.: Þrettán :.
Rúna shows me where to sleep. There are mats piled with thick furs in the corner of the house, and only thin animal skin screens separate some of the beds from others. I'm placed to sleep near the children, which brings me some relief, though the thought of sleeping in a room with three men I don't know still makes me incredibly anxious.
Foli sleeps on the edge of the bed mat, Katla in between us. She's fully asleep by the time I curl up next to her, and the steadiness of her breathing helps me find my own sort of calm.
In the dark of the night, my senses grow heightened, and I can't help myself from flinching at every noise.
I don't understand the heavy pants I can hear starting to pick up until someone lets out a soft moan. Mortification floods my entire body, and I flinch under the furs, curling up on myself to try to drown out the sound of flesh slapping flesh. How can they be doing that here, with children in the room!
My eyes seek out the children's faces, but they are blissfully asleep.
Sex in all its forms is something completely alien to me. I've barely explored my own body, let alone someone else's, and this raw witnessing of someone else having sex brings out fear and curiosity in me. I don't want to turn to look who might be making such sounds, though instinctively I think I know. Rúna and who I assume is her husband are the only discernible couple I have observed, and based on their three children, I assume their sex life is well and active.
Farther down the room, beyond their grunts and moans, I can hear light snoring. Is this honestly so common? To sleep peacefully while someone has sex right next to you?
It's absolutely mortifying for me to consider, and I shrink deeper into the furs.
It lasts longer than I thought it would, and I am almost ashamed of how interested I become in listening. I've never watched pornography; I am not even sure I know how sex works.
I don't turn around.
Instead, I grip my body tight, curled up in a ball, trying to ignore the ache building in me. I don't know what to call this heavy, unsettled feeling, but it grows deeper and deeper the longer I listen.
When they are finished, I'm left with a racing heart and a pulsing in my body I didn't know I could ever feel.
I take a deep breath then another. The air smells of fur, dry grasses, fresh wood, lingering scents of fish and bread from dinner, and…
I take another deep breath. I don't know that smell, but I have my suspicions based upon what just transpired in here. I didn't know that sex had a smell; I'd never even thought of it before.
There is a soft whisper, and then a giggle, and soon, heavier snoring fills the room. My heart is still thundering in my ears.
How is it possible, that with each new moment, I can be further and further from home when I've already wandered so far as it is?