Kazuma woke to the voice of an angel.
"Satou Kazuma, welcome to the after-life. I am sorry to say that you have died. It may have been short, but your life is over."
Kazuma's eyes opened to the sight of a goddess in a pure white room. "What?" he asked, eyes flickering as they adjusted to possessing sight once again.
The room was simple, ivory white walls without décor. Six walls in a hexagon shape, but lacking doors or windows. The floor was covered in black and white tiles in a chessboard pattern. A heavy office desk made of lacquered wood sat in the center of the room, with an elaborate chair behind it. Something about the room felt calming despite its otherworldly appearance. In any normal scenario he would have looked about confused and concerned.
Kazuma was too busy metaphorically drinking in the lovely and sympathetic image before him. Her hair was spun silver that moved like an ocean wave. Soft violet eyes gazed back at him filled with more care and concern than he had ever witnessed in his former life. Her face was cherubic, alabaster skin and soft lips that shone with a soft coral-pink. She was bathed in a holy aura, only highlighted further by the maiden-like garments she wore. She looked like she belonged at the head of a church, guiding the faithful to a better life.
"If this is heaven, I don't ever want to leave." he mumbled reverently. Obviously love-sick at first sight. Blame the suspension bridge effect, the recent demise, or his sheltered nature. Whatever you call it, Kazuma fell, and he fell hard.
"Oh my." The Beauty at the desk exclaimed, holding a hand to her face to barely conceal a demure smile. "You are a charmer aren't you?" she teased. Behind her it sounded like something was hissing? Squeaking? Maybe it could be chirping, if one strained the description a little.
Kazuma straightened himself up a little, noticing the fancy chair he sat in, "So I'm dead?" he questioned meekly.
"You are." The Goddess replied, the faintest hint of regret in her voice.
"Can I ask something?"
The holy maiden nodded, with a soft smile to encourage him.
Kazuma looked down, afraid to see the Goddess reaction. "The girl I pushed? Did I make the right choice? Did I save her?"
"She lived, and thanks to your choice she was unharmed."
Kazuma released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, relief flooded him. His last act had been something worth while. He smiled at the shining figure before him, more thankful than ever. "Thank you very much." he said, completely sincere. "I know you said my name, but I still want to be polite. My name is Saito Kazuma, I am pleased to meet you."
The squeaking got louder, soft hissing and a snort was coming more clearly from behind the throne.
The silver-haired woman frowned and for just a moment she glared beside her as if she was disgusted by the thing making noise behind her. She faced him again and her smile returned, "I am the Goddess of Wind, Luck and Fortune: Eris."
Kazuma's gaze dropped to his hands, bunched together in his lap. "So… What happens to me now?" he asked, trying and failing to keep the meek fear from showing in his voice.
"You have a few choices." she began, "The one most choose is to join the cycle of reincarnation. There you will have your soul cleansed of its memories and sins. Then you will be reborn in your world to a new family. The second is to join those souls who choose their eternal rest in Heaven."
"Just a moment," Kazuma interrupted, "Why is Heaven the second choice? Shouldn't being in Heaven be the most desired thing?"
The frown came back, but only for a moment. "There has been a… misunderstanding between mortals and the divine." She explained. Hesitantly. Slowly. Very reluctantly."The depictions of Heaven among the mortal realms have become an… embellishment overtime. Most believe that the Heavens are a paradise among the clouds, where your every desire is granted… The truth is more like a forum in the clouds."
Now Kazuma was frowning, and the hissing noise was back.
"That's not to say that the Heavens are a bad existence!" The Goddess hurried to clarify, "I mean it isn't the image most have painted of it. Your mind and soul are free to bask in the eternal sunlight, and you can meet others from across your world's history!"
Kazuma could spot what she wasn't mentioning, "What about other experiences?" He asked, "Can I taste amazing foods? Hear amazing music? Or maybe play games of some mystic sort with others?"
Each question only added to the grimace Eris was trying to hide. "Not really..." she admitted. "Mostly you float around and chat… and enjoy the sun?" she added weakly.
Kazuma tried to hide his disappointment. "I suppose that should be expected… I mean with all the different religions and all the ways that Heaven is talked about..." he muttered.
They both sat there in an awkward almost silence.
I say almost because the annoying noises from behind Eris' chair were getting louder, and were clearly someone trying to hold in their laughter.
Someone trying and failing.
The noise had persisted too long, and was too loud to politely ignore. "Pardon me for asking, but… um, well, what is that coming from behind you… It sounds like, well, laughing?"
The Noise stopped, and for a brief moment Kazuma could see a look of disgust and discomfort marring the looks of Eris. If he had to compare it, it was the expression someone wore when they discovered a mentally crippled cousin rolling in shit and believing it to be mud. Tolerance strained, embarrassment maximized, an urge to vomit, and the need to be anywhere else but where you were then and there. All rolled up into a tightening of facial muscles that wasn't enough to depict the mental anguish going across one's mind.
When a figure emerged from behind Eris' seat, the recently deceased expected a fiend, a horror from beyond mortal reckoning. Something to drive a mind mad, something that would justify the expression the goddess had made. Kazuma was almost pleasantly surprised instead.
A young woman appeared, with sea green hair and clothes decorated with blue flowing ribbons. A Cute lady who appeared attractive at first glance, with a charming smile and eyes you could lose yourself in. Something about her caused every hair on the back of Kazuma's neck to rise as a chill coated his bones to their core. A premonition that gave away just how much trouble she could cause on a whim. Her laughing only adding to the discomfort Kazuma felt as she spoke.
"That's enough Eris, I'll take it from here." The woman finally calmed down enough to speak. "You're doing a decent job, but you're taking a little too long."
"But aren't we supposed to comfort the recently deceased?" Eris replied, seeming slightly disappointed in the other woman's appraisal of her. "And answer any of their questions so they can make an informed decision?"
"Yes, but within reason." The woman seemed to produce a book from nowhere and take to lecturing Eris. While Kazuma barely understood what was being talked about, he couldn't help but feel he was witnessing a new employee get stepped on by a "know-it-all" senior employee. "Let me show you how its done!"
The second woman finally turned and acknowledged Kazuma, and while her voice did have a level of comfort, it didn't give him the same relaxed feeling he had with Eris.
"Satou Kazuma, welcome to the after-life." While the smile she was giving might have appeared comforting under other circumstances, the fact she still seemed to be holding in laughter made it seem more mocking. "I am sorry to say that you have died. It may have been short, but your life is over."
"Do all the Gods and Godesses give the same speech?" Kazuma kept the thought to himself, eyes drifting to Eris whose face clearly relayed the message of 'I'm sorry'.
"I am the Goddess of Water, Misfortune, and Mischief: Aqua!" Aqua had one hand on her hip, and her other clenched before her chest in what Kazuma could only describe as typical anime-girl pose. "It is my job to guide those who have died young on their next path. As such Satou Kazuma-san, I have something nice to offer you."
"You mean Heaven? Or reincarnation?" He looked to Eris, who was appearing more and more uncomfortable by the display her senior was putting on.
"Yes, those are options. That you're supposed to mention after." Aqua sent the last part to Eris with a disapproving look accompanying it. She turned back to Kazuma, the smile back in place. "Tell me Satou Kazuma-San, were you a fan of games in your old life?"
The question caught him off-guard. Eris said Heaven had no games, and while he supposed reincarnation would be like starting a new game…"Yes, but-"
"Look. You might not fully believe it, but there are worlds beyond the one you just departed." Aqua made a sweeping gesture, as if to encompass the unseen worlds. "There is one that is currently being harassed by an entity known as the Demon King an-"
"Wait, deities like yourselves preside over multiple worlds?" Because of Eris' explanation, it made sense to him that various Religious views of Gods and the afterlife could overlap and paint false pictures of what was, for lack of a better term, beyond the physical realm. But the thought that some of that might have included views from other worlds? Kazuma would admit he wasn't very religious, but he still couldn't help the question that left his lips. "Does that explain why it seems the Gods aren't listening to us at times?"
"Yeah," Aqua waved away the question, leaving Kazuma wondering just which one she answered. "But that's something for another time. See, this other world is in a bit of a bind because of the Demon King's invasion. As I did for you, those killed by the various monsters and the like were given the option of being reborn into their world. However, the majority of them didn't want to be reborn back into that world. And while that is understandable given the trauma some of them have suffered, it means less souls to repopulate, which could lead to them dying out entirely in the long run."
"Wouldn't the reborn souls have to start again from infancy?" Kazuma's head tilted to the side, "and if so, doesn't that leave plenty of time for the Demon King to kill them again before they would be old enough to fight?"
From her place behind Aqua, Eris nodded at Kazuma's assessment. Aqua also gave a nod, but the words that left her mouth told him she once again ignored the bulk of his questions.
"As such, the decision was made to send those who died in other worlds there to lend a hand in the fight. Preferably those who died young, and want to keep on living because they don't know when to give up." Aqua winked, one hand held up in a V sign. "As it is not your world, you would be reborn as you are now, in peak health and condition so that you can join the fight right away." The pose was dropped in favor of once again glaring at Eris. "See? You save the options of ascending to Heaven or being reborn in their own world until after you give them the Demon King speech. That way, those options seem even less appealing once you explain them if they refuse an-"
"I refuse."
The deadpan response brought the water Goddess out of her lecture, and brought a faint smile to Eris' face. For all the power she should have had over water, it didn't stop a stray drop of sweat from appearing on her brow.
"Excuse me?" Aqua looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi.
"I said, I refuse." Kazuma spoke slowly, his eyes locked on Aqua's to make sure she understood.
"Well, don't discount my offer just yet. I, I still have more to explain about it." Another book appeared in Aqua's hands. "Look, the Demon King's world is just like a, a, a Renaissance fair in your world." Each stammer was punctuated with a snap as the Goddess tried to explain her thoughts. "It's just like medieval times, complete with sword fights, knights, even magic! Real magic and not just illusions like the magicians of your world create."
"I'm still not seeing why I should let myself be dumped into a foreign world I know nothing about instead of going around again in a familiar world." The serene joy Kazuma originally felt thanks to Eris was fading fast.
"Ah, but didn't Eris tell you that your memories would be wiped clean if you decided to go around again, as you called it?" Aqua shrugged, "Even if you were lucky enough to be one of the few cases to remember a 'past life', it would be more like a case of deja vu. Experiences both familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time."
"She did, but it still seems the better option. Look at me, I'm just your ordinary human," Kazuma gestured to himself, "I have no outstanding talents. No impressive abilities. My grades were just slightly above average, and so were my scores on the various physical fitness tests."
"That may be true," Aqua's reply held no sympathy, her reply making Eris wince, "but that's also why I'm prepared to send you along with a magical power or item of your choosing." She held the book she had been holding open, revealing pages with pictures of various items and descriptions. "All of these items have unique powers, or bestow amazing abilities on their holder. There's even sacred weapons with ridiculous levels of power you could pick." She thrust the book into Kazuma's hands. "Or special abilities. Going to that world with any one of these would be like starting a game with a cheat item!"
Kazuma took the book and lazily looked through the pages, seeing everything laid out before him like a manual for a table top RPG. He had to admit that items like a cloak that turned into wings or a piece of jewelry that allowed one to throw fireballs did sound like they'd be a blessing under the circumstances of the world in question, but still.
"I will admit some of these are tempting," he closed the book, letting it hang limply from his left hand "but I'm still going to politely decline your offer."
The sound to escape the water goddess was almost pitiful, her face screwing into a frown. "Please, they set the quota far too high for this month..." Aqua seemed to enter her own little world, her fidgeting a sign she was trying to think of a new way to convince Kazuma to take her offer.
"You're less a Goddess and more a used car salesman..." Kazuma muttered, holding the bridge of his nose, amazed at how business-like the Goddess was treating her job.
"Please, Satou Kazuma-San. I know its a lot to take in, but Aqua-Senpai is right." Eris found her voice again, hoping the use of an honorific title would be enough to keep her senior quiet for a moment. "Aqua's followers, my followers, and others are down there. Dying from the Demon King's attacks, or suffering from his destruction of their crops, their homes. To be honest about it, us Gods are overwhelmed by the number of cases coming to us daily from them, much less the rest of the worlds. That's why we need people from other worlds to step up and answer the call." The silver-haired Goddess moved forward, hands coming to rest on the book Kazuma was holding. "Please, Kazuma-San. Won't you help me, help us?"
"Pathetic."
Eris ignored Aqua's comment and gently raised the book back up for Kazuma to see. Originally, he felt nothing towards declining the Water Goddess' offer, but seeing the sincerity in Eris' face with the same request put forward made him open the book again.
"When you put it like that, it sounds a lot more appealing." He looked through the pages again, his actions a little more focused now. "Tell me Eris, if I do take this offer, do you have any recommendations on what I should choose?" He stopped on one of the pages containing an item he had seen in passing before. "Like this ring of invisibility. I suppose it would be quite handy if one could get right up to the Demon King without him noticing and take him out that way."
The slightly dour expression Eris had faded with the question. Though the Goddess would never admit it, there was nothing she enjoyed more than 'talking shop' with adventures. "It would be, but that ring's effect stops the moment you try to do something else besides moving. The moment you draw your weapon to attack, the effect would be dropped and you'd be a sitting duck."
"True," Kazuma looked back, seeing the same mentioned in the description. "Then what about this invulnerable armor? The brief window of true invulnerability it offers seems a blessing to me."
"It is, but remember that outside that window of time, its only the armor that's invulnerable. For example, use your thumb as a page mark and close the book." Eris smiled as Kazuma complied. "Think of the book as the armor, and your thumb as yourself. While the armor will take no damage from whatever non-magical attack hits it," she began to rapidly knock on the cover, a sensation Kazuma could feel on his trapped thumb. "It's only softening the blows you would feel if you weren't wearing it."
"Ah, so while the armor won't burn, I could still end up cooked alive inside it, right?" He reopened the book, noticing Aqua's gaze upon them, "maybe not that one then."
"Just hurry up and pick something!" The impatient Goddess crossed her arms, seeming annoyed that her apprentice was apparently succeeding where she had failed.
It was Kazuma's turn to ignore Aqua. "Well, I know you talked me out of a ring of invisibility, but what about something else that gives a spell of the same?"
"A waste in my opinion, as most of the spells in there you can learn lesser versions of once you get to the world." Eris smiled as Aqua frowned at the snub, "that's why most choose a weapon or other accessory."
"Hey! It's my job to explain that!" Aqua seemed to realize she was being ignored. "Eris, you're taking too long again. Seriously, just pick something. Others may be waiting for guidance!"
There was no missing the frown to cross Eris' face as Aqua dismissed her junior again.
"Okay then," An idea began to form in Kazuma's mind as he made a show of turning a few pages, "Say Aqua, what would you pick if you were to go in my place?"
"Not that us Gods can go, but I wouldn't need anything." The Goddess scoffed, seeming offended at the question.
"I'm not much of a fighter, so maybe a weapon then." Kazuma came upon a section listing various rods and staffs. "This one sounds interesting, a Rod of Lordly Might."
"It is. You can use it as a mace on its own or you can activate one of its special properties." Eris pointed to a small list next to the name. "It can become a flaming sword, work as a battle axe, turn into a ladder, serve as a compass. If I had to compare it to something you might be familiar with, I'd say its a Swiss Army Knife of weapons. That's one of the item I would personally choose if I was in your shoes."
"Seriously Eris? You would use a Rod of Lordly Might?" Aqua laughed, "Us Gods have more power in a fingernail than that little trinket could ever gives us with a lifetime of use."
"Then why don't you use your power to fight the Demon King yourself?" Kazuma snipped sarcastically, before looking back at the book.
"Because I'm busy with other things. But believe me," The blue haired bitch struck a self-important pose, "I do what I can from here to help those below. And right now, you'd be helping me help them by choosing something!"
Kazuma swore he would never hit a woman, but he felt like making an exception for the Goddess before him.
Eris was biting her tongue, but still found the words to speak. "Indeed, we all do what we can, but we can only do so much from here."
"Understandable. Which is why you need us..." Kazuma struggled to pick the best word, "mortals to go in your place, right?"
"Right. And while I can't speak for my fellow deities," Aqua's eyes locked onto Eris as she moved closer to Kazuma, "I would gladly go down and assist, if I was allowed to." Aqua smiled as she looked over his shoulder, hoping to intimidate him into picking something. "But since I can't and time is short...Hurry up and decide what you're taking with you!"
"Very well then, Eris." Kazuma closed the book, and gently handed it back to Eris while Aqua still hovered around him. "I will assist you with the matter of the Demon King, and I would like to take the Rod of Lordly Might..." His expression switched to that of a swindler who made a successful sale as he looked to the impatient Goddess, "along with my assistant if permissible."
Kazuma had meant it mockingly, sarcastically. He had no idea the utter calamity he had started with his sass. He wanted to make Aqua look bad, to call her out on her empty offer so he could mock her a bit. Instead, he was now given a ball and chain in the worst sort of way. The gods had been trying to unburden themselves for eons, and they had just been given their chance.
A bright light filled the room, with dramatically mystic magic circles all covered with various patterns of ancient arcane symbols appearing under both Kazuma and Aqua's feet. Eris' smile was full of excited warmth, as Aqua's face shifted into a nervous grin.
"We understand," a new feminine voice seem to come from the lights. "Satou Kazuma-San, your request has been granted. You will find the Rod of Lordly Might in your possession upon arriving in the New World. Aqua-san, your request to assist has been granted as well."
"Wha-Wait a second! I'm a Goddess, I...I can't go." Aqua stared into the light, seeming to see something that Kazuma could not.
"But Aqua-Senpai," Eris' triumphant grin seemed at odds with the professionally innocent tone in her voice, "Did you not say you would assist if allowed to?"
"Indeed, bless your heart Aqua-San for being brave enough to do what we would not." Another new voice, this one more masculine added its thoughts.
"Aqua-san is a most wise for a Goddess." Another voice added its own backhand compliment as Aqua looked about frantically.
"I-I-I Did but, I didn't really mean it..." There was an odd panic to Aqua's voice, "Well, I mean-"
"Do you really care that little for your followers?" Even though he had semi-tricked her into saying it, Kazuma seemed offended at her defense.
"No, I care for them greatly but..." The panic in Aqua's voice lessened slightly as she realized something, "If I go, who will guide the lost young souls to their next path?" The proud smile on Aqua's face seemed at odds with her panicked eyes.
"Eris-san is more than qualified to take over your duties as you accompany this follower in his quest to defeat the Demon King." The first voice answered, making Eris' smile glow all the brighter as Aqua's own fell even further.
"But, I'm a Water Goddess, my powers are for healing!" Aqua seemed to be throwing a tantrum that could rival the most selfish toddler. Kazuma briefly wondered if mastering to get Aqua as an assistant was a mistake, but seeing the joy on Eris' face chased away those thoughts. "I can't fight! Or shouldn't I get to choose a cheat item too?!"
"But you're a Goddess, you shouldn't need a 'cheat item'." The masculine voice's words brought a light laugh from the other unseen figures while Eris' face looked ready to split in half given how wide her smile was.
"But taking along a Deity is against the rules!" Aqua tried a last ditch effort to get out of the mess she had gotten herself into.
"Ah but Kazuma-san didn't pick you. You volunteered." The feminine voice reminded her as the others added their own murmurs of agreement. "Though as you yourself pointed out Aqua-san, time is short. Don't worry, you can come back when the job is done!"
"They're right," Eris straightened her posture, the slight shaking of her body showing off just how eager she was for this moment. "Aqua-Sama, I shall take over your work here from now on. Senpai, Kazuma-san, please do your best and take care."
Kazuma couldn't keep the surprise off his face as the light surrounding the two of them grew brighter. Though it, he could see Eris' smiling face, and while the sight alone offered him a sense of comfort, the words she offered served as encouragement for entering the unknown.
"Now then Hero. You shall begin your journey to take out the Demon King." Eris raised a hand, and Kazuma felt himself being lifted gently into the air.
Beside him, Aqua was having a fit and flailing like a fish out of water. "No! Saying cool things like that is my job!"
Eris looked up at her disgraced senpai with a brilliant smile filled with hopes, dreams, and the satisfaction of a cheated spouse winning everything in a divorce court. Slightly biased towards the goddess, Kazuma couldn't see the cause behind the smile, but felt a great warmth from it nonetheless. Aqua knew exactly why Eris was grinning, and every part of it pissed her off.
"Betrayal!" The nadir struck, made mortal goddess screamed out. "Buddha, Yahweh, Amaterasu! One of you do something! Come on Hestia, you owe me! You too Ganesha!"
Aqua's cries were met with laughter from the lights below, though Kazuma could only see Eris' shining form. The silver-haired Goddess caught his gaze and gave him a nod as he faded from sight. Seeing Aqua giving her the stink eye, Eris raised her hand and gave her Senpai a tiny little wave and a single parting word.
"Bye."