stand there watching me walk away with out turning back and then having to turn around to go home."
"I didn't have a home Arizona! I had people renting our home. I had to stay at a hotel for a month. I missed you so much I lost over 20 pounds cause I couldn't eat."
"Okay, I'm sorry. See I don't know how that felt. I don't know how it felt to face our friends. But I do know how it feels to have a broken heart. Callie what you didn't see in those pictures that I shared today were people coming up to me asking me what's wrong. I never unpacked my bag for almost a year and half, everyday I debated to come home. But when Teddy told me that you finally moved on, I felt like it was the first time I could breathe that it was time for me to let you go, so I finally unpacked my bag, and tried to be happy. Because you deserved happiness. You deserved someone to love you the way you deserved to be loved. Because Callie there's nobody in this world who's like you, and I failed you too many times to count."
"Arizona, stop telling me that I deserved better. What I deserved was you. I deserved the chance to share how I felt."
"Yes, you deserved to tell me how you felt. I would never deny that. Your feelings are valid. I messed up. I caused this. So feel free to blame me. Do what makes you happy Calliope! I'll go talk to Hunt and you will never see me again. Because that's the least I can do."
"You really believe that you leaving is what I want?"
"Of course. You hate me. You can't stand to even look at me. Whenever I'm around you, you yell at me to leave you alone. To stop looking at you. So what else am I supposed to believe?"
"Okay, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. So stay, because the hospital and the children need you. I'll stop yelling at you and I'll be professional."
"You mean that?"
"Yeah, you and I, I don't think we could be friends ever again, but we can be colleagues."
"Fine, I can work with that."
Callie turns to walk away.
"Callie..."
"Yeah.."
"I really am sorry. But you should know that you're still so damn beautiful. Even when you're mad at me."
Callie POV
I will always want her too. She was always so damn smooth with her words.
I close my eyes and try to steady my heart rate. "Arizona, you can't say those things to me."
"I know, but you should know." She says stepping closer to me.
"We just had a screaming match on top of the roof and now you want to compliment me after I said we can't be friends."
"Silly isn't it." She chuckled.
"Arizona, I need to go, cause even though I'm still mad at you, I will always want you."
She shrugs her shoulders "Its scary that some things didn't change even after 3 years."
"Like what?"
She takes another step closer. "Like my want for you is still so strong that I will lose control. That my regards for anything will go out the window when it comes to you." She whispered in my ear, and I can feel my resolve breaking.
"Ari.. I can't."
She puts her hand on my hip and grips my hip bone. "I know, so turn and walk away before I do things to you that I know will only hurt us in the long run."
"I can't your holding me." I whisper close to her lips.
"Fuck. I want you so bad. Calliope." She groaned
All of a sudden her pager beeps pulling both of us out of this trance. "I think that was a sign, I need to go."
Did I almost just kiss her on the roof of the hospital. I know I'm still mad at her for what she did to me, but the attraction and chemistry is still there between us.
Walking down to my office I run into Meredith. "Hey Callie. We're having a house warming at the new house next weekend at 7. You coming?"
"Yes, I should be done work at 7. I might be a little late so count me in."
"You bringing Miles?"
"Miles?"
"Yes your girlfriend Dr. Miles."
"Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just a little scattered right now."
"Could it be from the hot Peds doctor? Who just gave one of the best speeches we ever heard."
"No. I'm just busy."
"Come on you can't deny how amazing her speech was."
"Yeah, it was. I just didn't picture her having such a hard time. I always pictured her on vacation helping children."
"Yeah, well now we know that's not true. So tell me how does it feel now that she's back?"
"I don't know. I just know I'm happy to see her safe and well, but I'm still angry at her."
"So I shouldn't invite her to the house warming?"
"No, it's your party. Invite whoever you want. Plus we agreed to be colleagues. So it will be fine."
"Colleagues really? You know Callie and Arizona can't just be friends let along colleagues." Meredith smiled.
"Well we're gonna have to try. Because I have a girlfriend and I don't think I can be with her again. I don't trust her."
"Okay, well for what it's worth. Arizona and you will always be meant to be. I mean she did come back for you."
"What do you mean for me?"
"Callie she was offered to be the head of Peds at Massachusetts General hospital. The best Peds hospital in the world. But she came back here. I mean we're top 5, but if you're offered number one why come to number 4 right?
Did she come back for me? I don't know?
"I don't know. I'm sure she has her reasons, but I can't think about them. I need to keep moving forward."
"Okay, well let me know about Miles. So I can have a head count."
"I will. Thanks Mere."