Eight

Rory stood on the porch of her house, just staring at the door.

Her house. Was it her house? It used to be. Was it still? She still had a key. Should she knock? Should she just walk in? Should she even be here?

Millions of doubts circled her mind and made her dizzy.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, took a breath to steady herself, and raised her hand to knock. Just as she was about to make contact with the door, it swung open in front of her and there stood Lorelai. Rory froze for just a second, her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

"Hi," she finally said as she lowered her hand.

"Hi," Lorelai responded. "I thought I heard a noise, so I thought I'd come check, and well, here you are!" Lorelai said with a false cheeriness. She cleared her throat. "Come on in, kid."

Rory entered her home feeling like a stranger, and she hated it. She hated feeling so out of place in the place she'd spent most of her childhood. She hated that she couldn't do anything to fix the feeling.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Lorelai asked as they entered the kitchen.

Rory shook her head.

"Eat?"

"No, we just had dinner."

"'We'?" Lorelai questioned.

"Jess," Rory said stiffly.

"Oh! Right."

"Yep."

Lorelai sat down at the table about as awkwardly as one can, and Rory joined her, sitting across from her mother. She was five seconds away from leaving and calling Jess to make good on his promise of driving the getaway car when Lorelai broke the quiet.

"So, uh, your dad called."

Of all things Rory expected Lorelai to start with, that was not one of them.

"Huh?"

"Last night. He called and he flipped."

"Why?"

"Well, he's gonna be a grandpa," Lorelai said as if she were stating the obvious.

"Oh," Rory said, feeling a little dumbstruck. "He flipped? Really? He seemed so disinterested when I told him."

"Oh, trust me, he was interested."

Rory winced. "Oh…"

"Yeah. He kind of wants Jess dead."

Rory almost laughed, a combination of a scoff and an irritated chuckle escaping her mouth.

"Well, it would have been nice for him to tell me that, but that's Dad I guess."

"I'm actually glad he flipped out on me," Lorelai said with a sigh.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, it put some stuff into perspective for me. Made me realize there was something I needed to do."

"Like what?" Rory asked nervously.

Lorelai huffed out a breath. "I'm sorry," she said firmly, staring at the table.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Lorelai said a little more softly, looking up and meeting Rory's eyes. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for… God, Rory I never meant to imply that you were a mistake. I've never, ever thought of you as a mistake. Ever."

Rory swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Well, it sure didn't seem like that a few weeks ago," she said, her words coming out harsh.

"I know," Lorelai whispered. "I know that now. I didn't even realize it until Jess called me out on it. And boy, trust me, being called out by Jess of all people? Not my proudest moment."

Rory stiffened and shot her mother a glare.

"That's not what… wow, I cannot keep my foot out of my mouth. I meant… I don't know what I meant. I guess just being yelled at on the street by my daughter's boyfriend about how badly I'd hurt my kid wasn't exactly what I'd imagined for that day. But… it's what I needed to hear."

Rory said nothing. She didn't know what to say. She just stared at a spot on the tablecloth somewhere between herself and Lorelai.

"Rory," Lorelai said, so intentionally that Rory's eyes made their way up to Lorelai's and saw them misted over, her eyebrows pulled together in distress.

"Your existence was not a mistake. It was a miracle. You saved me from a life I never would have been okay living, that would have suffocated me – was suffocating me. You helped me find myself and figure out who I wanted to be! Without you, I don't know where I'd be right now, but I do know I would be far from happy. I love you, kid. So much. And I'm so, so sorry I ever made you think otherwise."

Rory blinked rapidly, still refusing to let the tears fall.

"Thanks," she whispered hoarsely.

"And I'm sorry I reacted so awfully when you told me you were pregnant," Lorelai said, reaching out to place a hand on Rory's forearm where it lay on the table. "It took me by surprise. I got upset. Not at you, just… I got scared. All of a sudden I saw you slipping off that amazing path you'd just gotten back on and it terrified me."

"You could have trusted me. You didn't need to be scared," Rory defended.

Lorelai held up her hands in front of her. "As your mom, I did. I know it might not seem rational or whatever, but it is what it is. Your life is changing, Rory. And it scares me. When big, lifechanging things happen to my kid, I get to be scared."

Rory looked down, a strange feeling of realization and worry settling over her as she wondered what big, lifechanging things would happen to her kid eventually.

Lorelai cleared her throat. "I guess you'll find that out someday, too, huh?" she whispered.

"Mom, I…" she paused, shaking her head. She still had no idea what to say. She so desperately wanted to forgive and forget, but she still hurt so badly.

"I understand if you don't want me to be a part of your pregnancy," Lorelai whispered roughly.

Rory's stomach dropped.

"What? No!"

"No?"

"Mom… the past month has been torture. Not being able to call you every time I had a question? Every time a new symptom started? Every time the thought of becoming a mom scared me to death? I hated it. Like, a lot. It was awful."

"Really?" Lorelai asked quietly, her eyes filling with a sort of tentative hope.

"Yes! But…" Rory sighed, shaking her head. "I couldn't. I felt like I'd somehow committed the ultimate crime. That getting pregnant was the worst thing I could have ever done in your eyes. I was already scared to death of everything happening inside of me and how it was changing my life. I couldn't take being a disappointment to you on top of that," she whispered.

"Oh Rory… you could never disappoint me," Lorelai breathed.

"Seriously? Because getting pregnant out of wedlock before I even graduated college sounds like it could be pretty disappointing."

"Please, I'm not Emily."

"Well, you do a pretty good impression of her then," Rory snapped.

Lorelai inhaled sharply.

Rory's mouth fell open slightly as she heard her own words.

"Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry, I—"

Lorelai shook her head, stopping Rory's apology in its tracks.

"I deserved it. I was being my mother. You're right. I reacted like my mother which is exactly what I said I'd never do. Wow, I suck…"

"Mom…"

"No, this isn't a pity party thing. I suck. I reacted suckily."

Rory let a small smile show. "Suckily isn't a word."

"Well, it is now, because that is how I reacted. Wow, lots of things being put into perspective tonight…"

The two women sat in silence.

"I'm sorry I caused a fight between you and Luke," Rory said quietly.

"Oh, Rory, no. That's between us. I've been acting suckily in many areas of life. It's not anything you caused or need to worry about, you're the kid."

Rory shrugged. "Not for much longer."

Lorelai's eyes welled with tears. "Right. But you'll always be my kid, even if you're having your own kid."

Rory gave Lorelai a small smile.

"I'm sorry I made this so much harder on you, babe," Lorelai whispered.

Rory looked down at her hands. She was crying now – there was nothing she could do to stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks, but she still tried to swipe them away before meeting Lorelai's eyes.

"I just needed my mommy," she said quietly.

Lorelai's own tears gathered at Rory's words.

"She's here now if you want her."

"Really?" Rory asked, her heart swelling with a terrifying kind of hope.

"Really."

The tears poured down Rory's cheeks. Lorelai hopped up from her place at the table and ran to hug Rory.

"I'm right here, kid. From now on, I'm right here."

When Lorelai's back started to ache from hugging Rory at such an odd angle and Rory was sniffling from her tears, they migrated to the couch, both women happily dishing on every area of life as they settled down. Lorelai explained the argument with Luke in vague terms, but also made sure to say that they were working on things and already doing better, much to Rory's relief. Rory told her mother Jess was moving to New Haven and all about her various rather unpleasant pregnancy symptoms.

Unfamiliar subject matter aside, it felt like old times, and Rory felt like an elephant had taken its foot off her chest.

Rory showed her mother the ultrasound photo and though Lorelai had already seen it, it was a much happier moment now that they could look at it together. Lorelai was able to keep the tears at bay at first, but when Rory stood up, unbuttoned her jeans, and turned to the side, showing Lorelai the faint protrusion on her stomach, Lorelai's tears spilled over. She was going to be a grandma, though she'd let no one call her a word that implied she was old. Still, she couldn't wait to meet that grandbaby.

Later, Lorelai made them hot cocoa with extra marshmallows and gave Rory the town gossip from the past few weeks. Rory ate it up eagerly, hearing about the times Kirk and Taylor drove Luke mad and Miss Patty and Babette's most recent rumors and the events from the few town meetings she missed.

Their conversation was halted when Rory's phone began ringing, showing Jess's caller ID.

"Hey," she answered.

"Hey. It's been a while, I take it you aren't in need of a getaway car?"

Rory smiled at her mother who smiled back. "Yeah, we're good."

"Good." Rory heard the smile in Jess's voice. "So, is it safe for the men to come in?"

"Hey, I'm not a man!" Rory heard April's voice in the background.

"Wait, where are you?"

"Um…"

"Are you guys outside?"

"Maybe."

"Jess!" Rory laughed.

"We didn't want to interrupt!"

Rory put her hand over the mouthpiece on her phone. "They're outside," she whispered to her mother who rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Come in, you guys!" Lorelai called towards the front door.

Seconds later, the door opened and in walked Jess and Luke, both of whom were smiling in relief at seeing their Gilmore girls on the couch with smiles of their own, with April tagging along behind them.

It suddenly occurred to Rory that her stepsister may not be aware of the new addition to the family.

She smiled at Luke. "Have you told her?"

Luke smirked and shook his head. "Nah, thought you guys should be the ones to tell her."

"What? Tell me what?" April asked, her head dancing back and forth between Rory and Luke.

"Well…" Rory grinned at Jess who smiled and nodded at her to continue. "I'm pregnant."

April froze for just a second before a grin lit up her face. She squealed loudly and jumped up and down, running to Rory and enveloping her in a hug.

"Oh my God, congratulations! Do you know what it is? When are you due? How are you feeling? Are you excited? Oh my God! Am I the aunt? Can I be the aunt? This is so cool!"

Rory laughed at April's excitement and Jess just looked on, a slightly terrified but altogether amused look on his face.

"I hate to break up the reunion, but Rory and I should probably get back to New Haven," Jess said, pointing at the clock.

Rory's jaw dropped when she saw it was after eleven.

"How'd it get that late?"

"Time flies when you're having emotionally revealing conversations with estranged mothers," Lorelai said with a smirk.

Rory frowned. "But I just got you back. I don't want to leave already."

"Well, sweets, I'd say just stay here but you have classes."

Rory pouted. "You're right."

"How about an old-fashioned movie marathon next weekend? We'll eat tons of crap and keep catching up. It'll be a blast!"

Rory smiled. "I love the idea, but you forget that Luke lives here now too, Mom."

Lorelai waved dismissively. "Ah, he won't care."

"He's right here, you know," Luke grumbled affectionately. "But your mom's right. I'll vacate the premises for a night for you guys," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, Luke," Rory beamed. She turned to Jess and remembered his plans for that weekend. "Oh! Jess, you're moving in next weekend, is it…"

"Rory, please. I'll be unpacking, it's fine. If I get bored, I'll find a way to keep myself busy. Like adding green stickers to all of Paris's food," Jess smirked.

Lorelai looked confused. "Do I want to know?"

Rory laughed and shook her head.

"You guys need to catch up. I'll be there when you get back," Jess said softly as he kissed the crown of her head.

Rory's stomach fluttered at the contact. A public show of affection from Jess, even if just around their family, was so rare, and she couldn't escape the little thrill she got from him obviously feeling more relaxed around people other than her.

"It's settled! Movie night next weekend!" Lorelai cheered.

After finalizing the plan, the younger couple made their way to leave but Lorelai stopped them at the door.

"Jess? Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Jess looked back and forth between Lorelai and Rory, who shrugged.

"I'll wait in the car," Rory said to Jess. She gave Lorelai one last hug and then made her way outside.

"What's up?" Jess asked somewhat coldly.

"I wanted to thank you," Lorelai said.

Jess was taken aback. "What?"

"You know, I never fully understood what Rory meant when she told me you yelled at her and that's what got her back at school. But you yelling at me about all the crap I pulled, all the hurt I caused… it helped me see straight. So… thank you."

Jess had to put an extraordinary amount of focus into controlling his face and keep it from conveying his complete and total surprise.

He cleared his throat, glancing away and trying not to bolt from the uncomfortable moment.

"I just said what needed to be said."

Lorelai smiled at him. "You've got a pretty good head on your shoulders there, kid."

"Wow," Jess chuckled. "Never thought I'd hear that from you."

"Yeah, well, it's been a weird night," Lorelai said with a shrug.

"I'm glad you two are talking," Jess said quietly. "But if she gets hurt again…"

"I know." Lorelai nodded. "Thanks for looking out for our girl."

Jess offered her a quick smile and nod before making a hasty exit to the car, reeling slightly from the interaction.

After a week of finalizing work details and boxing up his belongings, the packing process having been quick and easy with the few material things that needed to be transported, Jess was ready to bid farewell to Philadelphia.

Friday morning, Jess finished loading up the last of his things into his car and closed the trunk, dusting off his hands and leaning against the car, looking on at the building he'd called home for the past two years. That place had saved him in a way.

He had been at his lowest point, living in a crappy New York apartment that he could barely afford with three other guys he barely knew, trying to live with the knowledge that he had screwed things up with the girl he loved more times than one, and spending his free time scribbling what he fully believed were disjointed thoughts and concepts in a cheap, red notebook he got at the dollar store. It was purely a form of escape, a way to get out of his head.

But somehow, he'd run into a guy in the city who co-ran a publishing house out of state. Physically ran into him. Jess hadn't realized at first, but his notebook had fallen out of his bag in the collision. The guy picked it up and held onto it, daring to read snippets of it as curiosity overtook him. It had immediately pulled him in, and though it needed some work, he saw its promise. The next day, he returned to the coffee shop in hopes of running into Jess again, thankful to find him and return his notebook with an offer to turn his ramblings into something real.

That was how Chris ended up editing and publishing The Subsect and how Jess found his way to Truncheon, setting him on the path that got him to where he was today.

Jess smirked as the guys walked out of Truncheon with sullen expressions. They had been incredibly dramatic about his move all week, moping around the apartment and reminiscing about the smallest, silliest things. Jess had just brushed it off as them being overemotional, but now that they had reached the moment in which he was leaving, he was honestly really going to miss living with them.

"Guys, I'll be back in a couple weeks for that meeting, relax" he said as they joined him next to his car.

"It won't be the same!" Chris objected.

"Yeah. You won't be living here anymore. You'll be off getting ready to be a daddy," Matt grumbled.

Jess rolled his eyes. "Well think twice if you want me to feed and burp you, too, because that's not happening" he joked.

Matt looked disgusted as Chris laughed.

"Seriously, though…" Jess started, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Thank you guys. For everything you've done for me over the last couple years. I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't taken a chance on me."

Chris looked down at the ground and cleared his throat before responding. "Of course, man. Anytime."

Jess turned to Matt and found him looking very intentionally at something in the distance.

"Aw, Matt, are you crying?" Jess asked with a smirk.

"No," Matt said in a hoarse voice, quickly wiping his eyes. "I just... ah, screw it. Yes, I am. I'm gonna miss you, dude."

Jess smiled at Matt. "I'll miss you too. But only because I've seriously taken for granted how easy you two were to live with," he teased. "I'm gonna miss not having to color-code my groceries."

Matt snorted. "Yeah, well, now I'm stuck dealing with this jerk all by myself, so thanks," Matt said, gesturing to Chris who playfully shoved his shoulder in return.

Jess smiled at the ground before taking a deep breath and bracing himself for what came next. "Well, I need to hit the road if I'm gonna be back in time for the appointment."

Matt and Chris turned somber and nodded.

"I'll see you guys soon, though, right?"

"Yeah, see you, man," Chris said, giving Jess a brief hug and clapping him on the back.

Jess returned Chris's hug and turned to Matt who lunged at him and wrapped him in a bear hug, making Jess laugh as he clapped his friend on the back. Once Matt finally let Jess go, Jess gave them one last smirk and wave before getting his car, turning the key in the ignition, and driving away.

He took a deep breath as the change hit him full force. His time living above Truncheon was one of the longest times he'd ever stayed in one place. He was moving for good reasons. Exciting reasons. To be with Rory and to prepare for their baby.

But oh, there was that big change that was still scaring him to his core.

No matter how excited he was to be a father, it remained such a deeply terrifying concept. How was he supposed to know what to do? How was he to know he wouldn't completely and totally screw it up?

He shook his head and stuffed down his fears. One day at a time, he reminded himself as he pressed on the gas pedal. Today was Rory's checkup and his move. That was all he could handle for the time being.

When Jess finally parked on the street outside Rory's apartment – well, his apartment too, now – he was met with a wide grin and his favorite bright blue eyes. Rory's joy was contagious and for a moment it helped him forget his worries. He couldn't help but return her smile as he stepped out and took her in his arms, meeting her lips with his own. Rory's hand came up into his hair sending tingles down his spine and he deepened the kiss, running his hands down her back and pinching her side playfully. Rory smiled against his mouth and pulled back, cupping his face in her hands.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," he whispered back.

Rory smiled. "Welcome home, roomie."

Jess chuckled. "Will this always be my welcome? Because I could get used to that."

"Only when Paris and Doyle aren't home," Rory whispered with a look in her eyes that gave Jess goosebumps.

"As absolutely amazing as that sounds," Jess said, regretting every word as he said them, "I need to at least get my stuff inside before we have to go to the appointment."

Rory pouted.

"What about tonight?" Jess asked quietly, tucking Rory's hair behind her ear.

"I'm at Mom's tonight," Rory practically whined. "We're having our own grandparent-free Friday night dinner free of nutrition and weird sauces since they aren't talking to me right now."

Jess thought for a moment. "Well, what if when you come home tomorrow, I take you out on a real date? We haven't done that in a while. Dinner, movie, the works."

Rory smiled. "Yeah, okay, that sounds nice."

"Good," Jess smiled.

"And then when we get home, we can celebrate that we finally live together for real," Rory whispered.

Jess had to take a deep breath and physically shake his head in order to clear it.

"You're a very cruel woman, you know that?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Rory said with a grin. "Now let's get you moved in!" She ran towards the trunk and opened it to begin getting Jess's belongings out.

"Slow down!" Jess laughed, following Rory to the trunk and grabbing Rory's wrist. "Remember what the doctor said about heavy lifting?"

Rory frowned. "Your stuff can't be that heavy, can it?"

"It's not just the weight, it's the lifting and the carrying up the stairs I'm worried about."

"Fine, point me towards the pillows and I'll carry those."

"Exactly how many pillows do you think I own?"

"Pillows, clothes, feathers, anything that doesn't weigh a hundred pounds!"

"You saw my room, most of my crap is books."

"Well, what can I help with then?" Rory asked, looking a little sad she couldn't help.

Jess smirked. "Here," he said, handing her the one light box of bedding and towels. "Take this, I'll get the rest and meet you upstairs."

Rory grinned and scampered off with her box, Jess following closely behind with some much heavier boxes of books and his duffle bag shoved full of his clothes. He really didn't have much stuff, Matt and Chris owned the dishes and the furniture he had used belonged to the apartment. He had his clothes, his books, and a couple sets of sheets and towels. So, even as just one person, it didn't take long for the boxes to make it into the apartment.

Within an hour, Jess had all of his things in his new living space. It was then that he and Rory realized just how small the apartment felt with four people's belongings in it. Rory's bookcases were already mostly full despite her trying to make room for Jess, so before he was able to unpack, he'd have to invest in some shelves of some sort. She'd made closet and dresser space for him but it was still a tight fit. Not to mention, he didn't have a desk or really any sort of workspace, a thing that would be important so he could work from home.

It seemed a trip to the furniture store would be necessary.

Despite the complications that arose, the money that needed to be spent and the tight fit for all four people in the apartment, Jess couldn't resist the grin that spread across his face at the comfortable domesticity of it all. He began to unpack as Rory made them lunch, and he could see little sneak peaks of their future together.

But, there was really no more space. And not a lot of money that could be spent. And before they knew, they'd need more space and more money for everything that came along with having a baby.

The stress settled back into Jess's stomach. They couldn't afford an apartment by themselves, not right away at least. He made a decent wage at Truncheon and Rory got a small stipend at the paper, but it wouldn't be enough to cover all of their immediate living expenses. Not with rent, utilities, the addition of baby supplies they needed to purchase, doctor bills, and whatever else came up.

No, Jess would need to get another job. He'd worked multiple jobs at a time before, and though it hadn't been optimal, he knew it was possible. He just also knew Rory wouldn't be the biggest fan of it. But in order to afford the changing table, and the crib, and the car seat, and the diapers, and the clothes, and…

"Jess?"

Rory's voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned to look at her.

"You okay? You kind of just froze in place there," Rory said with a confused expression.

Jess stood up from where he was crouched at the living room bookcase. "Yeah," he said, plastering on a smile. "Just figuring out how to organize everything."

"Oh. Okay then," Rory said, still looking dubious. "Well, lunch is ready."

"Thanks," Jess said walking over to where Rory was standing and kissing her temple.

As they sat down at the table and ate, Rory rambled on about her plans with her mother for the evening, excitement about being reunited spilling out of her. But Jess only listened halfway, lost in his thoughts and fears for their future. It wasn't until Rory cleared the table that he realized he had finished eating.

"Ready to go?" Rory asked, putting on her coat.

"Huh?"

Rory furrowed her brow. "The appointment. Are you sure you're okay?"

Jess swallowed. He was doing a sucky job of keeping her from worrying.

"Yeah, just tired from the long drive this morning," he said.

He wasn't totally lying.

Rory smiled slightly but there was something else behind her eyes. "Alright, if you're sure."

Jess attempted to return her smile as he stood and put on his coat.

"Let's go."

A/N: Finally, another reconciliation and the promise of another ultrasound appointment. So excited to see this baby again. Thanks for reading!