CHAPTER 5: 3.6 KILOMETERS APART

August 15th, 2020

Gi-hun was scrolling through the channels on TV when he heard a loud knock.

Jumping out of bed, he smoothed out his hair and clothes. As he had been wearing jeans all day, he was left wearing his boxers and T-shirt. Looking through the peephole, he saw it was a freshly-showered Sae-byeok. He quickly opened the door, making room for her to pass by.

"Aren't you sleepy?" Gi-hun questioned as Sae-byeok settled on the armchair by the bed.

"Yes, but I have some questions and I don't want to ask them later."

Grabbing the remote, Gi-hun switched the TV off, and he hopped back in bed.

"All right! What did you need to ask?"

"You…you said you were looking for me. Why?"

Gi-hun brushed his hair back, feeling an unbearable, agonizing twist in his heart at the reminder of what Sae-byeok had experienced.

"What did you expect I'd do? I couldn't just forget."

"You easily could have. That's what everyone else did." That's what Ji-yeong did, Sae-byeok thought bitterly. She hadn't heard from her at all; she was starting to forget what her voice sounded like.

"Well, they don't know you as well as I do," Gi-hun explained as if it was obvious. He had no idea that Sae-byeok had bared her soul to one other person.

Sae-byeok gritted her teeth.

"You sound arrogant when you put it that way."

"Sorry," Gi-hun apologized. "I hope you know I don't mean to be arrogant."

"Ji-yeong, the other girl. She knows my story. But she didn't look for me," Sae-byeok bit out. "But you did. Why?"

Again with that word, Gi-hun thought. If he knew her better, he would've told her upfront that he saw her as one of his own, that he saw her the way he saw Ga-yeong, that he couldn't stand to go on further knowing she was fending for herself alone. But he knew that was a lot to place on someone, and he didn't want to burden Sae-byeok with this information—yet. But perhaps he could give Sae-byeok the abridged version of his feelings for the moment.

"I care about you. I want to know you're safe. It's as simple as that."

"I've been doing fine on my own," Sae-byeok pointed out, but Gi-hun could see straight through her lie. He could tell she was barely holding it together, and that further strengthened his resolve to get through to her.

"About the other girl, Ji-yeong," Gi-hun said, taking a detour. "You realize she's around your age? She probably has to deal with a lot, too. Or else why was she recruited to the games?"

"Your point?"

Gi-hun let out a long breath.

"When you're young, every emotion you feel is bigger than it is. That makes the obstacle bigger." Gi-hun was making grand gestures with his arms, visualizing his analogy. He knew he was talking in circles, but Sae-byeok didn't need to deal with any more than she had to. "When you're my age, though, all those emotions seem real tiny, as if they weren't there. You see where I'm getting at?"

Sae-byeok nodded. She did, in fact, see where he was getting at. But it didn't mean she had to agree. Noticing Sae-byeok's frown deepening, Gi-hun decided he needed to change the course of the conversation.

"You said you were working to get your mother across the border. How is that going?"

Sae-byeok clenched her fists, her gaze darkening.

"She's officially missing, which means she's dead."

"Sae-byeok—"

"And don't suggest that she could be alive," Sae-byeok interrupted before Gi-hun could even offer his optimistic advice. "You don't know how ruthless the North's government is."

Gi-hun's eyebrows fell together into a frown of his own.

"There is a point where realism turns into pessimism," he stated, vividly remembering how Sang-woo always used to doubt he'd get into SNU—even when he'd gone far above what was expected of an applicant. "You mustn't give up hope. There are programs—genuinely helpful ones—that can help you with your mother." Brushing his hair back, he asked, "What about your brother? Did you see him after coming back?"

Sae-byeok nodded. "Once."

"Only once?" Gi-hun gasped lightly. "That's it. I'm gonna speed up the buying process of my new house. Then, we're getting him out of that children's home."

"New house?" Sae-byeok questioned, sounding a bit confused.

"I've had my eye on a nice house in Hannam-dong," Gi-hun explained. "It has enough room for me, Ga-yeong, and…you and your brother." He ended with a hopeful smile, trusting that Sae-byeok would get the hidden meaning. Thankfully, she did.

"So that's why you were looking for me," she replied, looking down. For the second time that day, Sae-byeok felt her eyes burn, tears threatening to fall at any moment. She didn't understand how this man, a man she barely knew, was actually planning to give her and Cheol a roof over their head—even while knowing she could have easily done that herself. Or perhaps he kept forgetting she had money, too, that she was perfectly capable of providing for herself and Cheol.

"Yes," Gi-hun replied, his smile widening. "That is, if you're okay with it. I don't wanna force you into something you don't wanna do."

On top of everything, Gi-hun was even offering Sae-byeok a way out. Meaning she wasn't obligated to accept. And for a moment, she wanted to say no—she wanted to take charge of her life again, to make sure she and her brother got on nicely without any snags that came in the form of other people. However, another part of her wanted—no, needed—a break. Her childhood had been all but stolen from her the moment she, Cheol, Appa, and Eomma had decided to embark across the DMZ. And Gi-hun had proven himself trustworthy many times over, starting with that wise quote he'd told her.

You don't trust people because they are trustworthy. You do it because you have nothing else to rely on.

She'd always remember those words for as long as she lived. They'd been so profoundly new to her, so foreign at the time that she had to remember.

But this time, she trusted Gi-hun not because she had nothing else to rely on—but because he was trustworthy.

She could trust him. She could trust that he would never stab her when her back was turned.

With that, she gave him her answer.

"Thank you, Gi-hun ssi."

"So?" asked Gi-hun, his eyes lighting up. "Is that a yes?"

Giving him a small smile, Sae-byeok nodded. Gi-hun felt fireworks erupt inside him as he realized that yes, he'd have another chance to not mess things up.

He'd finally have Sae-byeok—and her brother, who he was so excited to meet—close to him.

He couldn't wait.

August 16th, 2020

Gi-hun fished for his keys as they stood in front of his house. Though he didn't particularly want to have to go through with this, he knew Eomma would have to know about the girl he'd taken under his wing sooner or later.

When he finally found them, he took the house key and inserted it into the lock, twisting it and opening the door.

"Eomma! I'm back!" Gi-hun called out, gesturing for Sae-byeok to wait a moment at the door. After she nodded, Gi-hun grinned, kicking off his shoes and heading further in the house.

"I'm in my room, Gi-hun ah!" Eomma answered, and Gi-hun turned and headed there. Once he opened the door and saw her sitting on the bed, he smiled warmly and greeted her with a hug.

"Hey, Eomma," said Gi-hun, sitting beside her. Gripping her hand, he asked how she was and if she had eaten breakfast.

"I'm well. And yes, I ate breakfast. You seem awfully happy this morning."

"That's because I am!" Gi-hun replied cheerfully. "Eomma, I want to introduce you to a new friend." Standing up, Gi-hun began leading her to the door. "It's a funny story, really—I met her because she pickpocketed me!" It was true enough. Back at the hotel, he and Sae-byeok had devised a plan on how the latter would be introduced to Eomma after Gi-hun had insisted that she meet his mother. Unsurprisingly, it had been Sae-byeok who'd come up with most of the story; afraid that he would forget something, Gi-hun had made Sae-byeok pretend to be his mother so he could practice. It had felt like he'd been rehearsing for a play.

Eomma looked at him in disbelief.

"You befriended a pickpocket?"

"Oh, but there's more to the story, way more!" His walking coming to an abrupt halt, Gi-hun continued, "You see, I chased her down, demanding for my money back, and that's when I was shocked beyond words!" At this point, he lowered his voice to something more somber. If it was one thing he could do, it was tell a good story. "I asked her why she pickpocketed me, right? At first, she refused to tell me why, saying it was none of my business, but I replied, 'It is my business, since you tried to take my money.'" Gi-hun continued talking animatedly, making sure to take his strides slowly. He managed to remember everything he'd planned with Sae-byeok on telling Eomma, including how Sae-byeok saw his reasoning and decided to reveal that she was poor and a defector from the North. And Gi-hun, being the kind man he was, offered to help Sae-byeok out, knowing how much money he now had.

By the end of his tale, Eomma sighed.

"Though you have changed in ways unimaginable, Gi-hun," she conceded, "there are some things that never change, do they?"

Gi-hun rewarded his eomma with a knowing smile.

"Nope!"

"And I'm sure you're not done, are you?"

"Correct again, Eomma!" They had finally reached the front door. Swinging it open, he gestured grandly to Sae-byeok, who stood there like a moody teenager, hands shoved in her pockets and clothes too baggy on her form. Once she'd realized the door had opened, she stood straighter and took her hands out of her pockets. "Sae-byeok, meet Kim Chun-ja, otherwise known as my lovely eomeoni! Eomma, meet Kang Sae-byeok!"

He surreptitiously winked at Sae-byeok, subtly letting her know that he'd told Eomma his made-up story and that it was time to play her part, which Gi-hun had been careful to not have deviate too much from her real personality.

"Hello, Kim Chun-ja ssi," Sae-byeok greeted, making sure to bow as she did so. "Nice to meet you."

For a long moment, Eomma stood there, her face scrunched up as she processed everything that had just happened. Gi-hun couldn't help but smother a chuckle at this, for he knew his eomma had probably seen it all. But then her look softened as she approached Sae-byeok, stopping to get a good look at the girl standing on her doorstep. Then, in a voice so quiet that Gi-hun strained to hear, she asked, "How old are you, Kang Sae-byeok?"

"Eighteen," Sae-byeok replied. And just when Gi-hun had thought his mother's face had softened as much as it could have, it softened even more.

Taking one of Sae-byeok's hands, Eomma enclosed it within her own.

"You are so brave," she told her, her warm voice alluding to the horrors she'd experienced during the Korean War. Though she never spoke of it, Kim Chun-ja harbored an overwhelming amount of grief. She knew what it was like to lose not one, but two people to the North. One of them had been her father, who'd fought bravely and died saving a fellow comrade. The other had been her husband, who'd been killed twenty-one years later as she, then pregnant with Gi-hun, had managed to cross the DMZ. Just as she'd gotten to the other side, her husband—Gi-hun's father—had been shot down, his body and soul dragged away from Chun-ja forever.

Soon afterwards, she met a woman named Park Da-eun. Chun-ja, who had been living on the streets with only the clothes on her back, had run into her at a fish stand. She'd been looking through the trash to find anything, anything for herself to eat. Da-eun, who owned the fish stand, had approached her, kindly asking what a woman so heavily pregnant was doing rummaging through trash bins. Chun-ja had apologized and made to leave, but Da-eun had insisted Chun-ja come back to her place to have some real food.

A month later, Da-eun remained by Chun-ja's side as she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Da-eun's husband, Cho Tae-hyun, stood outside, a pile of nerves as he worried for the woman who had become a part of their small family. As the doctor had given the baby for Chun-ja to hold, she realized in that moment that her husband—rightly named Haneul—would never be there to see his son grow into a strong, handsome man. He would never be there when his son took his first steps, when his son would go to school for the first time. Her dear Haneul would never be there when his son got married, when his son had his first child.

She hadn't realized she was crying until Da-eun had helpfully dabbed Chun-ja's eyes with a napkin nearby. And perhaps she'd been crying because the baby bore such a strong resemblance to Haneul.

Chun-ja's arms felt like jelly as she stared into her baby's wide, brown eyes. He looked so curious, so excited to be in this world. His eyes were just as expressive as Haneul's had been. It was as though her husband had returned to her in a different form.

"He'll do great things, I'm sure of it," Da-eun whispered, running a hand through the baby's hair. "What do you think you'll name him?"

Chun-ja frowned. Though she and Haneul had decided that they'd name a potential boy Minjun, it no longer felt right. She and her baby had been through too much. She needed to name her baby something that he could carry with him forever.

"Minjun is too simple of a name for him," Chun-ja replied. "His name should carry more weight, more meaning. A way for me to remember Haneul and to pass down his strength."

"I agree," Da-eun nodded, smiling. "What about Byung-ho?"

Chun-ja shook her head.

"Chan-woo?"

Again, Chun-ja shook her head.

"No…both of those names are not enough. They don't feel right."

Chun-ja closed her eyes, trying to find a name for her son that would place a great blessing on his shoulders. She went through all the names she knew of—names of uncles, grandfathers, and even soldiers. But she couldn't think of one.

It was then, in that little hospital room, that she noticed a book titled Names For Your Baby. Pointing to it, she asked, "Da-eun, could you get me that book?"

Da-eun nodded, saying, "Of course." Rising from her seat, she went to retrieve it. Handing it to Chun-ja, she asked, "Do you think this will help, unnie?"

Chun-ja nodded. "I hope so."

Handing the baby to Da-eun, she flipped through the book, poring over the boy names on each page, carefully considering each of their meanings. If she really liked the meaning, she made a mental note to go back to the name once she had finished looking through the list.

It was when she came to the fifth or sixth section when she found a name that caught her eye. It read Gi. On the next page, she found another name, Hun. While 'Gi' meant 'vigorous, strong,' 'Hun' meant 'teaching.' Right then, she felt a swell in her stomach as she realized that this was it. This was what she would name her baby.

"I know what I want to name my son," Chun-ja declared, setting the book down and holding out her arms. As Da-eun looked on with great anticipation, handing the baby to her, Chun-ja sent a warm look her way. Cradling the baby close, she looked again into his wide, curious, brown eyes—the eyes of Haneul. Whispering softly, she told him, "Your name will be Seong Gi-hun."

Two months after Gi-hun's birth, Da-eun had announced that she was expecting a baby with Tae-hyun. Chun-ja had been very excited at this, realizing that her precious son would either have a little brother or sister by his side. As Da-eun progressed through her pregnancy, Chun-ja managed to get back on her feet, making a modest living selling vegetables. She bought a small house near the Cho household, and a month before Gi-hun turned one, Da-eun gave birth to a baby boy, Cho Sang-woo.

Returning to the present, Chun-ja looked between her grown son and the defector he'd befriended. She had never told Gi-hun that she had also been a defector, saying instead that his father had died of illness before he was born. She hadn't wanted to burden her only child with high expectations, something she saw Da-eun and Tae-hyun do with their son. She had just wanted Gi-hun to live an honest, non-stressful life. It hadn't mattered to her whether he got a job as a businessman or a job as a store clerk. And though he'd ended up straying so far off course that she had feared all her efforts had been for naught, he managed to return, taking on his duties as a son and a father with stride.

"Come in, Kang Sae-byeok," Chun-ja finally told her, moving back so that Sae-byeok could come through. "Have either of you had breakfast?"

"No, Eomma," Gi-hun answered, brushing his hair back.

"Then sit. I'll make something for the both of you."

"I'll help," Gi-hun offered, for which Chun-ja was immensely grateful.

Twenty minutes later, Gi-hun brought out two bowls and two sets of chopsticks as Eomma set the larger bowl of fried rice in the middle of the table. Sae-byeok closed her eyes as she got a whiff of the meal, allowing herself a small smile at the tantalizing, mouth-watering smell.

The two of them began eating their fried rice, with Gi-hun taking seconds. Though Gi-hun didn't thank her, Chun-ja knew his second helping was his way of telling her he loved the meal. Meanwhile, Sae-byeok quietly murmured a thank-you as she ate her rice at a slower pace. While Gi-hun was busy getting a third helping, Sae-byeok savored her meal, taking her time with her bites and truly appreciating the taste.

Once they had finished, Gi-hun collected the dishes and headed to the sink to wash them. Ever since Gi-hun had returned from the hospital, he'd adopted the practice of washing the dishes after every meal so Chun-ja wouldn't have to.

"Anyways," said Gi-hun, "this is why I couldn't come home last night. The place Sae-byeok was living in was so bad! It was all I could do to not bolt." Lowering his voice, he added, "It was crawling with addicts, Eomma. It smelled terrible."

Chun-ja frowned deeply at this, her sympathy for the girl growing even more. But at least Sae-byeok had had a roof over her head; Chun-ja never did until she met Da-eun.

"Don't be so insensitive, Gi-hun," Chun-ja chided. But she realized her son was feeling great indignation on the girl's behalf, so she smiled fondly.

At this defense, Sae-byeok smiled at Chun-ja.

"Thank you, Kim Chun-ja ssi."

Gi-hun, meanwhile, produced a sheepish look as he brushed his hair back.

"Sorry, Sae-byeok."

Later, when it was time to leave—Gi-hun would be taking Sae-byeok to Hannam-dong to show her the house—Gi-hun instructed Sae-byeok to wait for him by the door before taking Eomma back to her room. Closing the door, he revealed, "I have news."

"What is it?"

"I'm planning on buying a nice house in Hannam-dong. I also found a nice apartment for you in Sindang-dong, which is about four kilometers away from the house."

Eomma's eyes widened.

"Gi-hun ah, how much money did you get?" Her eyes became worried as she continued, "Please tell me you haven't taken out a huge loan. You don't even have a job! How will you pay the interest?"

"Eomma, no!" Gi-hun vehemently denied, waving his hands desperately. "I didn't take out a huge loan! Yeesh, you and Eun-ji are more similar than I thought. I—I got the money legally. I won it." Though the first part wasn't true at all—he would never consider money won at the expense of human lives legal—he did win the money.

"Did you win the lottery?" Eomma questioned, making a lightbulb switch on in Gi-hun's head.

"Yes—yes! I won the lottery." Gi-hun wanted to facepalm himself for not thinking of this earlier. It was such an easy way to explain what he didn't want to reveal.

"I see." Taking a deep breath, Eomma continued in warning, "I hope this new version of yourself is genuine. Because if it is not, Gi-hun, then I will have lived for nothing." Gi-hun gulped deeply, knowing his mother was a tough woman who didn't do things in halves; she meant every word she said. It strengthened his resolve to make her proud—he knew now that she deserved that feeling for single-handedly raising him with the help of Sang-woo's parents.

"I promise, Eomma, everything is better now," he insisted with a quaver in his tone. "I won't go back to my old ways. I've changed."

And he knew it was true, for if he slacked off for even one second, everything he'd experienced would come back to bite him.

He couldn't go back. He couldn't go back.

As always, let me know what you think! I really enjoyed writing Chun-ja's backstory; I was inspired to make her a defector as well because of the hard look she always has, the look which says, "I've seen it all." I named Sang-woo's mother Da-eun because its first syllable means "many" and the second syllable means "kindness," "charity," or "mercy." As for Sang-woo's father, I chose Tae-hyun because it means "large" and "highest" or "good" and "virtuous." Finally, for Gi-hun's father, I named him Haneul because it means "heaven and sky," and I believe that's what he could've been to Chun-ja.

KOREAN USED IN THIS CHAPTER

appa - dad/daddy

eomma - mom/mommy

ssi - an honorific Koreans use if they know someone's name but have a formal relationship with them; the same as "Mr." or "Ms."

eomeoni - mother

unnie - an honorific Korean females use to address an older sister or an older female friend

ah - an affectionate term placed at the end of a name to indicate familiarity/consider someone of similar status; commonly used by parents for their children