Chapter II – Rebirth Flame
Thousands killed…
By a rampant fire…
All because of one dream.
A lone figure stood by the large glass doors in a room of the newly renovated Balamb Hotel. The doors led to a plain balcony that oversaw every vivid detail in Balamb Town. The man held a glass of water in his gloved hand as he watched the rain beat down on the small streets. The rainstorm began unexpectedly, and he remembered the way people outside ran for shelter.
Just like how they ran from me.
Seifer fixed his gaze on the water he had been drinking and exhaled slowly. The liquid reminded him of the many tears he had seen people shed when he killed their loved ones. They cried for the loss and the imminent loneliness. But he alone had to bear the burden of having to live with himself.
Alone…I'm always alone. Nothing ever changes.
He hadn't felt the least bit happy in the longest time. Even during his time with Ultimecia, he was never truly happy like he thought he would be. He was blinded by promises of getting anything he wanted, even when he knew deep down that all the Sorceress fed him were lies. The reason why he had continued on with it all still remained an untouchable mystery. It wasn't something he wanted think about.
He glanced across the room to the bed where Hyperion lay. After all this time and tragedy, it still hadn't lost its gleam – Seifer made sure of that. Hyperion was the one thing that he loved enough to make efforts to take extreme care. Needless to say, Hyperion was the only thing about Seifer that was still in perfect condition.
Everything else he had was scarred. His face, his pride, his life.
The War had changed him. For better or for worse, he couldn't tell. It taught him lessons not even the best Instructor could ever teach. He regretted everything he had done, but had too much pride to admit any shame. He hated everything that belonged to him. He followed Ultimecia and hated his feet; he killed and hated his hands; he mocked and hated his lips; he schemed and hated his mind; he commanded and hated his voice; but worst of all, he pushed away everyone he loved and hated himself.
Fujin and Raijin. He had neither seen nor heard from them since they left him three weeks after the war. They had made a decision to move to Fisherman's Horizon without bothering to tell him. Seifer had doubted that they still wanted him as a friend until…
.
..
...
"Seifer, if you ever need anything, you can always come to us, ya know? We promise we'll be here for you, ya know," Raijin said, patting Seifer on the back.
"ALWAYS," Fujin added.
"Yeah. And if you ever have the time, you can come visit us and see our little babies, ya know."
Fujin turned red. "RAGE!" She kicked Raijin in the usual spot and Seifer couldn't help but laugh. It never gets old. "RAIJIN. TALK. TOO MUCH."
"Yeah, all right, I'm sorry, ya know. But yeah… We're a posse and nothing will change that. We'll be seein' ya around. Here's our address and number and, ya know, come see us anytime."
...
..
.
Seifer reached inside one of the inner pockets on his coat to feel for the piece of paper Raijin had given him. Seifer took a sip of water when his throat suddenly felt dry. As he drank, his eyes wandered to the window again and, a bit further to the right, he could see Balamb Garden glowing in the distance.
Puberty Boy and Chicken-wuss… I wonder if they're asleep yet. Seifer thought of them occasionally. Whenever he did, he admitted that he did miss teasing and picking fights with them, just as he had done in their days at the orphanage. Whenever Seifer got into a fight, whether it was with Squall, Zell, Irvine, or Selphie (very rarely), there was always someone who would come to break it up and yell at Seifer for being 'mean and rude'.
"Quistis…" The name escaped his lips in a whisper and its sound died in the silence of the room. He had only spoken her name aloud once in a blue moon. To him, she was always 'Instructor' or 'Trepe' – nothing more, nothing less. Seifer never meant to be cruel to her, but he couldn't help himself when everything changed the day a broody Squall Leonhart entered Quistis's classroom, pulling Seifer's attention away from her lecture (he wasn't really listening anyway). Not long after, he noticed that Quistis started to pay more attention to Squall than anyone else. Seifer became jealous and often took his anger out on others. Mostly on her.
At first, he had called her those names to mock her, but when those intentions were lost, it became a habit. Every so often, when they talked alone after her classes (usually about his 'disrespectful behavior'), he caught himself addressing her with those names more softly than intended. He would then silently curse himself for doing so and desperately hope that she didn't notice.
Seifer missed patrolling the hallways after curfew with Fujin and Raijin to catch students breaking Garden rules. From time to time, he would find an excuse to walk away and patrol elsewhere. "Divide and conquer," he ordered. But what Fujin and Raijin never found out was that Seifer sometimes didn't actually patrol, but went to visit a certain someone instead.
He would walk down a particular dormitory hallway after five minutes of 'patrolling' and stop at a certain door. He would knock lightly once (twice if necessary) to wake up the Instructor on the other side. No matter how tired she was, Quistis always opened the door and, sometimes, glared at him for interrupting her sleep. In the end, she would always ask politely, "What is it, Seifer?", and he would always have a ready reply, whether it was about the essay due the next day or the specific time of the next field tutorial – all excuses to see that rare image of Quistis in her white cotton nightgown with her hair down. Seifer Almasy wasn't stupid. With the exception of Squall, he knew just as well as every other man in Garden that Quistis Trepe was beautiful. I wonder if she still has that nightgown. He chuckled at the thought.
A moving figure pulled his attention away from his reverie. It was the very person he had seen in his dreams almost every night – dreams that both haunted and comforted him. He closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds and opened them again. Nope, still there.
His eyes followed Quistis's every move as she stepped out of the Balamb Train Station. She probably just came back from a mission. It's not like she does anything else with her life. Seifer watched as she pulled at her collar and shrugged her shoulder twice to adjust her bag. She looked very cold and uncomfortable, and the rain hadn't let up. Seifer wished he could run down and at least offer her his coat and look into her eyes without guilt.
Guilt. I'm guilty, because I tried to hurt her. When I once told myself that I never would. He knew he had broken his own promise many times while he was at Garden, yet it was that very same promise that kept him from finishing her off in the last battle they had during the War. He finally accepted the fact that, other than Fujin, Raijin and Matron, Quistis was probably the one he cared for most. He never really connected with anyone else with the sort of intensity he felt with her.
By the time he stopped pondering, Quistis was already out of sight. He sighed and, with one last look at the window (hoping to see her again, but to no avail), turned back to his bed in the middle of the dark hotel room. His eyes closed, begging for a dreamless sleep.
By the time Seifer woke up, the sun was already bursting through the window. He pulled the covers off and stretched lazily. He was bored already. There was nothing for him to do and he was not welcome anywhere except hotels, which did anything for Gil. People weren't really scared of him anymore; most thought he was powerless without a Sorceress backing him up.
The rest hated him.
Seifer didn't mind, nor did he care. He was used to being hated, even as a child. He knew the only people who did not despise him were his posse, Matron, and…Quistis? No, he was sure she hated him, too, though she never acted like it. Then again, Quistis rarely acted with any emotion.
Why did he think of his former Instructor so much? Every single morning, she would be one of his first thoughts. That can't be good… My mind is probably just so bored out of its own mind that it's trying to find something to fixate on.
He needed to focus on the here and now. He was free to go anywhere after the War, but he chose to stay close to Garden. Seifer often hoped against hope that maybe one day, he could finish what he started there. Maybe finally pass a field exam. Maybe have a fulfilling mercenary career. Maybe die young on the field in a blaze of glory. It was the only life he knew, and all he wanted to do was go back to the way things had been before everything turned to ruin.
The phone in his hotel room rang once. He stared at it apprehensively. It can't be the hotel staff calling – he had left instruction not to be disturbed. No one should know he was here. After five full seconds, he pulled the receiver to his head to answer, "Yes?"
A familiar voice spoke, "Seifer, dear. Is that you?"
Well, isn't this awkward. He could recognize this voice anywhere. "Matron. How did you find me?"
"I've been looking all over for you. Someone in town told me that they had seen someone who fit your description going into the Balamb Hotel, and I just had to know for sure. Oh, thank goodness…" He thought he heard her sniffling on the other end. "How are you?"
"Fine. You?"
"I'm good, Seifer, now that I know you're all right. Everyone misses you, dear."
Yeah…right. "You don't need to cover for them."
"Won't you please come home? You worry me sometimes."
Home…
Did he want to return on someone else's terms? Just because a woman he knew as his mother begged him to? How would he keep his pride in tact? "Since you offered so kindly, why not?" Sarcastic as always, but the poor lady never picked up on such things. "That depends on whether your husband will let me. Isn't it his precious school for child soldiers?"
Edea had never really been fazed by his negative phrasings. "Seifer, I've already discussed it with him. All you need to do is sit through what amounts to a small hearing, and—"
"A hearing? What am I, a criminal?"
"No, Seifer, it's not like that…perhaps that's not a good way to put it." She hemmed and hawed a bit, trying to find the right way to explain. "It's this new team that the Gardens have formed. They just need to ask you a few questions. Once they see your potential, there's no reason why they would refuse your admittance. Cid said that we could do this any time you want. But of course, the best time is in the next two days, because the team will actually all be here for some other meetings."
"Sure. Whatever Cid says."
"Cid said he hopes you will try to make SeeD again. He has high hopes for you, Seifer. He always had and he always will."
Seifer frowned. Funny, he never looked like he cared. "Sure." It was still hard for Seifer to use much more than one-word answers with authority figures. Especially with someone who, only a short time ago, had been the helpless vessel for a powerful Sorceress that ordered him around ceaselessly.
"All right, Seifer. We'll be seeing you. You'll really come?"
"Yes."
"Do you promise?"
"What is this? Do I need to make a pinky promise? I'm not five."
He could hear the laughter in her voice now. "See you soon, my dear."
Seifer hung up, stood up, and took a long, deep breath. There was no turning back now. Did he really want this? What if it wasn't not all that it was cracked up to be, the way he had constructed it in his own twisted imagination? He saw how that turned out with his romantic dream.
Well, it's not as if he liked his life right now anyway.
He gathered his few belongings (just Hyperion, really) and went down the stairs briskly to check out at the lobby. He needed some air.
I'll pass that exam this time. I know I will.
Seifer Almasy, don't disappoint yourself again.